Impending Doom
by PhoenixRN
Summary: Bella suffers from a severe anxiety disorder after suffering a lifetime of abuse.    Edward's family has suffered a severe tragedy, leaving him to care for his much younger sister.    Can these two broken souls save each other?
1. Chapter 1

Prologue: Escape from Phoenix

"Are you okay, Miss?" the rental agent asked. I looked down to see my hands white-knuckled and shaking around the newly acquired key to my rental car. I peered up at her through my hair to find her concerned gaze. Her eyes kept darting to her left towards the phone, as if she'd need to call help for me.

"Y-yeah," I stammered. "Thank you." _Great way to bring even more attention to yourself, _I thought. I'd already attracted the attention of most of my fellow plane passengers. I'd taken a late flight from Phoenix to Seattle, choosing that flight specifically because I knew it would have the least amount of passengers. While the other passengers had gladly accepted blankets and pillows and dozed off to sleep, I had sat, huddled against the window, my arms around myself shaking and sobbing as quietly as possible. I was sure I was keeping other passengers awake as the flight attendants kept nervously checking on me and trying to calm me down. Now I was on the next terrifying leg of my journey.

I made sure to choose a car that had GPS capabilities, because I knew that in my current mental state, I would probably completely lose it if I ended up lost. I hadn't been to Washington since I was a little girl, probably four or five years old. I also chose a nice shiny Volvo that I knew was known for its safety features. One can never be too careful. As I turned on my heel and hastily made my way to the parking lot, I struggled to recall the last hazy memories I had of living in Washington.

My parents fought a lot of the time back then. The night I remember most clearly, the fighting had gotten pretty heated. I remember sitting behind the sofa, holding a blanket over my head, thinking it would make me invisible. They were fighting about me. I kept hearing my name over and over between their name-calling and cursing. I remember that, Renee, my mother, had taken me in the middle of the night one night. She didn't tell me where we were going, and she didn't allow me to say goodbye to my father. I hadn't seen him since. It seemed that he was comfortable with this arrangement, though, as he never tried to contact me. It had been twenty years since I'd seen my father, Charlie, and now I was back in Washington, nervous as hell, searching for answers.

I couldn't even recall Charlie's face clearly. Renee had destroyed any pictures of him and refused to talk about him much. All I had of my former life were hazy memories and frightening dreams. The dreams terrified me, though - at least the most recent ones. During the last year or so, I have had a recurring nightmare about an unfamiliar baby. It was a little boy, about a year old, with dark curly hair and piercing blue eyes. But in my nightmare, the blue eyes were terrified, and his tiny pink lips were open in a silent scream. He was drowning, and I kept trying to save him. My mother's voice was in the background of the dream. She yelled, "This is all your fault," over and over again until I woke up. I didn't know what the dreams meant, but I also knew that coming to Washington might help me find some answers I was looking for.

I wasn't even positive that Charlie even lived in the same house. However, from the little Renee told me about him, I knew he was reluctant to change. His father and his grandfather before him had lived in the same quaint house in Forks, Washington. Renee was always trying to convince him to leave and move to a bigger city, and I think that this is what they fought about most often.

I climbed into the rental and familiarized myself with the car before programming the GPS to the address my childhood home. I was grateful that it was still very late at night, or very early in the morning, depending on how you looked at it. There were fewer cars on the road, which made me more relaxed. I followed the GPS instructions diligently as I made my way to the address. After only having to pull over five times to compose myself and calm my nerves, I was parked outside his house a few hours later.

The house I was currently sitting outside of was totally unfamiliar to me- I didn't have any real-life memories of it. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, so I was able to get a more appropriate view. It was a small, two story white house with green shutters and a green door. The paint of the trim was peeling in some spots, and some shingles were missing from the gray roof. It looked old and lived in. It was cozy, I guessed. It was unlike the motel rooms and cheap apartments in which I was used to living. A warm, comfortable feeling crept into my heart, but I quickly pushed it away. Becoming too comfortable here would be dangerous for me. I didn't even know if Charlie actually lived here.

A police cruiser was parked in the driveway, and I remembered Renee once telling me that Charlie was a cop. I frowned, realizing how little I knew about him. The sight of the cruiser was comforting though, because it helped assure me that it actually was my father living inside, and not some other family.

The thought of family made me shudder. What if Charlie had another family? What if he didn't want to see me? What if I reminded him too much of my mother? Was that why he didn't want to see me all these years? As these thoughts of doubt began invading my mind, tears began to stream down my face. Despite the feeling of impending doom I had almost all the time, I couldn't bring myself to leave this place.

On shaky legs, I got myself out of the car and made my way up to the doorstep. The trademark North Pacific rainfall didn't disappoint as it soaked me almost immediately. I stared at his door as the rain soaked me, but couldn't find the strength to knock. Fear gripped me as I stood freezing on the doorstep with the rain pounding down on me. I didn't even own a jacket that fit, having spent the last two years in Arizona with my mother.

It was late enough in the morning now that I knew I probably wouldn't wake Charlie up, if he were even living inside. As I stood deliberating on whether or not to knock, my decision was made for me. The door swung open to reveal a man in his mid-forties, with brown hair like mine, graying around the edges. His eyes were tired, but warm, and they were the same chocolate shade of brown as mine. There was no more doubt in my mind that this man was my father. I was a spitting image of him.

"Can I help you?" he asked. I realized I had been standing silently gaping at him. Unable to form words, I continued to stare. His eyes grew concerned. "Are you in trouble, miss?"

I nodded my head slowly.

"What can I do for you?"

Finally, I found my voice and was able to choke out only one word. "Dad?"

**Chapter 1- Charlie**

He searched my eyes for what felt like minutes, before they lit up in recognition. "Bella?" he asked in a whisper. I nodded my affirmation, and before I knew it, he was throwing his arms around me. I immediately cringed at the contact, not because I didn't welcome my father's arms around me, but because I disliked being touched in general. I lightly put pressure on his shoulders to urge him to back up. He did but didn't stop touching my shoulders. "Oh, my God, Bella, I thought I'd never see you again!" he exclaimed, and I noticed his eyes begin to water.

None of this was computing in my jumbled mess of a brain. He was happy to see me? He thought he'd never see me again? He was so happy, he was starting to cry? _He abandoned you, _I reminded myself. _He never came for you. _I centered myself. I was here for answers, not hugs. And why was he calling me Bella?

Charlie continued to stare at me, and I shifted my feet uncomfortably. I remained silent, eyes trained on the floor.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Where are you staying? Are you living around here?" His questions were coming so fast that I was having a hard time keeping track of them. I decided to answer only the last one.

"Um, no. I'm between places I guess. I was hoping I could stay here a couple of days?" A part of me felt guilty for asking, considering I hadn't seen the man in twenty years. The other part of me was desperate and had no place else to go. I'd left behind my life with Renee, and I knew I wasn't going back - even if I meant I spent the rest of my days in a dingy motel room, never seeing the light of day.

"Of course, stay as long as you want! Do you have bags?" He was literally vibrating, much like an excited little boy opening toys on Christmas. Before coming here, my mind had rehearsed many scenarios about how our first meeting would take place, most of them bad. I didn't expect this excitement and warm welcome

I only had one bag. It was fairly small, and it held all of my worldly possessions. It was all I had left of the life I'd decided to leave behind. "Just one," I whispered, still shaking off the cold. "It's in the car." As I turned to get it, his hand stopped me.

"Please, let me. Go inside and get warm," he suggested, then shuffled past me before I could object. I hit the electronic trunk opener and stepped hesitantly into the house.

I took a deep breath and looked around. I noticed pictures of me all over the place, which surprised me. All of them were of me when I was four years old or younger, but they were scattered in mismatched frames on every surface. Interspersed with the pictures of me were pictures of a boy, spanning many years of his life. Who was this boy, and why did Charlie have pictures of him? I was angry to see that he had so many pictures of another child growing up, when he never even bothered to see what had become of me. Maybe if he had, maybe my life wouldn't be such a mess. Maybe I would be smiling like the boy in these pictures. I picked up one of the frames. I was holding an older picture of the boy who had clearly developed into a pretty good-looking, well built man. He looked to be about my age, maybe slightly younger. In the photo, he was holding a football and wearing a college sweatshirt. I gingerly put the frame down and picked up another. This one was of presumably the same person, but as an infant. My breath hitched as I examined the photo. I realized that I was looking into the same piercing blue eyes that had been haunting my dreams for over a year.

Charlie opened the front door, and it swung into the wall with a bang. Startled, I dropped the photo, hearing the glass on the frame shatter. I wasn't even in his house for two minutes before I destroyed something. No wonder he never wanted anything to do with me. My instinct told me to turn and flee, lest hear him yell at me, but my more rational side pleaded that I was so close to answers now, and I couldn't run away just yet.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" I rushed out in a panicked voice.

He carefully set my bag by the stairs and chuckled. "It's just a little glass, Bella. Don't worry yourself; I'll get the broom."

My heart was thundering in my chest as he disappeared from the living room. I kept my hands firmly at my sides, not daring to touch anything else. He came back with a hand broom and made quick work of sweeping up the glass. Then he took the photo and set it back down on the table, disposing of the glass. "See, no harm done."

"I'm so sorry!" I said again. "I'm in your house two minutes, and I'm already a walking disaster. I should just go." My eyes were darting frantically toward the door, but Charlie practically lunged at me then, one arm stretched out towards me. I let out a startled yelp and staggered backwards. He halted immediately and put his arm back down by his side, looking at me intently with a concerned gaze.

"Please, don't go Bella. I just got you back!" He seemed frantic now, as if I was about to vanish into thin air.

"You really want me to stay?" I asked, confused, yet humbled.

"Of course I want you to stay. Please sit and make yourself comfortable. Break anything you want," he joked. I managed a small, sad smile at that. I sat gingerly on the very edge of the couch, not wanting to ruin the fabric from my soaking wet clothes. We shared an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, but he broke it quickly. "Well, I guess you want to get changed and settled in then. You can stay in the room at the top of the stairs. It used to be your old room. I'll start a pot of coffee and call the station to let them know I won't be in today."

I reached for my bag hastily, anxious to get myself dry, changed, comfortable, and hopefully calmed down. As I made my way for the stairs, I realized that I was being selfish. "Please don't call out to work on my account," I pleaded, not wanting to bring any more drama into this man's life than I already had.

"Bella, I haven't seen you in years. Wild horses couldn't drag me from here now. Please, go get yourself dry, and come down, and talk to your old man." His eyes were pleading now, as if he expected me to disappear at any moment. I nodded in agreement and slowly made my way up the stairs.

The room he directed me to was small - it barely held the twin bed in the corner, leaving just enough room for a small chest of drawers cockeyed in the corner next to it. There was a small wooden rocking chair taking up the rest of the floor. There were no sheets on the bed nor pictures on the wall. It was barren like a prison, but I certainly didn't mind the simplicity. Besides, I didn't plan to stay here long. I fished out a dry pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt from my bag and changed quickly. I laid my wet clothes on the bare mattress to dry. Finally, I ran a brush through my hair quickly, anxious to get back downstairs and talk to the man who had been a mystery to me for twenty years.

Charlie was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, by the time I'd finished. He was still wearing his uniform, but his gun belt was now hanging on a rack by the door. "I didn't know how you took your coffee," he said, shuffling his feet. "I guess I don't know much about you at all." His eyes were now downcast with a trace of sadness echoed in them.

"Black is fine," I stated simply and followed him into the kitchen. He directed me to the breakfast nook, and I sat nervously as I warred with myself over what question I would ask him first. After a few minutes of silently sipping my coffee, I decided to be direct and ask the most important question first. The answer to it would determine whether I would stay and chat or run away and never look back. "Why didn't you come for me?" I whispered.

He seemed to understand my question immediately. "Oh, Bella…" he started. The sadness in his eyes was overwhelming. "Your mom took you away from me when I was at work one night. I looked everywhere for you, but Renee obviously didn't want to be found. Anytime I got a new lead on where you were, you guys were moving again. I looked years and years for you. You were my baby girl, Bella, and she just took you away from me. There was nothing more important to me than you, baby. Well, you and, of course, your brother."

I nearly spit out the mouthful of coffee I had just taken. "Brother?" I choked. Of course, now all of the pictures made sense. But why did this brother I didn't even know about get to stay when I had to leave?

"You don't remember, do you?" I shook my head. "Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Renee never mentioned him after what happened?"

"What do you mean, after what happened?" I asked nervously.

Charlie sighed and rested his hands on his forehead. "It's the reason your mom left all of a sudden. Your brother, Emmett, is about three years younger than you. Your mom loved you to death, but she never wanted any more kids after you. When she found out she was pregnant with him, something in her just changed. She became angrier and more distant, and we started fighting a lot more.

"After Emmett was born, your mom started showing signs of postpartum depression. It was worse than just the increased anger; she was like a different person. She was neurotic, and she acted like Emmett didn't exist. She put all of her energy into you, as if you were an only child. I tried to encourage her to get help for herself, but she acted like nothing was wrong.

"I basically cared for Emmett alone. Your mother mostly ignored him, but I never thought she was a danger to him. If I did, I never would have left her alone that night…" Charlie made a noise that sounded like a cross between a sob and a cough before he continued.

"One night, I had to work late, and I guess your mom just snapped. From the minute I left for work, I just felt like something was wrong, and it nagged at me for about an hour when I finally told my partner that I had to go home. I walked into the house to find you and your brother alone. Renee was nowhere to be found. Emmett was… floating in the bathtub, but he was still alive." Charlie let out another cough-sob before continuing. "I'd gotten there just in time before he drowned. You were sitting next to the tub, and when I asked what you were doing, you just said you were giving him a bath. I couldn't believe Renee had left you two alone."

"Oh, my God. I almost killed him?" I asked, shocked. Maybe this explained the dreams. Maybe it was the guilt coming back for me. I wondered if I would have been better off not knowing this information, but the floodgate was already opened. My heart was pounding anxiously in my chest, and my hands were clammy now. The telltale feeling of impending doom was beginning to wash over me, and I didn't think I'd be able to push it back this time. My eyes darted for my purse, which was on the living room couch. It held the precious few anxiety pills I had left. I urged myself to stay strong, though, and I silently nodded for Charlie to continue.

"It wasn't your fault, baby," he said, reaching over the table to squeeze my hand gently. He must have sensed my anxiety. "You had only just turned four years old. Hell, you couldn't have even filled the tub by yourself, which means she filled it up and left it that way! That crazy bitch probably told you to give him a bath!"

I cringed at the mention of my mother. It sounded like "crazy bitch" might have been the understatement of the decade. "So, then what happened?" I asked quietly, afraid to hear the answer.

"I called the station and had a couple of guys wait at the house to arrest her. I felt awful doing it, but I knew she needed help. She'd put my kids in danger. I couldn't let her around you guys. She only stayed in jail overnight, though. I paid for her to get a hotel room after that, but she kept calling constantly, demanding to see you. You were her whole world, then. I ended up having to get a restraining order against her until we got the mess worked out, because I was so scared she would do something to hurt you. It turns out my fears were warranted.

"One night, while I was at work, I had my father staying over with you guys. I guess he put you two to bed and dozed off himself. When he woke up, Emmett was in his crib, but you were gone - vanished into thin air. I knew it was Renee. Oh, honey, I looked for you everywhere, but she was so careful about covering her steps. I pulled in all the stops, used all my resources, and we still couldn't find you. I'm so sorry, kid. I missed you so much!" Charlie was fully crying now, tears streaming relentlessly down his reddened cheeks.

I was, of course, crying now, too, from hearing his heartbreaking story. "You looked for me?" I sobbed. Rage at my mother was building. I couldn't believe, even after all the crazy shit that she'd done over the years, that she would have kidnapped me. "All this time I thought you didn't want me! I used to stay up at night wishing you would come and save me!"

He reached across the table for my hand again and gripped it tightly. "Save you? What do you mean, Bella? Did something happen to you? Did somebody hurt you? What happened to you, baby?" The sadness in his eyes was instantly replaced with anger - no doubt directed at Renee.

I remained silent, unwilling to talk about how horrible growing up with Renee had been. He sensed my hesitation and moved on with the conversation. "Are you still living with her?" He spat the last word, now unable to even speak her name.

"Until yesterday. I'm so sorry to just come here unannounced, but I didn't know of anywhere else to go. I just needed a clean break from her. A couple of years ago, I tried living on my own and moving away from her, but it didn't work out." I didn't offer any more information than this. I needed to go slowly with my story. Charlie, however, seemed desperate for answers.

"What do you mean, it didn't work out, honey? If things were so bad for you with your mom, why didn't you leave sooner? You're an adult now; you don't need to be subjected to her, if you don't want to. I wish you'd have come back here sooner, especially if you were having a hard time where you were."

He was right, of course, but there was something he needed to know in order to understand. I took a deep breath and started. "Charlie… there's something you need to know. I'm… _not well_."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- Emmett**

"What do you mean, you're not well, baby? Are you sick?" The panicked expression in Charlie's eyes was back.

"No, I'm not sick. Not physically." Charlie relaxed only a little, his eyes imploring me to continue. "I…" trailing off, I was unsure how to exactly put my particular situation into words. I decided that I couldn't (at least for the time being), so I asked a question instead. "Charlie, when I was a baby, was there anything different about me? Was I like other kids?"

He looked confused for a moment before responding. "I never noticed anything different about you, but I didn't have much experience with kids to compare. When you got a little older, other parents would comment that you weren't like their kids. Somebody once told me they thought you were 'off', whatever the hell that meant. You never really played with other kids much. You just kept to yourself mostly. You didn't talk much, but we knew from the moment you were born that you were a smart kid. Even the doctors always said you were hitting your milestones ahead of average. When you got a little older, you always had your nose buried in a book. Hell, by the time you were three, you were reading chapter books. Your mom and I were so proud the first day you picked up something well beyond your age and started reading it out loud to us. Do you still read?"

I gave a small smile at this new piece of information about my lost childhood. "Books are my life. I have a Bachelor's degree in English Literature and an Associate's in Secondary Education. I wanted to be a teacher, you know, share my love of books, but…" I trailed off, swallowing hard.

"But what, baby? What stopped you?"

I sighed. "I barely made it through my student teaching. I managed to complete it and my degree, but it nearly killed me in the process. Charlie, when I said I wasn't well, what I meant was… I have social issues. One of my doctors called it a phobia, but I think it's deeper than that. Sometimes, even the smallest thing sends me into a full-blown panic attack. That's why I couldn't leave Renee. I only managed to live on my own for two weeks before I crawled back to her. Even if she was horrible, life with her was familiar. I was too afraid of living on my own." Tears were silently streaming down my face, and the building pain in my chest silently warned me that I would need a break from this. I quickly got up and made my way over to my purse. All the willpower to stay strong was gone now just from talking about myself.

I was afraid Charlie would think less of me and want me to leave. I was afraid he would just affirm everything my mother always told me - that I was a freak, a burden, a failure, and a worthless daughter. With shaky hands, I brought one white pill up to my lips and swallowed, but I knew it wouldn't take effect immediately. When I started to feel the walls closing in on me, I knew I needed to make an escape. "Charlie, I need to lay down," I said slowly, my heart thundering in my chest.

"Shit, are you okay?" he asked, jumping to his feet. I noticed him hesitate before he touched my shoulder. He touched me gently as if I was glass, and he could break me.

"I'll be alright. I just need a while," I explained, turning towards the stairs.

"Okay, baby. There are some sheets in the closet next to the bathroom, and some blankets, too. If I knew you were coming, I would have made your room up nice for you."

"My room?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, at the top of the stairs where you put your stuff. That's where you used to sleep. Your brother's room is the one right across the hall, and the bathroom is next to his if you need it."

Despite the panic, I was slightly humbled by the thought of staying in the room I slept in as a child - the room I slept in long ago when people actually loved me.

Finding some faded purple sheets in the linen closet, I made quick work of making the bed up. I needed to lie down right away and let the medication take effect. I was exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the day, and my mind needed a break. Once I was in the bed, it didn't take me long to fall into an exhausted deep sleep.

~~ID~~

I awoke sometime later to the sound of a door slamming. Startled, I shot upright in bed, clutching the sheet to my chest. I heard a man's voice bellow, "I'm home!"

For a moment, I forgot where I was. I searched my surroundings desperately, finding nothing familiar. I was alone, in a barren room, completely lost and vulnerable. Shit, where was I?

"Dad?" The voice called, and I snapped back to reality. I was at Charlie's house. Oh, shit, Emmett was home. I was plagued with fears now. Obviously, Emmett was too young when Renee left to have remembered me, but did Charlie even tell him about me? How much did he know? Did Charlie tell him about the incident? Given my baby pictures in the living room, he surely must know something about me. Maybe he resented me? Maybe Charlie told him what he told me - that he missed me and looked everywhere for me. Did that make Emmett jealous?

Now hyperventilating, I remained frozen to the spot. I certainly couldn't just walk downstairs and introduce myself - that would be more than awkward. I remained with my ass planted firmly in the bed, listening intently to what was going on downstairs.

I could faintly make out Charlie's voice, as he was no doubt explaining the situation to Emmett. I clearly heard his booming loud voice ask, "She's really here? Where is she?" He sounded excited, but I feared I might be mistaking his excitement for anger. I held my breath and listened.

I heard Charlie shush him, then say something indistinguishable. Emmett's voice was now only a whisper, and I realized Charlie must have informed him I had been sleeping. I reached over quietly and into my purse, which I had brought up with me. I grabbed another white pill and gulped quickly.

I didn't know how much longer I sat there frozen, but eventually, my overwhelming need to use the restroom forced me to abandon my safe haven. I tiptoed over to the bathroom and quietly closed the door. Once finished with my business, my hand froze over the handle on the toilet, knowing that as soon as I pressed it down, they would both know that I was awake. With a deep sigh, I held my breath and pushed down. The sound of the water going down was like an explosion in my ears. Finally, I took a deep breath and went to face the music.

I crept downstairs as quietly as possible. Once hitting the bottom step, I peered cautiously around the wall towards the kitchen. Charlie and Emmett were sitting at the breakfast nook, with Charlie in the seat facing me. He met my gaze immediately.

I must have looked like a frightened kitten, because Charlie rose to his feet very slowly, and said in a soothing voice, "Bella, it's okay. Come on in, and meet your brother."

Emmett turned his head sharply, and I gasped when I realized his eyes were exactly of those of the boy in my dreams - they hadn't changed at all. They were the same vibrant, piercing blue my subconscious remembered.

"Bella?" Emmett asked quietly, as though I were an apparition. "Oh, my God!" He jumped to his feet, and before I could blink, he was standing over me. He was a hulking specimen of a man, which became frighteningly apparent to me as I was lifted from my feet into a very strong, very unwelcome, bear hug.

Emmett didn't notice the frightened whimpering now escaping my lips, but Charlie did. He was at Emmett's side quickly. "Emmett, put her down," he begged. He then whispered, though I could still hear him, "She's been through a lot, son. She's afraid of you."

I was released immediately and murmured a whispered apology for my reaction.

Truly, I was sorry. I never intended my first meeting with my long-lost brother to end up like this. My rational brain told me that there was nothing to fear, but my body recoiled from him reflexively.

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you… it's just… it's so good to see you, you know?" Emmett said.

I nodded. It was of course nice to be reunited, even if I'd only learned of his existence this morning. We quietly examined each other for a few moments when Charlie said, "Why don't you come get some dinner, Bella? Emmett brought a pizza when he came in, and there's a couple of slices left." As my stomach rumbled softly, I realized that food was a really good idea, considering I hadn't eaten at all today. "Jesus, how long did I sleep?" I asked. "It's dinner already?"

Charlie chuckled. "A few hours. You were pretty out of it."

"Oh," I muttered. "Sorry I slept so long." I walked into the kitchen.

"Is she okay?" Emmett asked Charlie softly.

"I think she will be," Charlie answered. "Just give her some time."

After smelling the delicious scent of pizza in the kitchen, I couldn't bring myself to care that they were talking about me while I was in the room. I grabbed the smallest slice of pizza left and a napkin, sitting down at the table. Emmett plopped down across from me. "So, how's life been treating you, Bella?" he asked.

I swallowed hard. I didn't really want to answer that question, so I diverted. "Okay, I guess. You?"

"Good, good. I'm in my junior year at U-Dub, studying Sports Medicine. Got a bangin' hot girlfriend, too. Life's pretty sweet."

I chuckled at the goofy expressions he was making. Maybe it was just the fact that I could feel the little white pills kicking in, but I actually found him less intimidating now. His big blue eyes and goofy dimples were actually sort of endearing, and I was beginning to feel more comfortable across the table from this giant man-child. "Bangin' hot, huh? You say that to her face?" I asked with a small smile.

"Yeah, she gets off on it, cause she knows she's bangin'."

I laughed softly. "Stop saying bangin'. It's annoying."

"So's your face."

I mock-glared at him and then continued to eat my pizza, while we bantered a little back and forth. Charlie watched us with an amazed smile on his face, and I even surprised myself with how easily we were able to carry on back and forth, like we'd never been separated. Emmett was easy to talk to, and he didn't seem to harbor any kind of resentment towards me at all. He was just Emmett, a seemingly happy, fun-loving guy. I still didn't think I could handle one of his bear hugs again, but at least I could sit and have a normal conversation with him. I had a feeling right then that this place would be good for me.

Later that night after some talking, mostly about Emmett (as he liked to talk about himself), Charlie began to yawn and announced that he was heading up to bed. I agreed that sounded like a good idea and moved to follow him. Even though the pills had long worn off by now, I still felt strangely comfortable here. We both waved goodnight to Emmett.

Once at my door, Charlie looked into my eyes, and said, "Baby, I don't know what you've been through, but I need you to know that you have a home here, no matter what. I love you, and that's never changed. It never will."

A tear trickled down my eye in response. I bit my lower lip and mumbled, "Thank you." As nice as the evening had been, I wasn't quite ready to say 'I love you' back.

"Okay, baby, goodnight." He didn't act slighted in the least as he disappeared into his room. I crawled into my bed, then, and relaxed for the first time in a long time.

~~ID~~

I was awake long before the muted sunlight started streaming through my window. I was a little excited now, thinking about the nice thing I had planned for Charlie and Emmett. I peered out the door and heard two distinct sets of snoring, Emmett's much louder, of course. I crept down the stairs and into the kitchen, determined to make breakfast for the two of them. They had both been so welcoming to me, and I felt a show of gratitude was in order. Cooking was one of the few things I could do well, so I thought it would be a good start.

After opening the fridge, I was dismayed to find only a bottle of ketchup and a few cans of Rainier Beer. With a heavy sigh, I shut the fridge and opened the pantry, still not finding anything suitable for breakfast. Well, there went that idea.

I knew I could head to the store to get something for them, though I had no idea where the store was. I knew it couldn't be too hard to find in a town this small, but I was terrified nonetheless. I could run to a fast-food restaurant and drive through, but I didn't remember even seeing one on my way in. Besides, those little boxes they make you talk into always make me irrationally nervous.

Renee had always done the grocery shopping, so now I was completely and utterly lost. I needed to do something nice for my brother and father, and I was incapable. Dejected, I sunk down at the table and put my head in my hands.

I didn't notice that Charlie had entered the kitchen, until I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked, his voice still rough from sleep.

I peered up at him with tired eyes. "I wanted to do something nice for you guys, and I couldn't."

"What?" He appeared utterly confused.

"Breakfast," I explained. "I wanted to make you breakfast, but you didn't have any food, so I was going to go to the store, but I didn't know where it was. I could have driven around to look for it, but I was afraid I'd get lost, and here I am, minus breakfast."

"Aw, that was a nice thought though. Thank you, honey. I'm sorry I don't have much food in the house, but we can make up a list and go later today."

I nodded in agreement, though the idea of going to the grocery store made me uneasy.

"How about, just for this morning, we all go out for breakfast, huh? My treat? I'll go to the store later, and then if you really want to, you can cook tomorrow. Or you can make dinner if that would make you feel better?" His voice was soothing and comforting, and made me feel warm inside. But despite the warmth I felt, it still didn't overshadow the fact that he mentioned us all going out together. I was never comfortable in public places. I could handle an occasional shopping trip as long as I wasn't alone, but sitting in a restaurant always made me uncomfortable. Every time I went into one, I felt like all eyes were on me. I hated placing orders and talking to people I didn't know. And I hated the feeling of eyes on me when I ate.

"Thanks," I managed. "But you guys go ahead. I don't think I want to go out…"

He understood immediately, and opened his mouth to respond, when Emmett walked sleepily into the kitchen. "Mornin'," he mumbled, making his way bleary-eyed to the fridge. He opened it and peered in, looking as lost as I felt this morning. Looking at Charlie, he said, "Jesus, Dad, what the fuck have you been eating while I've been at school?"

"Language," Charlie chided, shooting a glance at me.

"Oh, fuck, sorry Bella."

I shrugged at that. I'd heard a lot worse.

"Wait, man, I'm going down to the coffee shop to get us some bagels. How do you like yours, Bella?"

"You don't have to get me anything," I said quietly.

"Well, I am, so suck it up. What do you want?"

I took a deep breath. Why was it so hard for me to tell him what I wanted? I was actually pretty hungry since I hadn't eaten much the day before. "Umm… maybe onion with vegetable cream cheese?" I relaxed a little when Emmett smiled widely.

"See, sis, was that so hard?" He turned his gaze to Charlie, who told him what he wanted, and Emmett was gone before I knew it.

Once we heard the front door slam shut, Charlie turned to me. He reached across the table and grasped my hand. This time, it wasn't an unwanted touch - it was actually comforting. "Bella," he started. "I know I said this yesterday, but I want you to know that this is your home now, for as long as you want it to be. I know it seems to you like we just met, but I love you. I always have. Whatever issues you have, whatever fears, we'll work through them. This is family, baby, and you're wanted here, no matter what."

My eyes were tearing up again, but this time I wasn't sad. He sounded so genuine and loving, that I actually believed him.

And for the first time in a while, I thought that things might just be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- Functioning**

***Six Months Later***

_High functioning._ That's how my new doctor described me. I suppose that's exactly what I was - high functioning crazy. I'm not ashamed anymore to admit that it took a lot of work to bring myself to the high functioning level. My first few months in Forks were hard. Leaving my life in Phoenix behind was terrifying, and Charlie and Emmett were unfortunately witness to some fairly significant mental meltdowns, though if either of them thought any less of me for it, they never showed it.

My father was still as kind, loving, and understanding as he was from day one. After the first couple of days I spent with him, he never asked me any more about my past, nor did I offer any information. We lived in the peaceful understanding that I would open up when I was ready. Even after six months, I still wasn't ready to talk about my past. However, I had made some significant positive changes in my life over the last few months.

Charlie helped me find a good psychiatrist, though I had to drive all the way to Port Angeles to go to my appointments. It was worth it though, because Dr. Whitlock was able to get me back on a regimen of medication that made me less crazy and better able to function in life. I was slowly facing different fears, even going so far as to venture to the grocery store on my own once in a while.

Charlie even bought an old, beat-up red truck off of one of his friends for me and refused to let me try to pay a dime for it. He called it a homecoming present, and said he thought it would be a good way to build some independence. His generosity touched me so much that I cried for an hour. Renee hadn't bought me a gift in my life, even ignoring my birthday year after year. Now Charlie, who barely knew me, was doing something nice for me just because he cared. I used the truck to make it back and forth to my appointments, and Charlie even rode with me the first five times, until we were both sure I was comfortable enough with the roads to get there myself.

With Charlie's help, I was able to complete the requirements necessary to get my teaching certificate for Washington State. The tests I had to take came easy enough to me. I knew the ins and outs of secondary education like the back of my hand, as I had obsessed over the material during my college years. Between acing the exams, and the fortunate circumstance of one of Forks High School's English teachers reaching retirement that summer, I was able to begin my career. I was so nervous when I went to my interview - I stuttered all the way through it. By the end, I was sure I hadn't gotten the job, until the Principal, Mrs. Cope, shook my hand and told me, "Welcome to Forks High." I found out later that I was the only applicant, and they were desperate for a new English teacher, less they have to double or triple class sizes. I now taught four freshman English courses, and a freshman honors class, which was my pride and joy. Being able to teach others about my one true passion was such a blessing to me, and I was so excited to start. I even had my own classroom with "Miss Swan" stenciled on the window. Slowly, my life was starting to come together.

Beginning teaching was hard for me, of course. Every day I came home for the first two weeks, I was practically a zombie, and Charlie had to remind me to eat and sleep. Once I found a routine though, life started to get a little easier. My psychiatrist helped me focus on viewing change as a positive thing, and it actually helped me adjust to my new life a little easier.

Emmett and I were getting along okay, too. Though we weren't particularly close, we texted each other back and forth every now and then, and when he was home for summer break, he always made some time every day to talk to me. The days he wasn't with his girlfriend Rosalie, that is.

I even liked his girlfriend. Emmett was right, she was bangin', if you're into that whole blonde-hair, blue-eyes, skinny, legs-for-days, supermodel type. I admit, I was jealous of her at first, because she carried herself with such confidence, and I was just a little introverted ball of crazy with flat brown hair and tired eyes. I was too short, too skinny, and always walked with my head down. I didn't see myself as pretty, and I certainly lacked the grace and exuberance of Rosalie Hale. Simply put, Rosalie had it all together, and I didn't.

After I got to know her a little better though, I realized that she was really sweet and kind, and really smart. I wouldn't say that we were friends, but she was pleasant to be with when she around. She kept joking that I'd have to get used to her one day because we might just be sisters. I was really happy for Emmett - she was truly perfect for him. She still intimidated the hell out of me, but I would be happy to call her my sister-in-law if the time came.

Overall, for last month or so, things had been going well for me. Between consistent therapy and a carefully constructed regimen of multicolored crazy pills, I was usually able to leave my bed in the morning. Most of the time, I was able to even leave my house.

Today, however, wasn't looking to be one of those days.

"Bella, wake up, you're going to be late!" Charlie shouted from outside my door. I could hear concern, laced with panic, in his voice. I understood why - I was never late. In fact, punctuality was something that I obsessed over. I would always rather be ten minutes early than ten minutes late. Being late always put me in a panic, so I avoided tardiness at all costs. My not being out of bed yet must have alerted Charlie to the fact that something was seriously amiss.

"I'm awake," I said, my voice shaky. The truth was, I had never gone to sleep. Sometime around three in the morning, I had showered and managed to get dressed, only to lie back down on my bed, ankles crossed, willing myself to calm down and face the day. I kept chanting to myself (in my head of course), _it won't be as bad as you think, _but that didn't help. I even tried one of the little white pills, which I only used for full-blown panic attacks. I used them so rarely, I had trouble finding them at first - they had been pushed all the way back on my shelf in the bathroom. The effects of the pill only helped minutely though, and I was still a mess of nerves.

My bedroom door cracked a little, and Charlie poked his head in tentatively. Satisfied that I was fully dressed, he came in and perched himself at the foot of my bed. He stared at me intently for a few moments before I finally spoke.

"Sorry about breakfast," I muttered, shifting my gaze from him. Making him breakfast every morning had become part of my cherished routine, so he was understandably worried when I failed to so this morning.

I willed back the panic as Charlie sat at the foot of my bed, silently watching me. My fingertips were numb, my breathing was shallow, and my whole body felt like it was on fire. It wasn't a nice, slow burn; it was like being consumed by flames. My chest was tight, and if I wasn't young and in good health, I'd be convinced I was having a heart attack. I was trembling from head to toe, and my eyes were filled with unshed tears. I couldn't handle knowing what was happening later today. I just wanted one more day to prepare myself. I'd always want one more day…

The last day I had felt _this_ bad was six months ago to the day, when I was on a plane from Phoenix, heading here to meet my father. My exact reasons for coming were still something I never shared with Charlie.

Renee had found herself a new boyfriend a couple of months before I decided to leave. She became an expert at hiding me from him, avoiding us meeting for fear he'd leave her if he knew what a mess she'd spawned. She became involved in her own life and even less in mine. At one time, I didn't think it was possible for her to pay any less attention to me, but I was wrong. She began disappearing for days at a time.

My own mother was so ashamed of me, that she avoided her own house. After two months of avoidance and feeling sorry for myself, I crawled into my bed one night, overwhelmed by anxiety, and I didn't resurface. I knew the truth all along, but it took me five days of not leaving my bed to finally come up with a plan. Renee never noticed I had shut down, because she didn't come home during that time.

On the fifth day, when I finally found the resolve, I showered and then meticulously packed a small bag with only the bare essentials. There was no reason that Renee should have to waste any more time taking care of a grown woman. She wouldn't need to be ashamed of me anymore. It was time finally face my father.

If Charlie ever felt that I had invaded his life at all, he never showed it. I never intended to end up actually living with him, but after a few weeks of staying with him until I got "settled," I got too comfortable in my new routine and found myself physically unable to leave. My childhood home was comforting in a way I never expected, and I think Charlie was happier, too.

Over the months, we had developed a symbiotic relationship. Charlie was never good at taking care of himself. This became abundantly clear as I became acquainted with his house. It certainly wasn't unclean, but it wasn't well maintained either. The furniture was aged and worn, and dust layered the entire place. I was especially concerned about him when I found the empty fridge that first morning, and Charlie explained that he ate breakfast and dinner at the local diner everyday.

Now, we took care of each other. I cooked and cleaned for Charlie, and he took care of me and of all of my issues.

"Do you want me to drive you in today?" Charlie asked, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Yes, please," I whispered, ashamed of my relapse.

He didn't run away, though. He didn't look ashamed of me like Renee always had. He simply put his warm arms around me and stroked my hair. "It's gonna' be okay, kid," he said, tightening his grip on me. I let some of the anxiety fade away as I wished he could sit next to me the whole day to calm my nerves.

I followed him wordlessly out to his police cruiser and slid into the passenger seat. We drove the short distance to Forks High, and once we were stopped, I gripped the door handle so tightly that my knuckles were starting to turn white. He reached his arm out across me and opened the passenger door, silently urging me out of the car. "I'll pick you up at four, and we can get dinner at the diner before you have to go back, okay?"

"That sounds… really good," I said, looking at my feet. Being able to eat at the diner was a recent achievement for me, and I knew Charlie was trying to remind me of the positive. I raised my eyes to look directly into his. "Thanks, Charlie. For everything." He knew that I was thanking him for just this morning. I was thanking him, as I did every day, for helping me get my life back. I thanked him for helping me, for saving me, and most of all, for loving me. I just couldn't say all of that to him yet.

"Anything for you Bella, you know that. I love you, baby girl."

I still couldn't say it back, but I knew I didn't need to. I took a deep breath and headed into the school, trying to force from my mind what was waiting for me that evening - the day I had been dreading for the last four weeks since I'd started teaching.

Parents Night. Fuck my life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4- Alice**

After Charlie dropped me off at the door of the school, I began to feel a little better. For a few blissful hours, I would be in my element. I made my way to my classroom and relaxed behind my desk.

I'd always found the written word to be very comforting. My books were my only constant as Renee moved us from place to place. She never let me keep very many - I was only allowed to keep as many personal possessions as I could carry in my little backpack, but I always managed to find a library wherever we were. The various libraries in the various cities we lived in were my sanctuaries. Renee never minded my spending time there as it often made do for a babysitter when she needed it.

Besides my passion for reading, I had always had dreams of being a writer, too. In fact, I had journals upon journals filled with stories and ideas. Many had characters not dissimilar from myself, but those characters were able to function in a world where they could have friends, dreams, and ambitions, and moreover, not be afraid to try new experiences and travel to different worlds. My journals were among the few possessions I had actually brought with me from Phoenix.

I never shared anything I'd ever written with anyone, aside from school assignments. My teachers always told me I showed great promise as a writer and encouraged me to do so, and I always politely said thank you, never wanting to admit my fears. I was afraid of what people would say about my work; I never handled criticism well. I was even more afraid that I would put too much of myself into my writing, and I could never handle being exposed like that.

Before the first bell, I quickly reviewed my lesson plan for _Romeo & Juliet. _ This play was not one of my favorites, as it brought forth some painful memories from my own high school days. With a resounding sigh, I thought back to the most glaring memory I had of having to read the play out loud in one of my many middle schools.

_"Isabella, you'll be reading the part of Juliet today," my English Teacher, Mrs. Schultz announced. I cringed in my seat. We were up to the balcony scene today. This eccentric woman insisted on the class acting out the entire play over the course of two weeks during class time. Each day I entered the class, I was mentally preparing myself for my turn to read, hoping it would never come. I didn't want to be the center of attention. I didn't want to stand in front of the class, stumbling nervously over lines and having my peers laugh at me like they always did. I preferred to hide in the shadows. Mrs. Schultz, of course, had to choose this scene for me to read._

_"Mrs. Schultz," I said quietly. "I'd prefer not to read today. I'm not feeling very well."_

_"Well, do you need to go to the nurse?" _

_I cringed. If my mother found out I went to the nurse with any less than a hundred degree fever, I would certainly be punished. She wouldn't want to be interrupted from whatever she was doing to have to come get me - I learned that the hard way once._

_"No, thank you. I would prefer just not to read today." I felt the eyes of my other classmates on me, and my heart started pounding._

_"Well, if you're not going to go to the nurse, I don't want to hear your excuses. Come up here and act out your part."_

_She chose a boy named Mike Newton to read the part of Romeo. He made a habit out of harassing me daily, poking fun of my awkwardness because he could and making my life harder than it already was._

_"Ugh, gross, do I have to kiss her?" he exclaimed after hearing he would be playing alongside me. I heard a few chuckles coming from his cronies._

_"Oh, grow up, it's a peck on the lips. Now, let's get started. We've wasted enough class time."_

_We fumbled through the scene until it came time for the kiss. I began to visibly shake. I was feeling the very familiar symptoms of a panic attack starting. I was sweating and trembling, and my heart was beating fast and painfully now. I willed the feeling down, but I couldn't stop. When it was time for the kiss, my vision was blurry as Mike leaned closer to me. Then all hell broke loose, and my mind was in another place entirely. _

_"No, no, no, stop! Don't touch me, don't touch me!" I screamed, cowering away from him. My memories were hazy after that. When I came back around, I was rocking in the corner, chanting to myself, "Don't touch me," over and over again. I was vaguely aware of my classmates talking around me, some of them laughing. My head was spinning with unpleasant images, and I couldn't will them away. _

_Mrs. Schultz shook me roughly and yelled, "Isabella, snap out of it! Grow up!"_

_"I'm sorry," I whispered._

_"Sorry for disrupting my class isn't good enough. Get out of here; go see the principal." _

_Now my tears started flowing harder. I should have just gone to the nurse's office in the first place. It probably would have meant less punishment than a trip to the principal._

I wiped away a couple of stray tears that had developed as I relieved the memory in my mind. Neither Mrs. Schultz nor the principal could wrap their minds around the fact that I wasn't trying to be a difficult student but that I was simply terrified of the thought of Mike Newton touching me or kissing me. I couldn't be touched by anybody without having a panic attack.

Because I couldn't bring myself to let go of these painful memories, I decided to teach _Romeo & Juliet_ to my honors class early in the year to get it over with. Fortunately, it wasn't on the regular English curriculum, so I only had to endure it for the first period of the day. If I had a choice, I wouldn't teach it at all, but it was mandatory. Unlike Mrs. Schultz, I decided to not subject my students to having to act out the play. Instead, I split them into groups and allowed them to work together on a project selected from a list. I wasn't in the mood for flashbacks, especially not my first year teaching.

My day today should have been fairly simple, which was fortunate considering the impending Parents' Night this evening. This was the wrap-up day for _Romeo & Juliet_, which made me incredibly happy. The class would turn in their projects and select one group member to give a small presentation about it. This way, if somebody was nervous about presenting, another group member could do the talking. I almost always did things this way - there were never any solo presentations. During a department meeting one day, some of the other English teachers had criticized my decision of not forcing students to present if they were uncomfortable. They said I was denying them of experience in developing their social skills and also breeding laziness. They were probably right to an extent, but I would leave the mandatory presentations to them. I couldn't personally handle watching a student of mine break down over public speaking because I forced them to.

This honors class was also my homeroom, so after announcements and housekeeping things were taken care of, we jumped right in. Once the first bell rang, I immediately called the class to order to allow enough time for each group to present. The first up were Alice Cullen, Riley Biers, and Bree Tanner. Riley and Bree were a popular couple at the school, whereas Alice was a bit of an outcast.

When I originally assigned the project, I assigned the class to work in groups of three to five, but Riley and Bree refused to invite anyone else into their group. It was for this reason they found themselves having to work with Alice Cullen, who had been sitting quietly in the back, refusing to ask any other groups if she could participate.

Alice was a bright girl, and I had hope that she may be able to spark some creativity into the relatively boring pair of students she'd been assigned to. Riley and Bree were both honor students, but most of the writing they'd produced so far this year had been fairly banal. Alice wrote dark, sarcastic, often funny poems, stories, and essays that I found myself engrossed in every time I read one of her assignments. She was a bit of a loner, though, and I hoped that while she may spark some creativity in Riley and Bree, they might be able to break through her walls and open her up a little.

Bree was the most outspoken of the group, so I was unsurprised when she volunteered to present their project to the class. I was particularly excited about this presentation - not just because it would be a collaborative work including Alice - but it was one of my favorite projects to do when I was in school. They were supposed to have reworked several passages in _Romeo & Juliet_ into modern day English.

"Miss Swan," Bree began, "before we begin, I wanted to tell you that Riley and I decided not to include Alice's name on the project."

"Fine," I quickly interjected, before either of them had a chance to say anything negative about Alice, who I realized still hadn't left her seat in the back of the room. She was still sitting with her arms crossed, an angry glare on her face. "We can discuss that after class. Please, go ahead."

Their project was excruciatingly boring. They had correctly interpreted Shakespeare's English, but the way they rewrote it was short and boring - there was no originality at all. When they were finished, I quickly called the next group up, anxious to get through the class, so I could find out what happened to Alice. I had a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach throughout the class, because truly, in the short month that I had known her, I cared about her and worried about her constantly. She reminded me a little of myself when I was her age and maybe even a little of myself now.

As the final bell rang, I called Riley, Bree, and Alice to my desk. "Okay, guys, what's going on?"

"She didn't help us at all!" Bree exclaimed. "We were supposed to meet at the library on Monday to work on it, and she didn't even come. Then I tried to e-mail her what Riley and I had done, so she could add to it, and she never wrote back. I kept trying to call her, but she never picked up. We even went over to her house, and her brother said she wasn't feeling well and couldn't come to the door."

"Were you sick, Alice?" I asked, suddenly very concerned.

"No. I just didn't want to work with these assholes," she said, eyes trained on the floor.

"Riley, Bree, go to your next class, please." I waited until the door was shut firmly behind them before turning my attention to Alice. "What's going on, Alice?"

"I just didn't want to work with them," she said quietly. "They're always picking on me in gym and calling me names. It's mostly Bree, really. Riley didn't do anything. I decided I'd rather take a failing grade then put up with any of her bullshit."

"Honey, if Bree is harassing you or bullying you, you need to report it," I said sternly.

"No, really, it's okay. I don't need any more drama," she sighed. "Can I go to my next class? I don't want to be late again."

"I'll write you a pass. Listen, I don't want you to fail this project, so if you give me three pages of translated work, any act you want, by Monday morning, I'll give you credit, minus ten points for being late. Okay?"

"Okay, thanks," she said, eyes still trained on the floor.

"Alice, really, if anything is bothering you, you can talk to me, okay?"

"No, nothing's wrong. Can I get the pass, please?"

I pulled a late pass from my desk and signed it. She was gone as soon as I handed it to her. I leaned my head on my desk and sighed. I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on my next class; I was too worried about Alice.

I knew quite a bit about her from the gossip in the teachers' lounge. Apparently, she used to be very popular in middle school. She had a lot of friends, always smiled, and was the center of attention. She was creative, smart, and commanded attention whenever she was in a room. Then everything changed in an instant.

At the beginning of the summer, Alice's parents died in a house fire. Alice was inside when the house caught, but was able to get out. Apparently, she suffered some burns and smoke inhalation, but no other major injuries. Alice witnessed her house burning down with her parents inside. I shuddered at the horrifying image and what the poor girl must have gone through.

Alice had an older brother who lived in Seattle. Fortunately, he didn't happen to be in his parents' house when it caught fire, but he was in town. According to the town gossip, Alice had spent several weeks in the hospital, and then nobody really heard anything from either of the remaining Cullens until the school year started. All they knew was that her brother, whose name I didn't know, moved back to Forks, so Alice wouldn't have to change schools. I thought that was kind of him, to leave everything behind for his little sister.

Since I was relatively new to town, and brand new to Forks High, I wasn't as shocked as some of the other teachers to see Alice Cullen the first time when she entered the school on the first day of class. There were stares and whispers, both from staff and the students, and Alice didn't look anybody in the eye. A few people tried to talk to her, but she just held a vacant gaze and never said a word to anybody.

Over the next few days, I noticed Alice becoming even more withdrawn, if that were even possible. Her wardrobe got progressively darker until she wore nothing but black, all the time. She always hid her face behind her dark hair, and she quietly listened in her classes without ever raising her hand. When I heard some of the gossip about her, and what she had recently been through, I became even more concerned. I was especially worried after having learned how lively and vibrant she once was. I suppose the death of one's parents would lead anybody to become withdrawn and depressed, but I couldn't help but feel that maybe there was something else going on, as well.

Last week, I sent a concerned letter home to her brother. I rewrote it five or six times, making sure I came off as professional and nonjudgmental as possible. It just explained that I thought Alice was very bright, with a lot of potential for being a writer, but that I was concerned about her attitude and behavior and suggested she may need to talk to somebody. Not really knowing anything about her brother or her home situation, I felt that it was my duty to share what I had noticed about Alice. I offered my contact information in case he wanted to talk to me, but thankfully, he didn't. I always got uncomfortable dealing with parents, especially on the phone. I just hoped that he took my advice and would seek out some help for her. I also hoped he wouldn't think I was overstepping my boundaries by sending such a letter in the first place.

I managed to relax about Alice for a little while and got to work grading the projects that were submitted and working on my lesson plans for the next book we'd be reading. Most teachers had the luxury of reusing old, and sometimes dated, lesson plans, but since this was my first year teaching, I had to do everything from scratch. I didn't mind though, because the extra work I put in helped me not focus so much on the mundane. My being busy was keeping my anxiety at bay, and for that, I was grateful.

I was surely even more distant than usual throughout the rest of the day, both with my concern about Alice and the upcoming Parents' Night. I spent my entire free period, which was my last period before school was dismissed, staring at my desk and nervously drawing circles on a legal pad. When the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, I was instantly sick. That meant it was that much closer to Parents' Night. It was three o'clock now. Charlie would pick me up for dinner at four, and Parents' Night started at six. I pulled out the submitted projects from my honors class that morning, determined to do some work for the next hour before Charlie picked me up. I was not looking forward to this night. Not at all...


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5- Parents**

I had been pacing restlessly outside the front of the school for fifteen minutes, before I finally spotted Charlie's cruiser. Breathing a sigh of relief, I made my way quickly over to him.

"Sorry I'm late kid," he said through the open passenger window as he leaned over to get my door. "I know you hate that."

"I was just worried something happened to you," I said with a sigh. For every minute Charlie was late, I imagined every conceivable thing that could have happened to him, most of them not pleasant thoughts. The dangerous nature of his job did not bode well for my anxiety issues_._

"No, honey, I just got held up at work. I'm sorry; I should have called. I know better." He looked at me sheepishly, eyes begging for forgiveness.

"It's okay. It's not your fault I'm paranoid," I said, offering a small smile. "Thanks for this, by the way."

He nodded and began to steer towards the diner. I stared out the window, watching the wet, green leaves of the trees blow in the wind. It looked like another storm was coming. The dark clouds and howling wind were the perfect backdrop for my foul mood. I shuddered as the first roll of thunder sounded.

Lost in deep thought, I hardly noticed when Charlie pulled into the diner parking lot. I sat with my back angled away from him, my head resting on the window. He leaned over and undid my seatbelt for me, then came around to the other side of the car and opened the door, silently waiting for me to get to my feet. I complied reluctantly when I realized he was not leaving me a choice in the matter.

Being able to go out to the diner with Charlie was a recently acquired achievement for me, and I still struggled with it. I swallowed hard thinking of the feeling of people close to me, the sound of rattling dishes and loud conversation, and the feeling of eyes on me. I longed for nothing more than a quiet dinner at home and found myself regretting coming here.

Charlie kept a safe distance from me as we walked inside. He held the door open for me, and as I entered, I immediately stepped to the side so he could walk in front of me again. He requested a table for two, and we were ushered to a quiet corner in the back, far away from other diners. I was embarrassed to realize that the staff must have known about my issues but grateful to be isolated.

Charlie asked me what I wanted, and I pointed to the soup/salad deal on the menu. "That's all you're getting? Have you eaten today?" He was concerned.

I shook my head. "I'm not very hungry."

Charlie frowned as the waitress approached the table. In addition to my soup and salad, Charlie ordered a big greasy burger with bacon, french fries, and a beer for himself. I shook my head at him and said, "You know, it's amazing you're in as good of health as you are, considering the crap you eat."

"You're just mad because you're so skinny," he quipped back. The truth was that I constantly worried about Charlie's diet. I was terrified every day of losing him.

We enjoyed the rest of the meal in companionable silence. I picked at my salad while Charlie ate ravenously. Though I tried not to think about it too hard, my mind kept wandering back to my job and how nervous I was about tonight

Students I could handle much easier than parents. With the students, I felt like I had something to give - valuable information that they could absorb and learn from me. With parents, however, I just felt like no matter what I did, they would judge me. I could hardly handle one parent-teacher conference at a time, and fortunately, I hadn't had many. Tonight would just be a bombardment of parents though, all listening critically to how I planned on teaching their children. It was my own personal hell. It made me doubt my abilities as a teacher, even as a person.

I had finished about half of my salad and moved to take a bite of my soup. My hand was shaking so bad by this point that the soup dribbled down from the spoon, onto my blouse. "Shit!" I exclaimed, shaking so hard now that the spoon was now clanging noisily on the edge of the bowl. The relatively small accident was the trigger that finally set me off.

"Bella... Bella... relax!" Charlie pleaded. I ignored his pleading and continued shake and cry, when he raised his voice and shouted, "Isabella!"

A few heads turned our direction, and I quickly snapped out of it, my face flushing red. Breathing heavily, I sobbed, "What am I going to do now?" I'd like to think that any other evening, I wouldn't have reacted as I did I did over a stain, but why was this happening tonight of all nights? Why, when I was forced to be social and professional while making a good impression?

"It's just a little stain, baby, you have a sweater in the car, remember?"

I peered down at my blouse, and the "little stain" looked like a flashing neon arrow pointing to my chest. It was an ugly red blotch of tomato soup on the crisp white shirt I had carefully selected for this night three days prior. I checked my watch. It was nearly five thirty, not enough time to go back home and change. The sweater would have to do.

I didn't eat another bite, and Charlie finished his meal quickly and motioned for the check. After paying, he got up and ushered me out the door. I followed reluctantly. "It's time, honey," he said.

After reaching the cruiser, I grabbed my sweater and pulled it on hastily, knowing that it was now fifteen minutes to showtime.

The ride back to the school seemed to go a lot faster than the ride from the school, and before I knew it, the cruiser was stopped at the front entrance. He got out to open the door for me, knowing I wouldn't bring myself to do it. He helped me out of the car and gingerly touched my shoulder. "It's going to be fine, honey. Just relax, and you'll do great. I'll pick you up right at eight, okay?"

I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "I love you, honey," he said as he got into the driver's seat. As usual, I didn't respond. I knew Charlie knew that I loved him, but I couldn't bring myself to ever say it. To me, Charlie was practically an apparition. To tell him I loved him would be admitting that I had something good in my life, and then it would disappear. I'd never had anything good in my life, so why did I deserve him now?

Five minutes later, I was sitting in my classroom behind my desk, wearing my bulky sweater. I tried to look professional and collected, but I was silently breaking down on the inside. Parents Night was set up as an open house. Parents were given the classroom numbers of their children and could walk though and meet their teachers at their leisure. I taught five total periods of about fifteen students each, so I had about seventy-five sets of parents to meet. Given that this was such a small town, I fully expected to meet each and every set of parents. Parents Night at the school might as well have been the town freaking social - nobody missed it. As I thought back to how Renee never attended a single one of my schools' Parents Nights, I was suddenly jealous of all my students with their doting parents, which did nothing to help my mood. Thoughts of Renee were the last night I needed now.

Before I knew it, there were about thirty sets of parents standing shoulder-to-shoulder in my tiny classroom. It was very crowded, and I was the center of attention. This was what I had been dreading for the last four weeks. I took a deep breath, knowing that after the first rush, parents would trickle in a slower rate. I began my presentation, grateful that I could get almost half of the parents out of the way in one round.

I began my presentation by handing out a reading list to each set of parents and explaining how we'd spend about three weeks on each of the books, and the rest of the time we would focus on writing. I was supposed to split the course about half reading and half creative writing, and I tried to intersperse the two so the students didn't get too bored. My presentation must have been okay, because nobody was looking at me funny. Nobody asked any questions, and thankfully, nobody stayed behind to have any one-to one time with me. I breathed a sigh of relief as most of them trickled out.

The subsequent groups were smaller, only about five to ten sets of parents at a time. I was mentally calculating in my head, and realized that by seven thirty, I had seen seventy sets of parents, leaving only five more potential to show up in my classroom. I made a mental note in the back of my mind that I still hadn't met Alice's brother, and I feared I would have to call him or send another letter, because I really was worried about her, especially after what she told me earlier today about Bree.

Another mother and a mother-father duo strolled in and introduced themselves as Bree's mom and Riley's parents. Apparently, they were very chummy. I gave them the reading list and told them that their kids had submitted a nice project earlier in the day and that I thought they were very smart. I neglected to say anything about the potential bullying of Alice Cullen, until I got more information. As we chatted about the curriculum, another man strolled in. He stood about six foot five, absolutely towering over my tiny frame. He was wearing a very expensive looking suit and had dark, perfectly combed hair graying around the edges. His eyes were as gray and hard as steel. I'd never seen this man around town, but he had a very commanding presence, and I wondered immediately who he was.

"Hi," I choked out, suddenly nervous again. I had just begun to become more comfortable with Riley and Bree's parents, but now anxiety was rapidly building again. Something about the man that just entered gave me a bad vibe. "I'm Isabella Swan, I teach Freshman English."

"I know who you are," he sneered. My left hand was clutching the bottom of my chair in a death grip, willing myself not to flee. "I'm Kevin Crowley, Tyler's father."

I stood and reached my right hand up tentatively in an attempt to politely shake his hand. I was trembling now. He didn't return the gesture, so I sat back down and clutched my hands together in my lap. "It's nice to meet you," I managed. I recalled that Tyler was one of the few wealthy students in Forks. His father owned a large chain of restaurants based out of Seattle. He had moved his family to Forks, because his wife desired a small town life, and he was hardly ever home. Though I hardly paid attention to the town rumor mill, I recalled hearing gossip about how perhaps he had not made all of his wealth honestly, but I didn't know any more than that, and didn't care to.

He slammed a paper down on my desk, shaking the metal pencil tin that was perched on it. "What the fuck is this?" he yelled.

Startled at his outburst, I looked at what he had put on my desk, and noticed it was an essay Tyler had submitted two weeks ago on _Animal Farm, _which was the book the regular classes were reading_. _ I recognized it immediately. It was plagiarized. I remembered the text from an article I had pulled up over the summer while preparing myself for the school year. After reading Tyler's paper, I even pulled the article up again to double check, and the language was exactly the same - cut and pasted. There was a red "0" on the top of the paper, with a note that said, "see me." Tyler did come see me after class and looked appropriately abashed when I told him I knew it was plagiarized. He didn't argue with me at all. He just took his "0" and silently left the classroom, muttering an apology.

"That work was plagiarized, sir," I explained quietly. "I spoke with Tyler about it. He could have been suspended for it, but I decided to give him another chance." Truly, I was generous with giving him a zero. This kind of thing could get him kicked out of school.

"Are you calling my son a cheater?" he demanded, slamming his fist on the desk. I recoiled from the noise, and my eyes darted around the room, planning an escape in case things got violent. I noticed that Riley's and Bree's parents had hastily exited the room, leaving me alone with this man. Apparently, nobody liked to be around Mr. Crowley.

"No, I'm saying that this particular work was plagiarized," I explained, my voice shaking. I was teetering at the brink of breaking down. This man scared the shit out of me. "The consequences could have been a lot worse, but I decided to give him another chance," I continued in a whisper.

"So, what, are you some kind of fucking saint? You give a smart kid like Tyler a zero on a paper. He's a fucking straight-A student, and you've been here for less than a month, and you accuse him of cheating. I know all about you, bitch, and where you were before you came here. I think you should take your dried up, crazy ass cunt back to Phoenix, or I'll have to do something about you. Psycho bitches have no place teaching children."

I couldn't believe what he was threatening. How could he possibly know anything about me? Now utterly terrified about what he might know, and what he might do about it, I asked, "What do you want me to do?" in a shaky voice.

"You're going to fix the grade on this paper and apologize to my son. If you don't, I will complain to the administration. You may not know me, but I'm an influential man around here, and there will be consequences. Maybe they don't know about your little adventure in Phoenix, but I do. I know everything about you. Don't forget it."

Terrified as I was, I still had morals, and I had no intention of changing the grade - even if he was threatening to expose my secrets. With a deep breath, I said, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that. This work was plagiarized, and I cannot give Tyler a passing grade. It would be wrong." My voice was barely a whisper now.

He shoved my desk towards me, barely missing hitting me with it, and the papers scattered there floated to the floor. "Mark my words, bitch, this isn't over." He left the classroom, and I mentally counted to thirty before grabbing my purse and running out to the ladies' room in the teacher's lounge.

Now finally alone, I became a terrified, sobbing mess on the floor of the bathroom. I tried to calm myself with rational thoughts - yes, bad things happened in Phoenix. Things happened that weren't in my control - things that made me leave. I breathed in and out slowly and continued to reason with myself. He could tell the administration about my past, but I'd done nothing wrong and nothing illegal. There was no reason for them to fire me. Even if they did, I was not sure at this point I would care. I knew I wasn't cut out for teaching. I was hardly cut out for life in general.

After about five minutes, my breathing began to slow, and I felt myself relax minutely. I needed to talk to Charlie. I would see him in a few minutes, and everything would be okay.

Finally, the calm found me, and I washed my face and straightened my hair with my fingers. I waited in the bathroom until exactly eight o'clock and then made my way back to the classroom. I was picking up the scattered papers from around my desk when I heard the door open. I instantly froze, fearing that Tyler's father was back.

Still crouched on the ground, I looked up hesitantly through my hair, and was instantly lost in the deepest, most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6- Edward**

"Hi. I'm so sorry I'm late, but I was hoping I'd get a chance to talk to you," a smooth, velvety voice said.

Still lost in a sea of green, the only response I could muster was, "What?"

He gave a heart-warming smile, and suddenly, all of my anxieties from the previous fifteen minutes seemed to float away. "I'm Edward Cullen - Alice's brother. I got held up in another classroom and rushed over here. I wanted to meet you."

I continued to stare, dumbfounded. "Meet me? Why?" I asked dumbly, before realizing how idiotic I must have sounded. Of course, he wanted to meet me. I was Alice's teacher. I couldn't even begin to imagine what the hell he was thinking of me right about now.

"Look, I know you're probably wrapping up here and ready to go home, but I was hoping we could talk for a minute about Alice?" he asked. "Please?"

I couldn't have refused his "please," even if I'd wanted to. He looked desperate. As I examined him closer, I noticed he had deep circles under his eyes, as if he had missed a few good nights of sleep. His features were sharp and defined, but he looked almost thin and hollowed out. I knew that his sister was having a hard time, and it seemed he was, too. My heart went out to this little family, and I was instantly sad for them. I wasn't even sure where to begin, so I just said, "She's a smart girl."

"Well, based on what I have heard for the last two hours, you seem to be the only one who thinks so. That's why I was late. I was busy being berated by her Math teacher, who told me in no uncertain terms that he thinks I'm a poor substitute for her parents, and I couldn't raise a child to save my life." He tugged on the ends of his reddish brown hair, making it stand up in all directions. He looked about as flustered as I felt. I couldn't help but find his actions adorable, even despite the tragic circumstances surrounding his life.

"You must be talking about Mr. Henderson," I offered, thinking of the sniveling weasel of a man who taught all of the freshman level Math courses. "I don't think he has ever had a nice think to say about anybody, if it makes you feel better."

He gave a weak smile and said, "Well, the rest of her teachers seemed to think about the same as he does. Either that, or they're all remembering the hell I raised when I went here." As his face turned into a crooked smirk, I found myself wanting to know everything about him, including the hell he raised in high school. Unfamiliar feelings were building inside me now, and they weren't entirely unpleasant. I knew I'd read about this somewhere… infatuation, maybe? But that would be entirely impossible for me, considering how useless and utterly broken I was. I'd never been attracted that way to anybody in my life. Besides, we'd just met about fifteen seconds ago.

"Troublemaker, huh?" I asked, trying to move the conversation along, though my anxiety was building with the new emotions I was feeling, and I was fighting back the urge to run away.

"Yeah, that was me," he chuckled, but there was no humor in his eyes - only fire. "But people grow up, you know? I'm trying my best here, but they just don't fucking understand how hard it is! How dare they fucking judge me for leaving behind everything I knew in Seattle and coming here to take in a fourteen year old girl because I'm the only family she has left? I fucking love her, and I'd do anything for that girl, but I'm not fucking perfect! Fuck!" He slammed his fist down on the corner of my desk, and I winced knowing that it probably hurt him. Even despite his rambling and raised voice, I wasn't afraid of him. I just felt sad for him, and of course, for Alice.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," he said, snapping out of his rant. "I shouldn't have said those things in front of you. I mean, you don't even know me. No wonder everyone thinks I'm such a fuckup…"

I quickly interrupted him; the pain in his eyes was hurting my heart. My previous anxieties now vanished, I said, "I understand, and it's okay." I looked into his eyes, which were haunted and anxious. I wanted to comfort him - hug him. _What the hell is wrong with me? I've never willingly touched anyone in my life._

"Have a seat," I offered kindly, motioning to the chair in front of my desk.

"Are you sure? I kind of went off on you there; I can imagine if you want me to get up and go…"

"Sit," I said sternly, leaving no room for him to argue. Besides, I didn't want him to leave. We had to talk about Alice.

Edward pulled something from his pocket as he moved to sit down. I recognized my handwriting on the folded piece of paper and instantly tensed. It was the letter I wrote him. What if he didn't like it? Was he offended by what I observed about this sister?

"I wanted to thank you for the letter you sent," he said. "You had some very kind things to say about Alice. I was going to write you back, but I knew I'd see you here, so…" he trailed off.

"I meant every word. I think Alice is wonderful. It hurts my heart to know what she's been through recently. Obviously, it's not a secret around the school. Honestly, if she came back from such a tragedy as bubbly and happy as she sounds like she was before, I'd be even more worried. I meant what I said, too, though. I think she needs to talk to somebody." I was surprised with myself at how open and honest I could be with Edward. Speaking to him didn't make me nervous like it did with the other parents. Of course, I was sure it had something to do with the fact that we were closer in age, but I thought there was more. There was just something about the kindness in his eyes that made me feel like I could open up about anything. _Well, maybe not everything._

"We've tried therapy," he admitted. "Actually, she still goes every Monday afternoon. Every time she comes home, she just goes up to her room and blasts her music. She won't talk about her sessions with me; she hardly talks to me at all. I have a feeling the therapy isn't helping her much, but since she won't talk to me about it, I'm sort of in the dark. Her therapist won't clue me in either - some confidentiality bullshit."

"I don't think confidentiality is something to mock. She'll open up when she's ready. I'm just glad to hear she's seeing somebody." I was speaking from experience here. "As her English teacher, I think she shows real potential as a writer. She puts a lot of passion into her work. Writing can be a really good outlet to relive stress. I think we should encourage her to do more; it may help. I know it's helped me through some tough times." Shit, now I was getting personal, and I sure didn't want Edward Cullen to know about my issues yet, if ever. I jumped out of my seat quickly and made my way over to my file cabinet before he could ask any questions. I pulled a folder from the front marked, "Cullen, A." and brought it back to the desk. I sifted through some of the poems she submitted until I found one he might appreciate. I slid it across the desk, and he read it silently.

The piece of hers I selected was one of the darker pieces she'd submitted. I had the feeling it was about her parents. However, it was full of vivid imagery and had a very personal undertone that I'd only seen in a few of her submissions. He read it silently then slid it back to me, whispering, "Wow…"

"What did you think?"

"It's very… dark?" he asked, as if confirming his opinion. "I mean, I thought so. But good. Really good."

"Yes, it may be dark, but she's in a dark place in her life right now. Writing like this helps express emotions she may be trying to keep hidden. She's finding her voice."

"So what do I do next?" he asked, looking at me desperately. "How can I get through to her?"

"I obviously don't have an answer to that, but I can tell you that she shows a great passion for writing. We should encourage that. And you say that therapy doesn't seem to be helping. Is there anybody else in her life now that she may be able to open up to? Preferably a woman. An aunt, maybe?"

"No," he sighed. "There's nobody. Maybe… do you think…" Edward trailed off, unsure of himself now.

"What? Ask me anything," I said sincerely. I wasn't sure exactly what it was that drew me to Alice, but much like Edward, I would do anything for that girl.

"I know we just met, but do you think we could meet up… with Alice, of course. Maybe she'd feel more comfortable talking about her problems, or at least her writing, with you there?"

"Why do you think she'd open up to me? I'm just a teacher, the bad guy, you know?"

"I don't think that at all. Alice respects you. I know that because she doesn't open up much about anything, but whenever I ask her about school, she always mentions you. She gets this light in her eyes every time she says anything about your class, then it's gone. I don't know why, but Alice loves you already, even if she doesn't act like it around you. I can't ignore that. I think… maybe together we can help her?"

It was humbling to think that Alice talked about me outside of class and respected me, but the idea of meeting with the Cullens outside of school was unnerving. "I don't know. She doesn't open up to me much, though I've told her she can talk to me about anything. Which reminds me, she may have hinted at me today that some kids may be harassing her or bullying her. I encouraged her to report it, but she refused, saying she didn't want any more problems. I'm worried about that." I felt like I had successfully made him forget that he asked me to meet with them out outside of school. I wasn't quite ready to divulge my social phobias to him quite yet.

"Maybe we could talk about that, too, when we meet up?"

_Damn. _"I'm not sure that's such a good idea." I said simply, moving to pack my belongings.

"Wait, why?" he asked, and that pitiful look of desperation was back in his eyes. "Please… you're the only one who seems to understand her, even a little. I need help. Please!" I thought he was about to drop to his knees and beg by this point, and I found myself unable to refuse now. He just had to say "please" again - twice. I didn't think I could refuse this man ever, for any reason. What was it about these Cullens? Within ten minutes of meeting either of them, I became attached.

"Um, okay. Where? When?" I couldn't believe I was agreeing to this.

"Tomorrow? There's a coffee shop she likes near the grocery store, do you know it?"

Being that there was only one coffee shop in Forks, I nodded. "Okay, what time?"

"Around three? That will give me some time to warm her up to the idea."

"Maybe you shouldn't tell her I'm coming," I suggested. "Make it like a surprise. I'm sure she doesn't want to go out with one of her teachers, even one she likes, and we don't want to push her away before we started."

He smirked. "Ah, like an intervention. Okay, let me get your phone number in case I have to cancel or something. Which I really, really hope I won't need to use, because I don't want to cancel. I want to see you. I mean, I want her to see you. I want her to talk to you." What an adorable rambling fool. I knew I could fall head over heels for him in no time flat, and that thought alone scared me.

I wrote my number on a slip of paper and handed it to him. I got the feeling from his answering smile that Edward was in this for more than just a student-brother-teacher conference, but I forced myself to focus. This was for Alice. I just gave a number to a man I'd just met, for Alice. Giving out my number was a first for me, by the way. Nobody else had ever bothered to ask for it.

Even if I had met Edward in another place or time, without Alice as a factor, it's not like there could ever be anything between us. Even if I were capable of dating, which I was not, I would inevitably scare him away when he realized just exactly how crazy and unstable I was.

"So, can I walk you to your car?" he asked kindly.

"Sure," I said shyly, grabbing my messenger bag full of weekend homework for me.

He walked very close to me, which didn't make me as nervous as it did when others walked so close. Even Charlie knew to keep the two-foot space buffer between us, but somehow, I didn't mind Edward's proximity. It was actually comforting, considering in the back of my mind I was half-expecting Tyler's dad waiting for me in the parking lot with a baseball bat.

As we walked out into the cool September air, I spotted Charlie's police cruiser waiting near the front door. How embarrassing, to have to be picked up by my father. "That's my dad," I said, kicking a rock under my feet, embarrassed and angry with myself that I couldn't get through one stinking Parents' Night without him driving me to and from. "He dropped me off this morning. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he said, smiling at me. "Tomorrow. Nice to meet you, Miss Swan." He turned away and began to walk towards his car.

"Bella!" I called out after him, but he was already halfway across the parking lot.

"What?" he yelled back.

"Call me Bella!"

I saw the glint of his white teeth from the streetlamp as he smiled widely. "See you tomorrow, Bella!"

I slid into the seat of the cruiser to find a curious Charlie gaping at me. "What?" I muttered, fastening my seatbelt.

He smirked at me. "See you tomorrow… Bella?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7- Scars**

After coming home from Parents' Night, I was utterly exhausted by the flood of emotions that coursed through me. Despite the relatively early hour, I excused myself to bed as soon as Charlie and I were in the door. Not surprisingly, my sleep was plagued by both strange (though not unpleasant) dreams of Edward Cullen and terrifying nightmares about Kevin Crowley. The worst nightmares were the flashbacks from my time in Phoenix that he so kindly hinted that he knew about. I knew I would need to talk to Charlie about the encounter.

Still exhausted from my fitful sleep, I rolled out of bed early and fixed breakfast for Charlie. Feeling sick to my stomach, I didn't bother to make any for myself. Even the smell of sizzling bacon made me want to wretch.

Charlie entered the kitchen, just as I was plating some eggs and bacon for him. He grabbed a cup of coffee and said, "Thanks Bella, this smells really good." He never forgot to thank me for a meal I prepared.

"You're welcome," I said, sitting down at the table with only a cup of coffee. Charlie immediately sensed something was wrong.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. He looked surprised, probably because I wasn't usually one to talk about my problems. "Something happened last night."

Charlie frowned. "I'm listening."

"Do you know Kevin Crowley?"

Charlie tensed. "Yeah, I know him. He's been hauled in time to time for this and that. Nothing ever sticks. Some fancy lawyer always gets him out of trouble."

I nodded, unsurprised. "Well, I had the pleasure of meeting him tonight. His son, Tyler, is in one of my classes. He turned in a paper a couple of weeks ago that I'm certain was plagiarized. I even have a copy of the article he used." Charlie nodded for me to continue. "Anyway, Mr. Crowley brought it with him last night, and he... he kind of threatened me."

"What do you mean, threatened?" Charlie growled.

My hands began to shake. "He said he knew about me - everything about me. He said he had some information about me and what happened in Phoenix. He threatened to tell the administration if I didn't fix the grade."

"Tell them what about you?" Charlie's eyes showed nothing but concern. "I don't want to push you, but if you can tell me something about what happened, we can work through it."

I had already made the decision that I would tell Charlie this morning, at least some of what happened to me. With a deep breath, I began.

"I was in a mental institution for a few months back in Phoenix. I didn't do anything illegal or crazy or anything, but one of Renee's boyfriends told the police I did." I found Charlie's eyes hesitantly, but they still showed no judgment - only love and concern. "I think he just wanted to get rid of me, so he could get to her easier. He always told me I was just in the way, and I was ruining their lives."

"So one of her boyfriends put you there? In a mental facility?" he clarified, trying to mask the angry expression on his face. "What did he say you did?"

"I think he crushed up some pills and put them in my drink. One minute I was in the kitchen, drinking a soda, and the next, I was feeling weird. I don't remember anything that happened after that, but I must have passed out eventually. When I came to, I was in the hospital, and he was talking to the police. Renee was crying, and he kept saying they found me like that and brought me to the hospital. They said they found a bottle of liquor and an empty pill bottle next to me. He must have forced the liquor down my throat or something while I was out of it, because my blood alcohol was really high, and I never drink. I would swear he tried to make it look like I killed myself. When he came home and realized I wasn't dead yet, he made up a story to get me committed. I tried to tell the police that, but Renee kept telling them about how depressed I'd been, and that I'd been off my medication, so nobody would believe me." I was crying hard now, and I knew my words were starting to become unintelligible.

Charlie was at my side now, his hand firmly holding mine. I hadn't even realized how badly I'd been shaking. "Bella... this man - your mom's boyfriend - he tried to kill you? Am I hearing that right?"

"I think so," I said, sniffling. "But maybe just getting rid of me was his plan all along, I don't know."

"Did the police even investigate what you told them?"

"Yes, there was a police report filed, but nobody believed me. I already had a documented history of mental illness, and he had a clean record, in addition to my mother backing up every word he said. They just let him go. Charlie, the place they put me in... it was really bad. I can't even talk about it. You just need to know that I was there, and now Kevin Crowley's going to tell my boss, and I don't know what will happen to me."

"Baby, even if you had actually tried to kill yourself, they can't fire you for having been sick. You're better now. You know it, and I know it. You've come so far these last few months; don't let that son of a bitch scare you into throwing it all away. You're better than that - better than him."

"I'm just scared," I sobbed, resting my head on my hands. "That place - it was so bad. Renee couldn't afford to put me in a nice place, I guess. But the way they treated me, it made everything worse. They would just lock me up in my room and ignore me, unless they were making me take pills. They wouldn't tell me what I was taking. I was so scared. I know I was sick, but locking me up like that... it just made it so much worse for me. The pills they gave me made me so sick, I had no hope of proving I was well enough to go home. I felt like a zombie all the time. I was there for months, and it was hell. They took everything from me. I lost my job, my credibility, everything. When I finally came home, people that knew me were looking at me weird and whispering about me, and I couldn't take it anymore. Now this Kevin guy is going to tell everybody, and it will be the same thing all over!" Laying my head on the table, I sobbed forcefully into my arms.

"Bella, I want you to tell me right away if he makes good on any of these threats, and we'll deal with it, together. In fact, if you ever see him again, I want to know right away. We'll get a restraining order, if we have to. Nobody threatens my little girl. You're safe now, Bella. You don't have to go back to that place ever again."

When my sobbing managed to finally subside, I whispered, "Thanks, Dad."

Charlie's eyes widened a little, and I realized the impact of what I had said. I hadn't called him "Dad" since the first day I was in Forks. I liked the way it sounded. I knew that no matter what, I wouldn't have to face anything alone, as long as he was around.

~~ID~~

Later that day, trying to keep my heart from beating out of my chest with panic, I entered the coffee shop. I knew I was fifteen minutes early, but I didn't want to be late. The delicious aroma of coffee flooded my senses immediately. It was overwhelmingly intoxicating, and I was craving a cup of the liquid heaven that brought me vitality every morning and most afternoons.

I wanted so badly to walk to the counter and order a large cup of black coffee, but the long line made me shudder. I debated on being brave and standing in it until I heard the girl in the front of the line make an incredibly fancy sounding drink order, and I started to panic. What freaking planet was I on? Could I really approach the counter and order a large black coffee around these coffee snobs? I decided the answer was definitely no and sadly made my way to a table in the back of the shop, sans delicious coffee.

I busied myself with tearing a paper napkin to shreds for a few minutes until I spotted the top of Edward's unmistakable messy, reddish hair. I froze instantly. He looked even better today than he did yesterday. I was pleased to see that the circles under his eyes had faded a little, and he wore a smile that lit up the room.

I waved at him, so he could see where I was sitting. He walked over to me as soon as he spotted me, with Alice's tiny frame trailing behind him. She was wearing all black as usual, her face obscured by her long hair.

"Hey, Bella," he said warmly as he approached the table.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Alice asked before I could respond to Edward.

"I asked her to come," Edward explained. "We're both worried about you, and we wanted to talk."

"What is this, an intervention?" Alice asked, and I smiled inwardly. Nothing got past her.

"I wouldn't call it that," I lied. "Your brother and I are just concerned, and we wanted to talk. No big deal."

Alice sighed and threw her bag over the back of the chair across from me. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Whatever," she mumbled, flopping down in the seat. "Can you get me some coffee at least?" she asked, glaring at Edward.

"Sure," he smiled. "The usual?" Alice nodded, still looking at the table. Turning his attention to me, he said, "You don't have a drink, yet. What do you want? I'll go up and get it."

I was thrilled that he was offering as my craving for coffee was growing by the minute." Just a black coffee," I requested, reaching for my purse.

His hand reached out and gingerly touched my wrist to stop me. "It's on me," he said sweetly. I think I heard Alice gag. As he pulled his hand away from me, I immediately missed the contact. Edward disappeared then, leaving Alice and me alone in an uncomfortable silence.

"You fucking my brother or something?" Alice asked suddenly. Her voice was emotionless. She wasn't even looking at me.

I sighed. "No, we just met last night. I'm only here because Edward is worried about you, and he knows I care about you, too. Okay?"

She shrugged. "There's nothing to be worried about. I don't get why he's always interrogating me. He never leaves me alone."

"Because he loves you, and it's his job to worry," I explained. "You used to have a lot of friends, and now you're shutting people out. He just wants you to be happy."

"And you? You don't even know me."

"I care about all my students," I explained. "But with you, I worry because you remind me of me when I was your age."

"Oh?"

"I shut a lot of people out, too. To this day, I still don't have many friends. I don't wish that on anybody. It's not fun being alone your whole life. I think you're sinking into a depression, if you're not there already. I just want to know that you're okay. And I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to besides your brother, I can be that for you."

"Thanks, Miss Swan," she murmured. "I'll think about it."

"You can call me Bella outside of school, okay?"

She nodded.

Edward reappeared with the coffee. He must have heard the last portion of our conversation, because he jumped right in. "Alice, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she mumbled back.

"Is this all because you lost Mom and Dad? Because I get a feeling that there's more."

With a glare, Alice rose to her feet and disappeared quickly into the bathroom without a word.

"That went well," Edward said sarcastically, running both hands through his already unruly hair. "Things were going just fine between you two, and I open my mouth, and she bolts."

I silently fiddled with the lid of my coffee for a minute, until I felt eyes on me. Looking up, I noticed Edward was staring at me intently. Instantly uncomfortable, I mumbled, "I should check on her." I got up quickly and made my way to the door that Alice had disappeared into.

"Alice?" I called, after closing the door behind me. There were only two stalls in the bathroom. One door was wide open, and underneath the other, I saw the familiar pair of knee-high black boots Alice always wore. I knocked quietly on the door. "Alice, honey, it's Bella. Can you come out for a minute?"

I figured my pleas would be futile, and I was right. All that came from the other side of the door was a muted, "Fuck off." I could hear her sniffling, though, and that sound alone tore through my heart.

"Alice... I know we haven't known each other long. I didn't mean to trap you here. I just wanted you to know that your brother loves you. He really cares about you, and he knows that I care about you, too. So he asked me to come here to talk to you, because I really think you're great. You're so smart and creative. I've read your writing, and it's wonderful."

I heard no sound from the other side of the door. With a sigh, I continued. With another glance around the room to make sure we were still alone, I went on. "Alice, I have problems, too, and I might be able to understand a little about what you're going through. That was my only purpose today. I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me. I'll be here to support you, if you'll let me. We all have our demons."

It was silent for a moment before I heard the telltale sound of the lock turning slowly. Alice stepped out, all tiny and dark and broken. We stared at each other for a few moments before she finally spoke. "It's not just about my parents."

"Do you want to tell me about it? You can trust me."

"I'm hideous," she said. "I'm ugly."

I certainly hadn't expected that. "You're not ugly," I said firmly. It hurt me to the core that she would think that about herself.

Without a word, she removed her jacket, then turned around and pulled her shirt up. I saw a horrible mass of red and white scars running diagonally across her back. Alice had been burned worse than anyone knew. I suppressed a gasp, because I didn't want her to think I was judging her or disgusted by them. I just felt incredibly sad for her.

"One of the rafters from the ceiling fell on me, before the firefighter got me out. My back still hurts all the time." Alice's voice sounded cold and dead.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. But it doesn't look so bad."

"There's more," she said, pulling her shirt down. She turned towards me, and then pulled her high-necked sweater down low on her chest. There were burns from the bottom of her chin straight down to the top of her bra line. "They're on my stomach, too, and all over my shoulders. Some of my hair burned too, and it won't fucking grow back."

I didn't need the psychology class I took during college to remember that adolescent girls were extremely obsessed with self-image. I'd been there myself not that long ago. I understood now exactly why Alice acted the way she was. She was withdrawing into herself, hiding her scarred body. Poor girl.

"Please don't tell Edward this is why I'm so upset," she pleaded. "He wouldn't understand."

"I think he would," I argued. "You should tell him. He's so worried about you."

"Just, please... for me? Don't say anything."

"Okay," I agreed. Alice cleaned up her face, and we walked back into the shop to finish our coffee. "She's okay," I mouthed to Edward. He looked at me with sad, but thankful, eyes. All the joy I'd seen in his face just a few minutes ago when he walked in had been replaced by the same tortured expression I had seen last night. I was sick over it. I didn't want either of them to hurt anymore.

We drank the rest of our drinks in silence, and when we were finished, we walked to the parking lot together. Edward walked me to my aging truck while Alice hung back.

"Thanks for coming," he said sincerely.

I sighed. "I just want you to know that it went better than you think. Alice told me some things in the bathroom, but she asked me not to tell you. She'll be okay; just give her some time. I'll keep talking with her at school and try to get her to open up a little, okay?"

Edward looked sad that Alice wouldn't want him to know what she told me, but he nodded slowly. He reached a hand out hesitantly towards me, like he was debating on giving me a hug, but stepped back quickly, unsure of himself. "Okay then. Drive safe, Bella." With his hands now firmly in his pockets, he scurried back to his car.

Just as soon as he left, I felt empty again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8- Relentless**

The days following the coffee shop were... interesting. On Sunday, Edward texted me six times, and each time I warred with myself over how to respond back, until I was so anxious, I just crawled into bed and read over the messages he had sent.

**9:06am-Good morning, beautiful.**

**12:10pm-You around?**

**12:30pm- I just wanted to thank you again for your help with Alice.**

**3:30pm- Starting to worry, can you text me and let me know you're okay?**

**6:45pm- Are you mad at me?**

**11:55pm- I can't stop thinking about you. I want to see you again. Goodnight, beautiful.**

The truth was, I hadn't stopped thinking about Edward since I had left the coffee shop the day before. I thought obsessively over the way he stared at me when he thought I wasn't looking, the way he so kindly offered to get my coffee, the way he walked me to my car, and especially, the feeling of warmth I had whenever he was close to me. Now, I had evidence confirming that he was thinking about me, too, and I was terrified.

I'd never been in a relationship before. I opened up to very few people in my life, and the thought of exposing myself like that made me especially uneasy. Not to mention the fact that my life was just started to get back on track, and I thought a few months of stability might be beneficial before pursuing any kind of relationship - friendship or otherwise - with anybody besides my immediate family.

Then, of course, were the ethical concerns. He was the older brother and legal guardian of one of my students. More importantly, I knew that this student needed some serious help, which I might be able to give her. Edward and I shared a common objective and nothing else. Our primary goal in getting together in the first place was to help Alice. It was so important to me, that I couldn't let something like a personal relationship hinder any progress I made with Alice.

Helping Alice had benefits for me, as well. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was doing something that made a difference. By putting my effort into helping Alice feel better about herself, I was starting to feel better about myself. It wasn't that I had selfish motives, I just happened to acknowledge the shared benefit.

On Monday, I arrived at school to find Alice already perched on my desk. "Hey, Miss Swan, this is from Edward." She handed me a crisp white envelope. I noticed that she seemed slightly more at ease then she did in our past encounters, and I was happy to see that she was becoming more comfortable with me, even though we'd only really talked once.

"Edward, huh?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. I slipped it into the outer pocket of my messenger bag. "How is he?"

"He's been a whiny, emo, asshole since Sunday morning. I don't know what's up his ass."

I sighed, because I had a feeling I knew what his problem was - me. I'd lost sleep the night before, stupidly warring with myself over whether or not to ever speak to him again.

"That so?" I mused, pretending I had no idea. "And how are you?"

"Good, I guess. Thank you, again; it felt really good being able to talk to somebody besides my therapist about my personal shit. He doesn't get me like you do."

"Well, like I said, the offer still stands. You can talk to me about anything."

"Thanks," she said, and I thought it was sincere. The front door of the classroom opened, and another student walked in, and Alice instantly froze. She was a shell of a girl, again. I frowned.

She wordlessly pulled another packet out of her messenger bag and threw a stack of papers on my desk. I realized it was her make-up project for _Romeo & Juliet. _ I tucked that in my messenger bag, too, and said, "Thank you." She made her way to the back of the class without a word.

My day passed slowly, as I was anxiously wondering what was in the little, white envelope Alice gave me. I didn't want to read it during class time, as I was afraid of what Edward might have written. Finally, the sixth bell rang, announcing the beginning of my planning period. When the last student left the room, I jumped up and closed the door behind me. From my messenger bag, I pulled out two things. Edward's letter, which I set carefully in front of me, and Alice's paper. I looked between the two and chose to read Alice's paper first, while trying to build courage to open Edward's letter.

As I had suspected, Alice's submission was full of energy and humor. She had successfully translated parts of _Romeo & Juliet_ with a twinge of sarcasm, humor, and even modern day slang. She even had hilarious footnotes during the balcony scene, where she detailed the subtext behind Romeo and Juliet's conversation. I found myself in tears by the end, and dutifully gave her a 90. It was a perfect grade, minus the 10 points for being late.

Though I had more work I could have been doing, I couldn't stop myself from opening Edward's letter, now. I knew I wouldn't stop obsessing over it until I did. With a deep breath, I unfolded the pages and found handwritten in beautiful script:

_Dear Bella,_

_Because you didn't answer my texts, I decided to write this letter. I wanted to thank you again for your help with Alice. You are the first person to make a breakthrough with her in months. Perhaps you should specialize in adolescent therapy, rather than teaching, though I'm sure you excel at teaching, too._

_Not to put too fine a point on it, but I like you, Bella. I felt a connection between us at the coffee shop, and I was pretty sure from the looks you gave me, that you felt something, too. I want to take you out, just the two of us. Please say yes - it would mean the world to me. I think we could have something really good between us._

_Please call or text me tonight when you get home. It may seem irrational, but I worry about you, and I want to know that you're safe. I can only hope you felt the same spark that I felt, and that you will take me up on my offer._

_Yours (Hopefully),_

_Edward Cullen_

And so, my suspicions were confirmed. Edward was interested in me. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I had weighed my options obsessively the night before. I knew that I could not have a relationship with this man. I wasn't ready, and it would be prudent for Alice. I wondered if he had even discussed this with her.

With a heavy sigh, I picked up my pen and a piece of stationary and began my response. In much less elegant handwriting, I wrote:

_Dear Edward,_

_While I appreciate the kind offer to take me out, I don't feel like now is a good time for me. While you don't strike me as the type to heed town gossip, I'm sure you've heard things about me. Although there are some lies circulating about me, some of the rumors are unfortunately true. I was in a difficult situation in Phoenix, and I am still putting the pieces of my life back together._

_With reluctance, I must refuse your offer for three reasons. First, I have exactly zero experience in dating or relationships, and will assuredly scare you off by the end of the night. Second, I don't want to impede any progress I've made in adjusting to life in Forks by starting a new relationship - friendship, dating, or otherwise. Third, I worry that any distractions between the two of us would negatively impact Alice. I know how important she is to you, and I assure you, as I did on Friday, that she is important to me, as well._

_I'm sorry if I mislead you with any "looks" I was giving you. If there is any way I can help Alice, I will happily oblige. However, I think our relationship needs to stay strictly teacher-guardian, at least for now._

_Best,_

_Bella Swan _

I read over the letter a few times and hoped it wasn't too contrite. In my mind, I had laid out a perfect rational argument for why us dating wasn't an option. I had explained that I had a hard time recently without divulging too much information about myself. Satisfied, I sealed up the letter and set it in my bag. I knew Alice had to pass my classroom to leave the school at the end of the day, so at a minute before the final bell, I hovered in my doorway, waiting to catch a glimpse of her.

She wasn't hard to spot, even as tiny as she was. She was a little black dot in a sea of vibrant color. "Alice," I called, though not too loud as to not draw attention to either of us. She gave me a knowing smirk and held her hand out for the letter she must have known I'd write back. She kept walking without a word, eyes trained on the ground, still the shell of the vibrant girl she once was. My heart ached for her once again.

On Tuesday, Alice had no further letters for me, and I was relieved. Hopefully things could go back to normal for Edward and me, and we could pretend that any spark or attraction we had for each other never existed. I realized my hopes were futile, as soon as I walked into the Charlie's living room after work. There were a dozen red roses on the coffee table. Charlie must have accepted the delivery before he left for his evening shift. I gingerly picked up the card and read it.

_Beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl. Please reconsider. Edward._

I argued aloud with myself as I made dinner that night. Edward wasn't going to give up, and I hadn't stopped thinking of him either. I hoped that if I sent that emotionless letter, he would leave me alone, but from the size of the bouquet he'd bought me, it seemed like he was prepared to be relentless. I thought about texting him but thought better of it.

On Wednesday, I was shocked to see that it wasn't Alice perched on my desk before the first bell, but Edward himself. The pain evident in his eyes when he first saw me made my heart seize.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. My voice was barely above a whisper, still in shock that this Adonis of a man was sitting on _my _desk. _Why the hell would he want me anyway_? I thought as I observed him.

"Did you get the flowers?" he asked, the pain in his voice matching his eyes.

"I did," I said.

"And?" His eyes were pleading - he was a desperate man once again. Despite the awkwardness of him being here, I still felt that familiar tingle I felt whenever he was near me. I pushed the feeling away, determined to focus on reason instead of infatuation.

"And for the reasons I expressed in the letter I wrote, this isn't a good idea. I'm sorry." My tone was curter than I intended, but it got the point across. I simply could not do this.

He pulled his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Please, Bella. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't eat; I can't sleep. I've never felt this way about someone before, especially not so quickly. I can't ignore what I'm feeling."

"You have to," I said sadly. "I'm sorry; I just can't do this."

"Fuck," he hissed under his breath. "So, that's it then? You won't even give this a chance?" He sounded angry, but his eyes betrayed him. He was unbearably sad.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "You should really go, before anyone sees you here."

"I guess I'll see you around, Bella," he said shortly and disappeared from my classroom. I knew I would be kicking myself later for asking him to leave. For today, more than ever, I wished I could just be normal - but the fact was, I wasn't. I couldn't rightly set Edward up just to knock him down when he realized how many issues I really had. I would just end up breaking both of our hearts. Even if we barely knew each other, I couldn't put Edward through the inevitable heartbreak. He was hurting now, but it could only get worse from here.

I didn't hear from Edward on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday, and I was admittedly disappointed. I figured that he was probably furious with the way I had been acting. I knew that I had truly let what could have been a good thing go, but I was sure I had made the right decision. It just made me sad. Charlie was worried about me, because I had once again retreated into myself, managing only small talk with him, and spending a lot of time alone in my room.

By Sunday afternoon, without a text, call, or letter from Edward, I was utterly depressed. I realized that Edward was absolutely right - there was something between us, and we both felt it. It was something I never felt before, and for some reason, Edward seemed to feel it, too. He wanted me. I just couldn't understand why. Now he was angry, and he stopped contacting me. That left everything in my court - a position I was seldom comfortable with.

For every idle moment of the day, my mind wandered to him. How nice it would be to have someone in my life besides my father to connect with. I needed someone to talk to when I was feeling down and to hold me when I was anxious. Then my traitorous mind kept rolling back to Renee telling me that I wasn't good enough, and no man could ever love me. She was probably right. I was a hopeless case.

Charlie was getting ready to leave for a late shift, and I waved goodbye to him from the couch. He hesitated at the door and turned to me. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm good," I lied. I turned my face from him, so he wouldn't see the tears pooling in the corner of my eyes. "Have a good shift, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, honey, call me if you need anything." With that he was gone, and I let the tears flow freely. I knew I had ruined a good thing before it even started.

Eventually, through my tears, I dozed off, only to be awoken by a sharp banging on the door. Startled, I glanced at the clock over the television. I'd slept so long, it was nearly midnight. I couldn't fathom who was knocking on the door at such a late hour, so I tiptoed quietly to the door and peered out the peephole, my heart racing the whole time.

Wiping sleep from my eyes, I did a double take to see if I was actually seeing who I thought I was. I threw the door open quickly, to find a very wet, very haggard Edward, shivering on my doorstep in nothing but a white t-shirt and a ratty pair of sweats. He looked exactly as if he had rolled out of bed and made his way over here. As if the scene weren't odd enough, I heard thunder roll ominously in the background, while the rain came down in heavy sheets. I quickly ushered him into the foyer. I expected him to shake out the rain or something, but he just stood dripping wet, staring at nothing. His eyes were devoid of life.

"Edward, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?" I asked carefully.

With a voice as utterly lifeless as his eyes, he said, "I'm tired of trying to stay away from you."

With careful resolve, I came to the decision I'd been arguing with myself over for days. "Then don't."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9- Friendship

We stared into each other's eyes for an immeasurable amount of time, before I was snapped back to reality by his visible shiver. "Come inside," I urged, taking him by the hand and leading him into the house.

He stood in the foyer, his arms around his torso. His expression could be described as only that of a burning man. He was in pain, and so, now I was, too.

"Jesus," I whispered, taking in his tortured form. "Wait here," I urged.

"Don't go," he choked out.

"I'll be right back," I assured him. I darted up the stairs to Emmett's room and searched through his drawers until I came up with a sweatshirt and sweatpants that looked like they might fit Edward. Though Emmett was thicker than Edward, they were just about the same height. After grabbing a thick towel from the linen closet, I darted back down the stairs to find Edward in the same spot I left him, shivering in the foyer.

"Here... these are my brother's," I explained. "You should get warm."

His eyes expressed thanks, but he said nothing. I felt a little awkward as I shifted from one foot to the other.

"I'm going to make some tea," I decided aloud. "You can change in here. Come to the kitchen when you're done?" His expression didn't change; it was still lost and vacant. I retreated from the room, hoping he would snap back and get himself dry.

As if on cue, as the kettle whistled, Edward made his way into the kitchen. He was wearing Emmett's clothes, and they fit him surprisingly well. Though loose, he wasn't swimming in them. "Bella..." he started, but trailed off.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"I just... I don't understand what's going on with me. Ever since we met, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind. And then... and then you sent me that letter. You said you couldn't even give this a chance... and I lost it..."

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "Edward... I'm not good for you," I explained, hoping he would understand. I still wanted this - us - but he needed to understand the mess that was me.

"You're everything to me... everything." I think I saw a tear trickle in the corner of his eye.

"You don't even know me!" I said desperately, a last ditch effort to change his mind. "You don't know what you're saying..." I trailed off. If only he knew how much sleep I'd lost thinking about him, too. But how could I tell him?

"I know that you're smart, and sweet, and loving," he said firmly. "I know that when I'm near you, I feel better. I felt so empty all the fucking time, then you come along, and suddenly, it's like I'm whole again. It's like you're a missing piece of me. Then you said you wouldn't even try, and I fell apart."

Had I known that rejecting Edward would break him this way, I never would have given him that letter. The scary thing was that I knew exactly what he meant. When he was around, I felt better, too, like he was a missing piece of my soul. We didn't know each other though, so how could this be happening? How could two people who had only known each other for a week become so dependent on each other? The truth was, I was tired of trying to stay away from him, too. I was about to jump into the deep end here, and I was scared shitless.

"I don't know how much I can be to you," I explained sadly. "I've never done this before."

"It's not like I have expectations. Just please don't avoid me. Hell, just be my friend. Don't shut me out. Please."

"Friends," I said, a little confused. "That's what you want?"

"No, I want a hell of a lot more, but I will take whatever I can get, if it means I can see you."

"Edward... you need to know that I'm all kinds of fucked up. I don't have friends. I keep to myself, mostly. It's better that way. I don't go out very much."

"I don't care," he said. "I just need you."

As I opened my mouth to respond, my cell phone beeping on the kitchen counter interrupted me. I flipped it open to find a text message from Charlie. It was nearing twelve thirty in the morning, and he was due home at three. His message said, _Bad storm, some rds closed. Not coming home tonight. Be safe_. I was glad he remembered to text, because if I woke up, and he was gone, I would be incredibly worried that something happened to him. Suddenly, the reality of the situation before me set in.

"Um... Charlie said the storm is pretty bad, and it's not safe to drive. Some of the roads are closed. You probably should stay here," I offered reluctantly. I certainly wasn't ready for a sleepover yet.

"You want me to stay?" he asked, looking like a hopeful puppy.

"On the couch," I clarified quickly. "You can stay on the couch."

Edward flipped out his own phone and sent a quick text, I assumed to Alice. "Can we talk for a little bit first? I know it's late."

"Yeah, come on." I led him into the living room, and we sat awkwardly on opposite ends of the couch, both clutching our tea but not drinking. "Well... this is awkward," I said, hoping to break the deafening silence.

"It shouldn't be, though. I feel like I've known you my whole life, but I really don't know anything about you at all. Tell me about yourself?"

Obviously not ready to get into all the gory details of my life, I decided to answer him by sticking mostly to demographics. "Okay... my name is Isabella Swan. I just turned twenty-five, and I teach English at Forks High. I just moved here from Phoenix, and I moved around a lot before that. I like to read and write short stories. I live here with my dad, Charlie, and my younger brother, Emmett, when he's home from college. That's pretty much it. What about you?"

Edward chuckled. "Well, I knew most of that already. I'm Edward Cullen, I'm twenty-seven, and I taught music classes at Udub before I came back to Forks. I lived here my whole life, until I moved to Seattle after college. I just recently got my Master's degree in Music Education before the... accident. My fancy degree isn't doing me much good in Forks, so I tend bar at Waylon's Pub. I work twelve to eight usually, and tips aren't that great in the afternoon, so I've been trying to get on night shift. He just doesn't have a position open yet."

I knew of the pub, though I'd never been inside. Waylon, who owned what was basically the only bar in Forks, was actually a good friend of my dad's and had often tried to pressure me into going. I felt sad thinking that Edward had a Master's degree and was stuck tending bar in a small town with shit for tips. That made me wonder about his parents and their financial state when they died, but I thought it was too soon in our "relationship" to bring up his parents, so I put the question on the backburner.

"It sounds like you don't like your job very much," I commented.

Edward shrugged. "It's okay. I love talking to the regulars that come in during the day. Mostly old retired guys; they have some pretty good stories. I'm just not making that much. And I miss teaching music."

Edward and I talked comfortably for over an hour when I started yawning. He smiled at me and suggested it was time for bed. I set Edward up on the couch before making my way up to my room. It was nearly three now, and I had to be up at six for work.

I intended to try to be up early enough to get Edward out of the house before Charlie came home, as I didn't want to have to explain his presence, but I was too late. Much to my horror, at six o'clock in the morning I found Charlie and Edward sitting, enjoying a cup of coffee together, laughing about something. I was horrified.

"Um... morning Charlie... I see you met Edward?"

"We've met before, honey. We were just catching up - it's been a while."

"Well, um... yeah," I stammered. As comfortable as Edward and I were talking the night before, I felt completely and totally lost as to what to say now.

"I should really get going," Edward said suddenly, putting down his coffee cup. I couldn't help but notice Charlie glare at me pointedly. I realized what he was trying to convey immediately.

"Did you want to stay for breakfast?" I asked quickly.

"No, thanks. I've got to check on Alice and make sure she gets to school." He rose to his feet, and I walked him to the door. "Thanks for letting me sleep on the couch, Bella. And for giving me a chance."

"Anytime," I said, my face flushing. Edward leaned in close to me and brushed his lips across my forehead, leaving a tingly sensation.

"I'll call you later," he promised.

Charlie was eyeing me suspiciously when I came back into the kitchen. "I don't want to talk about it, Dad," I said. I began to make his breakfast, and we studiously ignored each other for the rest of the morning.

~~ID~~

Two weeks had passed since Edward and I had our talk and decided to try to be friends. As caring and understanding as he was, he had accepted that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship just yet. We talked every night on the phone, and he even came over a few times for a late dinner. He and Charlie got along like old friends, and Charlie was happy to see me so happy.

The truth was, I felt lighter and freer than I ever had before. He really was like a missing piece of me, and I was sure that inevitably we would be in a more serious relationship. It just would take me time to get there. In the meantime, we were both content with talking frequently and the occasional visit. We never shared any touches beyond simple handholding or hugs. Every now and then, he would brush his lips across my forehead or cheek, but he never pushed. Every time I felt his lips on me, I felt that familiar tingle that made me feel at peace.

Edward had tried unsuccessfully to get me to visit him at work, but I wasn't ready for the bar scene just yet. After a couple of failed attempts, he stopped asking. He knew I would go when I was ready. In fact, I was trying to gain the courage to surprise him at work this Friday, when I knew Emmett and Rose would be visiting. Emmett was like a giant shield when we were out in public, and I thought that if he went with me, I might be able to endure it for a little while.

Alice and I were getting along well, too. I had expressed my concerns to Edward over Alice possibly feeling weird about us being together, but he assured me she was the one who convinced him to come over that night. I guess he wasn't kidding when he said he thought Alice loved me. I was starting to believe it myself, and I was truly starting to love her, too. When she came out of her shell, I could see the traces of the funny and vibrant girl she once was. It was often I found her perched on my desk before the homeroom bell, and we would talk about everything from the weather to her writing, and even how things were going with her at home. I hadn't heard any complaints from her other teachers like I normally did about her causing trouble, so I knew something was going right for her. She even thanked me once for "getting my brother's head out of his ass."

On Wednesday, at the beginning of my free period, I gathered some paperwork that I needed to turn in to the main office, which was in another building on the other side of campus. I took a deep breath upon exiting the school, inhaling the crisp fall air. Fall was always my favorite season - the weather was perfect, and the leaves were beautiful. I thought about how well things had been going for me, and I was actually starting to feel truly happy, for once. I hadn't even heard a peep from that asshole Kevin Crowley or his cheating son and hoped that the threats he made had been idle, and that I had nothing to worry about all along. I still hadn't told Edward about the confrontation, and probably wouldn't unless it became an issue again.

As I neared the main office, I ran into one of the gym teachers, Coach Denali. Tanya was one of the few other teachers I actually liked. She had accepted me as a peer from the very beginning and never looked at me funny when I would retreat into myself. I came to find that she had her own demons to face when she first started teaching. Tanya was an open lesbian, and apparently in this small town, that kind of thing wasn't as accepted as it was in the bigger cities I was used to. Along with her broad shoulders and short blonde hair, she had long, lean muscles and never dressed very feminine. She admitted that she was a walking stereotype and just didn't care. She actually inspired me a little with her "don't give a fuck" attitude. I wished I could be more like her in that way.

I found out Tanya was headed to the girl's locker room, which was on the way to the main office, so we walked together, chatting amicably about the day. It was the beginning of the last period, so her class should be just finished changing in the locker room for gym. I cringed at the thought, as I didn't have fond memories of any school locker room I'd ever had the misfortune of finding myself in.

As we approached the locker room, I opened my mouth to say goodbye to Tanya when we were both startled by a commotion from inside. There was shouting coming from behind the door, unlike the playful yelling that could normally be heard. It sounded angry, and I could hear something (or hopefully, not someone) get slammed into a locker.

Tanya barged into the room immediately, and when I heard Alice's scream, I immediately followed behind. I searched the room frantically, looking for Alice, and gasped in horror when I finally spotted her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10- Scars**

I found Alice in the corner of the first row of lockers. She was wearing her gym clothes, and her turtleneck (which I presumed she wore during gym to cover the scars) was pushed up her back, revealing the ribbons of pink and white I had seen before at the coffee shop. She had her arms around herself and was sobbing loudly, her tiny frame shaking uncontrollably.

Bree was hovering over her, yelling something at her. Not bothering to even try to comprehend what she was saying, I pushed my way through the small crowd of girls that had gathered and pulled Alice into my arms. As I rocked her gently, her sobs gradually started to quiet.

As Tanya was busy restraining Bree, I heard the other girls recount what had happened. Alice had apparently come to this corner to change when Bree came up behind her and pushed her into the lockers. She pulled up her shirt and called out to her friends, showing the others Alice's scars. I couldn't fathom what possessed Bree to do this, other than that she was a mean, vindictive, little bitch.

"Tanya, I'm going to take Alice home, okay?" I called over the commotion in the locker room.

"Should I call her brother?" Tanya asked.

"No, it's okay. He's at work; I got her."

Tanya eyed me suspiciously but was quickly distracted by Bree, who was trying to struggle out of Tanya's death grip. As soon as Tanya started wrestling her to the office, I coaxed Alice to her feet. I felt a dozen eyes on the back of my head, and I turned around and snapped, "What are you looking at?" Suddenly the other twelve girls in the room were very interested in their lockers and gym bags, and Alice and I made our way to the door.

Positive that I was breaking at least a dozen school rules by removing Alice from the property, I lead her to my truck. She followed without question, and I couldn't help but notice how trusting she was of me. She didn't give that kind of trust to many people. I opened the passenger door for her and helped her inside the truck. Once on the main road, I decided to break the ice by using Charlie's standard line. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Alice didn't answer me, and I didn't force her to. I knew this girl was too much like me, and I wondered if that's why she trusted me more than her other teachers. I wouldn't push her.

After driving aimlessly for a few moments, I realized that even though Edward and I had become fairly close, I had never been to his place and had no idea where they lived.

"Alice, you don't have to talk about it, but I need you to tell me where you live."

"Just make a right at the next light and then your first left. It's at the end of the street." Her voice was emotionless as she stared blankly out the window.

After following her instructions, I pulled up to a modest dwelling, even smaller than Charlie's little house. It was in good condition, though. The lawn was neatly kept, not a stray leaf in sight despite the woodsy surroundings. Edward obviously took great care of his place.

Alice used her key, and we walked in. "This is it," she mumbled. "Thanks." I knew she was trying to dismiss me, but there was no way I was leaving her alone after what I'd just witnessed.

"Do you mind if I stick around for a while and wait for your brother?" It was a bad excuse to stay, and we both knew it. It had only just turned three o'clock. Edward wouldn't be home for at least five more hours. I debated on calling him to come early, but decided against it, at least for the moment. I knew that his job was important to him, as it was his only source of income for him and Alice. I decided I would try to handle the situation on my own.

"Sure, whatever." She disappeared down a hallway to what I could only assume was her bedroom. I used the time to call Charlie quickly.

He picked up on the first ring, and asked in a panicked voice. "Bella, what's wrong? Why aren't you at work?"

"Relax, I'm fine," I assured him. "I was calling because I won't be home for dinner, so you might want to get takeout."

Charlie was silent for a minute. "Bella, you've never not been home for dinner. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm actually at Edward's house."

"Oh, okay, kid. Have fun." I could hear the smile in his voice. Charlie had been doing everything in his power to get us together since he first came home and found Edward sleeping on his couch.

"It's not what you think. I'm just taking care of Alice. He's not home from work yet."

"Is she okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, she will be. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay, honey. Be safe."

"Will do." I hung up and peered down the hallway. Alice's door was still closed.

Feeling incredibly out of place with Edward not home, I decided to busy myself with some lesson planning until Alice reemerged. It was only a few minutes before I heard a violent sobbing coming from her room. I ran to the door to find it unlocked, so I knocked on the doorjamb as I opened it slowly. Alice didn't respond so I hesitantly stepped inside. "Alice?"

She was facing away from me, curled into a ball on her bed. I made my way through the mess of clothes on her floor to the other side of the bed to find her little face streaked with black eyeliner and mascara. "Oh, honey," I said softly, "please talk to me." It was killing me that I didn't know what to do or say to help her. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that this was what Charlie had to deal with almost every day when I first moved here. I owed him an apology. He was a freaking saint.

Alice was babbling unintelligibly, and I tried to focus on her words. I only caught "Bree" and "bitch" and "burns." I realized she was trying to tell me what happened.

"Alice, slow down. Take a deep breath. What happened?"

"I was changing in the corner like I always do, so people can't see me. Bree came around and started saying shit. She asked me why I wore turtlenecks and long sleeves all the time, and she said people were saying I was a cutter - but I'm not, I swear. I would never do that! I told her that I wasn't, and she told me I had to prove it, and I told her no. Then she slammed me against the locker and pulled up my shirt, and called out to everybody to 'come look at the freak.' It was so humiliating."

I tried to keep my expression calm, though in reality I was seeing red. I knew high school girls could be mean, but Bree was in her own special class of bitch. I put my arms around Alice's tiny frame and rocked her carefully until the tears subsided.

"We'll deal with Bree," I assured her. "But you need to know something, Alice. You're better than her. She's got an ugly heart, and you're so beautiful."

"I'm hideous," Alice argued.

"No, you're not. So you have a few scars. Nobody cares about that, Alice, except for girls like Bree. She builds herself up by tearing other people down. You need to show her that you're better than that. That you're above all her crap."

"How?" she asked in a small voice.

"By going back there tomorrow and acting like what she did didn't faze you at all."

Alice didn't respond for a few minutes, and I let her sit in silence while I continued to hold her and stroke her hair. Finally, she spoke. "I wish I wasn't the way I am."

I frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

"Like... scared all the time. Feeling sad all the time. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I'm tired of the way I feel. I always feel like people are looking at me, talking about me. I just want to disappear."

Alice may as well have been reading out of one of my journals. I understood how she felt more than she would ever know.

"Alice, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What happened to your old friends? Edward told me you used to have a lot of friends. Why aren't they your friends now?"

"Nobody wants to be friends with me now. Nobody talks to me."

"Is it that they don't talk to you, or that you shut them out?"

Alice finally rolled over to face me. "The first day I came back, everybody was whispering about me. I heard them. Nobody came to talk to me or ask how I was doing. I thought it would be better just to be left alone."

"Maybe they were worried about you, and that's why they were whispering? Maybe they were waiting for you to talk to them? Sometimes, when people have had bad things happen to them, others are worried about approaching them because they don't want to upset them."

"Maybe..." she said. "But it's too late now. Everybody hates me. Especially Jasper."

"Who's Jasper?" I asked.

"Just this guy. He was like my boyfriend before the summer. He went to Texas over the summer to visit his grandparents, and then the fire happened while he was gone. Edward said he came by a couple of times when I was still really sick and couldn't see anyone. Then, I came back to school and everything changed. Now he doesn't talk to me at all."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because I'm ugly," she stated flatly.

"Alice, you are not ugly, and I want you to stop talking bad about yourself. Yes, you have some scars, but you're still you."

"They're so hard to cover up, because they're everywhere. I have to wear bulky clothes to cover them. I can't dress like I used to, and my hair is all messed up."

It was at this point I wished I was a typical girl, so I could take her shopping and show her all the things she could wear that wouldn't show her scars, and take her to get her hair and makeup done, and just let her feel better about herself, if even for a little while.

But how could I help raise this girl's self esteem when my own was so low?

"Bella, I'm really tired. Can I take a nap?" I could see in her eyes that the events of the day had left Alice exhausted.

"Of course, honey. Do you want me to call your brother?"

"No... we're having enough problems with money as it is..." Alice admitted. "He won't want to leave work." I made a mental note to ask Edward about that later and see if there was any way I could help.

"You're much more important to him than work. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know," she said, but her voice was fading into sleep.

"I'll still be here when you wake up," I assured her.

"Thanks, Bella. I..." she trailed off, and I heard a soft snore come from her. Poor girl.

I retreated back to the living room and turned on the TV. My mind was too frazzled now to focus on my lesson plans. I found myself watching a "complete makeover" show when I had an idea. I just needed some help.

I reached for my phone and scrolled through the numbers. I had to build up my courage for a few moments by telling myself "_This is for Alice."_ Social calls were not my forte.

I found the number I wanted - one I had never called before in my life. I pressed the "send" button and crossed my fingers.

"Hello?"

"Rosalie, it's Bella. Please. You have to help me."

~~ID~~

Thankfully, Rosalie had agreed to help. We were going to take Alice out for "girl time" on Saturday, as much as it pained me. Rosalie actually sounded excited about the idea. Of course, I hadn't discussed this with Alice yet, but I hoped she'd be open to it.

Alice was still sleeping, even though it was approaching eight o'clock. I didn't have the heart to wake her up, and I knew Edward would be home soon. The bar wasn't far from his house.

I froze when I heard the sound of keys jingling in the lock. He entered the house and threw his keys on the table, oblivious to my presence.

He turned around and jumped when he saw me sitting on his couch. "Hey," I said softly.

He smiled at me. "Bella? This is a nice surprise. Where's Alice?"

"She's in her room. Edward, we need to talk." I regretted my choice of words instantly when I saw his smile falter.

"It's about Alice," I clarified, and he relaxed just a little. "Something happened today."

He sat down next to me, and I took his hand. He looked down surprised, because I rarely initiated the contact between us. With a deep sigh, I said, "Alice had a run in today with one of the mean girls at the school, in the girl's locker room. This girl, Bree, pushed her in the locker room and pulled her shirt up while the other girls laughed at her. Alice didn't take it well."

Edward immediately started to tug on the ends of his hair with his free hand, as he always did when he was frustrated. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, I think she will be. But I need to tell you something else. I promised Alice I wouldn't, but I think in light of this you need to know." He nodded for me to continue. "Alice told me at the coffee shop that day that she hates the way she looks, and she worries about how other people see her. That's why she dresses the way she does and doesn't talk to anybody. She's pushing people away because she's afraid they'll judge her just based on her appearance." I sighed. "She doesn't know how beautiful she really is."

Edward looked heartbroken. "I didn't know she felt that way."

"All teenage girls worry about their appearance, and poor Alice hasn't really been coping well with the burns. I had an idea... but I don't know how much it will help."

"What is it?"

"Um... well, my brother's girlfriend is coming over on Saturday, and I thought we could take Alice out. See, Rosalie, his girlfriend, really likes clothes and makeup and stuff, and I thought she might be able to spend some time with Alice and boost her self esteem?"

"That's a great idea, but..." he trailed off and started tugging on his hair again. I reached my hand up to his and gently pulled it away from his hair.

"But what?" I urged.

"It's embarrassing," he said, looking away from me.

"Edward... you deal with my crazy ass everyday, and you think you can tell me anything that would make me think less of you?"

"Okay." Still not looking at me, he said, "I don't really have the money to give Alice to go shopping."

"That's not embarrassing," I said, wondering why he felt so bad about that.

"It is to me. It's my job to take care of her, and I'm barely scraping by. I've looked into getting another job, but then I'd never see Alice, and she won't have anybody. When my parents died, they were in a lot of debt. I couldn't afford the payments on their house, so I sold it, and we moved in here. Most of the money from the sale went right back to the bank. The rent on this place is a lot cheaper than their house payments, but I'm still just barely scraping by."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but it's really nothing to be ashamed of. You've been put in a really bad situation, and you weren't ready for it. Nobody is taking anything away from you. You're doing the best you can."

"I'm really trying to do everything right for her. It's such a great idea for you guys to take her out and have her spend some time outside the house, but I just can't afford it, and I feel like I'm letting her down."

"Tell you what," I said. "I'll make sure Rosalie brings everything she needs for Alice's hair and makeup, or whatever girls like to do." He smirked at my lack of knowledge. "And we'll take her out, but we'll pay for her lunch and stick to thrift stores. Alice doesn't seem like the high-end fashion type anyway." I smiled at Edward, but was surprised and saddened when he didn't return it. Instead, I noted unshed tears brimming in the corner of his eyes.

"Christ, Bella. I don't deserve you. I can't believe all this shit happened to her. I wouldn't have known what to do for her, and here you were... always saving me. I don't deserve you," he said again, and my heart fell. I don't think he realized how much he helped me, too - how much I didn't deserve _him. _ As I opened my mouth to object, his hands were suddenly cupping my face, and he was looking into my eyes with a deep penetrating gaze. I was rendered speechless.

I closed my eyes for a moment, his touch relaxing me instantly. Suddenly, I felt his warm breath on my face as his warm, soft lips press urgently onto my own. I froze.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11- Together**

I froze instantly, not completely understanding what was happening, or how it happened. One minute, we were talking about my plans for Alice, and the next, Edward's soft, warm lips were pressed tightly against mine.

I was frozen in time. There was Edward, my friend, my everything, and he was kissing me, and I couldn't even move. I couldn't bring my lips to kiss him back, though I really, really wanted to.

Instead, I was terrified - a victim of my own mind. I felt my hands tremble without my permission, and the warm feeling in the pit of my stomach was quickly replaced with panic. This wasn't how my first real kiss should have gone.

Edward pulled away slightly but didn't release me. Still frozen, I felt his cheek pressed against mine and was surprised to feel moisture there. I pulled back to find Edward crying now, his strong body shuddering with silent sobs. My heart broke instantly.

"Edward?" I asked softly. He took a step back and trained his eyes on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I don't know what came over me," he said quietly.

My lower lip trembled as I took in Edward's tortured expression. As I often did, I absorbed his emotions. I realized that I shared every tear, every smile, and every laugh with Edward. When he moved, I gravitated towards him unconsciously, as he did me. I knew instantly that what I had been denying for the last two weeks was irrevocably true. I was in love with Edward, and I had been from the moment I met him. He was the other half of me - the missing piece of my soul.

"So sorry..." he whispered. I realized then that I hadn't moved, hadn't spoken at all. Edward must have been thinking the worst - that I was mad at him, and that I didn't want him to kiss me. That was so far from the truth.

"No," I said. "It's me. I'm sorry. I just didn't expect that, and I froze up. I didn't know what to do. _I'm_ sorry."

Edward turned his whole body from me, and I knew that I had messed up. He must have been repulsed by my behavior. I felt the familiar tightness in my chest building as I muttered, "I should just go," and turned to leave.

He spun back around quickly and said desperately, "Please don't. Please! I'm sorry!" His tears had subsided, but his eyes were still wet and red-rimmed.

"Don't be," I said firmly. "It's my fault."

"I don't know what came over me. I mean you... you just gave up your whole day for my sister. You helped her. You're such a beautiful person, and you amaze me every day. Fuck it, Bella. I can't fight how I feel any more. I love you, and I'm sorry if that scares you, or if you think it's too soon, but I love you so much. I have from the first moment I saw you, maybe even from the first time I read the first letter you wrote me."

Choked up by his words, and with tears in my eyes, too, now, I took a hesitant step towards him. Cupping his cheek in my hand, I looked into his eyes, but couldn't find the words to express how I felt.

"Bella..." he started, but I interrupted him by pressing my lips back to his. This time it was he who froze, but only for a moment. He soon melted in to me, and this time our kiss was urgent, yet full of love. His hands started to roam over my back and sides, and I found myself with a death grip on his hair.

I couldn't quite wrap my mind around the fact that despite all my faults, my insecurities, and my issues, this man loved me. We were destined to be together.

I'd never been kissed like this before, and it was heaven, especially when his lips parted and our tongues brushed gently against the others. All too soon, Edward broke away and enveloped me in his arms. "Thank you..." he said. "Thank you for being there." His eyes told me that he wanted to say more, and I did, too. I wanted to tell him how I felt, and that I loved him, too. I knew I needed to tell him about my past, also, before we both jumped in too deep.

For the last two weeks, I had been alluding to things that happened in my past, even things that Charlie didn't know. I wanted to gauge his reaction by testing the waters. He always cut me off when I started to bring it up, and he told me the past didn't matter. I disagreed though; our pasts shaped who we were. This time, I knew it was now or never. It would be less painful for both of us if he decided now that he couldn't handle me and my issues, rather than learning weeks or months from now.

"Edward, sit down, please." Looking appropriately nervous, he reluctantly let me go and sat on his worn couch, letting his head fall into his hands.

I sat down next to him and took his hand in mine. _Jump right in, _I told myself.

"Edward... I want this. I want to be with you. I wanted to say that first, but..."

"No!" he interrupted. "Please no more buts. I can't take it anymore. I need you. I don't know how much longer I can handle being 'just friends' when I know that we could be so much more."

"Edward... you need to know... I have problems. I have issues that run really deep. I can't handle social interaction at all. I can't go out to crowded places. I panic over stupid shit. I'm heavily medicated and highly unstable and most importantly, I'm head over heels in love with you."

_Oops._ I hadn't meant to say the last part, but it was true nonetheless, and I felt a sense of relief as soon as I uttered the words. I did love Edward. I was in love with Edward - it just took me a while to admit it to myself.

"You're in love with me?" he asked, looking like a child on Christmas morning. He was practically vibrating.

"Yes," I said, looking deep into his eyes. "I love you, Edward."

"God, I love you, too. Bella, I don't care about any issues you say you have. You're smart, and you're kind, and you're beautiful, and you just admitted that you're in love with me, and I'm so fucking happy right now."

"I don't know how much I can be for you," I admitted solemnly.

"I don't care. I don't care about any of that. I just want you. I want whatever you're willing to give."

"Okay," I agreed, a small smile playing on my lips.

"Okay? So you're my girlfriend now? Mine?" His eyes were pleading, and I could feel myself start to blush.

"Yours," I said, laughing internally at myself for how giddy I felt when he called me his "girlfriend."

He wrapped me in his arms and lifted me from the couch, spinning me briefly around the room. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispered, kissing every inch of my face. Finally, his lips found mine, and we lost ourselves in each other once again.

A throat clearing behind us caused us to jerk apart.

Alice stood behind us with her arms cross, smirking. "About fucking time," she laughed.

I smiled. "It's been two weeks. You act like it's been years."

"Yeah, and you two were clearly in love from the moment you saw each other, so, as I said, it's about time."

Edward kissed my hair and turned to hug his sister. "You okay, Alice?"

"Yeah, much better." To me, she said, "You told him?"

"Everything," I said. "I hope you're not mad."

"No, it's okay. He needed to know."

"Do you want to stay home tomorrow?" Edward asked her. "It's okay if you do."

"No, Bella was right. I need to face this head on - not show that bitch that she got to me."

Edward beamed at me, and I knew he was proud of both of us. I was surely proud of Alice.

"So, Alice, I have a plan to get Jasper back," I said with a wink.

"Wait, wait, who's Jasper?" Edward asked, starting to turn a shade of red I'd only ever seen when Charlie got really angry.

"He's... a boy," Alice said slowly.

"A boy? You're too young for boys," Edward said, folding his arms across his chest. I laughed out loud at his declaration.

"I am not!" she exclaimed.

I cut them off before they got into a fight over it. I'd talk to Edward later.

Effectively ignoring Edward, I turned to Alice and said, "So, my brother's girlfriend, Rosalie, is coming to visit this weekend. I thought we'd take you out Saturday and get your hair done and maybe go shopping. We can find some good stuff at the thrift stores in Port Angeles, and Rose will help you find some clothes that look good and will cover your scars."

Alice looked down at her feet. "I don't know..."

"Please, give her a chance. I know you'll love her," I assured her.

"Okay... but why a makeover?"

"Honey, I assure you, I don't think you need a makeover. But I do know that you can't work on getting Jasper to like you if you don't like yourself. I thought maybe if you got some new clothes, and you felt as beautiful outside as you are inside, you'll feel better about yourself."

"Thanks, Bella," Alice said sincerely.

"Oh, and this kind of goes without saying, but don't tell anybody about your brother and me. I don't want anybody to think I'm treating you special just because I'm your brother's girlfriend."

Alice smiled. "Girlfriend, huh? I won't say a thing." She winked at me then turned away.

As she disappeared into the kitchen, I turned to Edward. His smile was wider than I'd ever seen it before.

"What?" I asked, biting my bottom lip.

"I love hearing you call yourself my girlfriend."

"I like saying it, too... but we should really keep it quiet for now. It's all so new."

"You going to tell Charlie?"

"Well... yeah, I guess I should. He'll be thrilled," I laughed. "He loves you."

"He's a good guy," Edward said, nodding. "I've known him since I was a kid. He was there at the hospital when the fire happened. He came to visit Alice every day and made sure I was okay. I was so distraught then... he sort of kicked my ass into gear and made sure I ate and showered and slept. He even helped me get settled here in this house."

"I didn't know all of that."

"Yeah, Charlie's a quiet guy. He's the kind of man that does good deeds for people and never talks or brags about it. He's a good man, and he doesn't care if anybody knows it."

I frowned as I realized that Edward knew my father better than I did. Sensing my distress, Edward put his finger under my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about all the years I missed with Charlie."

Edward gave me a peck on the lips and said, "He talked about you all the time. He never forgot you. The whole town knew about you."

"Knew what?" I asked, immediately concerned about what information they had.

"Nothing specific. Just that your mom took you, and Charlie didn't know where you were. That's all we knew." I relaxed a little.

Noting the time, I realized I still had work to do before my classes tomorrow. I told Edward as such.

He held me tightly and whispered into my hair, "Please don't go."

"I have to... but why don't you come over for a late dinner tomorrow, and we can tell Charlie we're together?"

"Mmm... together," he said. "I like the sound of that. What time?"

"Eight-thirty? I'll tell Charlie we have to eat late. He won't care."

"Okay," Edward said. We kissed again, and this time it was slow, tender, and perfect. As I left the house, I was floating on air.

~~ID~~

The next morning, Charlie found me whistling to myself in the kitchen while I made him a large breakfast - the kind of breakfast usually reserved for Sunday mornings.

"What's got you so happy this morning?" he asked as he opened the morning news.

"Nothing," I said with a smile and brought him some coffee.

"Well, whatever it is, it's good to see you happy for once."

"I am," I said sincerely. "By the way, Edward is coming over for dinner tonight, so we're not going to eat until late, so pick up a snack or something on the way home."

"Edward, huh? He's a good kid. Wouldn't mind seeing more of him around."

I laughed. "He's twenty-seven, Dad. He's not a kid."

"You're all kids to me," he said, turning his attention back to the paper.

At work, I felt like literally nothing could bring me down. Not only were Edward and I an item, but I also found out Bree had been suspended for a week, so I wouldn't have to deal with her. I found myself daydreaming about Edward most of the day and didn't think anything or anyone could bring me down.

My happy bubble was burst, though, as I was collecting an assignment from the class Tyler was in. As soon as the class filtered out completely, I pulled his paper to the top of the pile, a sick feeling in my stomach. This was the first big assignment the class had to turn in since I had that uncomfortable run-in with his father. I was surprised that I never heard anything from Mr. Crowley since then, but I was afraid of what I would find when I read Tyler's paper.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I read to find that it was definitely not plagiarized. It was abysmal, however. It was half complete and clearly not proofread at all. The content was nonsensical. I knew I couldn't rightly give Tyler a decent grade on it, and I feared the repercussions of that.

I silently argued with myself over Tyler's grade for the rest of the day. Finally, I decided to stick to my convictions and scribbled a "D" on top of the paper, which I thought was a fair grade for the quality of work he turned in. If there were any repercussions from his father, I would have Charlie and Edward to support me, although I still hadn't told Edward about the situation.

Later, after spending three solid hours at home grading the rest of the papers, as well as reading over Tyler's three times and fretting about the grade I gave him, it was time to start dinner. When I emerged from my room and went down the stairs, I found Charlie sitting in his recliner watching baseball. "Hey," I muttered, walking past him.

"Something wrong?" he asked, muting the TV.

"Nope," I lied, as I continued into the kitchen. Edward was coming over, and I was determined not to let anything ruin our night.

Instead of having more anxiety about Tyler's paper, I instead found myself worried over how dinner was going to go. I knew my anxieties were entirely unwarranted, though. Edward had been to my house for dinner before, and he already met Charlie, so there was nothing to be nervous about. However, this was the first time Edward was coming over to dinner and meeting my father as my _boyfriend_.

I decided to keep the menu simple, steak, salad, and mashed potatoes. I thought all were safe choices. I focused on cooking, trying to forget about everything else for a few minutes. Before I knew it, Edward was knocking on the door.

My heart started racing uncomfortably in my chest, and I took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself while Charlie answered the door.

Edward walked into the dining room, and as soon as our eyes met, all my insecurities and anxiety disappeared. Looking into his beautiful green eyes, I didn't care about anything else - not Tyler, not his father, and not Charlie's reaction to what we were going to tell him. With renewed vigor, I dashed across the dining room and threw myself into his arms.

He held me tight against his chest as he murmured, "I missed you too, beautiful."

Charlie walked into the dining room then, but Edward didn't let me go.

"Something you kids want to tell me?" Charlie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, um... well, w-we're kind of together n-now," I explained, stuttering a little.

Charlie hrmphed and looked at Edward. "Treat her right, son," he said, giving his best "dad stare."

"I will never hurt her," Edward vowed. With that, Charlie flopped down on dining room chair, picked up his fork, and said, "So let's eat."

I chuckled. Charlie was a man of few words, and I loved him dearly for it.

With that, Edward and I enjoyed our first meal together as a couple... with Charlie, of course.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12- Perfect

For me, Friday afternoon ended up a confusing mix of excitement and overwhelming anxiety. With things having gone well for me recently, I decided to try to push myself a little.

Today, I decided that I was going to see Edward at work - at a bar. My chest constricted at the word. I had never actually been to a bar.

Emmett and Rosalie were coming in this afternoon from Seattle, and they gladly agreed to go with me. Emmett even said he was proud of me, and he wasn't even being sarcastic this time.

They didn't waste any time when I walked in the front door after work. Rosalie dragged me upstairs and raided my closet until she found something she deemed "bar appropriate." I was incredibly uncomfortable with her being in my room, looking through my closet, but I swallowed back my objections and focused on breathing instead.

All too soon, I found myself in the back of Emmett's Jeep, parked outside Waylon's Pub, with a death grip on the door handle. _You can do this. It's just a bar_, I told myself, but my silent pleas to myself did nothing to quell the painful fluttering in my chest.

Emmett helped me out of the Jeep, which I was very thankful for, as it was so high off the ground, and I wasn't gifted with grace or balance. He stood in front of me while Rosalie stood behind me as we walked into the bar. They were effectively creating a shield around me without my even asking them to do so.

I froze inside the doorway and examined my surroundings. The pub was small and dimly lit. There were no tables, just a few stools in a long row against the bar. The place reeked of smoke and stale liquor. It was still before five o'clock, so the bar was mostly quiet, with a couple of older men hanging out near the end talking to Edward. I examined him from a distance for a moment.

Edward had a bright smile on his face as he laughed and joked with his only two customers. He looked so relaxed and content, with his disheveled red hair and a towel hanging loosely over his shoulder. Almost always calm and collected, he had a presence that drew people in, just as he drew me in. Watching him in action, I couldn't help the traitorous thoughts from circling my mind. _How long is it going to be before he gets tired of me? _Sighing, I couldn't help but stare as the long lean muscles in his arm flexed slightly as he pulled the bar tap down to refill a glass. He was perfect, and he was all mine - for now, at least.

Emmett gently coaxed me to the bar, whispering, "It's okay, you can do it." I sat down hesitantly on a stool on the opposite end as the two men, with Rose and Emmett sitting on either side. Peering through a curtain of my hair, I saw Edward's eyes shift our way, but he didn't recognize me at first. He obviously never expected me to set foot in here. He made his way over, "What can I get... Bella!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" His smile grew even wider, and I was glad I could make his day.

"Um... well you asked me to come, so I thought I'd try," I said sheepishly, looking down at my hands. "It's not busy here yet."

"It'll start picking up after six or so," he explained, pushing my hair out of my face.

I chuckled nervously. "I'll be sure to be gone by then."

"So can I get you a drink?" he asked eagerly.

"Um... no, I can't really drink, because of my medicine," I admitted.

"Soda?"

"Sounds great," I said. Edward turned his attention to my brother and Rose. "Hi, I'm Edward," he introduced himself politely. Emmett reached across the bar and gave him a handshake, while Rose smiled warmly and said hello.

"Oh, I'm sorry. That was rude of me. Edward, this is my brother, Emmett, and his girlfriend, Rosalie, and this is my boyfriend, Edward."

They exchanged pleasantries, and Edward got us some drinks, my soda and two beers for Rosalie and Emmett. Another customer came in, so Edward excused himself. I took the time to center myself - calm the butterflies in my stomach.

"See, not so bad, huh?" Emmett said, nudging my side playfully.

"No, not yet," I admitted, but I knew as soon as more people filtered in, I would need to leave. As much as I didn't want to leave Edward, I also wouldn't want to find myself making a scene either, especially not in Edward's place of work. Though I doubted he would be fired because his crazy girlfriend had a meltdown, it wasn't a chance I was willing to take.

When Edward approached us again, Emmett said, "So, Edward, I don't need to tell you that if you hurt my sister, I'll kill you, right?" I glared at Emmett, and saw no trace of humor in his eyes. Emmett was sizing Edward up, but Edward didn't even flinch.

"I'd be begging you to kill me if I ever hurt her," Edward said sincerely. "You have my word on that."

Emmett nodded, and they seemed to exchange some kind of guy understanding with silent looks. I looked at Rosalie curiously, and she just shrugged and took a sip of her beer. I played with my straw while Edward and Emmett talked amicably, when suddenly, a noisy group of college-aged kids came in. At hearing the noise and feeling the presence of people near me, my hand started shaking; the bracelet I was wearing was clanging noisily on my soda glass.

Emmett stopped mid-sentence when he heard the noise and turned his attention to me. "You okay?" he asked, concerned. I shook my head, my eyes begging silently for escape. Without a word, Emmett chugged the rest of his beer and reached his hand into his back pocket for his wallet.

Edward shook his head at Emmett and said, "It's on me." He then gave me a small, sad smile. "You have to go, baby. It's okay, I understand." He leaned across the bar and gave me a quick, but sweet, peck on the lips.

"I'm sorry," I said, standing up from the bar.

"Don't be. You were so brave coming here to see me, and I'm so grateful I got to see you. Listen, I wanted to see you tonight, but I was offered an extra shift, so can I take you out tomorrow?"

"Out...?" I asked, unsure.

"I promise it will be in a Bella-approved setting," he said with a grin. I couldn't resist his face, even if I wanted to.

"Okay," I said. "I love you."

"Love you more," he said with a grin, and my heart melted all over again.

~~ID~~

I woke up early the next day to cook breakfast for Dad, Emmett, and Rosalie. After we had eaten, I jumped in the shower quickly, so Rosalie and I could meet Alice at her house by eleven as planned. Rosalie drove Emmett's Jeep, as my truck couldn't comfortably fit the three of us, and we pulled up to the house.

Alice gave me a hug when she opened the door and greeted Rosalie shyly. "Thanks for coming over," she said. "I've been excited about this since Bella told me."

"I'm glad to be here. I will take any excuse to shop, trust me," Rose said with a smile. She took in Alice's appearance then with a frown. "But first, we're going to do your hair, and pick out something else for you to wear today. Where's your room?"

I cringed at Rosalie's abruptness, but Alice didn't seem to mind. She happily grabbed her hand and dragged her down the hall to her room.

Uncomfortable with the whole makeup, hair, girly time thing, I said, "You guys get started; I'm going to see Edward for a minute."

"Oh, don't bother. He didn't come home from work until almost two last night. He was exhausted, and he's still sleeping," Alice said with a smile. "It's just us!" I could tell from the look in her eyes that it would mean a lot to her if I participated.

I sighed in defeat and followed them down the hall. I perched myself on the edge of Alice's bed, out of the way, while Rose wielded scissors and began to attack a very frightened looking Alice.

"I'm going to cut off all the damaged ends and layer it under here where it grew back in funny," Rose explained to Alice. "It's going to be short, but we'll find you some clothes to wear that will hide your neck if you want."

Alice looked at me for approval, and I smiled in reassurance. "She knows what she's doing," I said. Alice nodded hesitantly.

Rosalie carefully cut and styled Alice's hair for over an hour. When she was done, Alice looked beautiful, and very unique. Rose seemed to read Alice like a book and found a style that was very befitting of her, while highlighting her beautiful face and eyes. While managing to do away with most of the damaged ends, Rosalie fashioned Alice's hair into a shorter, spiky hairdo, with her hair fanned out in all directions. Alice squealed with delight when she saw it. "It's perfect!" she said. She then cringed when she looked at the back through another mirror and saw the top of the ribbon of scars that her hair usually hid.

"Don't worry about that yet," Rose said, as she dug through Alice's closet next, throwing to the side anything she didn't care for. "Everything's black!" she exclaimed. "Let's go," she demanded, grabbing Emmett's car keys.

Three hours later, four large bags of thrift store clothing, and a mini Alice fashion show later, Rose applied a small amount of makeup on Alice's face, much less than I was normally used to seeing Alice wear. Despite Rose's bossiness, she let Alice pick everything out, and even commented that Alice actually had a decent fashion sense. She helped her pick out high-necked shirts that effectively covered the burns, and Alice was bouncing on her way out of the last store.

Alice looked positively radiant, and I smiled to see her look so happy.

"Jasper's going to fall over when he sees you," I admitted with a smile.

"Now we have to get you ready for your date!" Alice exclaimed looking at me, and I shook my head immediately.

"No, no. Rosalie, please take me home, and I'll go change."

"Too late," Rose said. "I already packed a bag for you, so suck it up. I told Edward you'd meet him here." I frowned at her audacity, but I knew my hands were tied now.

I tried desperately to stay still while Rose applied makeup on me and curled my hair, though I felt queasy the whole time. I dressed in the outfit she'd selected for me, which was a surprisingly not scary brown peasant skirt and loose fitting white blouse with knee high brown boots. I did have to admit that I looked pretty good.

"Okay, time for the big reveal, Alice. Let's go get your brother," Rose said with a smile.

Alice excitedly led the way out of the bedroom, while Rose and I followed behind. I effectively used Rosalie as a shield, not sure if I was ready for Edward to see me right away. Edward was sitting on the couch flipping through channels, wearing khaki pants and a white button down shirt with the top couple of buttons open. I almost drooled a little.

Edward jumped to his feet when he saw his sister enter. "Wow, Alice, you look amazing!" he said, wrapping her in a hug, his eyes silently thanking Rose. I made my own way out from behind Rose, and Edward's eyes popped. "And you too, Bella... wow!" he exclaimed, his eyes running down me. I blushed, uncomfortable with the attention.

"Okay, well, we have to get going," Rose said, taking Alice by the hand.

"Wait, what?" I asked, confused.

"Oh, I'm taking Alice out for a while. You two have fun," Rosalie said with a wink, as she ushered Alice out the door.

I looked at Edward perplexed, and he explained, "Alice kindly decided to make herself scarce for the evening, and Rosalie was all too happy to help with that."

I smiled. "So where are we going?" I asked nervously, afraid of what Edward deemed a "Bella-approved" setting.

He took my hand and led me opposite the way I expected, towards the back door. He opened the sliding glass door to reveal a pretty white patio set covered in tea lights, with two covered plates and two glasses of water. The entirety of his back patio was decorated in little white Christmas lights, which illuminated the little space to perfection. Classical music was coming from an iPod dock near the door. The early October air was just the right temperature to enjoy a meal outside, and I couldn't help my reaction. The feelings coursing through me now were too much to handle, and I burst into tears.

Edward instantly panicked. "Shit, I'm sorry Bella. You don't like it?" I could hear distress in his voice.

"No," I sobbed. "It's perfect. You're perfect. Thank you!"

He wrapped me in his arms and stroked my hair. "You scared me, beautiful."

"I'm sorry," I said, sniffling. "It's just... nobody's ever done anything like this for me before."

"Well, that's a crime, because you deserve it all. Come on, let's eat," he said, as he pulled my chair out for me

We ate and talked and laughed, and when our meal was finished, Edward pulled me to my feet. "Dance with me?"

"I can't dance," I objected.

"Nobody's watching," he whispered in my ear, sending a thrill through me. "It's just me and you. Please dance with me?"

"Okay," I said shyly. He wrapped his arms around me, and we more swayed than danced but it was perfect nonetheless, just being wrapped in each other's arms.

We swayed together for an immeasurable amount of time, simply lost in each other. When we both started to get a little cold, Edward pulled me inside. We sat on the couch, and he wrapped me in a blanket and kissed me gently. The gentle kiss gradually became more heated, and before I knew it, Edward was gently laying me back on the couch and hovering over me. His hand had strayed under my skirt to my bare thigh, and suddenly my mind went somewhere else.

"Bella, are you okay?" I heard him ask, but his voice sounded like it was coming from far away and underwater.

He shook me gently, and I realized I was shaking and sobbing. "Bella... honey, talk to me, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry... I just... you were on top of me, and I just panicked, and I'm sorry. I've never done anything like this before." I was thoroughly embarrassed by my behavior. We were both adults, and surely I could handle a little innocent making out on the couch. I looked at him sadly, and he wiped the tears gently from my eyes, but they kept coming.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I feel like I'm always apologizing to you, but it's true. I didn't mean to push you. And I didn't expect... you know, anything more. I just kind of got caught up in the moment."

"I've never... done this before. A relationship - a physical relationship. I'm scared all the time of messing everything up. And sometimes, it's like my mind retreats, and I'm somewhere else - I don't know how to explain it. My brain just snaps, and it's like I'm somewhere else, and someone else. So, I'm the one who's sorry. You didn't do anything wrong."

He nodded sadly and kissed my forehead. We talked for a little after that, but the conversation was forced. I wanted to ask him about his relationship history, but I was too afraid to. We were both a little uncomfortable, and I decided it was time for me to go home. We both knew Rosalie would be home with Alice soon, anyway.

On the ride home, I sat pondering over the woman I once was and the woman I am now. Renee had broken me down and made me feel worthless, never allowing me a chance to really try to heal myself. Now things were going so well for me, and I didn't know how I got here so quickly, but I knew at once that Edward, and this life, were it for me. I had family now and even a good friend in Rosalie. Moreover, I had the most patient and amazing boyfriend and silently prayed that the mishap tonight wouldn't come between us in the future. I was so grateful for everything I'd been given recently, that I was waiting for the ball to drop and the world to come crashing down on me.

Little did I know that it would happen that night.

As I walked into Charlie's house, holding Edward's hand, I felt my heart seize up as I stared into the cold, hard eyes of my mother.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13- Renee**

"Bella..." Charlie said nervously. "Look who came by."

"Renee," I acknowledged curtly. Edward gasped audibly beside me as he realized who it was. I watched her face morph into a fake smile.

"Isabella!" she exclaimed with forced enthusiasm. "I was so worried about you!"

"I've been gone for over six months, Renee. You could have called if you were so worried," I said flatly.

Acting as if she hadn't heard what I had just said, she began to ramble. "Bella, I have the best news! James and I are back together. Isn't that wonderful?" Her voice was high-pitched and sickly sweet, but I wasn't fooled. Just hearing his name made my heart pound out of control in fear. Despite my hatred for this woman I once called "Mom," I couldn't let this piece of news go silently.

"Mom, what the hell are you thinking?" I exclaimed. "How could you get back together with him after what he did to you - what he did to me?" I noticed Charlie visibly tense in the corner. I swallowed hard as I pushed back the painful memories. Charlie only knew part of the story. The truth was that James had been invading my life and my sanity far before Phoenix. I knew that Renee knew the truth about what James had done to me, but she continued to live in blissful denial.

"Isabella, enough with this. We've been through this before." Turning to Charlie, she said, "Charlie, you know she's not right in the head. He hasn't done anything to either of us. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She makes up stories in her mind and believes them to be true! She's been doing it for years."

Charlie came to my defense immediately. "Actually, Renee, Bella has been doing very well for herself here. I don't see the need to bring up her past, especially not in front of company," he said curtly.

Renee turned her attention to Edward for the first time, who had been standing quietly by my side. "Who the hell are you?" she asked, as if he had just walked in the door.

"This is Edward Cullen, my boyfriend," I explained. I turned to him. "Edward, you should probably go. I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to ruin our night... again."

"No, let him stay!" Renee interrupted. "You know, Isabella has never had a boyfriend before. It's not surprising, of course, considering all that time she spent in that dreadful institution. I mean, it was necessary, but it's kind of hard to come back from that, being as fucked up in the head as she is."

I shot a panicked glance at Edward, but his expression was completely unchanged. He remained calm and collected, even despite the new information my mother had so kindly shared with him. Though I'd tried to slowly ease Edward into some knowledge of my past, he always changed the subject. I knew he thought it was in my best interest, because talking about it made me so upset. So, with this new piece of knowledge, I half expected him to be running out the door. Instead, he stood beside me, seemingly unfazed.

"Renee," he spoke up suddenly. I instantly froze, fearing what he would have to say on this incredibly screwed up situation. "Bella and I haven't been seeing each other for very long, but I'm sure she'll discuss her past with me when she's ready. However, if you don't mind my speaking frankly, I find it very inappropriate for you to be discussing it so openly when you don't even know me. No matter what happened in her past, it won't change the fact that I find her to be a beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman."

My heart only had the chance to warm for the briefest of moments before Renee opened her mouth. The bitch was laughing. Angry tears formed in my eyes.

"Well, you think whatever you want," she scoffed. "Isabella, when you're done playing house here, feel free to come home anytime. In fact, James insists on it. He misses you, dear, and he wants to see you. He's meeting me here tomorrow to convince you to come home."

"No..." I whispered, my body trembling. "No, he can't come here. You can't let him come here!" I screamed, on the verge of a breakdown now. Edward squeezed my hand tighter, but it was of little comfort now.

"Isabella, I have had enough of your theatrics. I don't know who the fuck you think you are now, or what Charlie has done to brainwash you, but you would do best to remember where you came from, and who was there to babysit your crazy ass your whole life." Renee was screaming back at me now, but I was used to that.

Maybe it was comfort I felt from the two men in the room, or maybe I had had just about enough of her, but I finally found words to say what had needed to be said for a long time.

"Babysit me? Is that what you call it? You're supposed to be my fucking mother! It's your Goddamn fault I'm so fucked up, you abusive bitch. Don't lay your shit out on me and drag me into your fucked up relationship with James, because I've had enough!

"You've ruined me, and I hope you burn in Hell!" Tears were streaming down my face now, and I was trembling from head to toe. I suddenly felt a sharp sting across my face and realized that Renee had slapped me.

Before I had a chance to react, Charlie stepped in between us. "Get out of my house, Renee!" Charlie ordered. "Bella doesn't want you here, and neither do I."

"Fine," Renee agreed. "Keep the worthless bitch. But I will bring James by tomorrow. He wants to see her."

"Over my dead body," Charlie growled as he roughly yanked the door open, ushering her out.

"We'll see what happens tomorrow," she said sweetly, patting Charlie on the cheek like he was a child. He growled under his breath and slammed the door in her face.

Edward still hadn't let go of my hand, so I jerked it roughly away from him, suddenly terrified of what he'd think of me and what just happened. I knew he was going to want me to tell him about James, and I was terrified.

"Bella..." he started, but I couldn't face him right now.

"Just leave..." I choked out. "Please. Just go."

"I'm not going anywhere," he stated firmly.

My eyes darted back and forth between Edward and Charlie. They both looked incredibly angry. I was suddenly and irrationally terrified. I stormed up the stairs to my bedroom, then shut and locked the door behind me. I sunk to the floor, shaking and sobbing, my mind dredging up memories I long willed to forget. I only vaguely heard the pounding on the door and of Edward's and Charlie's voices calling for me to open it, but I was frozen to the spot. I couldn't talk to them now.

Suddenly, I heard a deafening crack, and Edward was in my room, his arms wrapping around me quickly. He lifted me and placed me on the bed, while whispering sweet, calming words into my hair. His words did little to calm me, though.

"I had a key, you moron," Charlie said to Edward in jest, but there was no humor in his voice. He gently perched himself on the bed on the other side of me. "Bella, I know it's hard sweetie, but I need you to tell me what you know about this James guy. I need to know what we might have to face tomorrow, and if I need to get the police involved. You told me some of what happened in Phoenix. Did something else happen that I need to know about?"

I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to speak, but instead, I was hit by a wave of nausea so intense that I vomited down the front of my shirt. Embarrassed, I started to sob even harder.

Edward, not bothered at all by what just happened, scooped me up gently and carried me to the bathroom, setting me down gently on the floor by the toilet. He held my hair back as another wave hit me, and when the contents of my stomach were empty, I leaned my head against the cool porcelain of the tub.

"Just leave, Edward. I don't want you to see me like this," I begged.

"Not likely, Bella," he said, kissing my hair. "You okay, baby?"

"No," I said honestly. "I don't feel good," I moaned, even though I knew that was plainly obvious.

"I know, baby," he said sincerely, kissing the crown of my head. He reached up and grabbed the washcloth sitting on the sink, wetting it with cool water. I couldn't even struggle as he washed my face for me and then helped me stand to rinse my mouth out. He helped me walk back to the bedroom, and I noted Charlie had disappeared. Hearing voices downstairs now, I figured Emmett and Rose were home, and Charlie was probably debriefing them.

Edward walked me to my dresser and helped me pick out a pair of pajamas. I perched myself on the edge of the bed, hands shaking, holding the clothes. "I'll give you a second to change," he said, pointing to the door.

"Don't leave," I said, in barely a whisper. "Please..." Even though I told him I wanted him to leave earlier, now the thought of him even stepping outside for a second was painful. I didn't want to be alone now. I was angry, sick, and scared. I needed him now more than I ever needed anyone.

"How about I just turn around?"

"Okay," I said in a small voice. With shaky hands, I changed as quickly as I could and gave the all clear for him to turn around. He did and quickly rejoined me on the bed. Charlie knocked on the door, then. Edward told him to come in, and he did, followed by Emmett. Rose didn't come in the room, but I saw her standing near the doorway, a worried expression on her face.

"Hey, sis," Emmett said, giving me a brief hug.

"Hey," I said sadly. "I'm okay. You guys can go to bed."

Emmett shifted uncomfortably. "I'm worried about you," he said finally.

"I'll be okay, I promise. I just want to go to sleep."

"Bella," Charlie argued. "I really need you to talk to me. Please."

"I will," I said. "I promise. In the morning. Please?"

He nodded, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and turned to leave the room.

Edward turned to me and asked, "Do you want me to go home now, so you can sleep?"

"No," I mumbled, clutching his shirt. "Stay, please."

"Okay," he whispered, putting his arms around me. "I have to call Alice, though," he said.

"Don't bother," Rosalie said. "Emmett and I will go back and stay with her tonight. You just take care of Bella."

"You sure?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, she'll understand." Rose disappeared then, and I lay back on the bed. Edward curled up behind me and wrapped his arms tight around me.

"I love you," was the last thing I heard before a fell into a fitful sleep.

_I was in a dingy motel room. Fully aware of the noise coming from the other double bed in the room, I shuddered and held my blanket closer to me. It was so cold. _

_Suddenly, the grunting and moaning I heard stopped, and I heard a creak on the floor. I tensed. James was up. _

_"Stupid bitch fell asleep," he muttered as he stumbled towards the bathroom. _

_Breathing heavy now, I counted the seconds until he emerged from the bathroom, but he didn't go back to my mother. Instead, I felt my bed creak as he sat down next to me. _

_"Wrong side," I said quietly, my voice shaking. "Mom's over there." _

_I felt him grab me roughly from behind and flip me onto my back. "Your mother has had too much to drink, so I think I'll sleep with you tonight." _

_"No... please..." _

_His hands were roaming my body, and I was shaking in silent sobs. I thought about calling out for my mother, but I remembered the last time I watched as he beat her. I couldn't have him hurt her again. _

_I felt his dirty hands run from my throat, down to my chest, where he grabbed me roughly._

_"You need to grow some tits, Isabella," he snarled, pushing me away. I sobbed._

_"Kiss your daddy goodnight," he demanded. I lay frozen, unable to move, just shuddering and sobbing as quietly as possible. I wanted so much to scream _"You're not my father!" _but it was pointless. Every time I pointed that out, it just made him angrier. When he was angry, that was when he hit. _

_He took the lead, and I felt his hot breath wash over my face, and I was nauseous. Suddenly, his lips were on mine. I kept my mouth tightly closed, but I could still taste the cigars and whiskey on his breath. Suddenly, he was still, and I wasn't sure exactly what happened, until I heard a nasally snore come from him. He was on top of me, and I felt trapped. I tried to push him off but was unable. He outweighed me by at least 150 pounds. I kept pushing and pushing when finally, I was able to free one of my hands. I grabbed roughly on his greasy blonde ponytail, which caused him to wake up enough to shift, and I was able to wriggle free. _

_I ran to the bathroom and threw up, over and over again until I passed out on the cold tile floor. I awoke to the sound of an angel calling my name. _

_"Bella..." the angel called frantically. I was shaking now. "Bella!"_

"Bella!" Edward shouted, and I bolted upright in bed. It took me a minute to figure out where I was. Right... I was at home in bed... with Edward. I gasped and threw my arms around myself.

"Baby... you were talking in your sleep," Edward said gently. "You wouldn't wake up, honey. I was so scared." His hands were fluttering nervously, stroking my hair, and I snuggled myself into his chest, anxious for the comfort that only he could provide.

I cried in Edward's arms until I heard a throat clear from the doorway. I looked up and realized that Charlie was in the room, too, a haunted look in his eyes. He must have heard me screaming. "Well," Charlie said in a rough voice. "I guess we're all up now. I'll go put on some coffee."

Charlie disappeared then, leaving Edward and me alone.

"I'm sorry," I told Edward. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Nothing to be sorry about. I'm just worried about you."

I managed to swing my legs over the side of the bed, and stood hesitantly. I was still dizzy from all the stress and crying. I turned and noticed Edward was still wearing the same button down and khakis from last night. I felt bad instantly.

"I should have found you something more comfortable to sleep in," I observed.

"I was okay," he assured me. "I slept like a baby next to you. I mean, until the bad dream."

"Thank you for staying," I whispered. He responded by putting his arms around me from behind.

"I'd do anything for you," he whispered, kissing my temple.

"I guess I'd better do this," I said, rising to my feet.

We made our way slowly down the stairs, my legs still weak, and Edward holding onto my waist.

We found Charlie pacing nervously in the kitchen, his coffee mug untouched on the counter next to him.

With a deep breath, I said, "Charlie, I think I'm ready to tell you everything now."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14- Secrets**

_With a deep breath, I said, "Charlie, I think I'm ready to tell you everything now."_

Edward responded to my declaration to Charlie by asking, "Do you want me to leave, love?"

"No," I said firmly. "You need to hear this, too, because if you want to be with me, you need to know what you're getting yourself into."

Edward sighed and took my hand. "Bella, your past doesn't matter to me. It's who you are now that I'm already so in love with. I need you to understand that."

"Okay," I said, though I was still plagued with doubt. I was still terrified that he would leave me after he knew everything, but it was best to get it out of the way now. For every day I spent getting closer to Edward, I knew it would just end up in more painful heartache later. "I guess I'll just start from the beginning." I took a deep breath and began my story.

"I still remember the night she took me. I was sleeping, and she was whispering to me. I was really glad to see her, though, because I had missed her. I didn't understand why she wasn't around. I didn't know the circumstances, you know? She kept telling me to be quiet, and that if I was a good girl and stayed quiet, she'd take me somewhere special. I remember she put me in the car, and I was so excited, I couldn't sleep. But after we kept driving and driving, I started to get impatient and asked her where we were going; she wouldn't tell me. Eventually, I started crying for you, Charlie, and she kept saying, 'Stop crying about your dad. He doesn't want you anymore.'"

"Now, Bella, you know that's not true," Charlie started.

"I know, just please let me get this out." He nodded for me to continue. "Anyway, we ended up stopping at a motel. I went right to sleep, because I was so exhausted, and when I woke up, she was packing us up already. This went on for days, I think. We'd drive for forever, then stay in a motel, and leave right away. I don't know how far we drove, but I was upset the whole time. I kept crying and told her I wanted to go home, and then she'd slap me and tell me to 'shut up.'

"Finally, we reached somewhere; I didn't know exactly where it was, but it was really sunny and warm. She told me that we were going to live there from now on. But we didn't stay long. We never stayed in once place very long. I'm not really sure what Renee did for money, but we always stayed at really cheap motels. This went on for years. She'd always enroll me in school, and she'd make me use a different name, and she always got mad and hit me or pulled my hair if I forgot to say the right name. I found out later that she had legally changed my name to just 'Isabella Smith.' She always said if I messed up, and told anybody that my birth name was 'Swan,' we'd have to move again. The thought of moving was fear enough to remember my name and everything else about my fake life. I'd grown so tired of moving.

"Renee must have run out of money eventually, because she started working odd jobs at weird hours. I was left alone a lot. I never got a lot of sleep, because most nights she'd bring some guy home with her, and they'd get... loud... while I was in the room. I remember the first time it happened, I was only eight and didn't understand what was happening, so I ended up waking up, screaming and hitting the guy she was with because I thought he was hurting her. She called me a worthless bitch and told me that I had ruined a good thing, because whoever it was left her right after that.

"When I got a little older, maybe eleven or twelve, I noticed we weren't moving around quite as much, which was nice. We were in Alabama, then... Renee even got a little apartment, and I had my own room. It was the size of a closet, but it was still mine.

"This whole time, mind you, I was having severe anxiety attacks, but I didn't know what they were at the time. I would just wake up with night sweats, and my chest would hurt. Renee would yell at me for talking in my sleep and waking her up. Even during the day, I lived in constant terror. I hated going to school and being around other kids. I never played with or talked to any of them, and they all thought that I thought I was too good for them. They called me names, like freak and bitch; you get the idea. I would come home crying and shaking almost every day. I was afraid to ride the bus, because they would always kick me out of the seat and make me stand or sit on the floor. I eventually started walking to school, even though it was two miles away. I don't think Renee even noticed.

"When I was thirteen, a man named James moved in with us. He took control of the apartment, and Renee always did whatever he said. She acted like June fucking Cleaver around him, but I think he was hitting her, and she was scared into submission. I was terrified of him. I didn't like the way he looked at me, and he was always touching me and making me kiss him hello and goodbye on the mouth, and I thought it was disgusting. He made me call him 'daddy.'"

Charlie made a sound that sounded a little like a cat being tortured, but I didn't chance a look at him, for fear I might start crying and not be able to continue with my story. The thought of calling anybody but Charlie 'daddy' was awful and something that still made me sick to remember.

"Then one night he took it too far. We were staying at a motel again, because they managed to get us evicted from the apartment. They were both drunk and trying to go at it, and Renee fell asleep. Then he crawled into my bed."

I heard a gagging noise from across the table and finally looked up to find Charlie with tears running down his face. His hand was clamped across his mouth like he was trying not to vomit. "Did he..." Charlie choked out, but couldn't finish his sentence.

"No," I assured him. "But he I think he was going to before he passed out. He..." I swallowed hard. I didn't want to say the next words. "He molested me, but he didn't rape me.

"He didn't touch me again after that, and I think Renee knew what happened from the way I was acting the next day." Turning to Edward, I explained, "That's what my dream was about last night." He gripped my hand tightly, and I could feel him shaking. "I have a lot of nightmares about that night.

"She didn't leave him right away, but after a couple of months, we were moving before I knew it, and she left James behind. We moved to Jacksonville next, and stayed a couple of years. I was fifteen when Renee met Phil Dwyer. He was a minor league baseball player and a really good guy. He was the only one of her boyfriends that ever gave me the time of day, in a good way, at least. We moved in with him after he and Renee were together for a couple of months, and I thought life couldn't get any better. I had a room... a real room with a closet and everything. He introduced me to some kids around his neighborhood that were really nice, and I even was able to open up to some of them and hang out.

"I still had panic attacks, but I guess the stability of living with Phil, and Renee being happy for once, made them easier to handle. Phil even got me into a therapy program, which is when I really got into writing. I got real treatment from real doctors and real medication, and I know he paid for it out of pocket, because Renee and I didn't have any insurance. It's not like he made a lot of money, being in the minor leagues, but to him, I was family, and he took a real interest in helping me.

"After about a year of living with him, Phil told me that he was going to propose to Renee, and I couldn't have been more ecstatic. I remember staying up all night the day he took her out to propose, waiting to see her come home and knowing that my wishes were coming true.

"Instead, Renee came home blitzed out of her mind, and screamed at me, 'Bella, pack your shit, we're leaving.' Phil even begged her to let me stay with him so I could stay in my therapy group, but Renee refused. Then we were moving again, and it was back to the same old shit. James would show up every now and then, no matter where we moved to, and Renee would stay with him for a month or two before leaving him again. The guy was relentless, he wouldn't leave us alone, and Renee was always falling into his trap.

"When I was nineteen, I finally decided that I couldn't take anymore. I had applied for some financial aid from the government for the school and won some writing awards. I never told Renee that I'd applied for anything. Between the aide, the scholarships, and the money I had saved over the last nineteen years from this and that, I was able to get into a university. Renee didn't support my decision to go to school, but I knew I had to leave, so I moved into the dorms, and my scholarships covered room and board.

"I only stayed a couple of weeks before I realized I couldn't do it on my own. My roommate was awful, and I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning to go to class because I was so afraid of the new environment. Renee was terrible to me, but she was all I ever knew for so long. She always told me that I would never make it without her, and I believed that she was right after that. I moved out of the dorms and back with her, but I still went to classes. I even did the accelerated program they offered. When I was completely engrossed in my schoolwork, it helped the little things seem easier, because I thought less of Renee and James and the way they treated me and my anxieties, because I had something to focus on all the time. I finished my four years in just under three, so by this time I was twenty-one. After I graduated, Renee wanted to move to Phoenix, so I followed her there.

"I never bothered to license myself as a teacher in Phoenix because I was too afraid to. I just spent the next couple of years working in a print shop and taking care of Renee. She was so drunk all the time, she barely noticed me. Then when I was twenty-two, James came back again.

"When he came to Phoenix, he was different. He didn't act like he was happy to have me around anymore. The first time I saw him, I was coming home from work. He grabbed my hair and hissed at me, 'You're still here? Isn't it about time you grew up, Isabella?' I was too scared to say anything, so I just stared at him blankly, and then he hit me. Renee saw it and didn't even bat an eye.

"I avoided the house when he was home after that, but after a couple of weeks, the incident happened."

Charlie nodded in understanding and disgust, while Edward looked confused. I remembered that he didn't know about James framing me and the institution, so I filled him in.

"I was there for over a year. Nobody would listen to me that I hadn't tried to kill myself. They kept me in a room by myself most of the day, and every now and then, they would bring pills but wouldn't tell me what they were. They just made me feel and act like a zombie, and I could never prove to them that I was well enough to get out of there, because I was just... drugged all the time.

"When they finally released me, Renee was there to pick me up and said that she'd left James again. We lived by ourselves for a while but stayed in Phoenix. A couple months before I came to Washington, she met another guy, but I never met him. I didn't even know what his name was. Renee told me that she was ashamed of me because I had been in the institution and was so crazy, she didn't want me to meet him. She never told me to leave, though, because I think she depended on me as much as I had depended on her. After a couple of months, I realized that I was essentially living on my own and doing okay, so I decided to try to leave on my own again, and here I am."

I took a deep breath then, terrified of the reaction I would receive from Edward and Charlie.

Looking at Charlie broke my heart. He was still a mess of tears, trying feverishly to wipe them away but they kept coming. "I'm sorry, Dad," I sobbed, my own tears finally starting to fall. "I didn't want to tell you all of this because I knew it would upset you."

"I should have tried harder," he whispered. "You never should have gone through any of that. If you were sick, I would have gotten you help. Oh, God, Bella, I'm so sorry."

"It's her. It's always been her. It's not your fault, Charlie."

Edward remained silent beside me, and I peered sideways at him, afraid to see his face. "If this is too much for you, I would understand if you leave," I said quietly, unable to look him in the eyes.

Suddenly Edward was on his feet, startling me. He was pacing. "I'm not leaving, Bella," he said firmly, while pacing. "I just... fuck!"

Hearing Edward curse just validated all my fears. I knew he wouldn't be able to handle what I had to tell him. After hearing my loud, heart-wrenching sob, he was on his knees in front of me. "I love you," he whispered. "I'm just so angry that somebody could do this to you. I'm not mad at you. I love you."

I nodded, but was crying too hard to say anything back. He wrapped me in his arms, but I didn't return his touch. Everything was suddenly too much. My mind was cloudy, and I felt like I might pass out at any moment.

As I continued to become an inconsolable mess, Charlie got to his feet and made for the door.

"Edward, can you stay with Bella for a while, at least until Emmett comes home?"

"Of course, why?" Edward asked, surprised.

"I'm going to the station to see what I can figure out about this James Fucker. Also going to do what needs to be done to keep Renee away from you."

I was not really sure how, but in all the drama and emotional turmoil of the morning, I had managed to forget that Renee said she was bringing James over. "Oh, oh, shit. Edward, you have to get me out of here! Renee said he was coming here. I don't want him to come here!"

"Okay, okay..." Edward soothed. "Let's go pack you a bag, you can stay with me today and spend the night, if you want, okay?"

I nodded into his chest. Charlie grabbed his keys. "I'll call you kids if I find anything out."

I didn't say a word on the way to Edward's house. We walked in the door to find Rosalie in the kitchen making breakfast, and I realized how early it still was. Emmett rolled in next, followed by a very tired looking Alice.

"Hey, Alice, you okay?" Edward asked, giving her a hug.

"Yeah, I just didn't sleep well. I was worried about Bella."

I wanted to assure her that I was okay, but really I wasn't. I was too tired for pretense. I flopped down at the kitchen table and rested my head on it. Rosalie sat beside me and stroked my hair gently, but it wasn't very comforting. I was simply numb.

I could hear Edward and Emmett talking to each other. Edward was trying to explain where Charlie was and what he was doing. I was anxious about it, and I felt helpless.

There was nothing we could do now but wait.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15- Regrets**

Emmett and Rosalie hung around Edward's house all day, even though they were supposed to have left to drive back to Seattle around lunchtime. I knew Emmett would never admit it, but he was worried about me.

The tension in the room was palpable. Only Edward knew the real gravity of the situation, but everyone else in the room knew that some serious shit had gone down the night before.

Finally, after a few hours of idle chatter and mind-numbing television, I excused myself. I was no longer willing to stare at the giant pink elephant in the room.

I could feel Edward behind me as I walked into his room. As much as I wanted to be alone and have time to process, I wanted him there, too. I would always want him.

He wordlessly lay at the head of the bed and held his arms out for me. I graciously crawled into them and laid my head on his chest.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, just sick of the tension... you know?"

"It was pretty stuffy in there," he agreed as he started running his fingers through my hair.

Desperate to put my mind in another place, I said, "So now you know all my skeletons. You have any you want to share?"

I could feel him tense under me, and I instantly regretted saying anything.

"We all have skeletons," he said simply.

"Will you tell me?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Tell me about your parents?"

Uncomfortable silence filled the room again. I tried again. I had just laid my soul bare to him hours before, and was a little upset that he was closing himself off. I was upset for him, mostly. I knew he had been through hell and very recently. I wanted him to let me in. I was simply terrified that if he kept too much inside, he would combust one day, the way I did.

"You don't talk about them much," I commented, trying to give him a gateway if he felt like talking.

Edward sighed. "It's painful to talk about. I wasn't the best son I could have been, and I have a lot of regrets," he admitted.

"What do you mean?" I pushed.

"Well, I guess I was used to being the only child for so long, I got a little spoiled. Alice was born when I was thirteen. I liked the idea of having a little sister at first, but then I realized pretty quickly that I wasn't the center of their world anymore, so I started acting out for attention."

"That's pretty normal for a teenager, I think," I said, urging him to continue.

"I got in a lot of trouble at school, and we fought all the time. Then I went to Seattle for college and stayed there. I didn't call them often - maybe once a month. The day of the fire, that was the first time I had been in Forks for over a year. I even missed Christmas that year.

"When I was in school, I dated a lot, but nothing ever serious, until I met Kate. We moved in with each other right after college. I was so wrapped up in Kate and my job that I never even bothered to visit."

I made a mental note to ask Edward about Kate later, but for now, I knew there were more important matters at hand.

"I was only in Forks that day because my mother, Esme, begged me to come. She said that she missed me, and that Carlisle, my dad, was really angry that I never came around. She wanted to fix things between us. Instead, when I came over, we got into a big fight about Kate. I was mad because they said they thought she was controlling me. They assumed that she was the reason I never came around. Even though things with Kate and I were starting to become strained by that time, I still felt like this... primal urge to defend her. I stormed out that night and went to Waylon's.

"I was in a bar, angry at my parents, and drinking away my sorrows while they burned to death."

"Oh, my God, Edward, I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around him. He didn't return the gesture. He was a statue on the bed, unmoving. His beautiful green eyes were glazed over, and there were tears forming in the corners. I gently brushed them away until his gaze met mine.

"I did love them both," he said. "I wish I would have just told them that before I stormed off. I wish I could just go back and change how things went. I just hope that maybe they can see me now, with Alice. I'm doing everything I can to make things right, as best as I can. I love Alice. There was never any question about that. There was no doubt that I would take her in a heartbeat if anything happened to my parents. I just hope they know I loved them."

"I'm sure they did," I said, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. He pulled me close to him, and we rocked each other for a few minutes.

"Thanks for listening," he murmured after a while.

"Of course. Thanks for letting me in. Edward, why haven't you talked about this before?"

"It just hurt to think about. Plus, you had so much going on, I didn't want to bother you with my problems. They just seem really insignificant compared to yours, especially after what you told me this morning."

"Edward, I've been really selfish," I admitted. "I was wrapped up so long in all my own issues, I never even bothered to ask how you were coping with all of this. I'm so sorry."

"You weren't selfish," he argued.

"But I was, and as much as you hate to hear me say this, I'm sorry. I should have asked. You carry yourself so confidently, though. It's easy to forget that you've just been through something so horrible. If you ever want to talk, you know I'm here, right?"

"I know," he said. "I have to keep it together, especially for Alice. Some days are harder than others."

"I'll always be here for you," I murmured in his ear. "What happened to Kate?" I asked curiously.

"Uhh, like I said, things were becoming strained. Then she didn't want to come to Forks with me, so we broke up before I moved."

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

"I'm not. I have everything I want right here," he said sweetly. He held me for a while after that, and I just let him be alone with his thoughts while he held on to me for dear life.

After a while, we figured that we needed to rejoin the group in the living room. When we walked hesitantly into the room, we were met with a very solemn crowd. Alice was laying on the floor doing homework, while Emmett and Rosalie were watching a football game on TV. Neither of them seemed even remotely interested, despite the fact that I noticed there was less than two minutes left in the fourth quarter of a tied Seahawks game. _I did this. I made them sad. This is my fault,_ I thought helplessly.

My phone rang. The caller ID said "Charlie," and I instantly felt sick, remembering what he was doing for me earlier today.

Noticing my hesitation, Edward plucked the phone from my hand and answered it for me. All I could catch was, "Uh huh, okay... that's good news. Yeah, I'll check with Bella, and we'll call you back in a few." Turning to me, he said, "Charlie said that James had a warrant for his arrest, and he's in jail waiting to be transferred out of here and back to Arizona. They weren't able to find Renee, but he said they had nothing concrete on her. He said the kidnapping charge was still there, but that they had to talk to the D.A. in Phoenix before they could do anything, because it was so long ago. Some question about at statute of limitations that isn't clear. Charlie doesn't know where she went. He wants to take us out tonight to dinner to talk about it more, but only if you're up for it."

Emmett was, of course, immediately on board for dinner and said loudly, "Let's go, I'm starving." I reluctantly agreed, knowing that I had caused enough pain and sadness for one day. I could handle one dinner, if it made my family and friends happy.

When we arrived at the diner, Charlie greeted us with a smile, but it quickly disappeared when he caught my vacant expression. I knew he was proud of himself for taking care of James, at least for the interim, but I couldn't fight the feeling of impending doom I felt almost all the time.

Edward never broke contact with me while we walked into the diner, even after we sat down. He clung tight to my hand as though he were afraid I would disappear.

I was only vaguely aware of my surroundings, the sounds of the diner a low and droning buzz in my ears. I kept my eyes fixated on my placemat, absorbed in my own thoughts.

Once we were all settled, Charlie explained the situation basically just as Edward summarized. James had a warrant out for his arrest, and that a couple of deputies were able to pick him up. Unfortunately, it was just a minor drug charge that either wouldn't stand up in court, or he wouldn't have to serve much time.

Renee, though there were no active warrants out for her arrest, had pulled her famous disappearing act. Nobody knew where she was, and I sincerely hoped she would stay away from me for a long, long time.

Alice's quiet squeal caused me to snap out of my funk, and my gaze met hers. "It's Jasper," she whispered, pointing covertly to a table a few over from ours. I looked up to see a young boy, with honey blonde curls floating below his ears, sitting across from a pretty, middle aged woman and... Dr. Whitlock? _That's awkward._ I flushed briefly in embarrassment to see the man, whose job it was to dissect the inner workings of my mind, outside the comfort and safety of his office. I didn't realize that he actually lived in Forks, and I certainly didn't realize that Jasper was his son.

Rosalie, overhearing Alice's excited whisper, leaned over the table and said quietly, "That's Jasper? He's cute. You should go say hi."

"I can't," Alice moaned.

"But you look so cute," Rosalie argued. "Come on, hottie, go get your man," she said with a wink. Edward glared at her, but Rosalie ignored him.

It was only then that I first took notice of Alice's appearance. She was wearing her hair just the way Rosalie showed her to. She was wearing a shorter skirt with calf high boots and a high-necked sleeveless blouse. She was showing more skin than she usually did without being inappropriate for her age. Best of all, she was wearing a smile that I so seldom saw on her. She seemed happy for the first time in a long time, her confidence boosted a little by the efforts of Rosalie.

"You think I should?" Alice asked me.

I smiled weakly at her and said, "Yeah, sweetie. You should go talk to him."

Alice didn't move for a couple of minutes, and I could practically see the wheels turning in her head. Finally, she came to a resolve and made her way over to Jasper's table. Her confidence was shocking. I realized I was staring at the "old Alice," the one I never knew.

I couldn't help but watch as she said a timid hello to Jasper, and I saw his eyes light up. He looked at her like she was the only girl in the world. I wondered why Alice never noticed that. Jasper looked at Alice like Edward looked at me.

_Edward..._ I thought, looking back at him. He seemed trapped by the same sadness that was holding me prisoner. It was my fault, I knew. Edward didn't deserve this. Not only did I unload all of my issues on him, but I turned around and asked him to discuss his demons, too. We were a sad pair at the moment, each waiting for the other to break.

So, when dinner was over, and Edward opened his passenger door for me to get in, I shook my head. "I'll catch a ride home with Charlie. I have some work to do before tomorrow." I wanted nothing more than to go home with Edward, but I couldn't fight the guilt that was eating me. I had made him feel bad today. I had made him talk about something he was clearly uncomfortable talking about, only hours after I had given him some very vivid, disturbing information about my own past.

Edward nodded sadly and met my lips with a light, chaste kiss. I didn't know if he was mad at me or if he was afraid to push me, but the lack of intimate contact hurt either way. I was afraid we were drifting apart before we even started.

~~ID~~

Having been exhausted by the emotional stress of the weekend, I found it very difficult to rouse myself from sleep Monday morning, but I did. I selected an outfit from my carefully arranged closet, showered, made a quick breakfast, and headed out the door. My mind was on autopilot as I forced myself to only focus on what I was doing and not anything else.

During homeroom, I noticed that Alice was wearing one of the outfits Rosalie helped her pick out that weekend. I think I actually saw her smile as she talked to one of the girls next to her. She still looked shy and nervous, but I was happy she was making an effort. I just hoped things would remain good for Alice now, and that she wouldn't sink back into a depression.

I imagined what Bree's reaction would be to Alice's new attitude. She was still suspended for three more days, but I heard some of her other teachers talking about her this morning. Apparently, her mother was so upset by the events that took place, that they are making her volunteer at Seattle Children's for the entirety of both her Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Specifically, they wanted her to spend some time on the trauma unit. My only hope was that she would learn some humility.

Halfway through my Honors class, I was interrupted by an office assistant knocking on my door. She told me that she was sent to watch my class while I went to see Mrs. Cope. I thought the worst immediately, and my breathing quickened. I had to force back the feeling of impending doom as I made my way down the hall like a person sentenced to death. _What had I done?_

I knew the principal never interrupted class unless it was very urgent, or if a teacher was in trouble for something. Neither scenario was good.

I was ushered into her office by another unsmiling office assistant whose name was Lauren. I couldn't help but notice her sneer at me in disgust. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew it wasn't good.

"Miss Swan," Mrs. Cope greeted me coldly.

I couldn't even bring myself to speak, and I stared at her, wondering what this was all about.

"Well, Miss Swan. I just got a visit from a very concerned parent."

_Kevin Crowley, _I thought. _Why can't he just leave me alone? _

"This parent," she continued, "is under the impression that you treat his son unfairly. I've taken the liberty of pulling up his grades. Are you familiar with this student?" she asked, throwing down an electronic printout of Tyler's grades.

"Of course," I replied, barely glancing at the paper. I was familiar with all of my students and how each was doing in my class.

"He's failing, Miss Swan. Why is that?"

"Because he doesn't put in the effort required," I responded timidly.

"And this zero?"

"Is because the work he submitted was plagiarized," I explained, my voice barely above a whisper. I was worried about what else Tyler's father had told her.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe it isn't the student's fault? Maybe you've been too demanding and put undue pressure on him?"

"I treat Tyler the same as all my other students," I said carefully.

"Do you treat Tyler the same way you treat Alice Cullen?" she sneered.

With a sharp intake of air, I sputtered, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Mr. Crowley saw you at the Forks Diner yesterday holding hands with Alice Cullen's brother. You were eating dinner with them."

"They're friends of the family," I explained. It wasn't exactly a lie. Charlie and Edward had known each other for a long time.

"Well, there is no rule that clearly says you can't be involved with a member of your student's family, but it's of course frowned upon. You don't want to give parents the wrong idea, do you?"

I remained silent.

"Miss Swan, what can you tell me about your past? About the events that brought you here to Forks? You did arrive rather suddenly after having been gone so long."

"I don't care to talk about it," I said, heart pounding. "I don't see how it's of any concern in this situation."

"The well-being of my students is always my concern. If one of my teachers is... mentally unfit, I need to be made aware."

"My past has nothing to do with my teaching now."

"Oh, but I think it does. And Mr. Crowley is very concerned."

I felt bile rising up in my throat. What was with this man that he had everybody in Forks at his beck and call?

"So what do you want me to do?" I asked.

"Well, for one thing, we can't have parents accusing you of favoritism, so you'll be trading the Honors class Ms. Cullen is in for Mr. Taylor's remedial sophomore class."

"That's not fair!" I exclaimed. "How could you do that to the students, change their teacher mid-semester?"

"I ask that you don't raise your voice in my office," she chided. "Secondly, you will be changing the zero on Tyler's paper and offering him a make-up."

Now I was furious. "Absolutely not," I said with conviction, though I was trembling inside.

"Miss Swan, you really are in no place to be telling me what you will or won't do, and we will be investigating your history. If we find anything out of sorts, you will be terminated. If you want to avoid the drama, I expect you to do what I say."

Yes, I was an employee, but I did have morals and I would not be a slave to the system. With what little ounce of courage I had left, I rose to my feet and made a quick decision.

"I quit."

After storming out of the office, once I reached the hallway, I realized the implications of my actions. _What have I done?_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16- Worthless**_

I started making my way to the parking lot when I realized my purse was still in the classroom.Irritated, I turned on my heels and rushed quickly back to the building. By now, first period had ended, and I was thankful Alice didn't have to see me so angry and frazzled. The office assistant was sitting behind the desk filing her nails, while my class - my _former class - _sat around goofing off loudly. I didn't think anyone really noticed me as I grabbed my purse from my desk. The assistant raised an eyebrow at me, but I ignored her and stormed out of the classroom, straight down the empty hall and into the parking lot.

Once in my truck, I took a deep breath and took stock of the situation.

What had I done? Charlie had been so proud of me when I got this job, and I threw it away. My heart told me that I did the right thing by standing with my morals, but I was still so afraid that it wouldn't be enough of a reason for Charlie.

I felt empty, useless. Just like Renee always said. _Worthless. _While staying with Charlie, I had at least contributed to bills and groceries, but soon, I would have nothing to give. I would just end up being a burden to him, a freeloader, like I was when I first got here. Bile rose up as I imagined the disappointed look in his eyes, and in the back of my mind, I kept hearing Renee's voice in my head. _Worthless._

And then there was Edward - my brave Edward who gave up his entire life to come to Forks and take care of his little sister. A college educated man who was barely scraping by as a bartender, and living paycheck to paycheck, all so his sister didn't have to change schools. And what did I do? I left a steady job with steady income, for what? Again, it all came down to my morals. As I took stock of the situation, my morals seemed to become less important. I groaned loudly; I was literally at war with my own mind.

My mind drifted back to the chaste kiss Edward had given me the night before and the dead look in his eyes. I still didn't know what to think about that. In fact, I had stayed up most of the night pondering just what had happened. Yesterday, I disappointed him. I feared my irresponsible actions today would be the nail in the coffin for our relationship.

_Over before it even began..._

I couldn't face them. Not now, and maybe not ever. I did the only thing I could think of to do at the moment. I turned the key, and I just started driving. I wasn't sure where I was headed, but I needed to get away from the school.

I didn't remember how exactly I ended up outside of Waylon's Pub. I must have been driving aimlessly for some time, because it was already nearing the start of Edward's shift. I got there just in time to see Edward get out of his car and walk toward the door with his hands deep in his pockets, eyes trained on the ground.

He looked like a man who had been beaten down. If it wasn't my fault already, I certainly wasn't going to make it any worse. True to my previous declaration, I simply couldn't face him. I couldn't stand to see any more disappointment in his eyes. So, like the coward I was, instead of getting out of the car and facing him, I turned around and drove away.

I headed out towards the freeway. I didn't have a particular destination in mind; I just needed to clear my head.

I drove and drove, my heart pounding painfully and my hands shaking. I was drifting back and forth between horrifying images of my past and the brief time when I'd felt like things could be okay, even good, for me.

But things would never be okay for me. I was a fool to think I could have made a new life. I was a fool to think I could have a father, a brother, a boyfriend. I was what I was. Renee had told me so over and over that I would never amount to anything.

And now, everyone in Forks would know my darkest secret - that I had been in a mental institution, because somehow, the idea that I was clinically insane was not so farfetched to the judge that committed me. I wasn't even fit for society.

_Worthless._

I tried to focus on breathing in and out, but it didn't work. I rolled down the windows and tried to let the cool air calm me, but it was no use. I only managed to succeed in soaking my entire left side with the driving rain pouring in the windows. The pain in my chest intensified to the point that it was unbearable. I knew then that something was seriously wrong. When the pain became overwhelming, I managed to pull the truck to the side of the road. I stumbled out, emptying the contents of my stomach on the ground as I did so. My heart was beating impossibly fast, and the world around me started to spin.

I felt like I was going to die at that moment; there was only so much my heart could take. Blackness started to creep in on me, and I knew from past experience that it was only a matter of time before it overtook me. But this time, I feared that I might never come back from it.

I made one last attempt in vain to grab my cell phone to call for help, but it was too late.

~~ID~~

I awoke to flashing red and blue lights in my periphery. It took me a few moments to remember where I was. I tried to sit up but stopped when a sudden pain ripped through my head. I had no idea what had happened. My clothes were wet, heavy, and caked with mud. My hair was a tangled mat on top of my head. I reached up to touch the throbbing spot on my head, and when I retracted my hand, it was covered in bright red blood. _Where was I?_

Then I remembered. My job. Driving. The feeling of impending doom, the feeling like I was going to die. It all came crashing back to me, and I gasped. I reasoned that I must have passed out, but I didn't know how long ago.

I looked up to see a young looking officer in a brown uniform climbing from his patrol car. "Are you okay, Miss?"

Before I could answer him, I heard another siren in the distance, and saw another cruiser barreling down the highway toward us. The car had just barely come to a complete stop before I saw Charlie rushing from it.

"Bella!" he called out in a panic. I managed to sit up this time, so I could look at him. "Jesus, honey, what happened to you? I heard on the radio that there was a red truck on the side of the highway and a woman laying next to it, and I was so scared..."

I wanted to tell him I was okay, but I found it hard to form words. I couldn't focus on anything but the blinding pain in my head.

"An ambulance is on the way, sweetie."

I reached up and grabbed his hand and squeezed as hard as I could. I wanted to let him know that I was okay. I didn't want an ambulance. Ambulances meant hospitals and hospitals meant...

"No ambulance," I managed, wincing from the pain. "I'm okay." My voice was barely a whisper.

"Honey, you're laying on the side of the road, and your head is bleeding. You're not okay. What happened?"

I tried again to sit up and this time succeeded. "I was just driving and I felt sick, so I pulled over, and I guess I passed out," I said, looking down at the ground. I hated omitting truths from him, but I didn't want to worry him any more than he already was.

"Bella, I don't understand. Why did you pass out? What happened?"

I bit my lower lip nervously. "I had a panic attack. I've had them before. I don't usually pass out, but sometimes I do."

"Did something trigger it?"

I was saved from answering that by more sirens approaching. I looked up at Charlie, my eyes silently begging him. "I'll go to the hospital if it will make you feel better, but please don't make me ride in that thing."

"Bella, it would make your old man very happy if you just get in the damn thing, and I'll follow you, okay?"

"Okay," I relented and rose to my feet carefully. I only took a step before the earth started to spin underneath me. Fortunately, Charlie caught me under both arms before I fell. He guided me to the ground and instructed me to stay, while the paramedics brought out a stretcher, much to my dismay.

"Bella, please, you could have a head injury; let them do their job."

I relented and allowed them to lift me to the stretcher, but adamantly refused when they brought out the neck brace. "My neck is fine!" I insisted, turning it side to side. The motion caused me to wince from the throbbing pain in my head. They quickly put the brace around my neck, and I felt like I was suffocating. Suddenly, the belts of the stretcher were buckled tightly, and I realized I couldn't move my arms.

I felt alone and trapped. The two men that had loaded me into the ambulance were by no means of small stature. With my head taped to the stretcher, I couldn't see what either was doing, but I could feel one of them breathing next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"I'm just going to start an IV. It's protocol, just relax," his voice was kind and soothing, but it didn't calm me at all.

"No, please. Just please don't touch me. Just take me to the hospital, and I'll be okay... please."

Misunderstanding my trepidation, he grabbed my hand firmly and told me, "Just relax; it will only hurt for a second."

Tears began to flow steadily down my face. I was belted onto the uncomfortable gurney, and there was no escape. Knowing that there was nothing I could do now, I closed my eyes tightly and willed myself to relax, but it was no use.

Violent tremors began to rack through my body as he tried unsuccessfully to stick my hand not once, but twice, before giving up and backing away.

"I can't breathe!" I gasped, trying to grab the buckles, but my hands were restrained underneath them. My heart pounded uncontrollably, and I was gasping for air. I started to retch again, but nothing came out, as my stomach was surely empty by now.

"What the hell is going on back there?" I heard the other driver ask.

"I don't know; she's just freaking out," he said as he applied an oxygen mask to my face. I tried to take some deep breaths into it to calm myself.

"We're almost there, hang on."

It felt like hours before the ambulance finally stopped, and the doors opened. My pleas to be released from my restraints were muffled underneath the oxygen mask as they wheeled me into the hospital.

They immediately wheeled me into another room. With my head taped to the backboard, the only thing I could see was an impossibly bright exam light over my head, which caused me to wince. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to focus on the voices around me. There were people, too many people, hovering around me, touching and probing me. Someone was shouting out orders to the others, but I didn't understand most of what he said. I wished they wouldn't make such a fuss. I had only hit my head, after all.

I relaxed minutely when the belts were released, and I was pulled over to a hospital stretcher. As soon as my hands were free, I grasped the mask on my face and pulled it off forcefully and was able to say, "Please," but they had no idea what I was begging for.

The commotion continued around me, and I was able to turn my head in time to see a nurse preparing a syringe. I was wary as to what was inside.

"What's in it?" I managed, looking at her directly, eyes silently pleading. Her image was blurry through my tears.

She was kind enough to tell me. "It's just some Ativan, dear, to help you relax. Your heart rate is really high, and we need to calm it down."

I breathed a sigh of relief now that I knew what she was doing. I hated not knowing. I closed my eyes tightly, and a few minutes later, the sounds of the people around me started to fade, and for a little while, I was able to fall asleep, but it wasn't restful.

"_Isabella, you have a visitor," a voice said from my doorway._

_I shut my eyes tight and tried to clear my head. They had given me three pills about an hour ago, and they didn't tell me what they were for. I had stopped asking weeks ago. I hated feeling like this._

_"Visitor?" I asked. "Who is it?"_

_"Your mother and father," said the voice._

_"No, I don't have a father. It's a lie..."_

_"Isabella, the doctor said that seeing your family will help with your recovery. You need to come with me now."_

_I tried to pinpoint her voice in the room, but I was suddenly very dizzy as I tried to stand. "No, stop, you're not listening."_

_"Enough with this, you need to come with me now. It's not an option."_

_"No, no, it's him; he's the one who hurt me." The room started spinning, and I clutched at the mattress and tried to focus on a stain on the wall to stop it from spinning. Suddenly, I felt hands on me. I didn't care whose hands they were - I needed them off me. I tried to push them away but couldn't make contact. "Don't touch me!" I yelled, and was startled by the volume of my own voice. The haze, the fog around me, was almost tangible. I tried desperately to push it away. "You don't understand." The hands were on me again. I tried to push them off again, and this time succeeded. "Get off of me!" I was yelling now, screaming even for somebody to help me. I didn't want to see him. I didn't know who this was, and I wanted the hands to go away. I wanted to get the hell out of this place._

_"I need help in here!" I heard the voice call, and then there was a man in my room. He was holding me down. My hands were tied down, and he held my feet. Not this again. _

_My pleas were futile as the restraints were tightened, and I saw the glint of the needle on the edge of a syringe. "This will make you feel better." I was so scared of being restrained that I vomited. The man turned my head, but I could still feel the sticky mess caking my chin and running down the front of my hospital gown. I needed to wipe my face, but my hands were bound painfully tight._

_"Please," I coughed. "Please, you can't treat me like this," I begged._

_That was the last thing I remembered before I felt the sting of a needle in my thigh, sending me to another place._

I awoke with a start, and the first thing I realized was that it was finally quiet. My eyes darted around the room, and I realized I was in a hospital room. I hated hospitals, and as I relived the nightmare I'd just had, I remembered all the reasons why.

"You're awake," I heard from my left and then the sound of a chair creaking. The velvet voice that spoke the words ran through me, instantly calming me.

"Edward?" I choked out, turning my head to the sound of the voice. He squeezed my hand gently.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Foggy," I admitted. I tried to shake my head to clear the haze.

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked gently.

"Most of it," I said. "How long have I been out?"

"Just a couple of hours. They took you to CAT scan while you were sleeping. You have a concussion, but they said you'd be okay. Charlie said there was an emergency at the station, so he had to leave when I got here."

My hand traveled to where the dull ache in my head was. I felt something rough and foreign and retracted my hand.

"Easy," he said gently, grasping my hand. "You have four stitches there. You must have hit a rock or something when you fell. Your dad said you told him it was a panic attack?"

I nodded. "I guess I passed out."

"You did, baby. You scared the shit out of me," he said sadly, stroking my cheek. His eyes seemed to grow dark as he said, "When Charlie called... I thought I lost you, too..."

"I'll be okay," I assured him, my voice hoarse. I coughed a little, and Edward immediately handed me some water. After I took a few long drinks, I continued. "I guess the last couple of days have been a lot for my mind to handle, but I'll be okay." I needed to reassure him. I'd put him through enough the past few days.

"The doctor said you're going to be okay, and I could take you home as soon as you woke up. Do you want to leave now?"

"God, yes," I moaned. "I hate hospitals."

"I know, sweetie," he said kindly. "I'll call the nurse, and we'll get you out of here."

As Edward tried to arrange my discharge, I thought back to the events of the morning. I would still need to tell Charlie and Edward about what happened, but I wasn't as panicked this time.

I knew that they both loved me, and we could get through this together. I was ashamed of the way my mind reacted this morning, but I couldn't control it. I knew it was part of my illness, but I needed to get better.

Because this - my family and friends - that was all that mattered. Together, we would get through it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17- Explanations**

Edward helped me out of the car when we arrived at Charlie's house. I ended up having to leave the hospital in a pair of scrubs, because much to my horror, I found out that they had to cut my wet clothes off of me in the Emergency Room. I was glad that I was sleeping through that, thanks to the magic of modern medicine.

I insisted on walking on my own, even though Edward wanted to carry me inside. I was still a little unsteady on my feet due to a combination of the medication they had given me at the hospital and the concussion.

We went slowly as he helped me up the stairs, but I was able to manage mostly by myself. I sat on the edge of my bed while Edward rummaged around in my drawers for a change of clothes for me. The nurses had cleaned me up the best they could, but my hair was still a mat of dirt and dried blood, and I felt grimy all over. I desperately wanted a shower and told Edward as much.

"Are you sure, baby? You're still kind of unsteady; I'm afraid you'll fall if you try to get in the shower. Maybe you should rest first?"

"I can't rest," I groaned. "I feel disgusting."

Edward frowned at me and asked almost timidly, "Let me help you then?"

I paused. Him helping me in the shower would definitely be the most intimate thing we had ever done together, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. However, my desperate need to get clean outweighed my anxiety, and I said in a quiet voice, "Okay."

He helped me stand and walk to the bathroom. Noticing my hesitation, he said, "Here, I have an idea." He sat me on the edge of the tub and grabbed the shower nozzle. When the water was the right temperature, he said, "I'm going to wash your hair, but you should probably take your shirt off." He handed me a towel and turned around while I pulled the scrub top off. I covered myself, and he started to wash my hair.

His touch was gentle and loving as his long fingers worked through the mess. He was patient and caring as he made sure that every tangle was free and every speck of dirt and blood was washed from my hair. Then he dampened a washcloth and rubbed it carefully over my face, neck, and arms. He rinsed it and handed it to me, turning away while I washed the rest. I managed to remove the scrub pants without falling, much to my relief. When my makeshift bath was finished, I felt infinitely better. I wrapped the towel tightly around myself, and Edward helped me stand and walk back to the bedroom where I dressed into a pair of pajamas.

"What time is it?" I murmured as I lay back onto my soft bed.

"Almost nine," he answered, tucking my sheet around me. "We were at the hospital for a while. Are you hungry?"

I shook my head no. I was too tired now to eat, and my stomach was still in knots.

"Charlie said he would be home late, so I told him I'd stay here with you," he said.

"Good," I murmured, sleep rapidly starting to overtake me. "I don't want to be alone."

"You'll never be alone," he murmured as he crawled in the bed behind me. I relaxed and fell asleep, feeling ever relaxed in his arms.

~~ID~~

When Edward and I woke up the next morning, Charlie was already in the kitchen, frying some eggs for breakfast.

"How you feeling, sweetie?" he asked as I walked into the kitchen.

"Better, thanks," I answered. I sat down at the table, and Edward went to help Charlie finish cooking. When they were done, they set the food on the table, and Edward sat next to me.

After thanking Charlie for the food, Edward put his arm around me and squeezed gently, before kissing my cheek. They ate in silence, but my portion remained untouched.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Charlie asked with concern.

I had to think about it. I remembered eating on my date with Edward, but that felt so long ago. "Saturday night, I guess. I don't think I ate much at the diner on Sunday." I knew that I should be hungry, but I felt sick.

"You need to eat," Charlie said firmly.

"Later," I argued. "I feel like I'm going to throw up."

Edward rubbed small circles in my back gently. It helped a little, but I still couldn't brave eating.

"What happened yesterday, Bella?" Charlie asked. He was using his "dad" voice, and I knew I wasn't getting out of an explanation. Charlie had witnessed my panic attacks before, but he never saw me pass out from one. I understood why he was so concerned.

"Kevin Crowley," I explained, and Charlie hissed under his breath.

"Huh?" Edward asked, and I remembered I still hadn't told him about the situation.

"The day we met, right before you came in, Kevin Crowley was there." Edward nodded to indicate he was familiar with him. "Well, he kind of threatened me. I had given his son a bad grade on a paper, and he demanded I change it. When I didn't, he threatened to tell the administration about what happened in Phoenix. I'm pretty sure he knows everything about the institution and maybe even the rest. I know that there was nothing I did that was illegal or wrong, but I still didn't want everyone to know. Anyway, I didn't change the grade, and I didn't hear anything from him for a couple of weeks.

"Then yesterday, I was pulled out of my first period class, and the principal told me that I had to change the grade. They accused me of favoritism. They said that Mr. Crowley complained he saw us at the diner holding hands and that I treated Alice better than I treated Tyler. That is completely ridiculous by the way, because they're not even in the same class. Alice is in Honors.

"So, then they told me they were taking my Honors class away. They said I couldn't have Alice in my class if I was seeing you. I told her that I thought it wouldn't be fair to the students to change the teacher in the middle of the semester, but she didn't care. Worst of all, they demanded that I either change Tyler's grades, or they would have someone else do it. So, I quit."

"Why didn't you come talk to one of us if you were so upset? Why were you out driving around alone?" Charlie pressed.

"Because I thought you would both be disappointed in me," I explained sadly. "I just went driving to clear my head, but the more I thought about everything, the more the panic started to build until it was too late. Charlie, you were so proud of me when I got that job, and I thought you would think I was giving up a good thing for no reason. I don't want to be a burden to you. And Edward, you're already having problems with money, and I didn't want you to think I was ungrateful by throwing away a good paycheck. Everything came crashing down on me at once, first Renee and James, and then this. I just lost it. I wasn't myself anymore."

Edward brushed away the steady stream of tears that were starting to fall down my face. Gently cupping my chin, he looked me in the eyes. "I could never, ever be disappointed in you. In fact, I'm so proud of you for standing up for what you believe in and not letting them bully you."

I was both shocked and humbled by his words.

Charlie said, "I'm going to call the Superintendent's office today and see about getting you your job back."

"No!" I exclaimed. "Please! A lot of people saw me storming away from there; I can't go back. It's too embarrassing. I don't want to get anybody in trouble, either. I just want it to go away."

"Bella, you can't just let something like this go! What they did was wrong, and I'm not going to let you hide behind it without a fight! Not anymore! You're better than that!" Charlie was raising his voice, and I began to tremble.

Noting my distress, Edward wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Shit," I heard Charlie mumble under his breath. "Bella, I didn't mean to yell. I wasn't yelling at you, never you. It's them I'm mad at."

I nodded into Edward's chest. "It's okay," I said. "I just want to forget about it. I don't want to make a big deal about it."

"Bella, it's obviously a big deal if it caused you to have a panic attack like you did."

"Please, just let it go for now," I begged. "Please?"

"Not this time, Bella," he said firmly. "Are you going to report the principal to the superintendent?"

"No," I answered firmly.

"Well, I'll go on the record as thinking you should. Edward?"

"I agree," Edward said quietly. I frowned, feeling as if they were ganging up against me. "But nobody will ever force you into anything ever again. You understand that, right?"

I nodded. "It's pointless anyway. I don't want that job back. I can't go back there."

"Then what would you like to do?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I don't have a lot of options here that don't force me to deal with a lot of people. I don't know what to do. You see how long I lasted at the school - less than two months. I just can't deal with it."

"Okay," Charlie said soothingly, noticing my building distress. "We'll think about it. We'll find something to make you happy. What about Kevin Crowley?"

"What about him?" I asked, confused.

"Don't you think something needs to be done? He threatened you and cost you your job."

"No, I quit my job. I told the school that the paper was plagiarized, and they still wanted me to change the grade. He didn't tell them anything that wasn't true, except that he thought I favored other students. Everything that he told them about Phoenix was true. Everything he said about Edward and me was true. That jerk apparently has a lot of connections, and I've come to understand that in the real world, people like that always win, so I'm not going to fight it anymore. It's pointless." As strong as my morals were when I made the rash decision to quit my job, they seemed to dissipate as soon as the idea of a confrontation developed. I wanted to be strong, and I wanted to fight this, but I simply couldn't handle it. Even thinking about it and talking about it was making my heart race.

Charlie opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it quickly. He knew as well as I did that there was nothing we could do about Kevin Crowley, or at least, not now. There was an uncomfortable silence as I stared at my untouched plate.

Charlie and Edward continued to eat slowly. They both stared at me intently, as if they were waiting for me to break. I feared that it wouldn't be long before I did.

~~ID~~

The next two weeks were a frustrating mess of job hunting and constantly trying to convince Charlie and Edward that I felt fine, and that I wouldn't break down again. They both walked on eggshells around me, and I tried very hard to plaster a fake smile on my face. Only I knew that on the inside, I was breaking down. Or so I thought.

One night, Edward called me out on my behavior. I was curled up on his couch with my head on his lap as he stroked my hair. The television was on, but neither of us was paying attention to it. He was focused on me, and I was lost in my own thoughts.

"You're not eating," he commented. "You're not sleeping well. You walk around all the time with a fake smile and pretend that everything's okay when I know that it's not. Please talk to me."

"What is there to say?" I asked, jerking into an upright position. I was already frustrated at where this conversation was headed.

"I just want to know what's going on in your head."

I sighed and decided there was no point in hiding it anymore. "I'm anxious about getting a job," I admitted. "It's not going well. Anything I'm qualified for, I'm just too scared to even go in for an interview. It's too much. I'm just... I'm exhausted. I feel so tired all the time, and I'm under so much stress, and I can't help the way I feel all the time. I feel like I'm going to fall apart any minute!"

That was it. The dam had broken; my careful composure crumbled.

Edward put his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. "Just promise me that you'll take care of yourself. I'll help you any way I can, but you can't get better if you don't take care of yourself. I'm so scared for you." The last words he said were a whisper and held so much meaning. I didn't need him feeling this way. I was scared enough for myself without having him worrying, too.

I nodded into his chest, and he held me tighter. "I'll try," I promised.

With that, he carefully positioned me in front of him and wrapped an arm around my waist. We continued to watch the movie in silence.

Later that night as I was getting ready to leave, I noticed Edward run his hand through his hair nervously.

"Something wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"No. I just need to ask you something, and I don't know how you'll react."

Instantly fearful, I asked, "So, what is it?"

"Well, Jasper's mother found out that he and Alice were 'going out,' or whatever you call it at that age. So she told Alice that she wanted to meet her parents. Alice was having a bad day already, so when Mrs. Whitlock said that, it set Alice off, and she started to cry. Jasper walked her home, and then told his mother why Alice was so upset. Apparently, she had heard about the fire, but she didn't realize that it was Alice that was in it or her parents that..." he trailed off, uncomfortable.

"Is Alice okay now?"

"Yeah, like I said, she was already having a bad day and that set her over the edge. But Mrs. Whitlock called me this morning in hysterics, worried about Alice. She said she was sorry about upsetting her and wanted to make it up to both of us by cooking us dinner tomorrow night. I told her that it was just a misunderstanding and not necessary, but she insisted, citing her southern manners."

Edward was fidgeting nervously, and I couldn't help but wonder when the bomb was going to drop. He told me he was nervous about asking me something. I decided to cut right to the chase.

"So, what did you want to ask me?"

"Well, she kind of wanted to meet you, too. Alice talks about you all the time, so she asked that I invite you to dinner."

My mouth formed a little "O." "You do realize that Jasper's father is my psychiatrist, right?"

"Yes..."

"And you do realize how incredibly awkward that would be for me, right?"

"Yes..."

I groaned in frustration. "I can't, Edward... it's too weird."

"You know that he won't say anything about it over dinner. He'll be professional. You have nothing to worry about."

"He can't just turn off being a doctor. He's going to psychoanalyze everything I say!"

"So?"

Entirely frustrated, I said, "He'll probably be analyzing you, too. Doesn't that bother you?"

"Not really, no," Edward said, shrugging. "Look, I'm sorry I asked. I really wish you would come, but I understand if you can't."

I could tell that Edward was trying very hard to hide the disappointment in his eyes, and I realized that I was being selfish again. Relationships were about give and take, and I knew that if he could put up with me and my issues, I could do this one thing for him.

Fighting my nerves, I said, "Okay, I'll go."

Edward's answering smile was dazzling, and I knew then that I made the right decision Now I just had to make it through one dinner. A dinner with my psychiatrist. And his family.

Edward was going to owe me big for that one.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18- Introductions

The following Sunday, Edward, Alice, and I were headed over to the Whitlock's for dinner. Alice looked more nervous than I was, so I asked her what was wrong.

"Nothing, just nervous about you guys meeting Jasper and his parents."

"Why?" I asked with a frown.

"I'm just worried that you guys won't like them, or that they won't like you. I don't want anybody to say that Jasper and I can't like, go out anymore. I really like him, Bella, and I want you guys to like him too."

I couldn't help but notice that Alice spoke of Edward and me as a pair. Really, I knew my opinion of Jasper and his parents didn't matter, but Edward's did. Alice held value in both our opinions, though. It was almost as if we were a family. I liked the idea of that becoming a real possibility one day.

We pulled up to the long drive leading to the Whitlock's house. It was actually in the same neighborhood that Edward's parents house used to be, and I noticed that he purposely avoided driving by the site of the burned down house, purposely driving in the back way. I wasn't sure if he did that for his own benefit or for Alice's, but I didn't bring it up.

Edward held my hand as we walked to the door, while Alice bounced in front of us. She rang the doorbell, and a lady who I assumed was Mrs. Whitlock answered the door and greeted Alice with a hug.

"This is my brother Edward, and his girlfriend Bella," Alice announced proudly.

"Come in, come in," the woman said. She looked very homely, wearing a housedress and apron. I couldn't help but wonder if I had traveled back to the 1950s.

We walked inside, and I went to shake her hand, but she enveloped me into a hug. I forced a polite smile, inwardly annoyed that some people thought it was okay to hug random strangers. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Whitlock," I said, taking a small step back from her, and putting a little distance between us.

"None of that nonsense," she chided. "Call me Darcy." She gave Edward a hug as well. "Let's go to the dining room, dinner's almost ready. Alice, why don't you go up and get Jasper?"

Alice ran up the stairs, leaving us alone with Darcy. We followed her silently into the dining room, where the sweet aroma of home southern cooking filled our senses. It was a lovely, comforting scent. The dining room was absolutely beautiful, with a heavy oak table and matching chairs. A fireplace was lit in one corner, bathing the room in a soft light, and I noticed a small, well-stocked bar nestled in the other corner.

I immediately offered to help her in the kitchen, but she declined, insisting that we sit and have a drink. Dr. Whitlock entered then, and I tensed, unsure of how to greet him. "Oh, this is my husband Tom!" she said happily, as she carried a covered tray into the dining room.

"Hello," I said politely, not indicating that we had ever met before. He didn't say anything, so neither did I. Tom offered us a both drink from the bar. I declined of course, but Edward accepted a glass of whiskey, and I snickered at him when he made a face on his first sip.

When Alice and Jasper came back down, Darcy announced that it was time to eat. I fidgeted nervously, not sure what the protocol was in the house. Darcy didn't help matters by saying, "Bella, why don't you say Grace?"

My eyes widened and my breath hitched at the suggestion. I had never been exposed to religion as a child, and was at a complete loss as to what to do or say. Dr. Whitlock came to my rescue by saying, "I think I'll do it, dear. I don't want to put our guest on the spot."

I thanked Dr. Whitlock silently with my eyes as he began a prayer. I kept my head bowed politely until I heard him say "Amen," then looked up.

Everyone helped themselves to generous portions from the vast array of food that was laid out, but I hesitated. I didn't want them to think that I wasn't hungry, or that I didn't appreciate the trouble she went to making all of the food, but I knew I couldn't eat very much without making myself sick. I decided to stick with small portions, not wanting to leave any food left over. Nobody seemed to notice that I didn't take much, and I was relieved. Before I even finished filling my plate, I was thoroughly annoyed with myself for obsessing over something as simple as dinner.

"So, Bella, Edward, what do you two do for a living?" Darcy asked.

Edward took a deep breath, and Dr. Whitlock took a nervous sip of his drink. Being familiar with my situation, he appeared as uncomfortable as I felt. At least I wasn't alone in that.

Edward answered for me. "I tend bar at Waylon's Pub, and Bella is between jobs at the moment," he said, almost curtly. I knew that Darcy was trying to be friendly, but the woman seemed to have a knack for hitting sensitive subjects without meaning do.

"So, Jasper, what's your favorite subject in school?" I asked, attempting to save Edward from any more explanation. I realized that the kids had been mostly silent, and this dinner was about them and not our personal lives. I wanted to keep it that way.

Japser's eyes lit up when he said, "History ma'am, especially American. We're studying the Civil War right now, which is my favorite." He had a slight, but charming, southern accent. It was less pronounced than his mothers, but it suited him just right.

I smiled gently at his manners. "That's wonderful, Jasper, but you really don't have to call me ma'am."

"I know," he said. "It's just a habit, especially because you were a teacher at my school and all."

I inadvertently dropped my fork then, and the clang it made on the plate was deafening against the silence of the table.

Only Darcy didn't notice the tension at the table. "Goodness, you were a teacher and now you're between jobs? It's only October. What on earth happened? Why don't you still teach?"

"Darcy, enough," Dr. Whitlock said. "She may not want to talk about it."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Always the psychiatrist, thinking he always knows what people do and do not want to talk about."

The meal was going from bad to worse. Darcy certainly seemed like a nice lady, but she had no filter, and certainly didn't seem to understand when to stop talking. I stayed silent for the rest of the meal, only murmuring a "yes" or "uh-huh" when appropriate. Edward was also silently stewing, which didn't help me relax at all. He was usually my calming force, and he looked like he was going to snap at any minute.

_Most. Uncomfortable. Dinner. Ever._

When it was time to leave, I was more than thrilled. Jasper and his father were nice enough, and so was Darcy, but she was too much for me. After we gave obligatory hugs (which I still didn't see the necessity for) and handshakes, I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the door shut. Alice decided to stay for a while, so we told her we'd see her later, not wanting to stick around any longer than we had to.

When we were a little down the drive, I heard footsteps behind us and turned around. Dr. Whitlock was hurrying down the drive.

"Edward, Bella, I just wanted to apologize for my wife's behavior. She's from another culture, practically another time. Sometimes when she's trying to be friendly, she crosses the line. I assure you that she meant no disrespect or to make either of you uncomfortable. I know the situation was awkward enough."

I thanked him for the apology and told him that it was okay, even though I wanted nothing more than to get out of there.

As we drove home, I noticed Edward clenching the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, placing my hand just above his knee.

"No," he said. "I'm not. I'm sorry. You told me that this was a bad idea. I could tell how awkward things were between you and Dr. Whitlock, and Darcy just kept making things worse by not knowing when to shut up. You told me it would be uncomfortable and that you didn't want to go, and I pushed you anyway. I'm so sorry."

I squeezed his knee gently. I wished I could look him directly in the eyes, but he was still driving. "Hey, it's okay. You didn't push me. It meant a lot to you, and I wanted to come to support you. It's not your fault things turned out the way they did."

"I should have listened to you," he argued.

"What's done is done. I don't want to keep dwelling on it. Let's just move on, okay?"

He nodded and kept his eyes fixed on the road. By the time we reached his house, where my truck was parked, he seemed to have relaxed a little. He wrapped his arms around me as soon as we were out of his car and murmured, "Come inside? Stay with me for a while?"

I answered him with a soft kiss, and we went inside.

Edward and I decided to decompress later by watching a movie. Edward popped in the first DVD he saw and we lay on the couch in silence together, content to just be.

We spent the next couple of hours snuggled on the couch. The TV was still on but we still weren't watching. We were too wrapped up in each other. There was no place else I would have rather been at the moment. I ended up falling asleep right there on the couch, wrapped up in Edward's arms.

The sound of my phone ringing in the morning woke me up. Edward must have fallen asleep when I did, because I had to disentangle myself from him in order to get to my phone. I was shocked when my caller ID flashed "Rosalie". I hesitated before I picked it up. _What could she possibly want?_ I took a deep breath and hit send.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Bella!" Rose shrieked loudly, causing me to rip the phone from my ear. "I've got great news!"

"Oh?" I asked hesitantly, holding the phone a couple of inches from my head. Edward sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"I think I got you a job!" Now I was interested.

"Really?"

"Yeah, my dad is the CEO of a publishing firm in Seattle, and I told him about you," Rose started, but I cut her off.

"Rose, I can't go to Seattle!" I said, and I saw Edward's eyes grow wide in panic.

"Just hear me out! Apparently, one of their editors just quit and they're inundated with articles and manuscripts and they need an editor ASAP. You can work from home. They'll send you the stuff and you edit it. It's full time with benefits."

I was intrigued. "Work from home?" Edward relaxed a little, got up and walked towards Alice's room, presumably to make sure she had gotten in okay the night before.

"Yeah, you just need to get together a portfolio and send it to him by next week. He'll read it, and then he'll call you for an interview. The portfolio is just to prove that you know about grammar and writing and editing and whatever it is you English Majors do so well."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Excellent, I will email you the address and information right now. Oh, and your brother says hi."

"Tell him 'hi' back. And Rosalie, thanks."

I hung up as Edward was walking back into the room. "Seattle?" he asked with a frown.

"No, no, no. It's a work from home deal, like I said. But I have to get a portfolio together. Oh my god, I have so much to do!"

"Can I help?" he asked eagerly.

I was nervous suddenly. "I don't know if I want you to read some of the stuff I wrote," I admitted, my eyes downcast.

"So it's okay for a complete stranger, but not for me?" He looked understandably hurt.

"No. I mean… well yes. If a complete stranger judges me, I'll be upset. But if you judge me, I won't be able to handle it. Your opinions mean too much to me."

"Why is it, that no matter how many times I tell you I love you, and that I respect you, and that I think you're amazing, that you refuse to believe me?" He asked. There was ire in his voice, something I so rarely heard from him.

"Because I'm not amazing," I answered simply. "I'm crazy and high maintenance, and I still wake up every morning wondering why you even bother with me," I said. I was being completely honest with him about how I felt, though I know it hurt him to hear.

"Okay, then. If that's how you feel, I won't help you," he said shortly. He got up and walked away from me towards the kitchen. Watching him turn his back to me was torture. I learned then that I couldn't handle him walking away from me.

"Edward!" I called, but he didn't turn around to look at me. I followed after him towards the kitchen, but tripped accidentally and fell at his feet. "Edward, I'm sorry, please don't walk away from me. I'm sorry," I sobbed, not even bothering to right myself.

I was off the ground instantly. He cradled me against his chest and carried me back into the living room. "Stop it," he said firmly, planting me on the couch and kneeling in front of me. "I wasn't walking away from you. I just needed a minute."

"I'm sorry," I sniffled.

"Look at me," he said. "I will never leave you."

"I really could use some help with the project," I admitted.

"Only if you want me to," he said softly. "I'm sorry I overreacted. I know your privacy is important to you. I just wish you'd understand that I would never judge you, I wish you could understand how much you mean to me."

I kissed him gently. "I overreacted too, I shouldn't have said that. I want you to read my work, because it's part of me, and I want to share everything with you."

Edward smiled at me and pulled me in for another kiss. After a few seconds, he started to pull away, but I didn't want to stop it. Grabbing his shirt collar, I pulled him back to me, and forced my tongue between his lips. He opened his mouth to me immediately.

Edward and I hadn't kissed like this since the last time I freaked out on him, so he was understandably hesitant. Noticing this, I pulled away just long enough to reassure him. "It's okay, I'm okay."

Edward groaned and wrapped his arms around me tighter. His hands began to wander and it didn't scare me this time. I knew that Edward would stop if it got too much. He knew we weren't ready for sex, or at least that I wasn't. I knew that I was getting there, quicker than I expected. I wanted him to know it was okay to push the physical boundaries a little. This was right, Edward and I. We were going to be okay.

~~ID~~

Edward was in my room at Charlie's that night after his shift. I was surrounded by journals and paper, and totally overwhelmed to the point of tears.

While Edward was at work earlier that day, I had dutifully researched the art of creating a professional portfolio, while reading the requirements over and over again for the particular job. Per the job's requirements, the portfolio could really consist of anything I wanted to submit: articles, essays, or short stories. It had to be at least fifteen separate items for a total minimum of one hundred thousand words.

I was certain I had something suitable to put in the portfolio amongst the disaster that was my bedroom now. But most of it was handwritten or printed. Nothing was electronic. Edward had even offered to type some stuff for me, and I graciously accepted his help.

Edward was busy transcribing two pieces I'd decided to submit with absolute certainty, while I sifted through the rest of my mess.

I came across a piece that I damn near wish I'd never written. It was undoubtedly the most personal thing I'd ever written, and I suddenly wanted to burn it. I was so angry. It was called _Mother May I?_

It was the most honest thing I'd ever written about my mother's abuse. I was only sixteen when I wrote it. Nobody else had ever read it.

It was about how it felt to be moved from place to place. About having been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and have her constantly invalidate me for it. _"You're crazy. You're worthless. You don't know what you're talking about."_

It was about the fact that that motherfucker molested me and she didn't believe me.

I didn't realize I was crying until Edward's arms were around me and he was rocking me gently. "What's wrong baby?" he asked.

"N-nothing." I muttered, futilely trying to hide the stack of bound papers under my pillow.

"Please don't hide from me, Bella. I just want to help you."

"I know. It's just… this one. I forgot I even wrote it. So hard."

"Then we won't use this," he said gently, extracting the stack of papers from me and setting them to the side without looking at them. "You have enough here without it. We'll put this thing together. It'll be okay."

Remembering how I pushed him away when I first found out about the portfolio, I came to a decision. I wouldn't shut him out anymore. "I think I want you to read it. I'm just scared of what you'll think."

"I could never think anything bad about you, Bella, I promise. I don't need to read it."

"I think you should," I said. "Don't read it here though. Take them home with you or something. Just… don't let anyone else see, okay?"

"Okay," he murmured. "I think you need a break, baby. We've been at this for hours. You should go to sleep."

I looked at the clock and was shocked to see that it was after one in the morning. "Will you stay with me?" I asked, not ready to say goodbye yet.

"Sure, baby. Just let me call Alice, okay? She'll be okay by herself for one night."

"Okay."

A few minutes later, I was snuggled warm under the covers, with Edward's arms around me, and my anxiety had vanished.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19- Seattle

Over a week, Edward and I had managed to find and type up a total of eighteen pieces to submit to my portfolio, which well surpassed the hundred thousand word minimum. I had overnighted a beautiful, printed, perfect portfolio to the address Rose gave me, and two days later, I was called for an interview.

Edward managed to get the weekend bartender to switch shifts with him so that he could accompany me to Seattle for my interview. Alice would be staying with the Whitlock's overnight. I was extremely grateful, because I'm not sure if I could have handled the trip without his support.

We arrived Thursday afternoon, the day before the interview. Even though the interview wasn't until Friday afternoon, the last thing I wanted was to be trying to rush to Seattle in the morning, risk being late, and be frazzled during the interview. As always, Edward understood my neurosis, and was patient with me every step of the way.

When we arrived in Seattle, I asked Edward to drive by the office building I would be interviewing at in the morning. I wanted to make sure we could find it without a problem. Afterwards, he showed me some of his favorite places in Seattle, and I enjoyed hearing about his life when he lived here. With money a constraint, we didn't do anything very fancy, but he did show me the Space Needle from the outside and walked me around the University of Washington campus. I loved hearing about his stories about college, and how much he loved the city.

I asked him about life on campus, something I was never able to experience for myself. Edward was apparently a bit of a partier when he was in school, but he always managed to balance friends and schoolwork. I finally got the courage to ask him about past girlfriends.

He hesitated for a minute, and I quickly retracted my question. "If it's personal, you don't have to tell me."

"No, it's just that I wonder if it would upset you."

"It won't," I assured him, though I was unsure myself. "I know you had a life before me."

"Well, I dated a lot my first two years," he said. "But never anything serious until Junior year."

I remembered Edward telling me once that he dated a lot in college, but I wasn't sure exactly what that entailed. "By dated… you mean like, sex?"

"Well, that was part of it, yeah. It was all pretty casual. That's what I'm afraid might upset you."

I swallowed back the bile forming in my throat. I knew Edward wasn't a virgin, but hearing about it still made me a little queasy, especially considering that I was. "It's okay," I said, not letting on that I was uncomfortable. "What happened Junior year?"

"Well, I met Kate, who I told you about. We were together from Junior year all the way through my Master's program. We lived together in Seattle. I thought we would eventually get married, but it didn't work out."

"Why not? What happened?"

"Things… changed. She used to be really sweet and nice, and we loved each other a lot. Then after we moved in together, things got strained. We started fighting all the time. She was really particular about where things went, and keeping our things separate, and keeping our money separate. She was determined to draw a line between our lives. It was always hers and mine, never ours. I realized then I could never marry her if she could never see our relationship as a shared partnership, but I didn't have the heart to break it off with her right away."

I squeezed his hand gently, urging him to continue.

"So then, when the fire happened, I told her that I had to leave, and that I had to take care of Alice. I was still deciding what to do. I could either take Alice back with me, or move to Forks. Either way, I needed to be there for my sister. Kate didn't see it that way. She said I was too young, and taking Alice in would ruin our lives. She wanted no part of it. She told me to put Alice in foster care and forget about her. I couldn't imagine being so selfish. It was then I realized that I didn't love her anymore- I couldn't love someone like that. So I packed my shit and came to Forks. You know the rest."

"I'm sorry, Edward. That's horrible."

Edward shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm not sorry. I have you now. Right here and now is what matters."

I smiled and we kissed sweetly, and continued our journey through Edward's past.

Later, back at the hotel, we were watching a terrible movie, when Edward leaned over me and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I love you," he whispered.

I kissed him back deeply, and whispered the same.

Before I knew what was happening, things began to get heated, and Edward and I were fully making out on the hotel bed like a couple of teenagers whose parents were out of town for the weekend. Over the past few days, once the portfolio was completed and the interview was secured, we couldn't seem to keep our hands off of each other for long, though it all stayed over the clothes.

After a few minutes of intense making out, Edward pulled away suddenly. "Fuck, Bella. We should stop," he pleaded, but then crashed his lips back to mine as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

"Why?" I managed to gasp, between kisses and wandering hands.

Edward halted our movements quickly, and looked into my eyes with an intense gaze. "Because I don't want to push you. Because I know what that asshole did to you, and I don't want you to think I'm trying to take advantage. I want it to be right, perfect."

"This is perfect," I argued. All hesitation out the window, I knew with absolute certainly that this is what I wanted. I wanted Edward to be my first, and I didn't want to wait anymore.

Edward groaned softly, and then he asked in a raspy voice, "Are you sure baby?"

I nodded, looking into his eyes so he could not mistake my sincerity. "I'm ready."

"This isn't about Kate, is it? Because I told you about her?" His incessant questioning of my motives was starting to kill my mood, but I tried not to let it show.

"No, this is about you and me. There will never be anyone else. I want you to be my first. I'm really, truly, one hundred percent ready, Edward. Please, make love to me?"

He surrendered with a groan. We made love that night, and it was perfect, and beautiful. I didn't need flowers, candles, or excessive romance. I was nervous and inexperienced; he was patient and gentle. Something had clicked in me that day, and I knew that Edward was the one. I would never want anyone else.

We fell asleep that night wrapped around each other, both blissfully content at the new level our relationship entered. I had no regrets, none at all.

~~ID~~

I was startled in the morning by a knock at the door. Throwing a robe around myself, and then covering Edward's naked form with a blanket, I ran to the door and looked out the peephole, shocked to find Rosalie standing there, holding a garment bag.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, throwing open the door.

"I came to bring you this. I shopped all day yesterday looking for the perfect outfit for you." She unzipped the garment bag with a flourish, and I gasped at the sight. In it was a sharp looking blazer and skirt set, complete with camisole top and matching shoes. It looked perfect, and expensive.

"Rosalie, you shouldn't have bought that," I said with a heavy sigh. "You know I can't pay you back right now."

"It's a gift. Besides, I've seen your closet, and I lost sleep thinking about you having nothing to wear today."

"I have nice clothes," I argued. "I wore them for teaching."

"Yes, Bella, but those are teaching clothes. This is Seattle, not Forks High. You need to step it up a little."

I knew she was right, and I did want to look professional at the interview. "Thanks, Rose, I'll pay you pack as soon as I can."

"Don't worry about it. It's on dad's credit card anyway," she said with a wave of her hand. "Oh, and before I forget, here," she said, thrusting a pink paper bag at me. I peeked inside and saw nothing but lace.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed, closing the bag quickly.

"Power panties." She said simply, as if I was supposed to understand immediately.

"Power what?" I shot an embarrassed glance in Edward's direction but somehow he was still sleeping despite the commotion we were making.

Rosalie sighed in mock exasperation. "I have so much to teach you. You can't dress nice and wear old, ratty underwear. If you are wearing nice underwear, you'll feel better. Power panties."

"Uh-huh," I said, rolling my eyes. I couldn't help but see the humor in the fact that the man who was going to interview me in a few short hours had not only unknowingly purchased the suit I was going to wear, but the panties to go with it.

The bed creaked, and Edward rolled over and yawned. He opened his eyes, seemingly unfazed that Rosalie was standing in the doorway. Unashamed of his state of undress, he wrapped the sheet around his legs, showing off the perfect "V" above his hips. Even though I had seen it all last night, I couldn't get enough of ogling him. He was literally a specimen of perfection.

"Hey, Rosalie," he greeted kindly. "Didn't expect to see you here."

"I decided to blow off class this morning and bring Bella some clothes for the interview. So yeah, good luck!" She was out the door in a flash. I stared after her for a few seconds, trying to process what just happened.

I melted into Edward's arms and he kissed me gently. "How are you feeling?" he asked, stroking one long finger down my cheek.

"A little sore," I admitted. "But I'm pretty sure that's to be expected."

He looked at me with concerned eyes. "I'm sorry I hurt you,"

"You didn't hurt me," I assured him. "I don't regret anything, I promise. Do you?"

"Well, no, not really," he admitted with a small smirk.

"Good," I said, giving him a closed mouth kiss, as I still hadn't brushed my teeth.

"You ready for today?" he asked.

"As I'll ever be," I muttered. I grabbed the garment bag and my new panties and disappeared into the bathroom.

Somehow, the clothes Rosalie picked out fit perfectly. The woman was a genius. Staring at my image in the mirror, I decided I looked well enough without make-up. Every time I tried to apply it I ended up looking like a tramp and washing it off anyway. I fixed my hair into a professional looking bun and then buttoned my suit jacket. I had to hand it to Rosalie. I looked good. And the panties I had on did make me feel more confident. _Magic panties, _I thought with a giggle_._

Edward's eyes popped out of his head when I emerged from the bathroom. "You look great," he said. "You look like you were born to get this job."

I smiled shyly and grabbed my purse. He held the door for me, and we made our way to the car. I was shaking inside, but trying to calm myself the whole way to the interview. I distracted myself by rehearsing my answers to common interview questions in my head. Before I knew it, we were there.

"I don't know if I can do this!" I whispered frantically to Edward as he pulled his car up to the main entrance of Mr. Hale's building. His office was located in one of Seattle's high rises, and the towering building was daunting enough without the interview looming ahead.

Edward took my face in both of his hands and kissed me gently on the lips. "You can do this, Bella. I'm so proud of you. I'll be right here when it's over."

I leaned over to give him another quick kiss when an angry honk behind us startled me. We both chuckled, and I moved to get out of the car. "Call me when you're done, baby. You'll be great, I promise."

I gave him an unsure smile, took a deep breath, and headed towards my destiny.

I only managed to trip twice on my way to the elevator, and once more upon exiting on the forty-second floor, where I was instructed to wait. I checked in with Mr. Hale's receptionist. I declined the coffee I was offered. The last thing I needed was to be fidgeting or shaking more than I already was.

After what seemed like an eternity, the overly cheery receptionist told me I could go in. I walked in with my head down, concentrating on moving my feet and not tripping in the heels Rose made me wear.

"Miss Swan?" I heard a man's voice say, but I was still concentrating on my feet.

"Yes, hi," I said timidly.

"Have a seat." I looked up to find a large, intimidating man before me. He didn't smile, so neither did I. I took my seat carefully, and smoothed my skirt out in front of me.

"My daughter speaks very highly of you. I'll have you know, that she's the main reason I'm giving you a chance. Though you're writing was impressive, I must say."

"Thank you."

"I won't beat around the bush here. You're here because my daughter says you've got talent. Most of my employees work straight out of this building. I don't offer a lot of work from home jobs, and those that I do are highly sought after and competitive. However, Rosalie told me about your special circumstances and your need to stay in Forks."

"She did?" I asked, incredulous, thinking, _I'm going to kill her!_

"Well, yes. She told me that your father is there and that you're not quite ready to move away yet due to some personal issues, that's all. But I have to ask you something. According to your resume, you were an English teacher, but only for two months. What made you leave your last position?"

I was expecting this question, and had rehearsed the answer ad nauseam.

"I was put into a situation that challenged my ethics. Rather than compromise myself, I thought it best to part ways with the school," I said automatically, hoping it didn't sound too rehearsed.

"I see," he said. The lack of emotion in his voice and his stone expression made me very confused. I had no idea how the interview was going to this point. He asked me a few more questions, but nothing too challenging. I was positive that this man had better interviews in his life, but I didn't think I blew it either.

I was shocked when I thought I heard, "I'd like to offer you this job…"

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, confused. My hand then flew to my mouth when I realized I'd cut him off. His expression was unchanged from the beginning of the interview, so maybe it didn't upset him too much.

"I said I would like to offer you the job, on a probationary basis. Your hours will be up to you, but I expect you to put in a full forty hours per week, and document your time."

I nodded, listening intently and taking notes. He went on to tell me about the types of pieces I would work on, just articles for now, and how many I was expected to edit per week and where and how to return them. He then explained to me that I would have to come to Seattle once or twice per month for meetings, but I knew that was nothing I couldn't handle. He showed me around the office, and then introduced me to my new supervisor, Jane, who wasn't friendly, but not unpleasant either.

By the end of the interview and tour, I felt dizzy. I had signed countless forms and papers, met a lot of people, and managed not to make an ass of myself. I was literally floating on air by the time I called Edward to swing around and pick me up.

When I caught sight of his Volvo pulling in front of the building. I practically skipped to the car, threw the door open, and launched myself into his lap awkwardly over the stick shift. "I got it!" I exclaimed.

He wrapped his arms around me immediately and kissed my face all over. "I'm. So. Proud. Of. You." He said as he kissed me. I climbed back out of his lap and bounced into my seat. "I have to call Charlie!" I exclaimed, as Edward started driving.

It only took a few minutes before the rush of joy started to wane. As good as the last few days had been for me, I knew better than to get too elated. Having been burned so many times in the past, I couldn't help but wonder when the luck would run out again.

I forced myself to keep the happiness in my voice as Charlie gushed over how proud he was of me. Only time would tell if I could really ever truly be happy, or if life would keep getting in the way.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20- Thanksgiving

Nearly another month passed and it was almost Thanksgiving. Working diligently at my new job, I was making enough money that I felt comfortable and independent, even under Charlie's roof.

Alice and Jasper had been getting along famously. Darcy was conveniently staying out of our lives, and things stayed very professional during my visits with Dr. Whitlock. I guess at least some good came out of it. With Alice being out with Jasper often enough, Edward was freer to see me in the mornings and on weekends. He even stayed at my house whenever Alice made plans with other friends. I was really proud of her; she was finally acting like a teenager.

Alice and Jasper even went to the Halloween Dance at the high school. I helped Alice research Civil war clothing for the event. She really had a knack for design and sewing, and together, we managed to make her a perfect Southern Belle outfit to go with Jasper's Civil War uniform. I took over a hundred pictures, feeling like a proud mother, even though she wasn't really my daughter. I found that Charlie was spending more time away from the house than in it recently. He told me he was spending a lot of time at the nearby Quileute Reservation, but I was suspicious that there was something else going on. I never knew him to spend so much time away from home.

The Saturday before Thanksgiving, Charlie sat me down at breakfast and told me that he needed to talk. I was instantly nervous, because I had no idea what he could have to say. My first thoughts were of the worst possible scenario, that Charlie was sick.

"What's wrong?" I asked anxiously.

"Nothing's wrong, baby," he assured me. "It's a good thing, I think."

"Okay," I said with a shuddering breath, trying to calm myself.

"I've met someone, Bella."

I paused. This wasn't exactly the news I was expecting. "Like… _met someone,_ met someone? Like a girlfriend?"

Charlie nodded. "Her name is Sue, and I'd like to invite her to Thanksgiving, if you don't mind cooking for one more?"

"Um… that's fine. How long have you been seeing her?" I asked confused, wondering how long he had been hiding this from me.

"We met over the summer. We've been talking on and off since then, but we only recently starting dating over the last couple of months."

"Why haven't you told me about her before now?" I asked, pain rising in my chest. This was all so familiar. Renee had a boyfriend too that she never brought around. She told me she didn't want him to know about me because she was ashamed of me. Did Charlie feel that way too?

"Bella, I want you to know that it had nothing to do with you," he said, as if reading my mind. "I just didn't want to tell you and put you through meeting someone if it wasn't going to work out. But I think she's the one Bella, and I'd like your blessing on our relationship."

"I want you to be happy," I said sincerely. "I just wish you would have told me sooner. I would have understood."

"I know, honey. You just had enough worries with this new job, and I didn't want you to have something else to stress you."

I nodded and looked away. This was a lot to process.

Edward picked me up later that afternoon to help me go shopping. He told me that Alice was in a funk again because Jasper was going to Texas for Thanksgiving, and he would be gone for five days. I assured Edward that it was just teenage love and Alice would be okay. I could definitely understand how Alice felt, though. Edward and I had never been apart for five days, and I don't think I would handle it well if we ever had to be.

Rosalie's parents were taking a Pacific cruise for their Thanksgiving holiday, so we invited Rosalie to Thanksgiving dinner as well. My guest list included Edward, Alice, Sue, Emmett, Rosalie, and of course Charlie. It was a larger group than I was used to cooking for, but besides Sue they were all familiar, so I wasn't terribly uncomfortable. This would be my first real Thanksgiving, and I was excited about it, at least until this morning.

Renee was an expert at either forgetting about the holiday altogether, or throwing together a microwave turkey meal. One Thanksgiving morning, she even dragged me out of bed and yelled at me for sleeping in, asking why I wasn't at school. She didn't believe me when I told her it was a holiday, and didn't apologize when she drove to the school with me to find it devoid of students.

At the grocery store, I found myself lost in my own thoughts and fears. I couldn't force my mind past the fact that Charlie had hid his relationship from me.

"Something's wrong," Edward observed, as I wandered aimlessly up and down the aisles.

I didn't answer him, and instead just focused on pushing my cart. I wasn't even sure what to say. I figured my anxieties would sound foolish if I voiced them. He stopped the cart I was pushing with his hand and pulled me to an empty aisle.

"What's wrong?" I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wouldn't let it go until I told him what was wrong.

"Charlie just told me this morning that he has a girlfriend."

Edward looked confused. "That's a good thing, right? The old man needs to get out more anyway."

I knew it wouldn't make sense to him, so I tried to explain. "Edward, he's had a girlfriend for a couple of months now, and he's just now telling me. That's why he's been spending so much time at the reservation. To be with her."

Edward frowned. "A couple of months?"

"Yes, and I know it's not the same as it was with Renee, but why was he hiding me from her? It's the same thing she did! He said that wasn't the reason, but I don't understand how he could do that."

Edward embraced me and said, "I'm sure Charlie had better intentions. He's not Renee baby. He's not ashamed of you. He loves you, and he told me that he's so proud of you and this new job. You know that, right?"

"I know," I sighed. "It's just a lot to process. Let's finish shopping, okay?"

He gave me a gentle kiss, and we managed to finish our Thanksgiving shopping without incident.

~~ID~~

All too soon, Thursday arrived and my nerves were shot. Not only did I have to cook for seven people, but I would also be meeting Charlie's girlfriend for the first time. I couldn't get rid of the suspicion that Charlie had purposely hid me from her, even though Edward repeatedly told me I must have read the situation wrong. Either way, I was a mess.

I'd been cooking since six am, and I hadn't had much sleep the night before. Edward came over around nine to help, but he was pretty much a disaster in the kitchen, so I sent him out to the living room to hang out with Emmett while Rosalie did what she could to help. She wasn't very skilled in the kitchen either, but she was a definite improvement over Edward. Alice was sitting at the kitchen island chattering away about Jasper, and both Rosalie and I were a little fed up pretty quickly, but ignored it. This is what teenage girls did, and we'd have to be patient.

Charlie left to pick up Sue around one. The turkey was still roasting, but most of the other food was ready to go, so I took a breather. I wiped my hands on my apron and the sweat from my brow and stepped out the back door to the cool Washington air. Every minute was a minute closer to meeting Sue, and I was afraid I was going to lose it before long.

The door opened behind me and Emmett stepped out to grab a beer from the cooler we'd placed out there. Noticing my grim expression, he put his arm around me and said, "What's wrong, sis?"

"Just nervous about meeting Sue," I explained. "Aren't you?"

Emmett looked confused for a minute before saying, "No, I already met her. You haven't?"

"What? When did you meet her?"

"When you were in Seattle for your interview. She came over and brought dinner. She's a great cook. Nice lady, you'll like her."

Emmett was oblivious to my shock and anger as he went on about how great he thought she was and how perfect she was for Charlie.

Why did Emmett get to meet her when I just found out about her five days ago?

"I need to step away for a minute," I said between my clenched teeth.

"What did I say?" Emmett asked, as angry tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"Nothing," I muttered. "It's not you. Ask Rosalie to take the turkey out in about an hour, I'm fucking done." I just needed to walk, breathe, and process, so I took off down the stone path that led to a woodsy trail behind Charlie's house. The trail was safe; I had walked down it before many times.

I realized I should have shared my plans for taking a walk with Edward, because he came frantically behind me calling my name. I paused, my back still turned to him.

I heard Emmett coming barreling behind him a few seconds later. Emmett may have been bigger, but Edward was certainly faster. I waited for the questioning. They both literally had no idea why this upset me so much.

"Please just give me a few minutes," I said to both of them with a sigh. "I just need some time to think."

"I was just worried about you," Edward said. "Emmett told me you were crying. Are you okay?"

"No," I sighed. "I'm… angry and upset. I just want to be alone for a few minutes… please?"

"Bella," Emmett said. "I'm so sorry if I said something to upset you. I feel like this is all my fault. What can I do?"

"It's not your fault, Emmett," I sighed, turning to face him. "It's Charlie's."

Emmett looked confused again, while Edward's brow furrowed in worry.

"What happened?" Emmett asked.

"Charlie," I explained. "While Edward and I were in Seattle, Charlie invited you over to dinner to meet Sue. I just found out about her on Saturday."

Emmett looked even further confused. "Why wouldn't he tell you about her?"

"Because he's ashamed of me," I said shortly. Emmett opened his mouth, presumably to argue with me, but I cut him off. "Trust me, I've been there before. Renee did the same thing."

Emmett's jaw dropped open when he saw the connection. "This isn't the same thing," he argued. "Charlie isn't Renee."

"Then why the hell else would he hide her from me? Or me from her? Does she even know about me?"

"I don't know. I mean, during dinner, we kept it light. I don't think you came up."

I sighed in frustration. "I'm sure she knows about me now, with me cooking dinner and all, but what the hell? What other explanation is there that he wouldn't introduce us earlier? Why wouldn't he wait for you and me to meet her together?"

"I don't know, honestly. But I'm sure he has a good explanation if you'll hear him out."

"He said he thought it was too soon and wanted to make sure that their relationship was going to last. But obviously he was sure of it a month ago when _you_ met her."

Emmett sighed and put one giant arm around me. "I really don't know what to tell you," he said sadly. "That was pretty shitty of him, but I think you need to talk to him about it."

"Eventually," I muttered. "I just need some time to think about what I want to say first. I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving."

"At least come back to the house," Edward said. "You're not even wearing a coat and it's freezing."

"Okay," I agreed. "But I'm not talking to him until I'm ready."

As we approached the house, I found Charlie peering out the back window, looking a little frantic. While I didn't enjoy seeing Charlie looking so worried, I felt like this time it was deserved. I paused and turned to Edward.

"I don't want to see him now."

"Aww, come on Bella. You have to. You cooked dinner. Let's just go eat it," Emmett argued.

Reluctantly, I took Edward's hand, and we followed Emmett into the house.

"Rose and Alice said you were upset and took off," Charlie said, meeting us at the door. "You okay, Bella?"

"Fine," I said shortly. "I didn't take off, I was just taking a walk. Sorry for leaving you with the dinner, Rosalie," I said, looking past him.

"No problem, you did all the work anyway," she said with a shrug, and then carried the turkey out to the dining room.

Emmett followed her, but Charlie lurked behind. "Bella…?"

"Not now, please," I said, walking to the dining room. It was there that I found myself face to face with who I could only assume was Charlie's girlfriend.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I said through clenched teeth, offering my hand politely. She was a tiny dark haired woman with small dark eyes. She had russet skin, and she was absolutely beautiful. I noticed that she was very young, probably only a few years older than me. That was certainly unexpected.

"It's so nice to meet you!" she gushed. "I'm Sue. Charlie has told me so much about you!" Frankly, I was surprised that she even heard of me.

After the food was passed around and everyone took their portions, Sue tried to strike up a conversation with me. "So, Bella, tell me about yourself." I was still beside myself with anger, and my friendly composure dissolved. "Well, it's just shocking that you wouldn't know anything about me," I muttered sarcastically. "Excuse me?" she asked innocently, her eyes widening in confusion. "Well, I mean, I understand that you and Charlie were so busy traipsing around town in secret, that he didn't bother to tell you about his crazy ass daughter who's probably only a couple of years younger than you. Are there not men your own age on the reservation?" Sue's mouth dropped open. I knew my outburst was inappropriate, but my anger overshadowed every shred of remorse I might have had. I only took a cursory glance at the shocked expressions around the table. I knew I wasn't acting like myself. I was behaving like a total bitch, but I was so angry that I didn't care. Having lost my appetite, I pushed my chair back and stormed up to my room. I slammed the door behind me and it was only a few seconds before there was an insistent pounding on my door. I decided I had better open it less it be broken down again.

I expected Edward when I reluctantly threw open the door, but unfortunately it was Charlie. "I have nothing to say to you," I practically growled, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"We need to talk, Bella," he said sternly. "I've never seen you act like that before. You were very rude to Sue, and the rest of our guests, and I want to know what's going on with you."

"Please, just not right now. Please?"

Charlie's face started to grow red. He slammed his fist on my dresser and screamed, _"Yes, now Bella_! I've been very fucking patient with you, but you will not disrespect me or my girlfriend in my house!"

I was ashamed of myself and terrified of Charlie at the same time. He never yelled at me, not even once. He most certainly had never cursed at me. I kept trying to force my mind to stay in reality. _This is Charlie- he won't hurt you. _ However, my body had other ideas as I unconsciously crawled away from him, towards the corner of my bed.

As soon as Charlie started yelling, I could hear someone barreling up the stairs. I was startled when Emmett barged through the door.

"What the fuck, Dad? You know you can't yell at her like that! Look at her!" Emmett was angry, yet his voice was eerily calm.

Charlie's face paled as his eyes met mine. I quickly looked down, not wanting to see his expression.

Emmett approached me cautiously and sat next to me on the bed. "You okay?" he asked me. I couldn't answer him without bursting into tears, so I kept my gaze fixed on the bed underneath me, my entire body trembling.

"What the hell, Dad?" Emmett asked.

"Look, I didn't mean to yell at her, it just happened. That still doesn't excuse her acting the way she just did."

"Well, from what I hear, you're no fucking saint either."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Charlie asked, frustrated.

"I don't know, maybe keeping Sue and Bella apart like Bella's a fucking leper? Having me meet Sue in secret while Bella's in Seattle? Yeah, she found out and she's pissed, and now she's fucking shut down again. You happy?"

Emmett pulled me gently off the bed into a standing position and put one arm around my shaking frame to steady me. He was wrong though- I hadn't quite shut down, yet. I was just afraid to say anything to infuriate Charlie any further. I'd fucked up enough for one day.

"You okay?" he asked me.

I most certainly wasn't okay. The only words I could manage to get out were more of a desperate plea. I needed the one person who could keep me grounded despite what was going on around me. "Where's Edward?"


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21- Uncomfortable

Emmett understood what I needed immediately. "He's downstairs. I'll have him take you back to his house. You have clothes there?"

I nodded and let Emmett led me down the stairs. Charlie had not moved during our entire exchange. He was frozen in place, mouth open in shock and eyes full of remorse. He didn't even try to stop Emmett from walking me out.

Edward, Alice, and Rosalie formed a nervous semicircle at the base of the stairs, and I knew they heard everything. Sue was nowhere to be found. As soon as I hit the bottom step, I found myself encased in Edward's arms.

"Bella, honey," Edward pleaded. "I really think you and Charlie should sit down and talk about this."

"Not tonight," I begged. "Please, just not tonight." I knew I was avoiding things, as I did frequently, but I literally could not handle being around Charlie at the moment.

Edward agreed reluctantly and walked me to the door. Alice followed behind as he led us to his car.

So blind with fury at Charlie, and still somewhat frightened by his anger, I went into Edward's room when we got home and closed the door. I fell down on the bed, fully dressed, and succumbed to my exhaustion.

When I woke up, I realized I was wearing one of Edward's tee-shirts and was nestled under a warm blanket. Edward must have taken care of me last night, but I couldn't remember a thing. I rolled over to find his side of the bed cold and sat up in confusion. His alarm clock showed that it was still early morning, so there was no reason for him to be up already.

I found him immediately, sitting on the floor by his closet, staring at me with haunted eyes.

"Hey," I managed, my voice still hoarse from the night of crying before.

"Hey," he said softly.

"What's wrong? Why are you sitting on the floor?"

"Couldn't sleep. I didn't want you to wake up without me here, though."

"Thanks," I said. "Come over here?"

He got up and sat next to me on the bed. "We need to talk about last night, Bella."

I sighed, knowing this was coming.

"Okay."

"Your reaction scared the hell out of me," he admitted. "I was afraid you were going to have another panic attack or something. I don't want you to go through that again."

"I wasn't having a panic attack," I argued. "I was just really angry."

"Why?"

"He hurt me," I said simply, frustrated that Edward still didn't seem to get it.

"Yes, and you hurt him by not sticking around and trying to talk it out."

"I wasn't ready to talk about it. Why are you so worried about Charlie? Aren't you supposed to be on my side? Why aren't you pissed too?" I asked, my agitation steadily increasing.

Edward groaned and tugged on his hair. "It's not about taking sides!" He exclaimed. "No, I don't agree with his decision to not tell you about Sue, but I don't think it will do either of you any good to hide from this."

"I don't feel bad about coming here last night. The only thing I feel bad about was taking things out on Sue, because she didn't deserve that. You know, I thought Charlie was different, and I'm dealing with the same shit now as I did before. I don't know why I thought he could be any different."

Edward leapt up from the bed and started pacing. "Are you even listening to yourself?" he asked. He was clearly angry, but he managed to keep his tone level for my sake. "Do you realize what you're saying? You're comparing Charlie to Renee! You do realize how fucked up that is, right? The man has been nothing but good to you, and he makes one mistake and you assume the worst. You need to talk to him." Dropping to his knees in front of me, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to the edge of the bed. He touched my cheeks and said, "Bella, I never even got a chance to say goodbye to my parents. You love Charlie. You can't imagine how bad you would feel if something happened to him. Imagine how bad you would feel if you let something like this get in the way of the relationship you've built."

I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I had just compared Charlie to Renee. I had badmouthed my father to a man who'd just lost both parents. What the hell was I thinking? Instead of trying to talk to Charlie, I shunned him like the coward I was. I needed to fix this, fast.

"I should talk to him," I decided aloud. "You're right. I'm so sorry."

Edward sighed. "It's not me you need to apologize to."

"I know. I need to go. Can you take me home?"

"No need," he said. "Charlie's been here for two hours. He's the one who woke me up in the first place. He's in the living room."

My mouth dropped open. "You should have woken me up!"

"And risk you being mad at me _and_ tired? No thanks. You needed to rest anyway, if you're going to talk about this rationally with him."

I pulled on my jeans that I found lying on the floor next to the bed. As I made my way to the door, his strong arms encircled me from behind. "You know I love you right?" he whispered in my ear.

"Yes. I love you too, so much. Thanks for this. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Well, you never have to find out," he said, kissing the back of my neck. "Alice is still sleeping, and I'm going to take a shower. I'll let you guys have some privacy."

I nodded, took a deep breath, and headed to the living room where Charlie was waiting for me.

I took a moment to take in his appearance. He looked haggard and old. His eyes were drooping and the dark shadows under them were prominent. His eyes were raw and red rimmed- I had made a grown man cry. At that moment, I felt like the worst daughter in the world.

"Hey, Dad," I said quietly from the doorway. He looked up and his face was contorted in agony, almost physical pain.

"Bella. I'm sorry. I came here to apologize. Emmett talked to me after you left, and I didn't realize… I didn't mean to make you think…" he trailed off, casting his eyes downwards.

"Hey, it's okay," I said, flopping down next to him. "I'm sorry too. I said horrible things, and I never should have left."

"Please don't take this on yourself. You had every right to be angry with me. I never should have yelled at you. I never should have lied to you, especially knowing what I know about you and Renee."

"You've been nothing but good to me, and last night I deserved to be yelled at. I'm sorry I responded the way I did."

"You have to know that I would never hurt you. You know that, right baby?"

"I do. But sometimes I can't control how I react. I think my mind is programmed to think that when people yell they're angry, and when people get angry, they hit. I can't help it, but I'm working on it, I promise."

"I wish, every damn day, that I had tried harder, Bella. I will never forgive myself for not finding you and saving you from what you had to go through."

I looked him directly in the eyes and said, "It's not your fault."

"Even if that's true, what I did…with Sue… there's no excuse. I'm so sorry."

"It's also my fault. I need to realize that you're not her and my life isn't the same now. I spent so many months putting you on a pedestal and thinking you could do no wrong, but the truth is you're human, and you'll make mistakes. I shouldn't have been so hard on you."

"I don't deserve your forgiveness."

I wrapped my arms around him. "There's nothing to forgive. Can we just forget last night ever happened?"

"I'd like that," he admitted, hugging me back. "So, do you feel like going on a breakfast date with your old man?"

"On one condition," I said.

He furrowed his brow. "What's that?" 

"Call Sue and see if she'd be willing to join us? I'd like to meet her the right way. And I'd like to apologize for what I said. I didn't mean it."

His answering smile was enough to make me realize that we were going to work through this. I asked Edward if he wanted to join us, but he declined, saying he wanted to get more sleep before work. I think he really just wanted to give us some time alone, and I appreciated that.

Sue met us at the diner, and gave me a tentative smile as we approached. "Hello again, Bella," she said. There was no trace of hostility in her voice, much to my surprise. I knew I would be livid if somebody treated me the way I had treated her the day before.

"Sue, I'm just going to get this out now. I was a raging bitch last night, and I'm so sorry to have said the things I said, and I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. I hope that in time you can forgive me."

She smiled. "It's already forgotten. Let's eat."

Throughout breakfast, I realized that I could actually like Sue; we had quite a bit in common. Besides the fact that I was nearly her age, I found that she was an English Teacher at the reservation. We spent the majority of the breakfast discussing and debating about our favorite authors, while Charlie sat back smiling, staying out of the conversation, but happy we were getting along.

"Bella, I know my age is an issue for you, but I assure you that I do love your father."

"I know, and I'm sorry that I suggested otherwise. I said what I said yesterday, mostly out of anger that he didn't tell you about me. But I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

"It's already forgiven," she said with a smile.

"So uh… how old are you, anyway?" I asked uncomfortably.

"Thirty," she answered. So she was five years older than me. Okay. I decided I wouldn't let it bother me. If they loved each other, it was okay. I just wanted Charlie to be happy.

~~ID~~

Over the next couple of weeks, Charlie and Sue unknowingly were beginning to make me uncomfortable in Charlie's home.

The first time, I woke up early to make breakfast and start getting to work. My manuscripts were piling up, and I knew I needed to get busy. I was startled at four in the morning to find Sue in the kitchen, wearing only one of Charlie's tee-shirts.

"Bella!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I just came for a drink of water, I didn't expect you to be up!"

"It's okay," I lied. "I know you sleep here sometimes. We're all adults," I said like the grown woman I was, but in my mind I was the child that wanted Charlie all to myself. Maybe I would be adjusted we had known each other longer, but we'd just found each other, and I wasn't ready to fully let that bond go yet.

A week later, I had finished up my work early and went downstairs to make dinner. Since I managed to give myself a little extra time, I went ahead and decided to create something more fancy than the usual casserole or pasta I usually made. I slaved for a couple of hours in the kitchen until everything was perfect, even though it was going to be just the two of us.

When Charlie came home, Sue was in tow, and they were both carrying covered dishes in their hands.

"Hey, Bella! Good news. Sue made dinner tonight, to give you a break!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "It would have been a nice break for me if you would have bothered to tell me… two hours ago."

Charlie caught sight of the feast that was laid out in the kitchen and frowned. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry, honey. We can eat what Sue made tomorrow."

"No," I sighed. "It's okay. I'll just pack this up and bring it over to Edward and Alice. They don't get enough home cooked meals anyway." I pulled out some covered dishes and started to pack up the meal.

Charlie was wringing his hands nervously next to me. "I fucked up again, didn't I?"

A part of me wanted to yell at him and tell him that yes, by not calling me, he had fucked up. I knew I needed to let it go though.

"No, Dad. It's really okay. I'm just going to head over and feed Alice, okay?"

"Bella…?"

"No, really. It's not a big deal. You guys have fun tonight, okay?" I said, snapping on the last of the Tupperware caps and stacking up the food. "I'll probably stay at Edward's so you two can have some time together." I shuddered at the thought of my dad doing… _that,_ but I would be a fool to think that they didn't need time alone sometimes.

I knew Edward wouldn't be home for a couple of hours, but I hoped Alice might be. Either way, I felt like I would rather wait in my truck for Edward for two hours then spend more time with Sue and Charlie. I felt so uncomfortable there- a grown woman living with her dad. I felt like an intruder, even though Charlie had never implied that I was unwelcome.

I knocked on Edward's front door, but got no answer. I stepped away from the house, and noticed the light on in Alice's room. I knocked again harder, assuming she must not have heard me. A couple of minutes later, Alice flung the door open, looking very disheveled.

I frowned at her. "You okay, Alice?"

"Yeah, I was just doing homework…" she said. Then I saw Jasper out of the corner of my eye, attempting to stealthily make his way to the back door.

"Jasper!" I called out, causing him to stop in his tracks. I had met Jasper a couple of times after the awkward dinner at his house. Overall, I thought he was a good kid. He was a year older than Alice, so I never had him in class, but he was always polite and respectful. I still felt a little uncomfortable around him at times, if only because his father was my doctor. I knew that Dr. Whitlock would never tell him that, but Jasper shared so many of his father's mannerisms, that sometimes when I was around him I felt like I was sitting in my psychiatrist's office.

"Um, hey, Bella," he said sheepishly, putting his hands deep in his pockets. "How are you?"

"Well, I just came by to bring Alice dinner, and am very surprised to see you here. But I'm sure you were just going home?"

"Absolutely," he said. "Goodnight. Bye Alice," he made a motion like he was about to kiss Alice, but thought better of it and waved goodbye. I sighed when he left.

"Bella… do you think you could not tell Edward that Jasper was here? Please?" Alice begged, as soon as the door closed.

I frowned and bit my lower lip in indecision. A part of me wanted to be Alice's friend and keep her secret. Another wanted me to act like a mother and sit down and have the "talk" with her. But since nobody ever had the "talk" with me, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

"Alice, I don't know," I said. "You're really young for this kind of stuff, and I don't think he should be over here when Edward's not home."

"Please, Bella? It won't happen again. I promise. Please?"

I decided that at the end of the day, I wasn't Alice's mother. Despite wanting to feel more like part of the family, I knew I was still just Edward's girlfriend. I sighed and nodded, and went into the kitchen to heat up some food for her.

After we ate dinner, I helped her with her English homework, then we sat down and watched a little TV before Edward came home. He greeted me with a warm smile and a kiss. "I love coming home to you," he said quietly in my ear. The three of us watched TV for a little while, and eventually Alice decided to go to bed. I was a little relived. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy spending time with Alice, but I loved my alone time with Edward.

As soon as her door clicked shut, Edward captured my lips with his own, and we kissed and touched for a while before he pulled back a little. I realized then that I wasn't really putting everything I had into intimacy.

"What's on your mind?" Edward asked. He shifted me so I was lying on his old couch with my head in his lap. He stroked my hair as I contemplated.

"Charlie," I answered after a few moments of silence.

"What about him?"

"I think he's happy," I said, but I realized I sounded sad when I said it.

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah, it really is. I'm glad he's found someone. But now I feel like I'm in the way."

"Bella," Edward said with a sigh. "You know that Charlie isn't like your mother. He wants you around. He loves you."

"Yes, but if he's getting serious with another woman, he doesn't want his twenty-four year old daughter around, cramping his space."

"I'm sure it doesn't bother him."

"It bothers me," I explained. "I think I should move out. Maybe get my own place."

"Really? Are you sure? Living on your own would be a big step."

"I'm terrified," I admitted. "But what choice do I have?"

"You could come live with us," Edward said quietly, and I immediately sat upright, shocked at his suggestion.

"I'd be lying if I said I never considered that," I admitted. "But do you think it's too soon?"

"Absolutely not. We love each other. You're great with my sister. I'm never happier than when I come home from work and you're here. I love waking up next to you, making love with you. I want you here, always," he said. His eyes were pleading.

I felt all of the same things, but the impending change was scary. I knew I needed to make a decision, quickly, before my brain gave me all the reasons why I shouldn't.

It was my heart that told me this was absolutely the right thing to do.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Yes?" he asked, as if unsure if he heard me correctly.

I nodded, and he pressed his lips urgently to mine.

"Yes?" he asked between kisses.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, pulling back and taking a much-needed gasp of air.

With that, he picked me up excitedly over his shoulder and carried me to his bedroom, where we made love until we were both sated. We fell asleep that night wrapped up in each other- it seemed that we couldn't get close enough.

There was nowhere I would have rather been.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22- Adjusting

I decided to break the news of my impending move to Charlie right away, lest the worry of his reaction fester in my mind. I told him one evening over dinner, and he took it surprisingly well.

I expected that he would tell me that I was making a mistake, and that this kind of change would be too drastic for my mental state. In essence, I expected him to confirm all the arguments that I repeatedly had with myself over the decision I had made. However, he just smiled at me and told me he was proud of me for making such a big step. He told me that he thought Edward and I were good for each other, and that we would take care of each other. I knew he was right, but it didn't help my burning anxiety.

Edward wanted to waste no time getting me settled. We'd agreed to live together early in the week, and by late Saturday morning he was a literally bouncing on Charlie's front steps, empty boxes in hand. I greeted him with a kiss and chuckled at the number of folded boxes he had. "I really don't have much. This will probably take twenty minutes, at most."

Edward shrugged and followed me up the stairs. Charlie had offered to help, but I declined, figuring I wouldn't need it. I didn't need to take any furniture. It all belonged to Charlie and there wasn't a lot of room at Edward's house for it anyway. I frowned a little when I surveyed what little in the room was actually mine.

I packed my laptop in its case while Edward taped a box together. We loaded up my books and journals into it; those took up a whole box. My dresser was easy to pack. I didn't have a lot of clothes, and it was all neatly organized anyway, so I emptied its contents into another box with the couple of pairs of shoes I owned. My closet was next, and I just left everything on the hangers and carried them downstairs.

My belongings didn't even take up half of the bed of my truck. Packing up my entire life took a half an hour, at most. With the last of my belongings loaded up, I slammed the tailgate closed and hesitated before turning back to Charlie's house. This was it.

Charlie was standing on the porch waiting for me. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him. "Thanks for everything, Dad. Thanks for helping me get back on track."

Charlie sighed and hugged me back tightly. "This isn't goodbye, Bella."

A lone tear rolled down my cheek. "Then why does it feel like it?"

"Look, just because you're growing up and don't need your old man anymore doesn't mean things will change between us," Charlie said, forcing a smile.

More tears began to fall. "I'll always need you," I assured him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, you know where I live. I'll always be here," He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Now go on home."

Edward, who had been hanging back to give us privacy, walked up the drive and put his arm gently around me. "You ready?" he asked. I nodded sadly. Edward shook Charlie's hand and promised to take care of me. He led me back to my truck and I followed him

back to our home. The concept of it being "our" home was still foreign to me. I still felt like I was just going over to Edward's house. I wondered if it would ever really feel like mine too.

When we arrived at the house, Edward insisted on carrying me bridal style over the threshold, which made me giggle. "Edward, this isn't our honeymoon!" I shrieked as he scooped me off my feet in one fluid motion. I shrieked in surprise when I felt my head bump against the doorframe as he carried me in. It didn't really hurt, so I laughed harder even though I could tell he was a little embarrassed.

"You okay? You need ice?" He asked, down looking at me with a concerned gaze.

"Nope, I'm good. Put me down," I demanded.

His face relaxed back into a crooked grin when he realized I was okay. "Right here?" he asked, and I looked down at the hardwood floor of the foyer.

I rolled my eyes. "Somewhere soft preferably."

"Well I have just the place," he smirked, and carried me into the bedroom, fortunately without injury this time. He dumped me unceremoniously on the bed and crawled on top of me. "Perfect," he murmured, starting to kiss down my neck.

I pushed him away with a laugh. "Alice is home!" I said. "There will be plenty of time for that later!"

As if on cue, I heard a gagging noise from the doorway of our open bedroom door. "There are some things that I'll never be able to unsee," Alice deadpanned, rolling her eyes. Edward and I both fell into a fit of laughter, and tears were streaming down my face.

Edward, suddenly very serious, looked deep into my eyes and said, "Bella, I am so happy right now, I can't even begin to tell you."

"Me too," I said sincerely. "This feels right."

He gave me a kiss and crawled off the bed. "I'll go get your stuff," he said.

"I can help, I'm not an invalid," I said, following him out. Alice helped too, and with only two trips, I was officially moved in.

Unpacking didn't take long. Edward had already cleared some space for me in his dresser and in the closet. I wasn't sure what to do with my books for the moment, as Edward was severely lacking bookshelves in his little place. I left them in a box at the floor of the closet. I left my laptop bag there too, knowing there wasn't really a space for me yet to create a workspace for myself.

I wanted to ask Edward if I could set up a desk and some shelves in the corner of the already cramped living room, but I didn't want to put him out. Doing so would require that we move around furniture, and I wasn't sure how willing he would be to do that, and I didn't want it to come off like I was making demands. I didn't want him to think I was being difficult.

I realized then that I was having trouble seeing this arrangement as me moving in with Edward. It felt more like he was taking me in because I had nowhere else to go. I know it was foolish to think that, but my mind kept traveling in that direction. Truly, I was afraid that if I wasn't a perfect roommate that Edward would want me to move out.

I didn't know how I would handle that.

The three of us goofed around a little for the rest of the afternoon. Edward helped me make dinner with the meager contents of his refrigerator, and I promised to get groceries in the morning.

After dinner, Alice suggested we play Monopoly. I'd heard of the game, but I wasn't very familiar with it. I was embarrassed to admit that I never played it. I knew that learning how to play Monopoly was a sort of right of passage for all American children, but with my unconventional upbringing, there was never even a possibility for me to learn.

I realized that Alice was staring at me expectantly and wanted an answer. I bit my lower lip nervously and said, "I uh… I don't know how to play."

Edward's eyes widened and he asked incredulously, "You've never played Monopoly?"

"No, I'm sorry. I know you want to play, but I don't know how."

Edward laughed, completely unaware at how much my lack of knowledge of something so simple affected me. "I've never met anyone who didn't know how to play Monopoly. Come woman; we have much to teach you. You will soon learn that the Cullens don't mess around when it comes to the classic game of property trading."

I gave a weak smile and followed them into the living room. There was no room for a dining table in the house, so we arranged ourselves on the floor. Alice handed me a wad of colored cash and instructed me how to divide it out. I did so diligently, counting each stack twice to make sure there were no mistakes.

Edward declared himself the "banker" on the grounds that Alice apparently liked to cheat. I was told to keep an eye on her, but since I didn't know how to play, I was unsure what to look for. Even with the light atmosphere of playing a family board game, my anxiety was rising.

Edward spread out the little silver game pieces in front of me and told me I had first pick. At first I was a little wary, afraid to pick a piece that either of the others liked. My eye caught the little silver dog though, and I knew that was the piece for me.

Edward grabbed the car and Alice the tophat.

"So you like the dog, huh?" Edward asked with a smile.

"Yeah, I never had one, but I always wanted one when I was little," I said a little sadly.

"Oh my God, me too!" Alice exclaimed. "But my mom was allergic. Edward, can Bella and I get a dog?" She asked, turning to him excitedly. I immediately flushed in embarrassment. What if Edward hated dogs? I never should have said anything. I certainly wasn't trying to imply that I wanted Edward to get me a dog, but now that I brought it up, Alice was excited about the prospect. I worried that Edward would be upset with me for putting ideas in her head.

Edward just smiled and squeezed my hand. "It's certainly something to consider, but we can talk about it later," he said. "But right now, we have a game to play." He didn't appear angry, but I still felt uncomfortable.

They explained the rules and it wasn't as complicated as it looked. I laughed a little when Edward and Alice went back and forth arguing over the orange properties, which were apparently a long-standing source of contention for them. Edward held Tennessee Avenue and St. James Place, and Alice held New York Avenue. On every turn, Edward tried to propose a ridiculous trade for New York to Alice, but she held firm. I realized that she would rather nobody have a monopoly on that property than release it to her brother. The more Edward and Alice argued and ribbed at each other, the more relaxed I became, and I was soon enjoying myself fully.

When Alice ended up winning the game, Edward huffed in annoyance and muttered that she was a "dirty cheat." I learned something about Edward that day- he was a sore loser, and that made me laugh.

We packed up the game, and Alice asked, "Hey, Bella, can you put this in the hall closet for me? I have trouble reaching up there."

I was only a couple inches taller than the little pixie, but I obliged.

Off the tiny hallway were two doors that I had seen many times, but never actually opened. I assumed one of them was the closet, but when I went to turn the handle on the door closest to the living room, it was locked. I then went to the other door, which opened with ease. It was indeed the hall closet and I stood on my tiptoes to return the game to the top of the stack. I realized that they had collected a number of games that I was unfamiliar with, and I hoped that we could play some of them soon.

Back in the living room, I couldn't help my curiosity about the mysterious locked door. "Edward, what's with the other door in the hall that's locked?"

Edward tensed noticeably before answering. "Just the garage."

"Why is it locked?" I answered, confused. I knew Edward had a garage, but he always parked on the street. I couldn't understand why he would leave the garage door locked on the inside.

"I never go in there," he answered simply. I frowned, but didn't press him. I hated knowing that he was keeping something from me, and worry and curiosity were getting the best of me.

The rest of the evening was quiet. We settled in to watch a movie, but Edward wasn't his normal, happy self. He only spoke when asked a direct question, and I feared that his broody mood was my fault. I never should have brought up the locked door. The last thing I wanted to do was over step my bounds, and I managed to do that my first night with him.

When the movie was finally finished, Alice jumped up and announced that she was going to call Jasper before she went to bed. As soon as I heard her door click shut, I turned to Edward.

"Are you okay?" I asked him gently. "You seem really distant."

"I'm fine," he said simply. "Just tired. Did you want to go to bed?"

"Soon," I said. "But I wish you would talk to me. You're obviously upset about something."

"I'm fine," he repeated. I wasn't so willing to let it go though; I had something that I needed to get off my chest.

"I'm sorry, I never should have brought up the door," I said. "I was just curious. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't upset me. I'm fine."

I was pretty sure if Edward told me he was "fine" again, I might smack him. I hated that he was lying to me. "No, you're obviously not fine. I clearly upset you by asking about something that was none of my business, and I'm sorry."

"Christ, Bella. You live here now! You had every right to ask about that door. I'm the one being an asshole." He rose to his feet and reached for my hand. "Come on, I'll show you what's in there."

"You don't have to," I insisted. I wasn't really worried about what was behind the door; I was just worried about him.

"But I do. I was going to show you all along, but I wanted to wait for Alice to go to bed first. What's behind the door is hard for me to talk about. I told you I needed to stay strong for her and I will. I don't know how I'll react when I open that door, and I don't want her to see me break down, ever. I haven't opened that door since we moved in, and I think it's time now."

I couldn't imagine what was behind the door. He said it was something hard for him to talk about, so I assumed it had something to do with his parents. I didn't want to see him upset, not on my first official night here.

"No, Edward. If it's hard for you, and it makes you upset, then I don't want to know. This is your house, and I shouldn't have asked about it. I'm sorry. I'm not even here a day and I'm already being nosy. Please don't be mad at me."

Edward's eyes narrowed and his green eyes grew impossibly darker. His hands found purchase in his hair, and he gave one strong tug with an audible grunt.

"You think I'm mad at you? Are you fucking kidding me right now, Bella?"

I blanched, nervous. I'd never seen him look so angry, save for when I told him about my sordid past. "I'm sorry," I said immediately, knowing immediately I shouldn't have said that.

"Sorry," he muttered, turning away from me. "You're always saying you're fucking sorry, especially for shit that isn't your fault! Stop it!" he punctuated his last exclamation by slamming his fist hard into the locked door.

I remained silent, afraid to make him any more upset than he already was. I had seen Edward angry before, but never quite like his. The emotional stress was too much for him to take, and I watched helplessly as he fell apart before my eyes.

Finally, he broke the tense silence between us. "Why are you saying that you're sorry?" His voice was suddenly too calm, and I could see him trembling, struggling to control his emotions.

I frowned, thinking that the answer should have been obvious. I phrased my answer carefully after pondering for a few moments. "I'm sorry because I feel that I had no right to ask you about that door. When I did, you became upset, because clearly whatever is behind it is something you're either not willing or not ready to talk about. This is your house, and you are entitled to keep any secrets you wish. I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable by living here, and I certainly didn't want to make you upset."

"Bother anybody?" he asked through clenched teeth. "You're afraid to bother us? I can't believe this!"

Edward was pacing now, muttering to himself unintelligibly. Finally, he spoke. "I need to get out of here." He grabbed his car keys from the hook near the door and stormed out, leaving me staring open-mouthed behind him.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23- Apologies

One day. I couldn't even go one day without fucking up.

Edward was mad at me. So mad, in fact, that he walked out on me.

I knew he would be back. He had to come back, because Alice was here. But when he came back, what kind of condition would he be in? Would he even want me here when he came home?

I chanced a glance at Alice's door, which was still closed. The music pumping behind it was just loud enough that I doubt she would have heard what had just transpired in the hallway.

I knew I could go back to Charlie's for the night to give Edward some space, but I cringed at the thought of how that conversation would go. "Hey Dad, can I stay here? I managed to scare my boyfriend off after only one day of living with me." _Not likely, _I thought. _I'd sooner sleep in my truck._

I paced around the living room deciding what to do. As I debated my options, nothing seemed even remotely reasonable.

If I stayed, he might be mad if he comes home to find me here. If I left, he might be mad that I did. With trembling fingers, I grabbed my phone and tried to call him. When I pushed "send", I could hear his phone ringing from the bedroom. My grip tightened on the phone my hand started to tremble. I was afraid, and I had no idea what to do.

Dejected, I walked out the front door and took a deep breath of the chilly night air. It did little to calm me. The tightness in my chest was building quickly, and my breathing became shallow. Dizzy, and not knowing what else to do, I sat down on the frigid front stoop and waited. My head fell to my knees as I cried silently. The December air was biting, but I didn't bother with putting on a coat. The blistering cold was painful on my exposed arms and face. I knew I deserved the discomfort for driving Edward out of his own house, so I suffered through it and waited.

I don't know how long I sat there shivering, but eventually I caught the sight of headlights in front of the house. I could make out Edward's form coming from his Volvo, and watched his boots as he trudged through the lawn back to the house. Ashamed, I couldn't even look up at him.

I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, but I knew that even saying the words would set him off further.

Edward sat down next to me, and he draped his heavy coat across my shoulders. Already chilled to the bone, it only helped minutely. He reached for one of my frozen hands and wrapped it in his own. He held it to his lips and blew gently, his hot breath warming me slightly. Despite his gentleness, I still couldn't bring myself to look up at him.

He planted his lips, still warm from the heat of the car, onto my neck. He kissed me gently and murmured into my ear, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I said, hearing even in my own voice how dead it sounded. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I never should have left. I was just upset, and I wasn't thinking clearly. I never should have done that to you."

"Why did you?"

Edward paused and then said, "Can we talk about it inside? You're freezing."

I nodded and he helped me to my feet. I managed to slip on a small patch of ice left over from the heavy freezing rain the night before. Edward caught me quickly and wrapped one arm around me securely, guiding me into the house.

The air in the house was warm, but I was still shivering. Edward wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my arms and back in an attempt to warm me. Looking at me in the light for the first time, he gasped. "Jesus Christ, Bella, you're blue! How long were you out there?"

"Since you left," I managed to say through my chattering teeth.

"I've been gone for over two hours… you've been out there that long?" I nodded. I hadn't realized that he had been gone that long. He pulled me towards the bedroom and started to strip me of my jeans and t-shirt. He removed his shirt and pulled me against him, covering us both with the blanket. He held me tightly, using his hands to create friction. Neither of us said a word.

"Please talk to me," I begged him, once I was sufficiently warmed and my shivering subsided.

"I never should have left like that. I want you to know that. It was wrong, and I'm sorry. For a minute, I didn't feel like myself, and I don't know what I was thinking. Please forgive me?"

"It's already forgiven," I answered honestly. I was still unsure as to why he insisted on apologizing to me; I was the one that upset him, and he left to clear his head. I certainly couldn't hold that against him.

"Can I show you something?" he asked me, eyes pleading.

"Of course," I answered.

"Before you argue, I want you to know that I need to do this, for me." He sat up and grabbed both of our robes from the closet. I followed him wordlessly as he made his way over to the locked door. I didn't dare argue that he didn't need to show me what was behind it. Whatever it was, it was obviously very important to him.

He entered the key, and with a deep breath, turned the lock and pushed the door open. I followed him into the chilly garage, instinctively wrapping my arms around myself. It was still dark, and I could see in the dim light Edward fumbling around for a light switch. When he finally flicked it, I let me gaze settle onto… a car.

I don't know why I was particularly surprised to see a car in the garage. Though I wasn't sure what to expect, it seemed a little anticlimactic. I waited patiently for Edward to explain.

"It was my father's," he said. "It's a 1962 Aston Martin DB4 Convertible. There were only 70 ever made, and Carlisle managed to get his hands on one. He used to let me sit in the garage while he restored it, and when I was old enough he let me work on it with him. It was his pride and joy."

"It's lovely," I commented, unsure what to say.

"When I was sixteen and got my license, he let me drive it once. He knew how important to me it was to get to drive it. I talked about it all the time when I was a kid, and he always promised me he would let me when I got my license. I was such a little shit back then, but he kept his promise and let me drive it anyway. It was one of the best days of my life, and one of the happiest memories I have of him."

I squeezed Edward's hand gently as he reminisced over the memories of his father. "This must be hard for you to look at then," I commented, understanding perfectly. "That's why you were so upset?"

"No, it's not just that. I'm selfish, Bella."

I cocked my head in confusion. "Selfish? Why?"

Edward sighed heavily. "This car is worth more than the house we're living in," he explained. "It was in storage when the fire started, so it didn't go up with the rest of the house."

"Okay…" I trailed off, unsure.

"Don't you get it? I could give Alice a better life than I'm giving her if I would just sell the damn thing, but I can't bring myself to do it. I even had a couple of classic car collectors come appraise it. They both made me generous offers, but I refused them. I just couldn't do it. This car means to much too me."

"Edward, you're not being selfish at all," I argued. "This car belonged to your father and gives you happy memories. Of course you can't get rid of it. It means too much to you, and it's one of the only things you have left of him. Nobody would ever expect you to sell it."

"Thank you," he murmured, putting an arm around me. "Maybe I'll sell it one day, pay for Alice's college or something. I just can't yet."

"I understand," I said, snuggling into the warmth of his side. "This car, it's a part of you. Maybe in time you'll want to sell it, but you shouldn't force yourself."

"I'm sorry for leaving you like that," he said. "It was stupid, and I will never do that again."

We turned to go into the house, and Edward locked the garage door again. Not many more words were spoken between us before we both fell into an exhausted sleep.

Sunday after breakfast, Alice insisted on spending the entire day playing board games. She made it her mission to expose me to every game that I should have played in my childhood. I was overwhelmed with all the game pieces, cards, dice, and rules. When I commented on how many board games they seemed to have, Edward explained.

"When Alice came home from the hospital, we didn't really have any of our own possessions, everything was lost in the fire. I ran across a bunch of old board games at a garage sale, and I bought all of them. She used to love playing board games with my parents when she was little, and I thought that bringing some home might make her happy. But she never even touched them until last night. You brought that back in her though; she wanted to share them with you."

"That's sweet that she wanted me to play," I agreed.

Edward smiled gently at me. "I don't think you understand how significant that was. Bella, you brought her back from the dead with everything you've done for her. She's starting to feel happy again. I was so afraid that I'd never get her back."

I shrugged off his comment, a little embarrassed that he thought so highly of what I did for Alice. All I did was talk to her a little. I felt like I was nothing special, but I said nothing. Edward never wanted me to say anything negative about myself.

The day passed quickly. Jasper even came over to join us for a game of Risk, and I was shocked at how long it took to play a single game. Before I knew it, it was time for bed. Alice had school in the morning, and Edward and I both had to work.

Waking up Monday was strange for me. Today would be the first day that I would be alone in the house, after Edward left for work at least. I normally worked pretty standard hours, eight to four. Even though I could choose my own hours, working these hours was a comfortable routine, and I didn't want to break it even though I was in a new place.

Edward was still sleeping at seven when my alarm went off, and I managed to disentangle myself from him and get into the shower. When I was finished and dressed, I listened at Alice's door for a minute to make sure she was awake for school. When I heard her rustling around her bedroom, I went to the kitchen to make breakfast for both of them. I sighed when I realized that in all the weekend excitement and game playing, I never made it to the grocery store. I settled on the standard breakfast staple of bacon and eggs, with a vow to make something more exciting the next day.

Edward was roused by the smell of food in the kitchen and joined me, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He smiled at me and grabbed a cup of coffee, offering me some as well. I accepted a cup and set the food on the table, and both Edward and Alice dug in hungrily.

"This beats the hell out of Lucky Charms," Alice commented, shoving a piece of bacon in her mouth.

I flushed, embarrassed again about the praise. "It's just bacon and eggs," I said. "I'll make something better tomorrow."

Edward helped me clean up the kitchen while Alice left for school. Jasper's mother was picking Alice up this morning, so Edward didn't have to take her. When the kitchen was sufficiently clean, I disappeared into the bedroom and emerged with my laptop and a couple of printed manuscripts I had been working on. I set my things in the living room; the coffee table would have to make do as a makeshift desk for now.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

"Working," I explained, confused. I thought it was obvious.

"Work later," he urged. "We finally have the house to ourselves."

Clearly understanding what he was implying, I considered it before shrugging off his suggestion. "I work better in the mornings," I explained. "If I finish up by four, then I'll have time to make dinner and do errands."

Edward surrendered. "Maaan," he groaned. "I don't have to leave for at least two hours. What am I supposed to do while you're working?" I could tell he was only half joking.

"What do you usually do?"

"Watch TV usually, I guess. Or go back to bed when Alice is at school."

"Do you want me to work in the bedroom so you can watch TV?"

"Nah, I'll just go back to bed."

I sat staring blankly at my computer screen for a few minutes after he disappeared. Once again, I felt like I was intruding on his space. If I worked in the bedroom, he couldn't be in there. If I worked in the living room, he wouldn't be able to watch TV if he wanted to. I gathered up my stuff once again and laid out my work on the breakfast bar, settling myself on the uncomfortable stool.

I had a lot of trouble falling into my regular work routine. I was so used to my setup in my bedroom at Charlie's that I kept getting distracted. The stool was so hard that I had to get up every few minutes to stretch, and I was getting quickly frustrated. What I really needed, for my own sanity, was a chair and a desk. I would have to talk to Edward, but I still didn't want to over step and ask him to change anything.

When Edward was finished getting ready for work, he found me in the kitchen with my head in my hands.

"You okay?" he asked.

Not wanting to complain, I said, "Yeah, just having trouble concentrating. I'm starting to get a headache."

Edward brought me some Tylenol and gave me a quick, sweet kiss before he left to go to the bar.

I managed to get a little work done before Alice strolled in the door at three. She seemed excited about something, but told me that she'd talk to me over dinner because she knew I was working.

I was interrupted again twenty minutes later by a knock at the door. Frustrated from having read the same page three times, I called to Alice to see if she would get the door, but her music was on very loud and I knew she probably couldn't hear me.

I peered through the small window next to the door and was surprised to find Tanya Denali on the other side of it. I hadn't seen her since I quit my job in October.

I flung open the door and greeted her kindly. "Tanya, this is a nice surprise. What are you doing here?" I asked with a smile.

She didn't return my smile or kind greeting. She looked incredibly stressed, the small lines around her eyes prominent and her forehead creased in worry.

"I'm sorry to barge in on you like this, but I heard that you were living with Edward and I got the address from Alice's file," she said, wringing her hands, looking embarrassed.

"Calm down," I urged. "I don't mind that you tried to find me. What's wrong?"

"Bella, this is really, really important. I need to know why you quit your job."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24- Requests**

Taken aback by her question, I took an involuntary step away from her. "Why do you need to know?" I asked quietly. Was she here because she was wondering about my past? Though I didn't know her well, she didn't seem the type to pry, so that probably wasn't it.

_Then why is she here? _I thought, slightly panicked.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" She asked.

"What's wrong with here?" I asked. I wasn't exactly comfortable going anywhere with her. Though she had always been friendly with me, she was virtually a stranger.

"Honestly, I could really use a drink. You'll probably need one too when I say what I need to."

Nausea began to rise in my gut, but I fought it back. Something about her expression told me that whatever she needed to say was very important. My internal voice was screaming at me not to trust her, but I decided to follow her anyway. I called in to Alice that I was going out for a while and heard her muffled "okay" from the other side of the door. Wordlessly, I followed Tanya to her car, and we made our way to the only bar in town- Waylon's.

When I realized that this was her intended destination, I said, "You realize that my boyfriend works here, right? Can whatever you have to say be discussed in front of him?"

"Yes," she sighed. "In fact, it's probably better if he hears it anyway."

We walked into the pub, and Edward saw us immediately. His brow furrowed in what was no doubt a combination of confusion and concern. We chose one of the small tables in the corner instead of sitting at the bar. Edward greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a questioning eyebrow. I introduced him to Tanya, and then he offered to get us some drinks. When Edward disappeared to get Tanya her beer and my soda, I asked her again. "So why do you want to know why I left my job?"

"Bella, since you left the school, some… things have happened."

Remembering the events of the day I quit made my blood run cold with anger. "What things?"

"Two of the teachers were either fired or quit, and we don't know why. It was pretty ugly, and neither of them will say anything. One of them was Sam Uley, the other gym teacher. Mrs. Cope hasn't hired anyone since he left, and she's made me teach all of the gym classes now. All of the class sizes have doubled, and the classes were already too big to begin with. When I told her that I couldn't handle his classes too, she called me lazy and told me to watch my step or I'd be fired."

"So what does this have to do with me?" I asked, looking away, pretty certain I knew exactly what she wanted from me.

"Because I need to know if she forced you out too, and I need to know why. I want to go to the superintendent with this. I talked to Joe from the history department, because I heard he's had experience with this kind of thing before. He said that when we go we need to have a case against her. So I'm here asking for your help."

"I don't understand," I admitted, even though it was partially a lie.

"Bella, every single teacher at the school is suffering. Mrs. Cope is flaunting around, acting like nobody can touch her, and for some reason, people seem too scared of her to do anything about it. She's acting like she's invincible, and me and a few other people are pretty fed up about it. We need to do something."

"Tanya, I really don't want to talk about it," I said, as Edward brought the drinks. "What happened was pretty personal."

Tanya didn't even seem to notice him as she continued. "Bella, please, you have to! Did she get to you too? If something happened, you need to report it. People are depending on you."

I sighed, frustrated. "What makes you so sure that I was forced out? You don't need me for this. Please, just let it go," I begged.

"Because you're acting scared," she said insistently. "I know something happened, and I'm asking- no, begging you for your help."

"What the hell is going on?" Edward asked, looking at Tanya suspiciously. Edward always became protective when people seemed to be pushing me. I appreciated it, but I knew Tanya wasn't purposely trying to make me uncomfortable. I explained quickly what was going on to Edward. He grabbed a chair and sat down with us, and Tanya didn't argue. Instead, she tried to get him on her side.

"I'm trying to convince her to come forward. I don't know what happened when she quit her job, but I'm pretty sure it was bad. We have got to get to the bottom of this whole thing with Mrs. Cope, before it gets out of hand. I'm not asking you to get involved directly, not yet at least. I just need to know what happened. Please?"

I looked to Edward, hoping he would give me some advice. I was lost at this point, unsure how much I should say.

"What could it hurt?" he said, answering my unspoken question. "You don't have to give her all the details, but you can tell her what happened."

"Umm, okay," I started, hesitantly. "Tyler Crowley's father, Kevin, approached me at Parents Night and he demanded that I change one of the grades on Tyler's paper. I refused to do it because the paper was plagiarized. He then said that if I didn't change it, he'd tell the administration some private things that he found out about my life, things I didn't want other people to know."

I glanced at Tanya and found a sympathetic expression, so I continued. "Nothing happened at first, until a couple weeks later, when I was forced to give Tyler another bad grade. Then the Monday after they got their papers back, Mrs. Cope called me out of class. She accused me of playing favorites with Alice Cullen because I was dating her brother. Then she demanded that I change the grades on Tyler's papers. I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I quit."

"Wow, good for you. I wish I had your guts. I should have quit the minute they combined all the gym classes," Tanya said.

I simply shrugged and took a sip of my coke.

"Okay," Tanya said. "I'm going to try to talk to the other two teachers that were fired, and see if they're stories have anything to do with this Kevin Crowley guy. If it did, we're going to nail both of their asses to the wall."

I smiled at Tanya's determination. On the drive home, she promised that she would keep me updated and let me know if I needed to get involved. I really, really didn't want to get involved.

But it was the right thing to do, and I should have done it sooner.

Edward pulled me aside before we left. "Hey, Bella. I really think we need to talk tonight when I get home from work, okay?"

My face paled, and his eyes widened. "No, not that kind of talk," he assured me. "I just keep thinking of what happened this weekend, and I'm sick over it. We never really talked about it. In fact, we haven't really talked about you moving in and what we expect from each other. I think we need to fix that, sooner rather than later."

He was right, I knew, so I told him I would make sure I had the evening free so that we could talk after dinner. I was just incredibly nervous about what he might have to say.

Tanya drove me home then, and the atmosphere was still tense. We didn't speak much. When she pulled up to the house, I caught sight of my truck in the driveway and remembered that I still needed to go grocery shopping. I walked into the house and knocked on Alice's door to see if she either wanted to come with me or if there was anything in particular she wanted me to pick up for her. The music was still blaring and there was no answer, so I knocked louder.

I turned the handle and opened the door a crack so I could yell into her. Peeking in the crack of the door, I gasped at what I saw.

Japser and Alice were tangled together on her bed. Alice was still, fortunately dressed, but Jasper's shirt was lying somewhere on the messy floor. "Alice!" I yelled, and she finally heard me.

I was angry, and I didn't get angry often. It was only last week that Alice and I had had a conversation about Jasper being over when Edward wasn't home.

I watched as Jasper quickly jumped off of Alice, scrambling for his shirt. I pinched the bridge of my nose like Edward often did when he was angry.

"Get out," I said, looking directly at Jasper. I wasn't sure if I was overstepping my bounds, but I was seething.

"Yes ma'am," he sputtered. "I'm sorry."

When he disappeared, I walked over to Alice's iPOD dock and turned the power off. The silence in the room was deafening as I turned to her expectantly. When she said nothing, I started. "Alice, what the hell? Didn't we just talk about this?"

Alice returned my angry stare with one of her own. "'What the hell are you thinking, Bella? Why did you have to kick him out? You used to be cool. Suddenly you live here now and you think you can just tell me what to do all of a sudden?"

I was frozen in shock. The tiny girl who stood in front of me was not the Alice I knew. I was familiar with teenage mood swings, but this was extreme for her. "I told you not to have him over when nobody's home, and you agreed. Why are you treating me like this?"

"Because you're not my mother," she said shortly, and it felt like a slap in the face.

"I'm not trying to be your mother," I argued. Alice pushed past me suddenly and started walking towards the front door.

"Whatever, I'm getting out of here."

"Where are you going?"

"None of your business! I'll be back later when Edward's home. I don't want to be here with you anymore."

I stared after her in disbelief until the front door slammed. I thought about going after her, but figured it wouldn't do any good. I flopped down on the couch and put my head in my hands, reviewing what happened.

_Did I do something wrong? _I must have, because Alice had never spoken to me like that before. I wondered if she was regretting me moving in here, and that's why she was acting out.

Edward found me in the pretty much the same position two hours later when he came home. When he caught sight of me, he stopped short.

"Are you okay?" he asked, rushing to me in a panic. I didn't even realize I crying until he grabbed a tissue for me.

"I screwed up," I said simply. "Alice hates me."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

I explained everything to him, from the first time I caught Alice and Jasper, to the events of the evening and Alice running off.

Edward stood up with determination. "I'm going to call Darcy and see if she's over there. Then I'm going to go kill Jasper, bring Alice home, make her apologize to you, and then kill her too."

I answered him with a sob, and Edward hushed me. "Bella, you know I was just kidding about the killing part, but I am going over there to get her."

"What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she doesn't want me to live here anymore?"

"Quite frankly, she is the child in this situation, and it doesn't matter what she wants. I want you here, and that's what matters."

"Of course what she wants matters," I argued. "She was here first."

"And she's in the wrong," he said gently. "She's being an irrational teenager. Let me go get her, and we'll all talk about it, okay?"

"Maybe I shouldn't be here when she gets back," I said. "I need to go to the grocery store anyway. That will give you guys time to talk first."

Edward frowned. "Are you sure you want to go out so late? It's dark outside."

"I've been out in the dark before," I said. "I'll be fine. Just go get Alice. Besides, I think that we're officially out of food." At one time, I was terrified of going out alone when it was dark, but I managed to mostly get over that fear after a few trips at night.

Edward agreed reluctantly to let me go, and we both left the house and got into our respective cars.

I took my time at the grocery store, trying to give Edward and Alice more time to talk before I came home. I was actually relieved at how empty the place was, and pondered routinely shopping in the evening, to avoid crowds and lines. I traveled down the aisles systematically, reviewing the list in my head, planning out meals for more than a week. When I reached the last aisle of the store, the frozen food section, I caught something in the reflective glass of the freezer that made my heart skip.

The face of my mother, distorted in the glass.

Breathing heavily, I gripped the handle of my cart so hard my knuckles turned white. When I finally got the courage to turn around, she was gone.

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, convinced I was going crazy. As I made my way to the checkout, and then on the way to the car, I kept looking over my shoulder. I loaded my bags quickly into the cab and pulled away quickly, constantly checking my rearview mirror for any sign that there was somebody following me, but there was nobody. _Definitely going crazy_, I thought.

Edward was right. I didn't usually go out alone after dark, and my mind must have been playing tricks on me.

When I got home, Edward met me at the door, and I rushed from the cab and into his arms, the grocery bags in the truck forgotten.

"You okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I just got a little creeped out. You were right, I shouldn't have gone out at night alone. It makes me a little paranoid."

Edward examined my face for any signs that I wasn't okay, and told me to wait inside while he retrieved the bags.

When I stepped into the house, Alice was waiting for me, looking appropriately ashamed.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," Alice said as soon as she saw me. "I don't know what got in to me. I never should have said those things to you."

Edward returned and put the bags down in the kitchen and sat down in the living room with us. I still said nothing.

"Alice, now that Bella is here, we need to make some ground rules. When I'm at work and she's home, she's in charge. You don't have to like it, but that's how it is. Jasper is not to be here if neither one of us is home. Even if we are home, he's not allowed in your room, at all."

"That's not fair!" Alice protested, but quickly shut her mouth when she saw the ire in Edward's face.

"I'm not finished. I've never punished you for anything before, but you crossed the line today. This is Bella's house too. You need to respect that, and you need to respect her."

"I do!" She insisted. "I said I was sorry, and I meant it."

"I'm glad," Edward said. More gently, he said. "Alice, I can't replace mom and dad, but I am responsible for your well-being, whether you like it or not. I don't make rules to piss you off; I do them to protect you. You may hate it now, but someday you'll understand that."

I was surprised at Edward's words. He really sounded like a parent, and I was proud of him for standing up to her and making boundaries. At the same time, I was upset that my presence created any kind of rift in their relationship.

"I'm sorry," Alice said again, to both of us.

"You're still grounded. Two weeks. Come right here after school."

"Okay," Alice agreed. "Can I go to my room now?"

Edward told her that she could, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Edward and I were alone. We retreated to the kitchen and put away the groceries together in silence. I offered to make him something to eat since I hadn't yet made dinner, but he declined, settling on a slice of leftover pizza from yesterday's game night. I ate nothing.

Once we were finally in bed, he pulled me close to him and asked me again if I was okay. I was still shaken from the argument with Alice and from seeing the image of my mother, but I didn't want to worry him.

"I'm fine," I said. "I promise."

"We still need to talk tomorrow," he murmured.

"I know," I yawned. "We can talk in the morning."

I was too exhausted to worry about how our conversation would go the next day. Edward held me tightly as I drifted off to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25- Christmas

The week of Christmas arrived far too soon.

I was so caught up in my own drama of meeting Sue, moving in with Edward, and adjusting to my new space, that I had entirely forgotten about the holiday. It was another one of those holidays I wasn't used to celebrating with family, so I guess it was easy for me to forget about it.

I had been very busy over the last two weeks with work. Edward and I managed to get past our differences by laying our cards out on the table. He told me how much it upset him when I referred to our place as "his" alone. I explained how I was still having trouble adjusting, and I promised to work on it. He agreed to try to be patient with me. We also talked about household expenses. He reluctantly agreed to let me pay half of everything. I know that if he could have afforded it on his own, he would have, but he was already struggling. I basked in my small victory. It's amazing how much easier things can be when the lines of communication are open.

I was shocked a week before Christmas, when Edward came home later than usual from work and was dragging a tree behind him. I jumped up in surprise. "Oh my god, let me help you!"

Together we managed to wrestle the tree inside, and I laughed at his disheveled appearance. "What the hell is this, Edward?"

He smiled. "I wanted to do something nice for my girls, so I got this tree. I thought we could decorate it tonight."

"We don't have any decorations."

Edward smiled. "I got those too, they're in the car."

I went outside to help him and noticed the top of his car was sticky with pine needles. "You loaded a tree on the top of your precious Volvo?" I asked incredulously. "Why didn't you borrow my truck?"

"Would have ruined the surprise," he said, wide smile still in place.

We spent the evening setting up the tree and decorating the house. The decorations Edward picked up weren't much, but I could definitely feel the spirit in the air. The place felt very comfortable and homey. I was giddy with happiness. This was another first for me, and I was sharing it with Edward, which made it that much more special to me.

After Alice went to bed, my eyes widened. "Edward! Christmas is next week!" I exclaimed in horror.

He laughed. "I know," he said, motioning to the tree.

"We haven't gotten anything for Alice yet!"

"I know. I thought we could go tomorrow and get her some stuff while she's at school. I took the day off."

"Okay," I agreed. "I can work later in the evening, I guess." Though I hadn't been exactly neglecting my work, my output wasn't as high as it was when I lived with Charlie, due to the increase in distractions and the uncomfortable work space. I had explained my concerns about work to both Edward and Alice, and they were both a lot better about distracting me when I was working. It still wasn't the same though, and I was worried that I would fall too far behind. That didn't matter for now though. Alice was too important that I figured one more day of low output wouldn't matter.

Both of us were a little clueless as to what to get her, so I had to call Rose a total of seven times while we were out to check if our purchases were appropriate for a teenage girl, but she didn't mind; she was actually excited to help.

Between the two of us, we managed to complete the shopping and wrap all of the presents before Alice came home. I realized that I hadn't gotten anything for Edward or Charlie yet, and I made a mental note to do so.

Edward suggested that I go to the library to do my work, since he was home. I thought it was a good idea, but I was a little confused at the motives for his suggestion. I managed to shrug my anxiety off though, and went to the library.

The library closed at nine, and while I hadn't put in a full eight hours, I actually got a lot accomplished and was proud of myself. At the rate I was going with my hours, I was going to end up having to work over the weekend to make up for time. I knew I could fudge it on my time sheet, but the dishonesty would make me more anxious than it was worth. If I told my boss I would work forty hours, then I would.

Christmas came a short week later, and I was so excited in the morning that I wanted to bounce on the bed and wake Edward up early so we could watch Alice open her presents. This was, in essence, my first Christmas, so I was unashamed to be so excited.

As I stood at the foot of the bed staring at Edward's sleeping form, debating on waking him up, Alice made my decision for me. She banged on the door and yelled, "Wake up, guys, it's Christmas!"

Edward groaned and rubbed his eyes and stared at me. "What time is it?"

"Um, it's six am," I said shyly. I couldn't get back to sleep, and apparently neither could Alice."

Edward groaned and rolled out of bed. He threw on some pajama bottoms and a t-shirt and reluctantly got up. "Coffee?" he asked, begging me with his eyes.

"I'm on it," I laughed. Together, we exited to the kitchen.

"Coffee first," he told Alice before she could say anything else. She pouted a little, but relented.

Our plan was to do Christmas morning here with Alice, then meet Charlie, Sue, and Emmett at Charlie's house. Rosalie wouldn't be joining us this time, as she was with her parents.

I enjoyed watching Alice open her gifts immensely. I knew the holiday without would be hard for both her and Edward, but they both seemed happy, and I was glad. When she was finished with her gifts, I nervously gave Edward the gift I had for him.

When he opened it, his eyes began to water. "This is… perfect," he said, staring at the leather bound journal full of empty sheet music. Each page had the inscription, _Music by Edward Anthony Cullen _written elegantly on the bottom.

"I remembered that you told me that you liked to teach music and that you wanted to compose someday. I thought it would be a nice gift for you to get started."

"It is," he said, kissing me softly. "It's perfect, you're perfect. Come on," he said excitedly, pulling me to my feet. "I have something for you too."

I followed him towards the hall, and at first I thought he was dragging me to the bedroom, but he stopped at the locked garage door.

"What?" I asked, confused, as he pulled out the key.

"You'll see," he explained. "Close your eyes."

The first thing I noticed when I entered the room was that it wasn't cold like the last time I was here. In fact, it was toasty warm. I was dying to open my eyes but waited for him to tell me to. Once I was guided into the position he wanted, he told me to open them and I did.

I was completely blown away by what I found before me. A large, oak desk was sitting there in the middle of the garage, facing the windows on the garage door. A beautiful, comfortable looking leather desk chair sat behind it. Looking down, I noticed that the floors were covered now in laminate wood, and there was a large area rug underneath the desk. Two sturdy looking bookshelves stood behind the desk, and they were filled with my books and journals. My laptop was already in place on the desk, along with the manuscript I was currently editing. There were even stocked desk organizers on top filled with pencils, pens, post-its, paper clips, highlighters, and anything else I could ever possibly need.

I had an office.

I burst into tears.

"Edward… it's perfect," I exclaimed, launching myself into his arms.

He chuckled and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him fiercely. "I'm glad you like it," he laughed.

"How did you do this? You didn't sell the Vanquish, did you?"

Edward set me down and said, "Remember the day I sent you to the library?" I nodded. "Well, I drove the Vanquish over to Charlie's, and he's keeping it in his garage for me until I either get a bigger place or find a place to store it. Then he and Emmett came over and helped me paint and put down the floor. Then one night we stole your truck and Emmett and I moved all of the furniture in while you were sleeping." He laughed. "Emmett made so much freaking noise I can't believe you didn't wake up."

"How'd you get all my books in here?" I asked incredulously. "I just had them in the living room yesterday."

He smiled. "I snuck out after you fell asleep and loaded all the books on the shelves and set up your computer. It didn't take very long."

"It's too much," I sighed, looking at the beautiful furniture, wondering how he afforded it. I didn't want to seem ungrateful, but I was worried about the cost.

"Everything's second-hand," Edward said, "Even the floors. Emmett reupholstered the chair himself. Did you know he could sew?"

"No, I sure didn't." I said, staring around in wonder.

I felt for a moment like I was in Heaven… at least until I looked up at the garage window and saw Renee's face again.

This time it didn't vanish like it did in the grocery store. Her image stayed, and it glared at me. I started to tremble violently, and Edward asked me what was wrong. I wordlessly pointed to the window, but when he looked up she was gone.

"What, baby? What did you see?"

"Edward…" I said nervously. "I think I'm going crazy."

When I told Edward what I thought I saw at the grocery store, and again outside the garage window, his eyes widened in panic.

"It's okay," I assured him. "I must be seeing things."

"We better tell Charlie, just in case. Let's head over a little early."

Edward insisted on going outside first and looking around for Renee before he got Alice and I into the car. He checked the locks twice before he finally got into the car and pulled out, satisfied that the house was secured and she was nowhere in sight.

"I'm sure it's nothing," I said, trying to calm him down. "I'm just paranoid and probably just seeing things."

Edward's face remained stoic as he drove quickly over to Charlie's house. Once there, he relayed what I thought I saw to Charlie, who quickly delved into cop mode. He called into the station to see if there had been any hits on her name, but there weren't.

"There's still a restraining order in effect, right?" Edward asked.

"Yes, but it's not doing a lot of good if we can't find her," Charlie sighed. Emmett huffed from the corner he was quietly sitting in. I gave him a small, sad smile. "I'm sure it's nothing, Emmett."

"I hate her," he growled. "I hate her for abandoning me. I hate what she did to you. I hate that she won't leave you the fuck alone. God help me if I find her first."

Emmett had never actually spoken aloud about his feelings for Renee, and I realized I never really thought of how all of this affected him too. Yes, I was the victim, but in a way, so was he. I went to him and wrapped my arms around him, all I could do at the moment. "It'll be okay," I said soothingly.

"You've been through all this shit, and you're comforting me?" he asked.

"Of course," I said, forcing a smile. "You're my big little brother, remember? I love you," I said. And I truly meant it, even if it was the first time I actually said it.

Emmett widened his big blue eyes and hugged me tighter. "Love you too sis," he said.

"Can we just try to enjoy Christmas now?" I asked, forcing a smile.

It was strained, but we managed to get through the exchange of presents without any further drama.

Edward was still clearly on edge when we got home that night, and I started to wish I never said anything about it at all.

~~ID~~

The next couple of weeks went by with no further Renee sightings. From time to time, I got the feeling that I was being watched, but I chalked that up to plain paranoia. I looked over my shoulder constantly, but never saw her.

During the second week of January, I got two disturbing phone calls.

The first was from Charlie, calling to inform me that James was out of jail. I wasn't really surprised; Charlie had told me the charges he was booked on were pretty minor. I thanked him for letting me know, and we agreed to call each other if we saw or heard anything from him or Renee.

The second call was from Tanya. She wanted me to meet with her lawyer to give a statement. The thought of doing so made my stomach turn. Lawyers asked questions, and I was afraid he would ask about the information Mr. Crowley had on me when he tried to blackmail me. I was also afraid that this whole mess would end up in court and I would have to sit on the stand. The only experience I had with courtrooms was on TV. I feared that the way witnesses were embarrassed and abused on the stand was closer to reality than fiction. I wanted no part of that.

I asked if I could meet up with her first to get an update on the situation, and she agreed to come over that evening. When she came over, Edward was at work and Alice was with Jasper, so we had the place to ourselves. I poured some coffee for both of us, and we settled in the living room.

"So what's going on?" I asked her.

"Well, I got one teacher on board, Sam, remember?" I nodded. "Apparently, this all has to do with Tyler Crowley. Sam had submitted papers to suspend Tyler for a couple of days for purposely pushing around another kid and tripping him repeatedly. The suspension papers were ignored, and he went to Mrs. Cope's office to find out why. She said the tripping and pushing were clearly accidents and that Tyler couldn't be suspended. Sam was mad, but he let it go. Later in the week, he found Tyler bullying the same kid again in the hallway, and actually saw Tyler hit the boy. Sam took Tyler to the office right then and there, with witnesses as to what happened. Mrs. Cope had no choice but to suspend Tyler because of the witnesses. The next day, Sam was called into her office. She said some of the basketball players accused him of cursing at them during practice and saying all kinds of derogatory things, then threatening them with physical punishment if they didn't win the next game. It's all bullshit of course. Tyler is on the basketball team, not surprisingly."

"So what did Sam do?"

"He couldn't do anything. He was suspended without pay until there's an investigation."

"Christ," I muttered.

"The other teacher was Tyler's Earth Science teacher. It was basically the same thing that happened to you. She was told to change one of Tyler's grades, and she refused. She was also placed on administrative leave. Now she's back, and nobody is sure what happened. She won't talk to anyone about it, and I'm worried that Tyler's father may have threatened her."

"Wouldn't be surprising," I said angrily. "That's what he did to me."

"So, like I said, Sam's on board to testify his story to the school board, but it won't do any good if you don't tell your side too. The other teachers are rallying behind us, and Mrs. Cope is getting nervous."

"I don't know, Tanya…"

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I almost forgot. You know Mrs. Davis, the Senior English teacher?"

"Yeah, she was my department head."

"Well, her husband is a private investigator. Mrs. Davis was so pissed when she found out why you quit, that she had her husband tail Kevin Crowley. Check out what he found."

She pulled a folded piece of paper from her purse. It was a copy of a photograph. The image was a little grainy, but I could clearly see Mrs. Cope and Mr. Crowley together. She was leaving what looked like a motel room, and his hand was clearly on her ass in the picture. I shuddered at the image.

"You can't possibly mean…"

"Yeah, there's more like it. Cope and Crowley are definitely having an affair. So with the info the PI got, and yours and Sam's testimony, we're pretty sure we can nail both of them. We're going to get you and Sam your jobs back."

I frowned. "I'm not so sure I want my job back, but I'll help."

Tanya threw her arms around me. "Thank you, Bella! Why don't you want your job back though?"

"I have another job that's okay for me. I mean, I miss teaching because I loved the subject matter, but it's a bit stressful, you know?"

"I'm sorry to hear that. All the kids were talking about how much they missed you when you left, and I know for a fact that Mrs. Davis is dying to get you back on board."

"That's surprising. I always figured nobody would even really notice."

"Oh, they did. So can you meet with the lawyer tomorrow? I'll go with you. It's not a trial he's preparing you for, it's just a statement to the school board. He'll just help you outline what you should say and things you should avoid, that's all."

"That sounds pretty harmless," I admitted.

With that, I agreed to meet with Tanya in the morning to meet with her lawyer. I really hoped that I was doing the right thing.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26- Preparation **

Tanya agreed to pick me up the next morning so that we could visit with her lawyer. She was using a personal day, and I decided to use one of my own as well. I figured there was no way I'd be able to focus on work after that anyway.

I told Edward about my plans the night Tanya came over, and he supported me as always.

"I'm proud of you for going, you know," he said between bites of food. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. Maybe to the hearing, but I don't think I need you for this. Tanya's going to take me and bring me home."

"Okay. Call me when it's over? I want to make sure you're okay."

"Of course." I didn't eat much or say much through the rest of the meal, my stomach in knots worrying about what the next day would bring.

Tanya arrived early the next morning, because her lawyer's office was in Port Angeles, and we needed to meet him by eight. She greeted me by proudly displaying a very large Styrofoam cup of black delicious goodness, and I couldn't help the tiny moan that escaped my throat when I took the first sip.

Coffee almost made the emotional trauma I was about to bear worth it somehow.

"Thanks for doing this, Bella," she said sincerely, as we walked carefully down the slippery driveway to her car.

"I should be thanking you, honestly. I didn't have the guts you have. I know I should have come forward sooner. I'm just glad I can help now."

I was surprised to see Sam Uley sitting in the front seat of Tanya's car, sipping his own coffee. I wasn't aware that he was coming, and being trapped in a car with him for an hour to Port Angeles was slightly unnerving. All the interactions I ever had with him had been cordial, but just his sheer size made me nervous. He towered over me at six foot seven and was built like an ox.

Sam was actually Quileute, like Sue. They both lived on the reservation, and I knew that they were good friends. I always wondered why Sam didn't teach on the reservation. Maybe it was because he enjoyed coaching basketball.

I swallowed hard and tried to remind myself that we were in the exact same predicament, and that since he was Sue's friend, he couldn't be a threat to me. I wiggled into the backseat and said, "Hi, Sam," in a tiny voice.

"Bella." He greeted simply. I was a little taken aback from his curtness until he turned briefly to say something to Tanya, and I noticed just how haggard he looked.

He was unshaven, days worth of stubble lining his cheeks that were usually trimmed clean. His long hair, which he usually wore in a neat ponytail when he was working, lay long and greasy and flat against his neck. His eyes displayed prominent shadows, even against his dark, bronzed skin.

Sam Uley was not well. He looked like I imagined I looked two months ago- broken.

I had two months to get over the shock of the messed up situation I was in. He only had a few days, and the allegations against him were far worse than what I went through. Sam had been accused of abusing his students. Despite the fact that his stature alone intimidated me, my heart went out to this broken man.

Conversation between the three of us was strained, but Tanya explained a little about what would happen.

Apparently, the lawyer, Mr. Jenks, was a friend of Tanya's mother and offered to give her some guidance on how to pursue the hearing. I was also surprised to hear that he was doing this for free. He would not be involved in the hearing since it wasn't a courtroom matter. He would just give advice along the way as a personal favor to Tanya. The way she described it was a lot less intimidating than I originally imagined it to be.

The purpose of Sam and I meeting with the lawyer was to go over what we want to say in our testimony to the school board, so he could help us tweak our arguments and anticipate any rebuttal.

I spent the rest of the time in the car looking over my notes quietly and drafting what I wanted to say. I didn't want to show up to Mr. Jenks' office empty handed and waste his time.

When we arrived at the office in Port Angeles, I followed Tanya and Sam wordlessly, wrapping my arms around my torso for my own comfort.

The office was fairly cozy on the inside, which surprised me. There were long leather couches in the waiting room and fresh coffee brewed. I politely declined the cup I was offered by the secretary, I felt jittery enough without it.

When we were called into the office, I felt like I was walking onto a firing line. Sam and Tanya didn't know my entire story, and there was a fair possibility I may need to share it with them.

All in the name of justice, right? Helping them was the right thing to do.

Though I tried so hard not to be dependant on him, I really wanted Edward. I was regretting my decision not to have him tag along for this one.

As I sat down in a comfortable leather chair next to Tanya, I realized there was a conversation going on around me. I didn't realize I had zoned out.

I blinked. "I'm sorry, what?" I said, when I realized that the lawyer was talking to me.

"I was just introducing myself," he explained patiently. "My name is Jason Jenks, but you can call me Jay."

"Bella," I said quietly. I made no more to shake his hand. Sam introduced himself as well, and Jay didn't waste any time getting down to business.

"As I explained to Tanya earlier, I'm here as more of an advisor, because this will just be a school board hearing, not an actual trial. Tanya's already briefed me on both of your situations, I'd like to start with yours, Bella, if that's okay?"

I swallowed hard, thinking, _Of course he wanted to start with me_. With trembling hands, I slid the papers I had prepared across the desk to him, and he reviewed them quickly. It was short, and hopefully effective. My statement stated my name, how long I had worked at the school, and what happened on Parents Night with Kevin Crowley, and then of course what happened with Mrs. Cope that prompted me to quit.

Jay's face showed no emotion as he read the words. "Okay. So, here are some questions that I think you may want to be prepared for. First of all, when you noticed that this paper Tyler submitted was plagiarized, why didn't you seek disciplinary action against the boy?"

I tried to keep my composure as I realized that Jay was going to outline all of my actions, all my mistakes. I knew I had made many.

"Because I believe in second chances," I said honestly. "I talked to Tyler, and I thought the grade was punishment enough."

"Is it against the school policy to not report plagiarism?"

My eyes grew wide and angry tears threatened my eyes. "Yes, but that's not the point of this hearing," I protested, shooting daggers at Jay.

"Okay, let me stop you here. Bella, I am not the enemy here. I'm just trying to prepare you for some difficult questions, okay?"

I sighed in acknowledgement, crossing my arms over my stomach, which was quickly becoming unsettled.

"When you speak to them, as hard as it may be, you need to stay calm and rational. Don't direct your anger at the situation towards the school board, that will just make matters worse."

"Okay," I said quietly. I was regretting even coming today. I wasn't sure if I could go through with it after all.

He gave me a better response to give them, and then went on to the next question. "You said Mr. Crowley tried to intimidate you by threatening to expose private information about you. What was that?"

"Do I really have to tell them?" I asked in a small voice.

"No, you don't, but you do need to make it clear that the matter was a personal issue, not a professional one, and had no bearing on your abilities as a teacher. I have to ask, though, did you do anything illegal? Something that you would be in trouble for if he exposed it?"

"No. It was just a private matter, and we live in a small town. I didn't want anybody to know about it."

"Then that's all you need to say. Even if they ask you about it, just say that it was a private matter which had no bearing on your abilities as a teacher."

I nodded, relieved until he said, "Of course, that doesn't mean if Mrs. Cope tries to defend herself, she won't share what she learned about you."

I felt like I would throw up at that moment from sheer nerves but managed to continue, anxious to get it over with. I felt like I was being interrogated, and this was only the preparation.

"When Mr. Crowley threatened you, why didn't you report it?"

"Because I was anxious that he'd tell somebody about my past, and I was afraid."

"You allege Mrs. Cope demanded that you change Tyler's grades. Why did you wait until now to report it?"

"Again, because I was afraid. I don't have a better answer than that." I said defensively. My agitation was growing as I realized I couldn't come up with a better argument.

I wasn't a strong person, and I could freely admit that. My biggest flaws were being afraid all the time, and trying to ignore situations rather than deal with them directly. My family and friends had accepted that for what it is, and I know I made some improvement every day. Now I had to lay myself bare, sharing all my flaws and all my faults. I felt worthless.

I hadn't realized that I had spoken any of those words aloud until I chanced a glance around the room to find Sam, Tanya, and Jay all staring at me open mouthed.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," I said quickly, rushing out of the office.

Once outside, I paced back and forth in an effort to calm myself. Too soon, I heard Tanya's voice calling my name.

"I'm sorry," I said immediately as she approached me. I kept my gaze on the sidewalk below me.

"Don't be. Look, Bella. I don't know what happened to you, okay? And I don't want to know unless you want to tell me. But what I can tell you is that you're not worthless. If you were, you never would have come here today. You are stronger than you think you are. Maybe it was a moment of weakness when you didn't report any of this right away, but what matters is that what happened is wrong, and you're doing something about it now!"

"I know," I admitted. "I'm just afraid that they'll ask me these questions and I'll freak out, just like I did in there."

"But that's why were here, so Jay can prepare you for that, right?"

Tanya was a strong woman, I could see that plainly. I never had any strong female figures in my life, and I was jealous of how people like Tanya didn't take shit from anyone. She was caring and compassionate, and at the same time fierce and loyal. Even though Tanya had her own reasons for pushing Sam and me into this, I knew she was also there supporting us, because she knew what was right. She was helping me, and I was doing nothing but screwing up her plans. I knew that going back in to face Jay was the least I could do.

She guided me back inside, and neither Sam nor Jay looked at me with anything other than concern. I saw no anger or judgment in their eyes. I've spent so much of my life surrounded by people with the worst intentions, that it was so hard for me to accept that there really is kindness in the world. I needed to work on that.

It was a struggle, but Jay and I managed to get through another round of questioning. He corrected me gently when I said something that the school board may have not liked, and helped me rework my answers. I took detailed notes, wishing I had brought a tape recorder to help me remember all of this. I really didn't want to mess this up.

Sam went through the same sort of questioning as I did, but he handled it much better. When we finished, Tanya drove us straight back to Forks, and I found myself back shortly before noon. I had taken the entire day off, so I wasn't sure what to do.

One look at the empty house was all I needed to see before I decided that I didn't want to be alone. I called Edward and told him that the meeting went well, leaving out my almost breakdown. I didn't want him to worry about me while he was working. We would talk later.

I decided to drop in on Charlie's house for the rest of the afternoon. I knew Charlie wasn't home, but Emmett probably was, as it was still his holiday break. He would be leaving to return to school in a couple of days, and I wanted to see him before he left. I also wanted to run to the store for Charlie, because I knew if I didn't pick him up some groceries, he would be living on takeout again forever.

As I made my way over there, an unsettling feeling came over me. I tried to push it back, figuring that it was just the stress of the morning making me paranoid, but the feeling wouldn't go away. I kept making nervous glances around me and in my rearview mirror. There was a blue sedan behind me, but I was on a main road, so I wasn't sure if I was being followed. My paranoia wouldn't subside though.

I turned onto a side street that I really had no business being on, but I wanted to see if the sedan would follow. It didn't. I breathed a sigh of relief and chided myself as I turned around and pulled back to the main road.

I managed to do my shopping quickly, just grabbing the essentials for Charlie.

A couple of minutes later, I was pulling onto Charlie's street. I pulled into the driveway where he usually parked his cruiser. I looked around me one more time before getting out of the car, and found nothing out of the ordinary. I still couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling of impending doom.

Emmett's Jeep wasn't in the driveway, so I just used my key to let myself in. I put away the groceries quickly, and made a quick survey of the downstairs to make sure everything was in order. I smiled when I saw how neatly the house was kept. Either Charlie was going out of his way to impress Sue, or she was coming over and keeping him in line.

Deciding not to wait around for Emmett, I ran upstairs to use the bathroom quickly. When I was finished, I pulled out my cell to send a text to Emmett, asking if he wanted to meet up sometime later.

I was standing at the top of the stairs while I texted him. When I finished, I put the phone in my pocket and took a step down. As soon as I did, I felt a sharp blow to my lower back and went tumbling down the stairs. Unable to catch my footing, I hit several steps as I rolled down, eventually landing at the bottom, a throbbing pain in my left leg, head, and chest. I had trouble finding my breath, as I struggled to open my eyes through the blinding pain in my head.

Finally finding the strength to open my eyes, I was horrified at who I found looming over me.

"Isabella… long time no see."


	27. Chapter 27

****Warning: Violence and sexual assault in this chapter****

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><p>Chapter 27- Darkness<p>

I could smell him before I could see his face. The bastard wore the same cologne he wore for years. The stench alone was enough to send me into a panic attack when I was a teenager.

"James," I sputtered, gasping for air. Something warm and sticky trickled down my chin as I spoke. My hand flew to my mouth, and as I retracted it, I saw it was covered in blood.

He kneeled next to me and grabbed a hold of my hair roughly. "I've told you time and time again to call me 'daddy', Isabella." The way he said my name dredged up painful memories. My heart was beating rapidly and painfully in my chest. _This isn't happening, _I thought desperately. I closed and opened my eyes a few times, hoping he would disappear. Every time my eyes opened he was there, red faced and sweating, his hair a greasy blonde mat on his head.

To think this whole time I had been worried about Renee, seeing her face everywhere, when it was this demon lurking in the shadows. This was so much worse.

I made a feeble attempt to push James away from me, but his grip on my hair held firm. I was dizzy and short of breath, and I could feel my consciousness start to slip away. I wanted desperately to scream for help, but I couldn't catch enough of a breath to make a sound. Every intake of breath I managed to inhale was shallow and caused blinding pain down my left side. I was sure that my ribs were broken, a painful sensation I felt once before. I struggled and writhed under him for a few seconds without making any progress. He laughed at my useless attempt to get free, until I finally gave up and lay motionless on the floor underneath him. I just gazed at him, terrified, waiting for his next move.

James released my hair and ran one sweaty, grimy finger down the side of my cheek, which caused me to turn my head away from him reflexively. This only set him off, and he slapped me hard, causing my head to turn sharply back towards him. "Don't turn away from me, bitch," he sneered. "I've been waiting quite a while for you to show up here. What's wrong, Isabella? Too busy fucking your new boyfriend to come visit your father once in a while? I've been watching this fucking house for days."

I remained still, afraid that anything I could say would just enrage him more. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing I could wake up from this nightmare.

_I want Edward, _I thought pitifully as sobs began to wrack my body. _I want my dad._

"No Isabella," he said, brushing the tears from my face. "No tears now. You're father isn't coming to save you this time. That was a real nice move on his part last time, sending his lackeys after me before I could even get to you. Well, I assure you that when I'm finished with you, he will be next. I'm going to fucking kill him, and then I'm going to go after your little boyfriend. Nobody fucks what's mine."

I finally found the energy and ire I needed to finally form words. _"Don't you fucking touch them!"_ I screamed, struggling desperately against him. My screaming caused more pain in my chest, and more blood to spurt from my mouth. The blood I coughed up splattered on his cheek and he recoiled in disgust. I tried to use the distraction to wriggle away from him, but only managed to turn onto my stomach and crawl a couple of feet before he caught me roughly by the ankle and dragged me back to him.

"_You fucking bitch!"_ he roared, slamming his hand down onto my already injured leg. I screamed in agony, which incited him further.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" I sobbed.

He grabbed my chin roughly and forced me to look into his eyes. His enraged expression softened slightly. "Oh sweetheart," he said, almost tenderly. "I want what I've always wanted from you." His hand trailed from my collarbone, to my breast, to my abdomen, resting above the hemline of my skirt. I shuddered at the unwanted touch. "Do you really think I kept your bitch of a mother around because I enjoyed her company?" he growled in my ear, his fingers slipping below my waistband. I tried to kick him away from me, but my legs felt heavy and numb.

"Please, no," I moaned helplessly. I immediately regretted speaking. The begging only excited him more.

"God yes," he sneered into my ear. "I've wanted you so fucking long, Isabella. I thought doing away with you when you were a teenager would help me get over my obsession, but you being gone just made me want you more. "

Please, God, this can't be happening…

He took a deep breath into my hair, smelling me like an animal. He dragged his nose down my cheek, and suddenly his lips were on mine, and I gagged. He tasted like cigarettes and whiskey, the same taste that haunted me from my youth. When he forced his tongue into my mouth, I couldn't fight the building wave of nausea anymore. Fortunately, he pulled back, and I was able to turn my head and vomit without choking. Unfazed, he said, "I've been obsessed with you since the first day I saw you."

Through my tears, I cried out, _"I was just a fucking child!"_ I was struggling to retain consciousness now. The world around me started to fade around the edges.

"Oh, but you're not a child anymore, are you?" he asked, running his hand below my skirt and grabbing me forcefully. He ripped my panties from me and thrust his fingers inside me. I cried out in horror, but was absolutely powerless to stop what was happening.

The world around me was becoming increasingly blurry as I heard him wrestle with his belt buckle. The last thing I remembered was his vile breath on my face again as I faded into the blackness.

~~ID~~

Coming to was a slow process. I could vaguely hear voices around me, but they sounded muffled and distant. I struggled to open my eyes, but my lids felt like lead. Instead, I just focused on the sounds around me, until they gradually became clearer.

I heard the sound of steady breathing near my right ear, so close that I could feel warm breath on my face. My pulse quickened as I recalled the last thing that happened before I passed out.

_He's still here, _I thought in horror, trying to turn away.

Suddenly, the breathing noise paused, and I heard another sound in the background. It was a steady, high-pitched beep that was quickening. I struggled to recall where I'd heard that sound before, when suddenly it became clear.

_Am I in the hospital?_ The breath I felt next to my ear disappeared, and I was relieved.

"What's going on?"I heard a voice ask. It sounded like Edward, but I was still so foggy I couldn't be sure.

"Maybe she's waking up?" _Rosalie?_

Realizing that I was among friends, I allowed myself to relax a little. I could hear the monitor slow back down to a steady rate.

"Or maybe not. She's okay, Edward."The voice definitely belonged to Rosalie.

I felt a light pressure squeeze my hand, and I realized somebody was holding it. "I'm so fucking scared, Rose…"

I fought against my blurring consciousness, my only thoughts on easing Edward's distress. I still couldn't move though as I fought against the threatening darkness.

I wanted to fight- if not for me, then for him. Instead I lay still, a prisoner in my own body.

_Is this what people in comas feel like? Oh god, am I in a coma?_

_I can't be, _I reasoned, as things slowly became clearer around me. _I just need to try harder._

I heard a door open, and then footsteps. It sounded like more than one set, but I wasn't sure.

An unfamiliar voice asked, "How's our patient doing?"

"Her heart rate sped up for a second, and we thought she might have been waking up, but she didn't," Rosalie said.

"Well, just remember she still has anesthesia in her system from the surgery, not to mention being unconscious when she was brought in. It might take her a while to wake up fully."

Surgery? What surgery? What the hell did they give to me?

My agitation grew. I was definitely more lucid now. I could hear and comprehend everything going on around me, but I couldn't bring myself to move or open my eyes.

It was terrifying.

Something flat and cold touched my chest then, under my gown. I was shocked at the sudden contact, but couldn't fight against it. The cold moved around quickly before it disappeared.

"Her right lung sounds better," the voice said. _Okay, it was just her stethoscope, _I told myself, trying to relax.

It was Charlie's voice that spoke next, sounding both gruff and devastated. "Edward, I need to talk to you outside."

_God no, don't leave me! _ I thought, panicked. I struggled to grip Edward's hand tighter, but if my fingers moved at all, he didn't notice.

"I'm not leaving her," I heard Edward say firmly, and I breathed an internal sigh of relief.

"I'll wait outside," Rosalie offered. I heard light footsteps walking away, and the door closing again.

I could hear the sound of a chair drag across the floor. There was silence for a moment before Charlie finally spoke. "Edward, there's really no easy way to ask you this, so I'm just going to come out with it."

"Okay," Edward said, his voice hesitant. "What is it?"

I heard an audible, heavy sigh from Charlie. "When was the last time you were intimate with my daughter?"

Silence. One second… two… three… each passing second was unbearable. Even I could feel the tension build in the room.

And I knew exactly why Charlie was asking him that.

Finally he spoke. "Why are you asking me that, Charlie?" His voice sounded strained and desperate. I figured that he knew exactly why, too.

"Edward… please," Charlie said slowly. "Just trust me when I say it's important."

The pressure disappeared from my hand. My life support was gone. I could hear him, more distant, but still close. It sounded like he was pacing.

Suddenly there was a loud bang; I couldn't place the sound. _"Why, Charlie?" _he screamed. I started to panic, as there was nothing I could do to help him. I could hear my pulse quickening on the monitor, but neither Charlie nor Edward seemed to notice.

_Wake up! _I screamed at myself. _He doesn't need to find out like this!_

Silence again. Deafening silence.

"When Emmett found her… there were signs, Edward," Charlie said tentatively.

_No, not like this. Please._

"Please, no," Edward begged.

"Edward, we need to do a rape kit on Bella when she wakes up."

There were no words then. There was just the sound of sobbing, and it was coming from Edward. My heart broke for him, as I'm sure his did for me.

Finally, I heard a whisper. "Last night…"

"What?" Charlie asked.

"It was last night, when we last…"

"Okay," Charlie said, effectively cutting him off. "Did you use… protection?"

"We always use a condom," Edward said quietly. "Every time."

"Okay. That will help if there's any…"

"_Don't fucking say it!"_ Edward exclaimed. Quieter, he said, "Please… just don't."

Withy careful resolve, I put everything I had into my next intended action.

Focusing all my energy on my right hand, I made the motion to squeeze as hard as I could. I could feel my fingers pressing, and I hoped for a response.

"Bella?" Edward asked, sounding like a desperate man.

"Ungh," was all I could manage to reply.

Edward's warm hand caressed the side of my face. I wanted to reach out and hold him. I wanted us to be able to comfort each other, but my moments were sluggish at best.

Instead, I just uttered, "Ed…," before trailing off.

"I'm going to get the nurse," Charlie said. I heard hurried footsteps leading away.

"You're okay," Edward whispered, still caressing my cheek. "You're going to be okay."

I managed to bring one frail hand up to touch the side of his face. He grasped it gently and kissed my palm, as I succumbed to the blackness once again.

~~ID~~

I don't know how much longer I was unconscious, but when I woke up again, I was slightly more lucid. I was able to open my eyes fully this time, but the fluorescent light over my head was so bring I squeezed them shut quickly.

I could still hear Edward breathing next to me, but the breaths were deeper than last time. When I heard a slight snore, I realized he was sleeping.

Groaning against the pain in my leg and chest, I tried to shift to a more comfortable position, but was unable to move fully. I decided my best course of action would be letting Edward know I was awake, so I brought my hand up to his soft hair and stroked it gently, hoping to rouse him from sleep.

"Bella?" he asked sleepily.

"Edward, wake up," I begged, my voice hoarse.

After a moment, I felt him move and suddenly I felt a weight next to me on the bed as he sat down next to me. "Sweetheart, can you open your eyes?"

"Too bright," I murmured.

"Okay, hang on," he said. I felt the weight on the bed shift, and I missed his presence immediately. He was back a moment later, though. "I turned off the overhead light. Try to open your eyes now."

I complied, and it was much easier this time. He left on only the overhead reading light, and the room was bathed in a soft yellow glow. "Hey," I murmured, when I finally caught sight of his beautiful face.

"There's my girl," he murmured, kissing my uninjured cheek gently. He tried to smile, but his eyes were full of grief. "How are you?"

"It hurts," I managed. "I'm okay though."

"I'll call for some pain medicine," he said, but I reached to stop him from hitting the call light.

"No, I just woke up. I don't want to sleep again."

Edward frowned. "I don't want you to be in pain."

"I'll be okay," I assured him. "Just talk to me for a few minutes."

"I'll just let her know you're awake," he assured me, leaning over to hit the call light.

My throat felt like sandpaper. "Water?" I requested.

"I'll get you some." When he started to rise, I panicked and clutched his hand tightly.

"I'll be right back," he assured me, and I released his hand reluctantly. As he walked out, the nurse walked in. Edward said something quietly to her before disappearing down the hallway.

"Hello, Isabella," the nurse said kindly, moving to the bedside.

The sound of my full name made me cringe. "Just Bella, please."

"Okay, sweetheart," she said. "My name's Maggie, and I'm you're nurse. I'll be taking care of you until seven tonight." She was a tiny woman, maybe thirty years old, with a thick Irish accent. She had dark hair and light eyes, and a smattering of freckles around her nose.

I frowned when I realized I had no idea what time it was, so I asked her.

"It's about eight in the morning. I just came on shift an hour ago."

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday," she answered patiently. "You were brought in yesterday afternoon."

I relaxed a little, knowing that I hadn't missed more than a day. Maggie explained that she wanted to assess a few things. I waited patiently while she listened to my heart and lungs. She moved the left side of my hospital gown away from me, and I felt a slight tug.

"What's that?"

"You have a chest tube in this lung. Three of your ribs were broken on this side, and one of them punctured your lung. The tube will help to reinflate your lung and help you to breathe easier."

"Is that why I was in surgery yesterday?"

"Yes. Well, that and they had to repair your left leg. Part of the bone was shattered and they had to repair it and insert a rod."

Edward came back in the room again, and Maggie excused herself. Sincerely appreciating the time she took to explain things to me, I made sure to thank her before she left.

Edward sat back down next to me and lifted the straw to my lips. The water was cold and heavenly. I relaxed back into my pillow when suddenly a horrifying thought flashed through my mind.

Sitting bolt upright in bed, I exclaimed, "James! He threatened to kill you… and Charlie! Are we safe here? Where is he?"

"Bella… relax," Edward soothed, guiding me back against the pillows.. "We're safe from him, I promise."

"How can you be so sure?"

Edward looked uncertain about the answer, but with a sigh said, "Because he's dead, Bella. He was shot."

It took me a moment to process this. I remembered hearing yesterday in my haze that Emmett was the one who found me.

I gasped. "Did Emmett shoot him?"

"No," Edward said. "Emmett was the one who found you and called 911, but someone must have got there before him. Someone else shot James, and it wasn't the police. We don't know who, but Charlie's working on it."

Someone else was there? What the hell?

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who has read and reviewed so far! You're thoughts and encouragement mean more to me than I can say!

My plan is to keep updating quickly. I hope to have the next chapter out within the next couple of days.

This was obviously a very difficult chapter to write. Please take a second to review and let me know what you thought!


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28- Disgusting**

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, James was dead.

Second, there was a part of me- and I didn't know how potent that part might be- that was unashamedly happy about that.

Third, I knew who shot the bastard.

"It was Renee," I said with certainty.

"How can you be sure?" Edward asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"Who else would have shot him and left me there bleeding to death? You said that when Emmett found me, he called 911. Whoever shot James left me there to die."

Edward visibly paled when I spoke of the fact I could have died. "I didn't think of that," he admitted. "But I'm sure Charlie must have." I watched a single tear flow from his eye and land on the mattress next to our joined hands. "I'm just so happy that you're alive. I was so scared for you, I haven't been able to think of anything else."

I brushed the light bruises I noticed forming underneath his eyes. "You look exhausted," I said sadly. "Did you sleep in that chair the whole night?"

"I sat in the chair the whole night, yes. I didn't sleep much."

"I'm sorry," I said, returning my hand back to his.

"Don't you dare apologize," he said. Though his voice was calm, I detected a hint of frustration.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked, after a few moments of silence between us.

"He's supposed to be here this morning, but he said he was going to check in at the station first. I'm sure he didn't get much sleep either. I'll text him and find out where he his."

I sighed. "Nobody should be suffering because of me."

"Nobody's suffering because of you," Edward argued. "We're just worried about you, because we love you." Pressing his lips to my forehead, he whispered, "I love you so fucking much, Bella. I'm not leaving here until I know you're okay. I don't care what you say, you're stuck with me."

"What about Alice?" I asked, feeling guilty of the attention Edward was taking from her.

"She's stayed with Charlie last night. Sue came over to stay with her because Charlie was out late."

"What was he doing?"

"Working on the case."

"My case? But James is dead now, there should be no case," I said, confused.

"They're covering all loose ends, especially since he was shot and they're not sure who did it. I wouldn't be surprised if they suspected Renee, like you said."

There was a sharp knock on the door then. Startled, I jumped a little in the bed, and immediately wished I hadn't as the pain shot down my side.

"Shit," I hissed under my breath.

It was Charlie who stuck his head in a moment later. "Bella?" he asked.

"Yeah, come on in," I invited him, still clutching my side. Edward gave me a concerned glance. His gaze darted to the call light and I shook my head firmly and said, "Not yet."

"You are a very frustrating woman," he murmured. I could tell his comment was in jest, but he still looked concerned. I decided that as soon as I talked to Charlie I would request some pain medicine, if only to ease Edward's mind. I had a feeling that he would be doting on me constantly, and that was bound to get annoying.

"Hey sweetheart," Charlie said, approaching my bedside slowly. He stood a couple of feet away from me. Craving the comfort of my only real parent, I wanted to reach out for him, but his stance deterred me. He looked uncomfortable, his eyes downcast and arms folded stiffly across his chest.

_Oh my God, _I thought. _He can't even look at me. He knows. He must be so disgusted with me right now._

I felt a tear trickle down my face and Edward immediately asked me if I was okay.

"It just hurts," I lied. The physical pain I felt was nothing compared to the heavy emotions that were building inside me. The reality of the situation I was in dawned on me like a freight train. After waking, I managed to preoccupy my mind with worry over Edward. Only now did my emotions over the events of the previous night take over.

I thought for sure that I was going to die yesterday. I couldn't forget, and would never forget James' face as he leaned over me, or the sinister sneer he gave me as I finally blacked out. I wasn't even sure if it was a good thing that I lost consciousness, because the uncertainty about what happened next was forefront in my mind.

_Does it even matter if I was actually raped or not?_ I wondered. I was violated, at the very least. I was already traumatized. Would the knowledge of whether or not he finished make my situation any better or worse?

I just couldn't be sure.

Maggie strolled in and pushed something through my IV. Edward must have called for her. I didn't even have it in me to be irritated by his persistence and worry anymore. "This will make you feel better, dear," she murmured in her thick Irish brogue. I didn't believe her. I couldn't believe that anything would make me feel better right then.

Feeling utterly hopeless, I wondered how much more I could take before I completely lost my mind. My mind was pulling me in so many directions, my head full of all kinds of emotions: fear, anger, sadness, uncertainty…

And of course the ever-present feeling of impending doom.

Losing my mind was a very frightening prospect for me, knowing that it would inevitably send me back to that place. I needed to fight to stay in control, but truly I didn't feel like I had much fight left in me.

James had completely and utterly destroyed me.

Another light knock on the door snapped me back for a moment. Charlie and Edward were both looking at me expectantly, and I realized that I had been quiet since Charlie entered. Rosalie strolled in then, looking tired, but seemingly in much better shape than Charlie and Edward.

Rosalie greeted me kindly and handed me a small bouquet of flowers she brought with her. I thanked her and told her I thought they were beautiful. In truth, I just thought it was a waste of money. Nothing was going to cheer me up now.

Seeing Rosalie reminded me of one other very important question I had.

Emmett was the one who found me, lying bloody on the floor, completely stripped of my dignity. He wasn't even here with me now. I didn't remember hearing him the night before either.

_Maybe he can't face me, _I thought, butI had to know for sure.

"I'm glad to see you awake," Rosalie said, sitting in the open chair by my bed and pulling it closer to the bed.

"Thanks for coming," I said quietly. "Is Emmett here?"

Her expression shifted noticeably, and she responded hesitantly. "No, he didn't come with me. He said he might stop by later."

I felt bile rise up in my throat as I realized my suspicions were correct. Emmett couldn't even face me. I was lying in a hospital bed, and he didn't even have it in him to visit me, even when his girlfriend was here with me.

I felt absolutely disgusting. I felt as if I were covered in grime; the feeling made my skin itch, as if bugs were crawling on me. I wanted desperately to climb into a shower and scrub any trace of James from my body. _Would it even help? Could they look at me then?_

I could feel the pain medicine start to kick in. The pain dulled a little, but it didn't make me sleepy. For the first time since I woke up, I wished it would have. All the emotions were too much. I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.

The feeling of utter despair was stifling, and only got worse when Charlie said, "Bella, can I ask you a few questions?" It was the cop in him that spoke, not my father.

I wanted to scream and cry and tell him I needed him, but I was ashamed and disgusted with myself.

_Maybe if I can wash _him _off me…_

"I want to get washed up first, please?" I begged. "I feel disgusting."

Edward flinched at this statement, and I pulled my hand away from his, wrapping it instead around my torso. I figured he wouldn't want to touch me anyway. Not until I was clean.

Edward looked at me sadly, but didn't try to take my hand back. I realized then that the room was silent. Everyone was staring at me, as if they were all in on something private. My eyes darted to each one of them, and nobody said a word.

"What?" I asked angrily. They were either hiding something from me or afraid to tell me something. For the first time since I woke up, I longed to just be alone.

"Honey, we can't help you get washed until…" Charlie trailed off.

"Until what?" I demanded, my agitation rising.

"The doctors need to… check you first."

My frustration peaked. "Please, just say what you mean to say," I said firmly.

"They need to do a rape kit first," he said, turning his gaze from me entirely.

_Why is he turning away?_

Last night, when I overheard Edward and Charlie talking about it, and even this morning when I thought about it, I was okay with the idea- not thrilled, but accepting. It was better to know. I would never know for sure how far James got if they didn't do this now.

Now that I knew that it was going to happen today, this morning even, I was terrified. I didn't want anyone, not even Edward, touching me _there. _It was too soon. I was still processing. Everything was moving too fast.

I wasn't sure if I even wanted to know the truth.

Turning back to me again, Charlie asked, "Bella, do you remember everything from last night?"

"No, not everything," I admitted. "I blacked out at one point."

"Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

I took a sharp, painful breath as the image rushed into my mind, so vivid I could swear that I was still there. _James' tongue in my mouth. James's fingers in me. Hearing the rattle of his belt buckle. _

Loud sobbing filled the room, and I was so lost in my flashback that I didn't even realize it was coming from me at first. A pair of arms encircled me then. They weren't threatening, but comforting. The arms were thin, soft and smooth, not Edward's. A small hand was caressing my hair.

"Shh, Bella, it's okay," Rosalie cooed into my hair. "You're going to be okay now."

"I can't, I can't," I chanted over and over between sobs.

What I meant by that, I wasn't even sure myself.

I couldn't handle Charlie's distance. I couldn't handle Edward's looks of pity and pain. I couldn't stand to face Emmett right now, even if decided to show up. I couldn't talk about what happened without breaking down.

And there was no way I could handle an internal exam.

Rosalie held me tightly until my sobs slowed. Charlie wasted no time after I was sufficiently calmed. "Bella, we it's really important that you tell us what happened."

"Important?" I scoffed. "Important to who, to what? Your investigation? James is freaking dead! What does it matter to your investigation what he did or didn't do to me? Please. I can't do this right now."

"But…" Charlie started, but Rosalie cut him off.

"You should probably leave," she said shortly. "Both of you."

Edward and Charlie both started to argue simultaneously, but Rosalie raised her voice to a level that stopped them both mid argument.

"Now!" she yelled. I remained stunned by the forcefulness of her voice. Continuing in a softer tone, she said, "Just give us a few minutes, I'll come out and get you in a minute."

When Edward opened his mouth to argue once more, Rosalie gave him a glare that made his eyes grow wide in fear. Without another word, he and Charlie reluctantly went to stand in the hall.

I said nothing at first, as I waited for her to tell me what she needed to.

She sat back on the bed beside me and said, "I want to tell you why Emmett isn't here right now. I could tell in your face that it hurt you when I came and he didn't."

"He saw me… after…" I said slowly, trying to control my tears.

"Yes, he did."

"Is he… disgusted by me?"

"No," she said firmly. "I was afraid that that's what you are thinking. You do not disgust him. This is why I needed to talk to you. I never exactly told you how we met."

Despite wondering about how Rosalie and Emmett's relationship had any bearing whatsoever on this matter, I was grateful for the temporary distraction. I silently urged her to continue.

"Emmett and I met at a frat party. I was there with my boyfriend Royce King. Royce had a bit much to drink that night, and I was trying to get him to come home with me. We ended up getting into a big argument about it. He got angry, grabbed me and pulled me upstairs. Two of his friends followed him to an empty bedroom and they attacked me."

My mouth agape, I said, "Oh, Rosalie, that's terrible. I'm so sorry."

She continued. "Emmett happened to be walking by the door when he heard me screaming. He broke it down, barged in, and beat the hell out of all three of them. Emmett said it didn't take much; they'd all had a lot to drink.

"I wasn't right for a few weeks after that. I was terrified all the time and always looking over my shoulder. I hardly ever left my dorm room. Sometimes I would go to class, but only if I knew someone could walk with me. I was scared of my own shadow.

"Emmett saw me again a couple of weeks after, and he remembered me of course. He picked up immediately on the fact that something was wrong with me. He talked to me for a while. Because of what he did for me, I felt really safe with him, and he was easy to open up to. Suddenly, he was at my door waiting for me every morning. He dropped me off and picked me up from every single class I had. We grew really close after that."

"So why are you telling me all of this?" I asked, confused. I felt terrible that Rosalie went through something so horrible, but could not piece together what it had to do with Emmett not wanting to see me.

"Emmett told me last night, that when he found you, he had flashbacks from that night. He was able to save me, but he wasn't able to save you. He said he felt like a failure. He wasn't there, and he saw you almost die. He's regretting not getting to you in time, and he's scared shitless that you'll hold it against him."

My jaw dropped. "Why in the hell would I hold it against him? Because he wasn't home? Is that why he's beating himself up?"

Rose chuckled humorlessly. "I told him he was a moron, but he wouldn't listen to me. He'll come around. He's still just getting over the shock."

"Thanks for telling me."

"Of course," she said. "Now, about Charlie. I can tell that he's pissing you off, but I have a theory."

"I'd love to hear it," I said bitterly.

"I overheard Charlie last night telling Sue how scared and helpless he felt. He was terrified. When Emmett called 911, he heard it on the radio, and he ended up being the first to respond, even before the paramedics. He was a mess. He was crying in the corner of the waiting room while you were in surgery- totally inconsolable. After a while, he just got up and started pacing, and he said that he couldn't just sit around doing nothing. Suddenly, he was all business, and started making calls and giving orders."

"So?" I asked, not quite following.

"So I think that Charlie felt so helpless that he wanted to do something instead of just sitting there. He's not the type to sit idly by. I don't think he even realizes what he's doing to you by acting this way, because in his mind he's helping the situation. In your mind, you just want your father, not a police officer."

"Wow," I said, completely in awe of Rosalie. "You're pretty smart, you know that? How do you know so much?"

Rosalie shrugged. "I think I just read people pretty well, I always have. But also, after my attack, I started volunteering at a rape crisis center. I wanted to help people who weren't as lucky as I was. I learned a lot when I was there. A lot of women felt like they were dirty, or tainted afterwards. I was afraid that you would feel like that too."

"I do," I admitted. "I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it."

Rosalie hugged me again. "You're not dirty, Bella. You didn't do anything wrong. Your dad, your brother, and Edward all love you so much, and they're all hurting because you are. I will talk to your dad and Emmett. Edward, well… he's probably just going to keep giving you those sad puppy eyes and following you around everywhere and being totally overbearing. You know it's because he loves you and he's afraid to let you out of his sight."

"I know," I admitted. "I don't want to push him away, but sometimes it can be a lot to deal with."

"Even if you have to push him away sometimes, he'll understand. He may not like it at first, just like a few minutes ago, but he will always do what's best for you, and give you whatever you need. You know that."

I nodded.

"One more thing," she said. "The rape kit."

"I can't do it," I said firmly.

"Just hear me out," she said patiently. "I won't lie and say it won't be uncomfortable, maybe even a little traumatizing, but I do think it's important."

"Why? There's no need to collect evidence- James is dead."

"Yes, but there will still be an investigation about his death, and the evidence might be helpful then. Also, you really need to be examined anyway. It's really important, because you could have a disease or internal damage down there. Does it hurt at all?"

"A little," I admitted. "It's not bad compared to everything else, though."

"Then you really need to get it checked out. Edward or I can stay with you the whole time and help you through it. More than that, I don't think you can live the rest of your life wondering."

Rosalie had indeed given me much to think about. "You're right," I said in barely a whisper. "I need to know."

"Okay," she said gently. "I'm going to go yell at Charlie and Edward for a minute before I send them back in, okay?"

I managed a weak smile, "Thanks," I said sincerely.

She answered me with a smile and walked back to the hall. I reveled in the silence for a few minutes until Edward and Charlie came back in. Edward was of course at my side immediately, reaching for my hand. Charlie stood nervously beside the bed.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "Rosalie made me see that I've been coming off like a jerk. That was never my intention. I love you so much, and I don't know how to help you. This is the only way I know how."

"It's okay, Dad," I admitted. Now that I understood his motivations a little, his behavior was easier to swallow.

"It's not okay," he said. "I won't try to push you anymore. I didn't mean to…"

We were interrupted by a knock at the door. Edward jumped up to open it. One of Charlie's deputies stuck his head in and said, "Chief, we need to talk to you," he said.

"Not now," Charlie said. "I'm with my daughter."

"I know, sir, but… it's about your ex-wife."

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed so far! I couldn't keep writing without all your feedback.

The next chapter should be finished soon!


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29- Denial**

I had never seen Charlie look as stressed as he did right then.

"It's okay, go ahead," I said, and I meant it. His apology was sincere and heartfelt. I knew he never intended to hurt me, and I knew that this was important.

"I love you. I'll be back as soon as I can," he said, kissing me on the cheek.

"Love you too," I said quietly.

I turned my attention to Edward then, who still looked like hell. "You should really try to sleep," I murmured, starting to feel groggy again myself.

"Mmm, maybe I'll just close my eyes for a second," he said in a husky voice. He leaned his head down on the pillow next to my head, and it didn't take long for his breathing to even out, falling fast asleep in the hard wooden chair.

At some point, I must have nodded off myself, because I found myself being shaken gently awake by Rosalie some time later.

"Bella, wake up," she said in a soothing, almost motherly voice.

I blinked my eyes sleepily at her. "What's going on?" I asked, taking notice of two other people in the room with me. One was an older man in a white lab coat. He was of average height and build, and he had a thick white beard that seemed to swallow his face. I figured he was probably my doctor.

The other person in the room was an interesting looking woman. She was thickly built and easily over six feet tall, simply towering over the doctor standing next to her. She had long black hair fashioned into a braid down her back. Her features were long and sharp, but her dark eyes were kind. She was dressed far more casually than the doctor, wearing long dark jeans, boots, and a shirt that had some kind of animal print on it. With her height, stature, and choice of attire, she looked like she should have been traversing the Amazon River basin, not standing in my hospital room.

I looked to Rosalie for an explanation, as Edward sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"This is Dr. Gerandy, your primary doctor," she said, gesturing to the older man. He smiled politely. I couldn't bring myself to smile back, my eyes darting suspiciously to the other woman. "This other lady is Zafrina Costa," Rosalie continued.

"Why is she here?" I asked Rosalie in a whisper. I hadn't meant for the nice Amazon lady to hear what I had said, but she did anyway.

"Bella, I am a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner," she started to say, as I cringed at her title. I felt Edward squeeze my hand gently, but it was of little comfort to me. "It's my job to collect evidence when someone has been raped, or potentially raped. I was wondering if you would let me examine you today?"

I knew this was coming, so I tried to be strong. "Why is he here?" I asked, my eyes darting to Dr. Gerandy.

He spoke then for the first time. "Bella, I will need to do a pelvic exam when Ms. Costa is done with part. I'll need to check you for injury and collect specimens to rule out any diseases. We came together so that you only have to go through a pelvic exam once."

Though I wanted nothing more than for both of them to turn around and get out of my room, I knew what needed to be done. Everything Rosalie said earlier this morning was true. As terrified as I was, I had to suffer through it.

"How long will it take?" I asked, looking at Zafrina.

"Well, it depends on the extent of damage you suffered. I will explain everything as I go along."

"Can you just tell me now?" I asked, uncomfortably. "I don't think I'll be able to focus very well."

"I understand that you're feeling scared, and that is absolutely reasonable. Would you like me to explain what I will need to do?"

"Please," I whispered.

"First of all, I want you to know that I have done this many, many times. If you get uncomfortable at all or need a break, just tell me and we'll stop. This is all on you. You have the right to refuse any or all parts of the exam, okay?"

I nodded.

"The first thing I'll need to do is use a small comb to take a sample of your pubic hair. They'll be analyzed to see if there are any present from your attacker. You haven't washed since the attack, correct?"

I just nodded again.

"Okay. The next thing I will do is take samples of any fluids I find, and document any injuries. I would like to photograph any injuries as well, if you'll allow me."

"Is that really necessary?" I asked in a strained voice.

"It's a standard part of the exam, and it will help if evidence is necessary."

"Okay," I consented, now more than ever just wanting to get the exam over with. I was still having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that they needed such documentation, considering the man who assaulted me was now dead.

"Now, Bella, I read in the police report that the last time you had intercourse was on Sunday night, and that you used a condom, is that correct?"

"Yes," I said weakly, my anxiety building steadily.

"Okay. I'd like to start the exam now. Would you like either Rosalie or Edward to stay with you? Or both, perhaps? Whatever is comfortable for you."

I glanced at Rosalie, whose face showed no preference for what I chose to do. I knew I would probably need her in some capacity after the exam, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted her to sit with me during it. Glancing at Edward, his eyes showed nothing but love and worry. I knew it would be hard for him to leave my side, and I didn't want him to. I needed the comfort that he could provide me now more than ever.

"Just Edward, please, for now."

"Okay, Bella, I'll just wait outside," Rosalie said, leaning over to kiss the top of my head briefly. "I won't be far. Call me if you need me, okay?"

"Thanks," I said, my voice starting to crack with emotion.

"Alright, sweetheart," Zafrina said gently after Rosalie left. "Let's get started. Normally I prefer to do this on an exam table, but with your injuries, we'll make do." I watched her as she grabbed a clean sheet from the closet, along with a blue paper pad. I listened to the whirr of the hospital bed motor as my bed was being raised. She put the bed high enough in the air that Edward actually had to stand to keep holding my hand.

"Edward, I don't want you to watch," I whispered in a shaky voice, as Zafrina helped me lift my hips and placed the blue pad underneath me.

"I won't," he agreed readily. "I'll just be looking up here at your face okay?"

"Thank you."

I tensed as Zafrina lifted my hospital gown and draped the clean sheet over my waist. Despite the modest cover, I still felt very exposed. She helped me get my right leg into the position she wanted, sort of sitting frog legged on one side. The left leg was more difficult to position. I tried to bend it into the position she wanted, but the pain was too much and the cast made movement awkward. She assured me she'd be able to work around it.

I heard her shuffling around at the foot of the bed, opening packages. I refused to look down the bed at her, instead forcing myself to keep my eyes trained on Edward's face. He gave me a comforting half-smile or squeeze every now and then, but he was having trouble hiding his true emotions. He looked as sick and horrified as I felt.

"Okay, Bella. I will tell you what I find when I'm finished, okay. If you have any questions about what I'm doing, just stop me."

I could feel her gloved hands moving around my upper thighs, positioning my good leg slightly so she could see better. I felt vulnerable already, and this was just the beginning. After a minute or two, I heard another package rustle, and Zafrina said, "We're going to start with the internal exam, okay? Try not to focus on me too much. Just imagine you're in your happy place, okay?"

"I don't have a happy place," I argued, as I could feel my heart start to pound.

"We'll have to fix that," Edward said, kissing my forehead gently.

"Just imagine you're in a… tropical rainforest," Zafrina suggested.

I only saw the vision she tried to push into my head for a brief moment before I felt the cold hard plastic of the speculum enter me. I gasped and buried my head into Edward's neck, looking to him for some comfort. He held his arms tightly against my shoulders and murmured "I love you," over and over again, until my breathing steadied a bit.

"Does that imagining the rainforest crap work on other people?" Edward asked her with obvious irritation, not breaking his contact with me.

"Not usually," Zafrina admitted. "But now she can focus on being mad at me and not the exam."

I would have laughed at her attempt at a joke had the exam not been so utterly horrifying. I felt humiliated as I lay exposed and bare, while this woman, a complete stranger, poked, prodded and swabbed me. Not to mention that I felt the stress of knowing the answer to my burning question was going to be answered any minute. I was terrified to find out whether or not James had actually succeeded in raping me.

I don't know how long she was down there collecting samples, but it felt like a really long time.

"I'd like to take a couple of photos now," she told me.

My breathing stopped. If she needed pictures, that meant there was damage. If there was damage, that meant that James…

"Oh God," I moaned. "He did, didn't he?"

Zafrina pulled the sheet back over my legs and came to the head of the bed so she could see me. The uncomfortable speculum was still in place between my legs.

"There were some abrasions, internally. I also found some traces of semen," she explained in a soft voice.

Instantly in denial, I turned my wide eyes to look directly at Edward and said, "But it could have been… maybe when we… what if it broke when we…?"

Edward shook his head sadly, knowing exactly what I was trying to do. "It didn't break honey."

What little shred of hope I had that James had been stopped in time was gone now. It was only then I realized holding onto this little shred of missing information was also what was keeping my emotions at bay.

Zafrina confirmed it, though. Hearing that I still had traces of his evil inside me made me want to be violently ill.

I struggled to keep my voice calm as I said, "You got your samples; we're done here."

"And the photos?" she asked gently.

"No," I said firmly. "I'm done."

She didn't argue, but did ask me if I would let Dr. Gerandy complete his exam quickly. My first inclination was to adamantly refuse, but Edward tried to reason with me.

"If he doesn't do it now, he'll have to later. Please, let's get this over with. I don't want you to have to go through this again."

I simply nodded, eyes so full of tears my vision was blurry.

Zafrina called Dr. Gerandy over to check me over before she removed the speculum, and he collected his own samples, taking much less time than she did. I couldn't help but be relieved that I noticed that he never actually touched me with his hands.

Once everything was packaged and labeled, Dr. Gerandy explained the tests he planned to run and when to expect the results, but I wasn't really listening. He then offered me the morning after pill, which I accepted after he explained that it wouldn't terminate any existing pregnancy, but prevent pregnancy from happening now.

Zafrina hadn't left yet, so I asked her if it was okay to clean myself up now, and she told me I could. She didn't leave before offering me a warm hug and telling me she was sorry. She gave her my card and told me to call if I had any questions.

Before walking out with Zafrina, Dr. Gerandy said, "Bella, would you like me to order you something for anxiety? You seem very stressed and it's certainly understandable."

"No," I said, my voice slightly raised. "I just want the last twenty-four hours of my life back."

He nodded sadly and exited, telling me to have Maggie page him if I had any questions.

Maggie entered a few seconds after the doctor left, pill cup in hand.

"That was quick," Edward commented.

"We had it on hand for her, just in case. Bella, this is what's commonly referred to as the 'morning after' pill. Did Dr. Gerandy explain it to you?"

I nodded and took the cup from her, swallowing quickly. My throat was still a bit raw, but I managed to get it down. Maggie set me up to take a bed-bath and I shook my head when she offered to assist. Once she left, I hesitated, as Edward was still sitting beside me silently, with the same concerned gaze. He looked at me like I was going to snap any minute. Maybe I would snap, I couldn't be sure.

One thing I was sure of was that I didn't want Edward to see me until I was clean. I needed to be rid of _him _first.

I also knew that due to the cast and chest tube, I would need some help.

"Edward, can you ask Rosalie to come in?"

"I can help you, love," he insisted.

"I would really be more comfortable with her," I said, unwilling to meet his gaze. I couldn't stand to see the hurt in his eyes as I rejected him.

He didn't argue with me this time. He just gave me a quick, chaste, kiss before disappearing to retrieve Rosalie.

Rosalie was careful and patient as she helped me bathe. She had to forcibly stop me, twice, from hurting myself as I scrubbed my pubic area, concerned I would dislodge the catheter in my bladder.

When we were finished, I felt only slightly better. The physical grime and traces of blood had been washed away, but I still felt filthy inside. There wasn't a cure for that.

Rosalie left to retrieve Edward when I was as clean as I could possibly get. When she returned, I was surprised to see Emmett trailing behind the two of them.

Emmett looked absolutely haggard. His hair was in disarray and his eyes were tired and red rimmed. He stood slouched at the door to my room, waiting for my permission for him to fully enter.

"C'mere, Emmett," I told him, holding my arms out to him.

He approached me as quickly as he dared and gave me a gentle hug. "I'm so fucking sorry," he said in a hoarse voice. "I should have come here sooner."

"I love you, little big brother," I said. "You saved my life you know…"

"Was I too late? Did he…?" Emmett wasn't able to voice the question I know he really wanted to ask.

I couldn't even admit it to him in so many words. "I'm still alive, thanks to you."

"I'd kill him again if I could," Emmett said, squeezing me as tight as he dared while being mindful of my ribs. "I love you so much."

Charlie interrupted our little moment by entering the room through the already open door. He looked from Emmett to me. He didn't smile or greet either of us. Something was deeply concerning him, and I'm sure it had to due with Renee.

"Emmett… I'm glad you're here. I need to talk to you and Bella alone for a minute."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Next chapter, we'll finally find out what's up with Renee. Thanks so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing, you guys are the best!


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30- Numb

Emmett and I both glanced at our significant others before Charlie quickly amended his statement.

"Rosalie, Edward, I want to make it clear that I consider both of you like my children as well, and I am not hiding anything from either of you. I just have some things to discuss with Bella and Emmett about their mother that I thought they should hear first."

"It's no problem Charlie," Rosalie said, rising to her feet. "C'mon, Edward, you look like you could use some coffee."

Edward followed silently behind her, looking utterly exhausted. Once we were alone, Charlie motioned for Emmett to take a seat, and he took the other empty chair. I noticed that in his hand was a single white sheet of paper, which he was holding so tightly his knuckles were white. I was afraid to find out what was written on it.

"So, what's going on, Dad?" Emmett asked.

"We suspected Renee might have been the one to shoot James, and we've been looking for her since yesterday evening. Well, they found her this morning. She had checked into the Miller's Bed and Breakfast, under a different name."

I knew of the place. It wasn't really a Bed and Breakfast so much as a sweet old lady who rented out the attic apartment of her home to weary travelers, offering them three square meals a day. I shuddered at the thought of Mrs. Miller opening up her home to Renee, fearing that something awful may have happened to her.

"Anyway, old Mrs. Miller got concerned this morning when Renee didn't come downstairs for breakfast, so she went upstairs to knock on the door. She got concerned when she didn't hear anything, so she went inside and found Renee passed out on the bed next to an empty pill bottle, so she called the police."

"Is she dead?" Emmett asked, his voice hard, emotionless. I didn't even respond, my first thought being that I was thankful Mrs. Miller wasn't hurt.

"No, but she was in pretty rough shape when they brought her in. That's what I needed to talk to you two about. Since Renee isn't married and her parents are dead, you two are her only surviving relatives. That would make you her next of kin, Bella, meaning that any decisions that need to be made about her treatment are going to ultimately fall on you. If you decide not to take the responsibility, it would be Emmett's responsibility."

"Are you kidding?" Emmett asked. "I've never even met the woman, and I don't want to. They can do whatever they want with her, I want nothing to do with it."

I had remained silent so far. "So she's here?" I asked. "In this hospital?"

"Yes. She was still alive when they brought her in, but she hasn't woken up. They pumped her stomach, but any further testing or procedures they need to do, the consent will unfortunately rest on you."

"I don't know if I can honestly take on that responsibility."

"There's something else you need to know first. She left a suicide note, addressed to you. I have it here, but I'm not sure if it's something you want to read…"

"Just let me see it please," I said, holding my hand out for the note.

Charlie hesitated for a moment before reluctantly handing it to me. "It's a photocopy," he explained. "The actual note was bagged for evidence. This may be hard for you to read. Some things in it…"

Tuning him out, I smoothed out the crumpled paper in my hand and began to read.

_Isabella,_

_By the time you read this, you have probably heard that I am dead. Walking in and finding my James wrapped around you was too much to take. I saw that he finally claimed what he believed to be his. I heard everything he said to you, how he never loved me and that it was always about you, that he was obsessed with you. What's so special about you, anyway?_

_Imagine my surprise when James came to me the day he was released, looking for you- again. He was awful to me, telling me that the whole time he and I were together it was always about you. I didn't want to believe him, until I saw you with him._

_I've been watching you for a couple of weeks now, trying to figure out what it is that made him so obsessed with you. I followed you through your perfect life and makeshift family. Why did you feel the need to replace me, Isabella? Wasn't I good enough for you? _

_I shot the bastard. My only regret is that it was a lucky shot and he didn't suffer much._

_Now that I'm gone, you'll have nobody to turn to when your father gets tired of you, and your little boyfriend starts fucking around on you, which he will- all men do. For all the years I spent taking care of you, you've given me nothing in return but heartache and regret. You are a selfish, worthless person. You abandoned me, and James abandoned me because of you. I have nothing left to live for, and it's your fault._

_Are you happy now, Isabella? All you've done is take from me and suck me dry. Now there's nothing left of me. _

_Your mother,_

_Renee_

"Selfish, worthless person. I abandoned her. I sucked her dry." I sneered, as I passed the letter over to Emmett to let him read it. "I didn't expect anything else from her."

"Bella, I…"

"Save it," I said shortly. "I don't want to talk about it. So she's what, in a coma?"

"They're not sure yet. They're waiting to see if she'll wake up on her own since the drugs were purged from her system. They may need to run more scans."

"Whatever they want me to sign, I'll sign it," I said reluctantly.

Emmett had nothing much to say about the letter, but I could see rage plainly etched on his face. I turned away from both of them, choosing to stare at the wall instead. The tension in the room was thick.

There was a tentative knock on the door, and Charlie jumped up anxiously to open it, obviously grateful for the reprieve.

I was both surprised and angry when I saw it was Dr. Whitlock who entered my room then. Charlie ushered Emmett out without a word.

"I'm not ready to talk about it," I said flatly, still staring at the wall. I couldn't believe that someone would have called him already.

"You've had a lot happen over the last couple of days, Bella. I just wanted to check on you and see if you were okay. How are you feeling?"

How was I feeling? That was certainly an excellent question.

I knew what I should be feeling. Anger at James for violating me, threatening me, and terrifying me. Anger at Renee for years of neglect, and blaming me for her attempted suicide. Frustration at Charlie and Emmett for being emotional cripples, unable to deal with the tense situation they were forced into. Irritation at Edward for doting and hovering too much, and for the pity I see in his eyes. Humiliation at the events of the morning.

I felt none of these things though. I could describe my mental state in only one word- numb.

_Numb._ It was as if my mind finally disconnected. I felt nothing. I refused to admit this or anything else to Dr. Whitlock though.

"I feel fine."

"You shouldn't feel 'fine', Bella. You've been through something traumatic."

"Please don't tell me what I should feel. I'd like you to leave now. This isn't our scheduled appointment time, and we're not in your office. Please leave."

"I understand that you're not quite ready to talk about this, or maybe not even face it emotionally. The time will come though when you are ready, and I want you to feel free to call me, for anything, okay?"

"Kay," I said, effectively dismissing him.

The rest of the afternoon and evening went much the same way. Edward stayed with me the whole time after Dr. Whitlock left, besides my weak protests for him to leave and get some sleep. Maggie brought in a cot for him, so that he could sleep overnight again. Charlie, Rosalie, Emmett, and even Sue came in shifts throughout the afternoon and evening to sit with me. They all tried to engage me in conversation, but I still refused to discuss anything meaningful.

I ignored the concerned gazes and even pretended to fall asleep a couple of times, just so I wouldn't have to look at their pitiful expressions anymore.

Alice came by with Jasper and Darcy, but I had Edward send them away. I decided Alice and Jasper were too young to be here, at least until I felt a little better, and I adamantly refused to see Darcy. I don't really care if that offended her; I couldn't believe she would even bring them here without calling first.

Eventually somebody dropped off a tray for dinner, which looked like a casserole that may or may not have been eaten before. When I refused to eat, Emmett offered to take it off my hands, and Edward glared at him before storming off to the cafeteria to get me something else.

He was understandably disappointed when I chose not to eat what he brought me either. I simply wasn't hungry. I wasn't anything. I was just going through the motions.

Dr. Gerandy came by to visit once more before going home for the day. He checked my dressings quickly and assessed my chest tube, telling me everything looked to be in good shape.

"When can I get out of here?" I asked him.

"When your lung is fully inflated and we can remove the chest tube, you should be okay to go," he answered. "I've ordered a physical therapist to come tomorrow to assess what you need at home. I plan to talk to them in the morning too, because I'm concerned. The chest tube site is on the same side as the broken leg, and your ribs and leg will take about six weeks to heal. You may have a lot of difficulty using crutches until you're fully healed."

"So you're telling me I may have to be in a wheelchair?"

"It's a possibility, but as I said I will discuss it with Physical Therapy after they've worked with you to see what limitations you might have."

_Lovely, _I thought, shifting my body to face away from him. He left without another word.

I made Edward sleep on the cot overnight, despite the fact that he hovered over me obsessively, constantly checking to make sure I had what I needed. He settled for pulling the cot up right next to my bed and fell asleep holding my hand.

Maggie was my nurse again in the morning, and she did her morning assessment quickly. When she asked me if I was okay, I gave her a short "Fine." I literally felt like I would lose my sanity if anyone else dared to ask me that again.

"Bella, I can always tell when people are lying," she told me sternly. She handed me a cup with two small white pills that I recognized to be the pain medication.

I pushed her hand away. "I don't need them."

"Your body will heal slower if you're in pain," she scolded me. "Let me know when you need them."

Edward slept right through my breakfast. They delivered French toast and bacon, and though it looked more edible than last night's dinner, I still had no appetite. With Edward asleep, I made it a point to cut up the food and throw some of it into the garbage can near my bed.

He finally woke up when the nursing assistant came to collect my tray. I didn't even have it in me to feel guilty when they both praised me for how well I ate.

Emmett and Rosalie dropped by Edward's house the night before and dropped off some clothes and toiletries for him. He disappeared into the bathroom to shower and change. When he emerged, I was a little relieved that he looked slightly better after a full night's rest, a shower and a shave. He brought out my wash basin and I was able to wash my face and arms and brush my teeth without assistance. He offered to help me with the rest, but I declined, saying I would wait for Rosalie. He frowned, but said nothing else.

Physical Therapy came in just before lunch to work with me. Maggie brought me a couple of pain pills prior to their arrival so that it would be easier for me to work with them. This time I took them, mostly just to appease her and make her go away.

The name of the Physical Therapist was Peter. Though our session started out pretty routine, I could sense he was quickly getting frustrated with me because I wouldn't let him touch me- at all. Instead, he was forced to dictate to Edward on how to help me move around.

Things were okay at first, as Edward helped me into a sitting position with my legs over the side of the bed. I was a little dizzy after I sat up, but it passed after a few seconds. Peter handed Edward a pair of crutches to have me try out, and as soon as I leaned the weight of my left arm and shoulder down on them, pain shot down my entire left side, making me audibly cry out.

"Where did that hurt you?" Peter asked, as Edward helped me sit back down.

"My ribs," I gasped, struggling for air.

Peter frowned. "Not at the chest tube site?"

"No," I said. It's definitely my ribs." I pointed to where the pain was most severe, well under the site of the incision.

"I was afraid of that," Peter said. "You may not be able to tolerate using the crutches for at least a couple of weeks, maybe not even until your ribs are completely healed."

"How long until they're completely healed?" Edward asked.

"It usually takes about six weeks for them to heal fully," Peter explained. "But she may be able to use the crutches sooner."

"So what am I supposed to do until then?" I asked.

"Normally we would recommend a rehab facility until you're well enough to be at least partially independent."

"Let me try again," I demanded, motioning to the crutches. There was no way in hell I was going anywhere but home once I was released.

"I'll come back tomorrow," he offered. "We can try again then."

Once he left the room, Edward promised me that he would find a way to get me home, even if he had to stay home from work to be with me. I told him that was absolutely unacceptable, considering I would be out of work for at least a couple of weeks. My paid time off would run out if I wasn't able to get back to work soon.

I knew that if I couldn't get myself to the point I was independent on the crutches, people would have to rearrange their schedules to accommodate me and take care of me. Not willing to have that happen, I promised myself I would become more independent, even if I had to hide the pain from them.

After lunch, which I didn't eat, Maggie helped Edward get me into a wheelchair, and he took me for a "walk" around the hospital. Though it was nice to see something other than the four walls of my hospital room, there wasn't exactly much to see. The hospital was pretty small and plain. I found out that I was in what was referred to as an Intermediate Care unit, which meant that I was better off than being in Intensive Care, but not well enough to go to a regular floor.

When Edward wheeled me near the Intensive Care unit, which was really just a small wing off the floor I was on, we heard a commotion. I could hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs, and I would have recognized the voice anywhere. It was Renee. Her room was easy to spot because it was the only one with a police officer stationed outside of it.

"Huh," I commented dryly. "Looks like someone isn't happy to find out she's still alive."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who is reading and reviewing! Your kind words are making me want to write faster! I'll update as soon as I can. Thank you!


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31- Discharged

After Edward and I returned to my room, choosing to simply turn the other way when we heard Renee's voice, Maggie told me they were going to come to take an x-ray. This was actually good news, because it would tell me the progress of my lungs and whether or not I could get out of here soon.

Dr. Gerandy came by later that evening and told me the x-rays looked good, and he pulled the chest tube out. It stung a little, but it felt good to be free of it. He then told me that he was going to send me up to the regular floor, but decided to wait until the morning. If I did okay during the night without the chest tube, he would discharge me instead.

When the night shift came on, the first thing my nurse wanted to do was take out my catheter. Despite my protests, she did, and unceremoniously plopped a bedside commode down next to my bed. She told me that either Edward could help me to it, or I could call for her. I shot daggers at the back of her head as she left.

As if I was going to let Edward help me with that.

Edward stayed again with me that night, even though I begged him to go home. I even tried to use Alice's name to guilt him into leaving, but he refused, explaining that Alice told him to stay and take care of me.

The next morning I felt much better, physically at least. Peter was in bright and early, and I was able to sit myself on the side of the bed without Edward's assistance. Moving around was a bit easier without the uncomfortable chest tube and catheter. Gritting my teeth through the pain, I was able to rise and take a few steps with the crutches. It still hurt like a bitch, but I could at least do it myself.

Peter droned on about not overdoing it, and making sure to exercise my leg muscles so they didn't fatigue. I only half listened to him, as I started vacantly at the wall behind him.

Dr. Gerandy was in shortly after and told me I could go home. I couldn't find it in me to even be happy about that.

Edward, of course, was all smiles when the words came out of the doctor's mouth. "That's great news baby!" he said, kissing me on the cheek.

"Yeah. Great."

Leaving the hospital was pretty unceremonious. Edward excitedly called my father and his sister with the news that we were coming home. While he was on the phone, I slowly worked around the room, trying to get used to my crutches while packing up the array of cards, stuffed animals and flowers that had accumulated over the last three days.

I hadn't even really noticed the number of "Get Well Soon" cards that had flooded in. There were cards from the usual suspects, like the Whitlocks and Tanya. There were others that I didn't expect to get from former coworkers that barely gave me the time of day when I was teaching. There was also a beautiful arrangement of flowers from Hale publishing, with a handwritten note from Rosalie's father telling me to take all the time I needed from work. Most of the cards and gifts had come the day before, but I barely even noticed.

It seemed that the entire town knew what happened, or at least they knew that I was attacked. In small towns word travels fast. There were cards and gifts from people I didn't even know.

I sighed as I read the card from Charlie's next-door neighbor. "Get well soon," I mumbled aloud.

How original. All the cards said, "Get Well Soon" or 'Thinking of You." They all seemed so insincere.

I guess Hallmark didn't really make a greeting card for the kind of fucked up situation I found myself in.

Just the process of gathering my belongings was making my side ache, and I was only able to complete half the task I set out to do. Frustrated, I ended up having to sit back on the bed while I watched Edward and a nursing assistant pack up the rest of my stuff on a cart. While Edward ran outside to pull up the car, the nursing assistant helped me into a wheelchair, and rolled me out to the entrance.

Neither of us spoke on the way home, but I couldn't help but notice the concerned sideways glances Edward kept giving me. Every now and then he would squeeze my hand gently, as if to make sure I knew he was still there.

When we pulled up to our house, the first thing I saw was a large handmade banner that said, "Welcome Home Bella!" It was clearly Alice's handiwork, but I wasn't exactly in a celebratory mood. I just wanted to go to bed.

Edward wanted to carry me into the house, but I insisted on hobbling on the crutches instead.

Half a dozen voices yelled, "Welcome home!" as we walked into the house. I was instantly on edge.

I wondered who the hell would think to throw a party for something like this? What was I supposed to be celebrating?

From the looks of the banner and décor, I knew it was all Alice's doing. Even as upset and tired as I was, I didn't have it in me to take it out on a little girl. So I did the next best thing.

Glaring at Edward, I asked, "Did you have something to do with this?"

He shook his head, wide eyed, as I shuffled toward the small crowd.

Dad and Sue were there, along with Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper. It wasn't exactly a large gathering, but it made me uncomfortable nonetheless.

"Bella!" Alice said excitedly. "I missed you so much!" She ran to me and gave me an awkward hug around my crutches. I winced in pain, but she didn't notice.

"Um, thanks. I missed you too Alice. I need to sit down though," I said through my teeth.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry!" She moved out of my way and motioned to the couch. I sat down, relieved. Even the short walk to the door wore me out completely.

As soon as I sat, she started doting on me immediately. "Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything? How are you feeling?"

"Um, fine. Actually, do you think you and Jasper can go get my stuff from Edward's car?"

"Okay," she said, grabbing Jasper's hand and leading him outside.

As soon as they were out of earshot, I asked no one in particular, "How much does she know?"

Rosalie spoke up first. "Only that you were attacked by an intruder and pushed down the stairs. Nobody else knows the whole story except the four of us, and the people at the hospital."

"Why are you all here?"

"We didn't mean to startle you with all this, dear," Sue said kindly. "We couldn't rein Alice in though. She was so excited to see you, and she wanted to throw you a party. She doesn't really understand everything that's going on. We did manage to talk her down to just us, and Jasper. She wanted to invite half the town."

"Thanks I guess," I mumbled. "Listen, I'm really tired and would like to lay down for a little while. Is that okay?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Listen, your father and I made you a few meals that you guys can just heat up. I know you won't feel up to cooking for a little while. Everything is in the fridge labeled. Just call us if you need any more, okay?"

I nodded and thanked her. She and Charlie both hugged me before they left.

On the way out herself, Rosalie leaned down to whisper to me, "Call me for anything, okay? I'm only a few hours away."

"Thanks," I whispered back. She and Emmett were going to have to go back to school, and I wouldn't see much of them until Spring Break.

After I said goodbye to Emmett, Alice and Jasper came back with the bags. "Where's everyone going?" Alice asked with a frown.

Edward graciously answered for me. "Bella's really tired Alice. She's going to take a nap."

"Thanks for the banner and the surprise, Alice," I said, hoping I was keeping the distress out of my voice.

"I made a cake too, did you want some before you take a nap?"

"Maybe later, sweetie."

"Okay…" she said, trailing off. I absolutely hated that I was hurting Alice's feelings, but I had no fight left in me, nor the will to pretend anymore.

After Edward helped me settle into bed, I asked him to get my prescription filled, figuring I would need the pain medicine before long. I was also desperate for a few minutes alone. He made sure my cell phone was firmly in my hand before leaving me, and finally there was a blissful quiet as I relaxed into a deep sleep.

~~ID~~

A few days passed, and each day was much the same as the one before. Edward and Alice were constantly hovering over me. I repeatedly tried to convince them that I was okay, but they weren't buying it.

I was mostly a zombie, drifting through each day. I talked when I had to, I ate very little, and I slept a lot.

On the fourth day I was home, Charlie came by with news about Renee. She had been discharged from the hospital, but was currently being held in a prisoner's ward of a mental health facility, on suicide watch. I couldn't care less. She was dead to me.

Charlie hesitated before leaving that day. He paused at the doorway and turned to look at me with a deeply concerned gaze.

"You haven't said much," he commented.

"What do you want me to say? I'm glad she's out of my life."

"No, not just about Renee. You haven't talked much at all since…"

"Don't, Dad. I'm fine."

"Bella, you're not fine. You've been through something awful, your mother is very sick. We're all worried about you. Hiding from your emotions is not going to help."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. It was all the same shit I kept hearing from Edward, in all the same words. They were obviously talking about me to each other.

"Call me if you want to talk?"

I nodded, and locked the door behind him as he left. I watched through the peephole as he hesitated behind the wheel of his cruiser for a few seconds before finally turning the key.

I sighed and laid my head against the wood of the front door as I listened to the sound of the cruiser pulling out.

"He's right you know," Edward said, coming up behind me. "You can't keep bottling up your emotions."

I ignored him and went back to the bedroom, shutting the door on him.

Edward agreed to go back to work the next day. I don't know if it was because he was getting tired of me, because he knew we would eventually run out of money, or because he knew I would be independent enough on my own. Maybe it was a combination of the three.

The first day he was gone, he called me every hour on the hour to make sure I was okay and that I didn't need him to come home. After the fourth time, I stopped picking up the phone. Alice came home from school a little later and knocked on the door, telling me Edward told her to check on me. I kicked her out in the nicest way possible.

Tanya came by later that evening. When Alice called me out to the living room and told me I had a visitor, I was sure it was Charlie or Sue, but I was very surprised to see her. With James, Renee, and my recovery, I had put the School Board hearing in the very back of my mind, almost forgetting about it completely.

"You're kidding me, right?" I asked, standing in the entrance of the living room. I honestly couldn't believe she would have the gall to come here and ask me to still give my statement, because at this point, I couldn't really give a damn what happened to Mr. Crowley, Mrs. Cope, or anybody at Forks High School.

Tanya sighed. "The hearing is tonight. I'm obviously not here to ask you to still come. I asked Jay to write up a statement for you based on what you told him. He wrote it out, and all you need to do is sign it. It would be a big help."

I made my way over to the armchair to sit across from her, and held my hand out silently for the document. I read through it quickly and it looked fine. Figuring there would be no harm in signing it, I asked for a pen.

"Thanks," she said when I returned the document to her. "This will really help a lot. I'll let you know how it goes." The last statement actually came out as more of a question.

"Sure," I answered.

She frowned at me. "Are you really okay, Bella? I know you were in an accident at all, but you look really… different."

"Different how?"

She studied me for a minute and said, "I don't know, just different. Are you sure you're okay?"

"It's not really any of your business," I muttered. "Good luck tonight." I closed the door on her face.

When I turned around I was face to face with a wide-eyed Alice.

"You need something?" I asked with a sigh.

"N-no," she stammered. "I was just wondering if you wanted me to heat up some of Sue's food for dinner?"

I sighed at the role reversal. I was supposed to be the one taking care of her, and she's offering to help me. I could clearly see the pain in her eyes. I knew I wasn't acting like the same Bella she knew, and I couldn't even explain to her why.

"No, it's okay. I'm not hungry. I'll heat you up something if you want it though."

"I can do it," she said quickly. "You should be resting."

"It's just a microwave," I muttered, hobbling to the kitchen. I leaned into the fridge and picked up the last container left. Between the three of us (mostly Alice and Edward) we had gone through most of the supply Sue left us. I certainly wasn't going to call her for more, so I figured I might have to ask Edward to go to the grocery store so I could cook.

I heated up the chicken casserole and made a plate for Alice. She looked at me sadly the whole time.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know," I said, turning to return to the living room.

"Aren't you going to eat?" she called after me.

"Not right now."

I turned my attention to staring out the window into the backyard until it was time for Edward to come home.

"Hey baby," he said, coming to me immediately and sitting next to me. He kissed me gently on the top of my head, but I didn't respond. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. The pain isn't too bad today."

"That's good. Did you eat?"

"No."

I turned my gaze from him when he started tugging on the roots of his hair in frustration.

He turned on the TV, and watched silently. I continued staring out the window. I couldn't tell you what Edward was watching.

Around ten, I finally spoke. "I'm tired," I commented.

"So let's go to bed," he said, flicking off the TV.

"It's still early for you," I said. "You should stay up."

"I don't want to. I've been away from you all day." He rose to his feet and held his hand out so I could stand, grabbing my crutches in the process. Once I was steady, I followed him silently into the bedroom.

I grabbed a nightshirt from my drawer and turned my back to him. I involuntarily winced as I lifted my shirt over my head, from the pain that shot down my side.

"Let me help you," he said quickly, coming to my side.

"I've got it," I said stubbornly, pulling the nightshirt over my head.

Edward knelt down in front of me, turning my face gently to force me to look at him.

"Why won't you let me help you? Why won't you let me in? I'm trying so hard here, and you won't even talk to me. What's happening to us?" The pain in his eyes was evident. At one time it would be my first instinct to do whatever took his pain away, but now all I could do was stare at him blankly.

It's not that I didn't care, because I really did. I didn't want to see him hurting. But he was right; something was happening to us. Something was different. We were different.

I found myself needing to think. Alone.

"Can you please leave me alone for a little while?" I found myself asking.

The pain in his eyes changed to anger. He stood up and started to pace. "I don't want to leave you alone!" he exclaimed. "I want you to fucking let me in!"

"There's nothing to let you in about. I'm fine," I said, my voice level.

"You're not fucking fine!" he yelled.

Annoyed by his yelling and the fact that I didn't have anything in me to make him feel better, I got back to my feet. "I'll sleep on the couch then," I said, grabbing my crutches and pillow.

Edward looked at me incredulously. "Like I'm really going to let you sleep on the fucking couch," he muttered, grabbing his own pillow and a throw blanket. He slammed the door on the way out. I collapsed on the bed, exhausted and begging for sleep.

~~ID~~

I was awakened by the sound of my bedroom door slamming open. "Bella, get your ass up!" a no-nonsense, commanding, and quite frankly frightening voice commanded me. I'd know that voice anywhere.

"Rosalie," I yawned. "What are you doing in my bedroom? What time is it?"

"It's noon. Get up," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Despite the fact that I'd just learned that I slept for fourteen hours, I didn't see the need to get up. "Why?" I asked her.

"Because you're going to get up, get dressed, and come out into the living room and explain to me why Alice called me this morning crying. I ditched all my morning classes for you, so the least you can do is humor me."

Something snapped in me when Rosalie said that Alice was crying. The first emotion I had truly felt in days besides annoyance was worry for her. "Is she okay?" I called out to Rosalie, as I struggled to pull some sweatpants on over my cast.

She didn't answer me. It seemed to take me forever to get myself dressed, but I came to the living room immediately, where Rosalie was waiting for me with a cup of coffee.

"Here, it's strong," she said, handing it to me after I sat down.

"What's wrong with Alice?"

"Well, apparently you've been really distant and haven't talked to her in days. She's really worried about you. On top of that, she heard you and Edward fighting last night, and when she woke up she found Edward sleeping on the couch. She's terrified that you two are going to break up, and she doesn't understand why you're acting the way you are."

I frowned. "I'm not acting like anything. I'm just… being."

"And you don't see that as a fucking problem? You've been through something really traumatic, and you're just floating along like nothing's wrong. Well guess what? You're not hiding anything. You're a different person. I know you've lived your entire life virtually alone, but you're just going to have to suck it up an accept the fact that you have people who care about you now, that want to help you."

"I don't need help," I practically growled at her. My anger was quickly building.

"Don't bullshit me," she said. "Anyone with two brain cells can see that you're not fucking okay. You're zombie act isn't fooling anyone."

"Fuck you Rosalie," I yelled at her, so loud that I felt a ripple of pain in my broken ribs.

"You can be pissed at me all you want, but at least you're showing some emotion."

I felt something warm and wet on my face. With a shaking hand, I reached up to brush away the tears I didn't even realize were falling from my eyes. I stared at my moist hand now for a moment, realizing that something had just broken in me.

I looked up at her wide-eyed and whispered, "I'm not okay."

Rosalie sat down next to me and wrapped me into a warm embrace. "It's okay to let it out," she said, stroking my hair. I started to sob forcefully, all the emotions I'd been bottling up spilling over all at once.

"I was so mean to Edward," I cried. "He probably hates me now. He slept on the couch!"

"He doesn't hate you sweetheart. I talked to him this morning too. He's just scared shitless for you."

"I wish he was here," I sobbed. "I need to tell him I'm sorry."

"Call him," she said, handing me her cell phone.

"I can't, he's at work. He's busy."

"He won't mind. Call your man and ask him to come home," she commanded. When I shook my head, she took the phone from me and hit a couple of buttons.

"Edward? It's Rosalie," she said. "She'll be okay. She wants to talk to you."

She handed the phone over to me, and I pressed it to my ear. "Edward?" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry. I need you so much. Can you please come home?"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

I can't say thank you enough to all the people who are reading and reviewing. You all have such nice things to say, and you all motivate me so much to keep writing. You all are truly awesome :)


	32. Chapter 32

_Previously:_

_She handed the phone over to me, and I pressed it to my ear. "Edward?" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry. I need you so much. Can you please come home?"_

**Chapter 32- Love**

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone- a moment that felt like an eternity to me. That moment was enough time to think the worst. _He's finally had enough. He doesn't want me anymore._

"I'll be home in less than ten minutes," he said. I could hear the strain in his voice, and I immediately felt guilty for asking him to leave work for me.

"Never mind," I amended quickly. "You don't have to, I'll be okay." I could hear how unconvincing I sounded. It was a lie, and a blatant one at that. I didn't want him to do anything for me because he felt obligated to. I didn't deserve it.

"Ten minutes, Bella," he said softly. "I'll be right there, baby."

His tone was so sweet and loving that I relaxed instantly. "Thanks," I said sniffling. "I love you so much."

"I love you more," he whispered before the line went dead. I handed the phone back to Rosalie.

"See?" she said.

"I shouldn't have asked him to do that," I said sadly. "He was probably busy."

"Bella, can't you see that he needs you as much as you need him right now? You've been pushing him away for days. I'm sure he understands why, but it's not healthy for you, or your relationship. You two need to talk, and soon."

I nodded, so overcome with emotion that I couldn't speak. I just sat there on the couch, crying and shaking with my head in my hands. Rosalie rubbed my back gently as I let my tears fall freely. The powerful sobbing coming from me was shooting pains down my left side, but I couldn't stop crying. My heart was beating rapidly and uncomfortably, and the uncontrollable sobbing making it hard to get any intake of air to calm me. The pain I was feeling, both physically and emotionally, was so intense that I worried that I was going to have to go back to the hospital.

I felt like I was being buried alive under the weight of my feelings. Anger, hatred, and shame were the heaviest emotions weighing on my chest, but somewhere in there I could still feel one important feeling and that was love. The love and security I felt from my family and friends felt so far buried within me, trying desperately to break free. That love was the only thing that I could cling to now.

The ten minutes Edward promised me might as well have been an eternity. Even with Rosalie being a comforting presence beside me, she wasn't Edward. I needed him more than I needed air or water. He was everything to me, and I had been so stupid to push him away. I don't even know why I did. Now that the dam had broken, I couldn't believe how I was ever able to push him and everyone else away. I know that I never shut them out consciously, but it hurt me all the same to know that I made others hurt too.

Until just a few short months ago, love was such a foreign concept to me. I'd been beaten, abused, and broken, scared of my own shadow. I was essentially alone in the world, fighting my own battles and failing miserably.

Then along came Charlie, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, and even Alice. I don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve such faithful and loyal friends and family. Knocking on Charlie's door so many months ago was the best thing I had ever done. I was so foolish to think that I could break free from my past though, that it wouldn't come back to haunt me.

For most of my life, James was there in the shadows, coming in and out of my life and making it a living hell. Just when I felt some comfort, some security, he came back again. This time, I fear that he may have broken me completely.

Even though he was dead, the memory of his face would be burned into the back of my eyelids forever. Every time I closed my eyes, he would be there.

I was so relieved when Edward came barreling through the door. I would have laughed at his frantic, disheveled appearance had there been anything else funny about the situation. His hair was in disarray as his eyes frantically scanned the living room, searching for me. When they rested on mine a second later, I found them filled with fear, but even more so they held unconditional love.

Without a word, he fell to his knees in front of me and pulled me against his chest. For the first time since I had hung up the phone with him, I felt like I could breathe again. I took a deep shuddering breath against his neck.

He pulled away from me long enough for his eyes to implore mine, silently asking if I was okay. My only response was to let more tears fall, and in return his beautiful green eyes started to moisten as well.

I had almost forgotten Rosalie was still in the room until she got up and told us she was going to give us some time alone. I watched Edward thank her silently with his eyes before turning his attention back to me.

"Bella honey, please talk to me. Tell me what happened," he said anxiously, trying in vain to brush the tears from my cheeks.

"Rosalie… made me see that I was pushing you away." I spoke slowly, finding it difficult to form words. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. You were so mad last night…" I trailed off, looking down at my lap.

Pulling my chin up gently, he forced me to look back up at him. "I was never mad at you. I was mad at the situation. I felt helpless baby, and I didn't know what to do. I never wanted to make you think I was mad at you. I love you so much."

"I love you," I answered, returning my attention to burying my face in his neck and his comforting scent.

"I was so afraid," he whispered. "So afraid that I lost you forever."

"I'm here," I said. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be okay."

He pulled away from me for a moment. "Will you?"

I had to think for a moment before I answered him. "I think so," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. Biting my lower lip to choke back a sob, I continued. "Everything is just so overwhelming right now, and I guess I didn't know how to deal with it. I don't understand why this stuff keeps happening to me. I know that they're out of my life now, but they'll always be there in my head, haunting me. I'm so scared that I'll never be right again." I let my emotions spill out as I clung to Edward. "Why does this keep happening to me?" I asked again, desperate for an answer.

"I don't know baby, but I do know that we'll get through this together. I'll be here for you every step of the way if you'll let me."

"I'm so sorry I shut you out," I said, and he responded by holding me a little tighter.

He held me for a while, so long that we both began to stiffen after staying in one position for so long. He pulled back reluctantly.

My tears had long dried on my face and around my eyes, and my eyelids felt like they were enclosed in sandpaper. Edward noticed immediately as I rubbed at them.

"Do you want to go wash your face?" he asked kindly.

"Actually I could really use a shower, but I can't do it by myself," I answered.

Edward frowned. "Do you want me to see if Rosalie is still around so she can help you?"

"I want you to help," I answered. "If you don't mind, that is."

"Of course not," he answered quickly, rising to his feet and helping me to stand.

We stared at each other for a minute, and I was sure our thoughts were on the exact same page. We both knew how huge this was.

Since the rape, I had not allowed Edward to see any part of me unclothed. I felt disgusting and used, and was afraid he'd see the same if he saw any part of me. This step for me was big. I was letting him in- letting him see me, touch me, and care for me, and most of all letting him love me.

It was only five days since my discharge from the hospital, and eight since James changed my life irrevocably. It had been eight days since I let Edward in. In my zombie like state, the eight days passed very quickly to me. I wondered if this past week felt like an eternity to Edward. If his hopeful expression said anything, I'm sure that it did.

Almost timidly, Edward asked me if he could carry me to the bathroom. For the past few days, I had refused his help for anything, but right now all I wanted was him. I held my arms up in a silent offering, and he smiled gently and scooped me up as if I weighed nothing.

When he got us to the bathroom, we were both a little unsure on how to proceed. For the last few days, I had only managed to take baths in the sink, and it was always very awkward and painful for me to do so because I refused to let him help. I decided to take the lead by attempting to lift my tee-shirt over my head, but this morning's marathon of crying left my ribs so sore that I could barely lift my arms over my head.

Of course Edward saw the pain clear as day written on my face and moved to help me, silently asking to proceed. I nodded at him, and he very carefully helped me remove the garment, leaving me bare from the waist up before him. I made a move to cover myself, but he stopped me. "You're beautiful," he whispered. "Please don't hide from me anymore."

I put my arms down hesitantly and watched uncomfortably as his fingers ghosted over the scar that the chest tube left and the large dark bruise that still covered the left side of my ribcage. I waited for a look of disgust from him but never received one

He pulled my sweats down over my cast next, and we both looked at the tub with trepidation, unsure of what to do next. Eventually, he sat me in the tub so that I was facing away from the spray, my broken leg lifted up awkwardly over the side of the tub so that the cast wouldn't get wet.

He started with my hair, and I would swear that nothing else had ever felt so good. Despite everything that had happened between us the last few days, that feeling was back- the amazing electric tingle I felt when he was near. I loved this man, so much that it made my heart ache. With him touching me and caring for me, it felt as if the last few days didn't matter. All that mattered at that moment in time was us.

As Edward continued to help me bathe, he failed to notice the steady stream of tears falling down my cheeks until after he turned the water off. When he finally took notice, his eyes grew wide with panic. "Are you crying? Oh, God, did I hurt you?" he asked frantically.

"No," I sniffled. "I'm not sad… I just love you so much."

He lifted me to stand awkwardly on one leg and pulled me into a hug, not caring that he was soaking his own clothes got soaked in the process. "God, it feels so good to hear you say that again."

I felt appropriately ashamed when I realized that I hadn't told him that I loved him for the last few days. I made a vow then to never go another day without saying it again, and multiple times a day at that.

There was something else too, something I felt he needed to know. After he set me on the bed and helped me dress in a clean pair of pajamas, I said. "Edward, this might sound really stupid… but I felt like when we were in there, every time you touched me erased a time that James touched me. You help take the pain away."

"That doesn't sound stupid at all. I'm happy to hear you say that."

We snuggled together on the bed after that, not really talking but also not needing to. We were both just silently relishing in the fact that we were starting to become whole again.

After a little while, I begrudgingly admitted to Edward that I was in pain and needed to take a pill. I didn't really want to take one, because I didn't want to get drowsy and waste another moment of time I had with him.

He got up quickly to retrieve my medication and some water, and even remembered to bring a couple of crackers with it. "I'm guessing you haven't eaten today?" Edward asked, as he handed me the pills and crackers.

I shook my head.

Edward frowned. "I'm worried about the weight you've lost. You're so thin already, and even just over a week it really shows," he said. "Will you try to eat more, for me?"

I nodded and said quietly, "I'll try."

I never really made a conscious decision to stop eating. I just didn't much feel the urge, especially when I was walking around feeling numb. However, now that I seem to have snapped out of it and was more aware of my emotions and things happening around me, I still wasn't hungry. Even downing the crackers he gave me with the medication felt more like a chore than anything.

Edward gave me a small smile then, happy that I at least said I would try to eat. "Do you want to rest for a little bit while I'll find us some food?"

I nodded, and then remembered, "I gave Alice the last of the food Sue sent over last night."

"I can run out and get us something quick for lunch. Maybe I can call Sue and Charlie and see if they wouldn't mind having us for dinner tonight? I might be able to talk Sue into making us some more," he said with a wink.

I could feel the color drain from my face as he mentioned going over to Charlie's. "Edward… I don't know if I can… yet… that place." I started to tremble violently. Even if James was dead, the memories I had terrified me to the core. I couldn't face going back to Charlie's house yet. I wondered if I ever could.

"I'm sorry," Edward said desperately. "I wasn't even thinking. I'm so sorry. I'll see if they want to come here. I know Charlie is dying to see you."

I felt like the world's worst daughter again when I remembered how I treated Charlie the day he came over with news of Renee. I felt even worse knowing that I probably wouldn't be able to handle visiting him in his own house for some time.

"Is he really mad at me?" I asked.

"No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

"I was really short with him last time he was over here," I explained.

"Well, he wasn't mad then and I'm sure he isn't now. He'll be thrilled if you want him to come over here."

"I do," I admitted. "I need to see him. And say thanks… and that I'm sorry."

"Okay, well I'll go get us some lunch and give him a call, okay?" He brushed his fingers underneath my eyes and commented, "You look really tired."

I nodded. Even though I had slept so long, the combination of emotions and narcotics was weighing heavily on me. I didn't think I could stay awake much longer.

Edward tucked me into bed and made sure to put my phone on the nightstand. It was already approaching three o'clock, and I wanted to make sure I got some rest before Alice came home from school. I needed to talk to her too.

"Edward? Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" I asked.

"Of course," he said, sitting next to me on the bed. He held my hand until I eventually drifted off. As I slipped from consciousness, I was thinking about how as long as I had Edward, everything would be okay. I was proud of myself for facing my emotions, as hard as it was for me to do so.

Unfortunately, there was an unintended consequence of my letting go of my emotions. That very day was when the nightmares started.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

Please let me know what you think!


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Note:**

In this first scene, if the dream sequence looks too familiar, it's from Chapter 14, but a slightly different. perspective.

Also, this is the last regular chapter, so please read the author's note at the end. Thanks for reading!

* * *

><p>Chapter 33- Conquer<p>

_I was in a dingy motel room. Fully aware of __his__ presence next to me, I shuddered and held my blanket closer to me. It was so cold. _

_Something was weighing down my mind, making my head spin, impossible to think. Was I drunk?_

_I wanted to push __him __away, but my arms were heavy. All of the attempts I made to push him away and my pathetic whimpers only seemed to encourage him more._

Not again, please, I thought desperately. Maybe if I pretend to sleep…

_I rolled on my side and let my body go limp. Much to my relief, he pulled away from me with a huff._

_"Stupid bitch fell asleep," I heard him mutter as he stumbled towards the bathroom. _

_Breathing heavy now, I counted the seconds until he emerged from the bathroom, but he didn't come back to me. Instead, I heard the other double bed in the room creak as he sat down. _

_"Wrong side," I heard a woman's voice say quietly. "Bella's over there." _

_"Isabella has had too much to drink, so I think I'll sleep with you tonight." _

_"No... please..." I hear the voice plead. _

_I heard shuffling, whimpering and quiet sobbing. I wanted desperately to stop this, to distract him and divert his attention back to me. I opened my mouth to call out for him, but no sound came out._

_"You need to grow some tits," he snarled at the unknown woman. I heard a heart-wrenching sob coming from her._ _I yearned to go to her and save her, but my limbs refused to move._

_"Kiss your daddy goodnight," he demanded. I could only lay frozen, unable to move, just listening to what was going on beside me, powerless to stop it, and knowing that it was partially my fault for deceiving him. _

_Finally, after much struggle, I managed to pull myself upright. Clearing my head through the fog, the woman's face came into view. Only it wasn't a woman, it was a young adult, barely more than a child. As my eyes began to focus, I found myself staring into her terrified eyes._

"_Alice no!" I tried to scream, but still no sound came out._

"_Bella, help me, please!" _

_As I tried to reach for her, her form slowly vanished, leaving behind nothing but _him_._

"Bella!"

I sat bolt upright to find a teary eyed Alice at the foot of my bed. After taking a deep breath to clear my nerves, I asked, "Alice, why are you crying?"

"You were screaming and you wouldn't wake up. I was scared and I didn't know what to do," she said desperately, her small frame shaking.

"Come here," I offered, scooting over on the bed so she could sit next to me. I pulled her into my arms on my good side and stroked her hair until she stopped crying. When the sniffling subsided, I said, "I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't mean to scare you."

"You've been acting so strange lately," she said sadly. "I've just been really worried about you."

"I know, and I'm so sorry for that. Thank you for calling Rosalie this morning. It was the right thing to do. She came over and we talked for a while, and I'm feeling much better now."

"Then why were you screaming?"

"I was having a nightmare, I guess," I said, hoping that she wouldn't ask what it was about. I wouldn't even know where to begin. _Something too messed up for words._

"Are you really okay?"

"Yeah, sweetie, it was just a bad dream."

"No, I mean… you've been different. Ever since you came back from the hospital. You aren't yourself anymore, and I miss that."

"I'm sorry. I'll be okay, Alice," I promised her, because somewhere deep inside I knew that eventually I would.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked hesitantly.

"Sure."

"I feel like people are trying to hide something from me lately. Ever since you went to the hospital. People have been whispering around me like I'm not supposed to find out about something. Did something happen?"

I frowned, unsure how to begin. I could see plainly that Alice was hurting, and she felt like people were hiding something from her, - which they were. I certainly knew how it felt to be lied to, and I didn't want that for her. In fact, hearing her admit it out loud made me feel downright guilty, and I longed to fix that more than anything else.

"You have the right to know," I admitted to her. "I'm just sorry that I hid anything from you. I know how crappy that makes me feel when people do that to me, and I didn't mean to do it to you."

"Okay… so what is it?" she asked.

With a shuddering breath, I started. "You know how everyone thinks that I was attacked in a home invasion?"

"You mean you weren't?"

"I was, but I knew the man who attacked me. It wasn't a robbery. He was after me."

"So what happened?" she asked, clearly confused.

"Well, I was pushed down the stairs, which you already knew. But after that…" I trailed off, feeling the tears form in the corners of my eyes and unsure if I would be able to continue. Since I heard the awful news at the hospital, I never actually said the words out loud.

"He hurt you?" she asked, urging me to continue.

"He raped me," I admitted. I let out a rush of air after just saying the words. It felt strangely liberating to admit it aloud. "I had a hard time dealing with it. I still am."

"That's terrible. I'm so sorry, Bella." We both lay silent for a few minutes while Alice processed what I told her. Finally, she spoke. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I answered, although hesitantly.

"Why didn't you want me to know?"

"I was ashamed, I guess," I said after thinking about it for a moment.

"Ashamed of what? He did something terrible to you. There's nothing you did to be ashamed of. You should be pissed off, not ashamed."

"I am pissed off," I admitted. "What he did to me, he had no right to do."

"So what is there to be ashamed about?" she pressed.

I had to force myself to think about that, and couldn't come up with a logical reason. "Nothing I guess." I knew I should be angry for being violated the way I was, but ashamed?

From the mind of an innocent, the simple truth made so much sense. Unfortunately my mind and my heart had a difference of opinions, and the thought of even looking in a mirror at myself still made me cringe.

"Hey, Bella?" Alice asked timidly.

"Yes Alice?"

"I love you. You're like the big sister I always wanted," she said, snuggling into me.

I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face as I said, "I love you too, Alice."

~~ID~~

Edward looked appropriately shocked when he came home a little while later to find Alice and I on the couch, watching reality TV, her head in my lap.

"Charlie and Sue should be here in about an hour," he said, cocking his head a little at us.

"Oh, good. Is Sue bringing food?" Alice asked, jumping up off my lap.

Edward chuckled a little. "Yes, she is." He sat down in the spot next to me that Alice vacated and kissed me on the cheek. "You look like you're feeling better," he said quietly in my ear.

"I am," I said. "Alice and I talked for a while. I told her what happened, just so you know."

"That's good, I think," Edward said. "That you told her."

"I think so too. She's part of our family, and she had the right to know." I froze as I realized what I just said, hoping Edward wouldn't get upset. He didn't.

I swooned at the wide smile that spread across his face. "You realize you just said, 'our family' right?"

I nodded shyly. "It's starting to feel that way."

"I'm so glad to hear you say that."

When Charlie and Sue came over, they were both noticeably surprised by how much better I was feeling. Neither of them commented on it directly, and I was relieved at that, because I wasn't ready to have a heart-to-heart yet. Instead, I insisted on helping Sue in the kitchen despite her objections. I told her that I wanted to help because it felt good to be up, despite the awkward crutches. It wasn't a lie. It felt really good to be doing… something.

While Sue and I made dinner, Edward and Charlie watched a Canucks game on TV. I never knew either of them to really be into hockey, but I guessed that it was more about male bonding than the sport, and Sue confirmed my suspicion.

Dinner was a quiet affair. We spread out in the living room, because there wasn't enough room for five people to sit in the kitchen. We all focused on our own plates, making idle conversation while the hockey game provided much needed background noise. We all knew about the big purple elephant in the room, but nobody acknowledged it. I figured it was better that way, for now at least.

I also couldn't help but notice Edward watching my plate intently, making sure I ate.

Halfway through dinner, the doorbell rang, and Alice jumped up to get it. I looked up to find Tanya standing uncomfortably in the foyer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner," she said. "I just wanted to talk to Bella for a minute."

I pushed away my plate. "It's fine, I'd love to talk to you. I'm pretty full anyway."

Edward looked at my plate again and frowned at me, but said nothing. I knew he couldn't deny that the few bites of food I took today were more than I had eaten in the last week combined, and I hoped that he would accept that.

"Let's go to the kitchen," I offered, standing up and walking awkwardly with my crutches while she followed me.

Once we were both settled at the breakfast bar, I said, "Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. I was in a shitty mood, and I hope I wasn't too short with you."

"No harm done. I felt bad for coming over and bothering you with the hearing anyway. You were right to be a bit pissy."

"So what happened?" I asked, curious to find out how the hearing went.

Her face grew into a wide smile, and she said. "It was certainly interesting…"

"Judging from that smirk on your face, I take it everything went well?" I guessed.

Tanya laughed. "You have no idea. Oh, I wish you could have been there. Sam got up first and gave his story, then I explained how him being gone affected me and how poorly Mrs. Cope was treating me. Then we read your statement to the board. During all of this, it was really strange because all the School Board members had these stone cold faces, and I couldn't tell what they were thinking."

"Okay…" I prodded her, anxious for the punch line.

"Okay. So Mrs. Cope stood up and denied it vehemently, of course. Then one of the School Board members tried to back her up by asking what would be in it for her, if she did these things she was accused of."

"Like they wanted a motive?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Exactly, like it was Court TV or something," she said with a laugh. "So Mrs. Davis, you know, the one who's husband is the PI?" I nodded. "Well she pipes in, 'I think I can answer that', and spreads out dozens of copies of the photos of Cope and Crowley getting it on, all over the desks of the School Board members."

"You're kidding?" I asked, my mouth slightly open in shock.

"No, it was all _very_ dramatic. Mrs. Davis explained to the board what the pictures showed, and then came the very best part."

"Oh my God, I'm afraid," I said honestly.

"You should be," she laughed. "This was better than daytime TV. Apparently Crowley, in all his epic idiocy, actually showed up to the hearing with his _wife_. When the pictures were explained, Mrs. Crowley comes barreling down the aisle and grabs a stack from one of the board members. She takes one glance at it and smacks Mrs. Cope right across the face. Cope started screaming and cursing at her. It was terrific."

"Wow," I said, stunned. I started to laugh myself.

"It gets better," she continued. "After Mrs. Crowley smacked the shit out of Mrs. Cope, Mr. Crowley comes barreling down the aisle to break up the fight between his wife and mistress, and the whole time the School Board members are watching. Crowley was trying to calm down his wife saying things like "I love you, only you. She means nothing to me', and then Mrs. Cope started to cry and say she thought he loved _her_. Finally when things were calmed down, the School Board asked Mrs. Cope to explain her behavior, and she resigned right there on the spot and walked out of the room. It was freaking beautiful."

"Wow, that does sound like daytime TV," I laughed.

"Oh yes, it was straight up Jerry Springer shit. So word has it that Mrs. Crowley has started divorce proceedings already. She was overheard saying, 'I'm going to take that bastard for every dime he's worth.' She's also apparently moving Tyler elsewhere to have him start school fresh in a place away from, and I quote, 'his bastard of a father.'"

As Tanya continued to talk about the school board hijinks and how Crowley was finally getting was he deserved, I couldn't help but laugh along with her. It felt so good to laugh for the first time in days. Tanya's animated expressions and details about the hearing left me with tears of laughter streaming down my face.

I relished in how good it felt to break free for once. My side was starting to scream in pain from laughing so hard, but I didn't care one bit.

"Everything okay in here?" Edward's voice broke through our laughter and playful banter.

"Oh yes," Tanya answered for me, standing up to leave. "Everyone got exactly what they deserved," she said smiling. She reached down to give me a quick hug, which I returned readily.

"Thanks… for everything. Especially tonight. It felt great to have a good laugh."

"Anytime Bella. You're really more awesome than you give yourself credit for," she said with a wink. "You should remember that."

"I'll try," I promised.

The rest of the evening I spent comfortably with my family. I knew I wasn't well yet, not by a long shot. I knew I would have a tough road ahead of me at times. But I also knew that today I had made a monumental step just by letting my feelings out and facing my issues.

I knew that moving forward from something so traumatic would be difficult, but looking around at the faces of my family, I knew that eventually I would be okay.

A year ago, had something so awful had happened to me, I would have surely reached my breaking point and faded into nothing. I realized now, though, that when you let someone in, someone you really love, coping with life is so much easier. It's these relationships that make you strong.

With love, you can conquer all. Throughout my life, I had been through so much, and dealt with so much fear and pain. Only recently had I obtained the tools and resources I needed to cope, to survive- my lovingly at my family once more, I knew I could conquer this, too.

**THE END**

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><p><strong>The End... I'm so sad. There will be an epilogue within the week. I will tie up some loose ends, and there will be a flash-forward.<strong>

**That being said, I really need your feedback. Are there any burning questions you need answered? Anything you are dying to know in the flash forward? Please let me know! I always love to hear from you guys, and I can't explain in words how giddy review alerts make me- I live for them. **

**Please let me know what you think, and I love all of you!**


	34. Epilogue Part 1

**Chapter Note:**

When I started writing the epilogue, I realized it was so becoming so long, I decided to split it up into 2 parts, so enjoy!

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><p><strong>Epilogue Part 1- Closure<strong>

***Three months later***

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Edward asked me, gripping my hand. I think he just might have been more nervous than I was.

"No, but I know in my heart that this is what I need to do for this to finally be over. I need the closure."

With all the courage I had, and challenging strength from Edward, I took a deep, shuddering breath, and stepped inside Pacific Psychiatric Hospital.

The courts had deemed Renee criminally insane. I haven't seen her, save the glimpses I caught of her when she was following me, in months. She had apparently suffered a psychotic break, and the doctors I spoke to on the phone repeatedly warned me that I may not even recognize the woman I was about to visit for the first- and last- time.

The facility was about two hours away in Northern Washington, a stones throw from the Canadian border. I was shocked to find the lobby of the hospital bright and open, so unlike the facility I remembered in Phoenix. That was a very dark time in my life though, and perhaps I remembered it being more dark and daunting than it was. I had no plans to go back there though.

After checking in at the welcome desk, we were escorted by security to another floor of the hospital, a wing separated by steel doors and pass codes. Renee was being kept in a separate wing of the hospital, one specifically designated for the criminally insane.

We stopped at a metal detector, and were asked to empty our pockets. I had to show the guard the card I had to carry around explaining that I had a metal rod in my leg. After showing him that, he said he would need to pat me down instead. As I tensed up, Edward noticed immediately.

"Don't you have a female guard that can do that?" he asked anxiously. I knew he was worried my mental state was already balancing precariously on the edge, and that any added stress would send me into a panic attack.

"Sure?" he said, as if it were a question. Surely I wasn't the first that wanted a female guard, but he acted as if I was inconveniencing him terribly. He radioed in to someone else though, and I was relieved.

I had made a lot of progress over the last three months. My weekly sessions with Dr. Whitlock ended up turning into three times a week as I struggled with the emotions following the rape and Renee's incarceration. He even offered to have me come to his house for the sessions. I was originally hesitant, because Darcy would more than likely be around, but I eventually relented, knowing that it would be nearly impossible for me to travel to Port Angeles so often. Long trips were out of the question, especially when some days I was afraid to even leave my house.

I remember the first time I came to Dr. Whitlock's house for a session. I gave him permission to tell Darcy that I was a patient of his, knowing that she'd eventually figure out I was there anyway.

_"Bella, can I speak to you for a moment?" Darcy asked anxiously, as she opened the door for me._

"_I'm not really here for a social call," I said uncomfortably. "I'm here to see Tom."_

"_I know dear, but it will only take a moment."_

_I followed her reluctantly to the kitchen, and she immediately poured me a cup of coffee. "Black?" she asked._

"_That's fine, thank you," I said, a little curtly._

"_Listen dear, I just wanted to apologize. I know it's been a while since you've come to visit, and I know why. Tom explained to me how awfully I treated you when you were here last, and I just wanted you to know that was never my intention. I'm turning into my mother I'm afraid, and I didn't even realize it. She always spoke without thinking, just blurting out whatever was on her mind, and I'm afraid that I've lost my verbal filter as well. I hope that you can forgive me. I promise that I will do my best to never make you so uncomfortable around me again."_

"_I appreciate the apology," I said honestly. "It's forgotten."_

"_Oh, thank you Bella. I hope that someday we could become friends. After all, we will probably be in-laws one day."_

"_In-laws?" I asked confused._

"_Our kids are so in love. I know that they're young, but don't you see the true love there? Mark my words, my boy is going to marry your girl."_

_I couldn't help but notice that she continued to address Alice as "mine" I smiled at the thought of Alice one day becoming my sister. As far as Alice and Jasper getting married, I thought they were awfully young to predict that so soon._

_"I guess time will tell," I said._

Now I was back to once a week sessions with Dr. Whitlock. Edward came with me a few times in the beginning, and we worked on rebuilding our relationship and on communicating better. We were always able to trace every fight or squabble back to the problem of not talking to each other. Since then our relationship was stronger than ever.

Once I was off the crutches, Edward and Tom routinely took me out, a little at a time, until I could finally go places by myself again. Before that, I would only ever leave my home to go straight to Tom's house, and right back again. I always double and triple checked locks, multiple times a day and in the middle of the night after waking from the countless nightmares I had.

I still had nightmares, but they were becoming less frequent. Most recent, I've been having the same nightmare over and over. I would wake up in an empty room and walk to a mirror, and the reflection I always saw staring back at me was the face of Renee. After the fifth time I had the same dream, I decided what I needed to do to bring closure to the situation, and that was why I was here today.

I closed my eyes tight as the female guard came to pat me down. I tried to force my mind somewhere else, pretending that nobody was touching me. I managed to get through the pat down without a problem, and we were escorted into the next room.

The visitation room was cold and uncomfortable, just an open room with a large glass window. The only way to communicate with the patients on the other side was through a telephone. We were instructed to take a seat, but there was only one chair in our booth. I sat down and waited, while Edward stood behind me rubbing my shoulders in a gentle, calming manner.

I could see through the window as a nurse pushed Renee through the door, followed closely by a guard. Renee's hands were restrained to the wheelchair, so when she was settled on the other side of the glass, the nurse removed the phone and held it to her ear.

Looking at the sight of Renee before me, I realized that it was the last thing I expected. I expected to see the angry image of Renee I had been so used to, with her evil glare and her mouth drawn up into a sneer, just like the last time I saw her.

She was different now though. The anger in her eyes was replaced with a hollow, vacant stare. Her mouth was drawn in a permanent frown. Her expression didn't change, she stared right through the glass, and through me, as if I weren't even there.

I had rehearsed the things I would say to her when we came face to face for the last time. I wanted to tell her that she hadn't succeeded in destroying me, that I was still here, still fighting. I wanted to tell her that she had an evil soul and the things she put me through for the last twenty-five years nearly killed me. I wanted her to explain herself. As I stared at her though, with her eyes utterly devoid of life in front of me, I knew that these things didn't need to be said. No questions needed to be asked. No explanations needed to be given. She was suffering the same fate she made me suffer when she put me in that awful place.

I stayed silent as I gripped the phone and examined her. Even though I hated her, I examined her closely for any signs that she was being mistreated, but found none. She was the same weight she was last time I saw her, and her skin showed no signs of bruising or scarring. She was heavily medicated, clearly, but perhaps it was necessary.

The woman before me was very clearly very mentally ill, but that didn't change the fact that I suffered a lifetime of abuse at her hands, and the hands of the boyfriends she subjected me to. She brought James into my life, and stool idly while she knew what was happening.

She wasn't my mother, she never was.

Finally, I decided what I wanted to say to her. It was the only thing I wanted to say to her.

"I hope you burn in hell, Renee." I said sharply, slamming the phone back down on the cradle, and rising from my chair.

Edward followed me as I stormed out of the visitation room. The guards opened the door immediately for us. We retrieved our belongings quickly and made our way out as fast as we could.

"Edward stopped me as soon as I reached his car. "Are you okay?" he asked, searing my face for any signs that I wasn't.

"I'm fine," I said. "I don't know why, but I just needed to see her one last time. Now I know it's really over."

"You're so brave," he said quietly in my ear, as he wrapped me into a warm, tight embrace.

"It doesn't feel that way all the time," I said, taking a cleansing breath, knowing what I would need to do now- the last piece to moving on. "There's one more thing I want to do today."

"Anything," he said, his green eyes boring into mine.

"Take me to Charlie's house?"

It had been three months since I visited Charlie's house. I knew that that upset him, knowing that something so devastating kept his daughter away from his home. He admitted to Edward just a couple of weeks ago, though I overheard, that he was planning to sell it. He said that Sue tried to talk him out of it, being that it was his childhood home, owned by his family for decades.

It hurt my heart that such ugliness took place in a place that was supposed to be so comforting and beautiful. I needed to make it right. I would never live with myself if Charlie sold his home because I was too afraid to step inside of it.

Even worse was that Emmett couldn't go back there either. Though trying to keep a strong front by always claiming that he was busy with Rosalie, or wanted to spend time with her family for Spring Break. I wasn't fooled, though, and I doubt Charlie was either.

I also got the feeling from conversations with both Charlie and Sue that Charlie didn't spend much time there himself, spending most of his nights and days off at the reservation with Sue.

Edward and I didn't speak on the two hour drive back to Forks, but we didn't need to. He just laced his fingers with mine, only braking contact when we had to, until all too soon we were in front of Charlie's house.

"I don't think he's home," Edward commented as he opened my door for me.

"I'm not surprised," I murmured, getting out of the car. The walk to the front door felt like walking the green mile.

My hands were shaking so badly that I had to pass Edward the keys to open the door. I was surprised when he didn't argue with me about going in there. He simply unlocked the door and gave me a sympathetic glance.

"Do you want me to go in first?" he asked.

"No, I need to do this," I said, challenging every ounce of courage in my body.

With shaky steps, I stepped into the house and looked around. The first thing I noticed was that it was noticeably dustier than I ever remembered it being. It felt empty, so unlike the home I remembered, even though everything from the furniture to the pictures on the wall were in their rightful place.

I made my way through the foyer slowly, and I could feel Edward behind me, giving me strength just by being near. I stepped into the living room and looked opposite the direction that I would eventually need to look. As I braved myself to turn my gaze to the staircase, I braced for the feeling of impending doom I was so used to… but it never came.

There was nothing wrong here. It was just an empty house. I turned my head slowly towards the staircase and felt… nothing.

"It's just a staircase," I whispered, shocked at my lack of reaction.

"Bella?" Edward questioned, apparently still waiting for the inevitable meltdown.

Still in awe of the calm I felt, I chanced a glance down at the floor at the foot of the stairs. The blood stains- mine and James'- had long been washed away, leaving no trace of anything having gone wrong.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, still staring at me in concern.

"Yes," I admitted. "Just surprised."

"At what?"

"That it's okay. I'm just shocked at myself, because standing here in the place that it happened, I'm really okay. I hate what he did to me, but being here isn't making it any worse for me."

"It's not bringing back memories?"

"Not really, no. The memories I have, I think I'll always have them. But this- it's just a place. It's where it happened, but being here doesn't change anything or make it better. It's just a place."

Edward wrapped his arms around me, and it wasn't lost on me that we were standing in the spot that almost broke us apart three months ago.

"Charlie will be really happy you came here," Edward said, as he pulled away from me.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I can't let him sell this place. What happened is past, you know?"

He kissed me softly and took my hand. "Can we do one more thing while we're here?"

"What's that?" I asked.

"Open the garage?"

I looked at him curiously, but led him over to the inside door leading to the garage and opened it. When we stepped inside, I gasped.

"Oh my God, I forgot this was still here!" I exclaimed, pulling the cover off Carlisle's beloved Aston Martin.

Edward made a full circle around the car, staring at it and running his fingers over the hood as we passed. He had a smile of contentment on his face that warmed my heart.

"Wanna' go for a ride, pretty girl?" he asked with a small smile.

"Absolutely," I answered immediately, walking to the passenger door.

Always the gentleman, he opened the door for me, and I sat inside for the first time. Even knowing nothing about cars, I could tell that this car was in perfect condition and had been well maintained by Edward's father. I was surprised that Edward felt the need to drive it now, but I let him have his moment.

He looked at peace for the first time in so long, as if something clicked in him- an epiphany. I wished I knew what it was, but I knew he'd tell me in time.

We didn't drive far, just out to the cliffs at La Push beach. We parked and stared over the Pacific, silently reveling in the beauty of the ocean before us.

After a few minutes of silence, Edward took my hand gently and kissed my fingertips. I shuddered at the warmth and electric tingle I still felt every time he touched me.

"I love you," he whispered.

"As I love you," I murmured back, releasing my seatbelt and snuggling into his side. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me as I asked, "What's on your mind?"

"I'm going to sell it," he said simply, still looking incredibly content.

I sat upright once more to look at him in the eyes. "_This _car? But it means so much to you!"

"It's just like you and Charlie's house," he explained. "I realized that it's just a thing- something I've been holding on to. But I realized that I don't need this car to remember my father and the good times we had with it. I've just been letting it sit idle in Charlie's garage, a waste of space. I could sell it to someone who would truly appreciate it. Not to mention I would make a pretty penny on selling it."

"How much is a pretty penny?" I asked curiously. I knew the car was worth a bit of money, but really I had no idea how much.

"At least six figures. More than enough to put Alice through college- and then some."

I couldn't help my mouth from dropping at his statement. Six figures? I had never seen that much money in my life.

"What would you do with the rest of the money?" I asked.

He smiled. "I would definitely start by buying you something pretty," he said.

I blushed. "I don't need you to buy me things."

"I know," he said. "That's one of the millions of reasons that I love you so much. I had something specific in mind though, that I hope you wouldn't object to."

"What's that?"

Suddenly his contented smile faded, and his eyes grew anxious. "A ring?" he asked nervously.

I paused for a minute. Edward told me his first purchase after selling his father's car would be to get me a ring. _Could he possibly mean…?_

After a long pause, I said, "Are you asking me what I think you're asking?"

"We've been through a lot these last few months, you especially. I've never felt more right though- good times and bad- then I've felt with you by my side. I love every morning waking up with you next to me. I love sharing my life with you. Will you be my wife?"

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

The joyride in the Aston Martin is dedicated to aabc- it was her idea. Part 2 isn't quite finished, but it won't be long... please let me know what you thought- good or bad, I'm dying to know!


	35. Epilogue Part 2

_Previously_

_"We've been through a lot these last few months, you especially. I've never felt more right though- good times and bad- then I've felt with you by my side. I love every morning waking up with you next to me. I love sharing my life with you. Will you be my wife?"_

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><p><strong>Epilogue Part 2<strong>

It took me at least a full minute to process what Edward was saying. I simply stared at him in shock, until I noticed him shift uncomfortably in his seat.

"Maybe it's too soon…" he said, his gaze shifting back to the ocean.

"You want to marry me?" I blurted out stupidly.

"More than anything," he whispered, still looking out over the ocean. "But I understand that you're not ready. I should have waited. It's obvious from your silence that this isn't what you wanted."

"What? No, of course I want to marry you! I was just surprised; I wasn't expecting you to just ask me like that!" I exclaimed.

He finally turned to look at me, his eyes still holding a shadow of doubt. "I didn't exactly plan it this way. It just kind of came out. I meant every word though. You're it for me, Bella. I can't imagine the rest of my life without you in it."

Ever unsure of myself, I asked, "Are you sure you want to marry me?"

Edward sighed. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"I come with a lot of baggage. I just don't know if you want to carry that around the rest of your life."

"I have baggage too. I have a fourteen year old," he joked weakly.

"Did you just refer to your little sister as 'baggage'?"

He looked a little sheepish. "Yeah, I guess I did. But you still didn't answer my question."

"Of course I'll marry you," I said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it gently.

This definitely wasn't how I imagined Edward proposing to me, but somehow it felt right. I didn't need a fancy dinner or for him to get down on one knee. All I needed was him.

~~ID~~

**One Month Later**

"It's going to rain, Rosalie, I know it," I said, pacing in front of the window.

"So? It always rains. Why did you expect today to be any different?"

"Isn't rain on your wedding day supposed to be bad luck?" I asked anxiously. "Edward and I have had enough bad luck to last a lifetime."

"Would you come back here and let me finish your hair?" she asked, exasperated.

"What's the point?" I muttered, flopping down in the chair in front of her. "It's going to be ruined the second we step outside."

I could see Rosalie roll her eyes in the mirror, and I gritted my teeth.

"I think this is a very serious concern, and I don't appreciate you rolling your eyes."

"Whether it rains or not, it's going to be perfect, calm down."

"You realize you just told the crazy person to calm down right?" Rosalie rolled her eyes again, continuing with my hair. She pulled the curling iron a little tight this time and I winced. She was unapologetic.

Alice came barging into the room then, exclaiming, "It's time, it's time!"

"Calm down, Alice. It's not time yet," Rosalie said, continuing to curl my hair, and still pulling a little harder than she needed to. We decided to leave my hair simple, just pretty ringlets down my back.

"But Charlie's here with the van!" she said, vibrating with excitement.

For the last month, Alice had been nearly unbearable to be around. She was so excited for this wedding, her enthusiasm trumped mine and Edward's combined. She wanted a big extravagant wedding for us, but we rebuffed her at every turn. We just wanted to keep it simple.

In fact, everything about the wedding we decided to keep simple. Our guest list only included our small immediate families, and Sue and Jasper as Charlie and Alice's dates. Emmett and Rosalie agreed to stand in as our best man and maid of honor. In fact, Emmett and Edward had grown to be great friends over the last few months.

My dress was fairly plain as well. It was just a plain white dress, with no embroidery or adornments. It was sleeveless and bowed out a little at the waist, with a pale blue sash around the middle. My only stipulation for the dress was that it had to be simple, and white. The white color was symbolic to me- it was pure, just as I wanted my new beginning with Edward to be.

Charlie rented a simple economy van to transport Rosalie, Alice, Sue, Jasper and me to the site at La Bush Beach, where Emmett and Edward would be waiting already with a Justice of the Peace. We decided to have a simple ceremony on the cliffs, nothing more. There were no limos, no photographers, no DJ, and no dozens of guests.

I wanted it to be simple and perfect, just like us.

But son of a bitch if it didn't look like it was going to rain.

Thankfully the rain held off until we were all safely inside the van. As soon as Charlie slid the back door shut though, the sky opened up. Charlie rushed back to the driver's side and climbed in hurriedly.

"That's some downpour," he commented, as he turned the key in the ignition.

That simple statement nearly did me in, and my eyes burned as I struggled not to cry.

"Oh, Bella, don't cry," Rosalie cooed, handing me a tissue as the first tear fell. "It's going to be okay, you'll see."

"I'm just really nervous," I admitted. "And this freaking rain isn't helping."

"There's nothing to be nervous about sweetheart," Rosalie said. "It's just Edward."

"Just Edward," I whispered, staring out the window at the dark gray sky.

The ride to La Push took about fifteen minutes, and by then the rain had slowed a bit, but it was still coming down. I hoped that Edward and Emmett were able to find some shelter from the downpour while they waited.

After Charlie pulled the van to a stop, he reached under his seat and extracted a handful of umbrellas.

"Well, you certainly are prepared, Charlie," Rosalie commented.

"Always am," he said with a smile. After handing one of the umbrellas to Jasper, he stepped out of the van and came around to the door, holding the umbrella over me as he helped me out of the van. I stepped out carefully, afraid to slip on the slick gravel.

Jasper followed Charlie's lead and helped Alice out in a similar manner. Sue and Rosalie got out and each took an umbrella from Charlie, and we started on our short trek to the cliffside.

Jasper and Alice rushed ahead to make sure Edward, Emmett, and the Justice of the Peace knew that we had arrived, and Sue followed behind them. Rosalie, Charlie and I hung back behind the tree line, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

I swallowed my nerves as Rosalie hurriedly fixed my hair, working quickly under our umbrellas. "You look perfect," she assured me.

I heard the music start then, our cue that the ceremony was beginning. Rosalie handed my bouquet to me and walked out to where Edward was waiting, umbrella in hand.

Charlie began to walk me toward the path leading up to the makeshift altar. He paused for a minute before continuing and said, "I love you Bella. I don't think that you could have chosen a better man than Edward to marry. You two are real good for each other. I've thought that since day one."

"Thanks, Dad," I said sincerely, wrapping my arms around him in a warm hug. After we pulled away, he linked his left arm with my right, and held the umbrella over both of us, and we started down the path to my destiny.

The weather suddenly didn't matter as I took sight of Edward before me. Not letting the rain spoil the mood, he stood proudly under the umbrella that Emmett held over him, his wide smile contagious as I shyly smiled back at him. To reach him felt like it would take an eternity. All I wanted was to run to him. Fortunately Charlie was there to pace me, as we made our way carefully to him, in pace with the music.

"Who gives this woman to be married," asked the Justice.

"I do," Charlie said, trying in vain to keep the emotion out of his voice. He kissed me on the cheek before placing my hand in Edward's. Edward squeezed my hand gently.

The words the Justice of the Peace were speaking faded into a dull murmur inside my head as Edward and I stared into each other's eyes, so fully in love that the world around us faded away. Only when we were asked to read our vows did we break eye contact and look at the Justice. We repeated the words he recited to us proudly. We chose to recite the classic vows rather than reading our own. Any personal declaration of love we wanted to make, we knew we could say in private.

"And do you, Edward, take Bella to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," he said, looking back at me, staring deeply into my eyes.

"And do you, Bella, take Edward to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," I choked out, tears of joy flowing freely from me.

"You may kiss your bride."

As Edward took a step towards me, we were both distracted by a sudden brightness around us. Looking up at the sky simultaneously, we realized the rain had stopped just then. The sun peeked from behind the clouds, bathing us both in light, our pale skin practically shimmering like diamonds in the sun.

With absolute awe in my voice I gaped at Edward. "This was meant to be," I whispered.

He pulled me into his arms, and we kissed slowly. The kiss was so full of love and devotion that it felt like my insides would melt. It was better than any kiss he had ever given me. It was pure and loving. I had never felt so at peace in my entire existence.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. And Mrs. Edward Cullen," the Justice proclaimed happily when we finally extracted ourselves from the other.

I literally squeaked with joy and the announcement of my new name. Edward took my hand and we made our way down the now sunny path to his precious Volvo, ready to start our lives over, together.

It was a new beginning for us.

* * *

><p><strong>Futuretake<strong>

***Four years later***

"Alice, what the hell is this?" I asked, picking up the white plastic stick from the bathroom counter.

"What?" she asked, straightening her dress and poking her head into the hotel bathroom. "Oh shit!" she exclaimed. "I meant to throw that out."

Today was the day of Alice's wedding. She, Edward, and I were sharing a suite at a swanky Seattle hotel. Tomorrow she would share a room with Jasper before leaving for Bermuda, but for tonight she decided to be traditional and sleep away from Jasper.

"Is this what I think it is?" I asked pointedly, waving the stick at her.

"Um, yes. But you can't really get mad at me, because I'm getting married in an hour," she practically sang.

"I'm not mad, Alice, but… are you pregnant?" I knew that wasn't why she was getting married at such a young age, but I didn't want that for her. She and Jasper still had to go to college, and when they told us they were getting married, they both promised that they would go and finish school.

"No, it was negative," she said, handing me the box. "See, blue is no and pink is yes. It was blue." The box must have been a two-pack, because I could hear the other test rattling in the box as my shaky hands read the instructions on the back.

"Thank God," I whispered, as I found the box confirmed what she said. Just then, I heard the beep of a key in the hotel room door and knew Edward was back. I shoved the box in my purse hastily, not wanted Edward to blow a gasket and ruin Alice's day.

"For the love of God, do not share any of this with your brother," I said anxiously.

"I'm not stupid, Bella," she said, rolling her eyes.

As Edward entered the room, I sat down behind Alice on her bed, and clasped the necklace she had chosen to wear behind her neck. After a quick hello, Edward went straight into the bathroom, so we had a moment to talk.

"Alice, didn't I take you to get on birth control like two years ago?" I whispered.

"Yes, but I was so nervous about the wedding I realized I forgot to take a couple of them, and I just wanted to make sure."

"Just be careful. You two have such a bright future ahead of you, and I'm afraid that you'll ruin it if you get pregnant too young, okay?"

"Hey, Bella? Can we have this conversation another time? It's time to go."

"Yeah, okay. I just worry about you."

I sighed as I ran through the last few months. Alice and Jasper wanted to get married before they left for college. Alice was nothing short of a bridezilla since graduating, spending every waking moment planning her dream wedding.

After Edward sold the Aston Martin, he split the money evenly between himself and Alice. While he put most of his money away for safekeeping, he made Alice promise to use hers on college. Alice instead decided to put half away for college, which ended up being more than enough, and spending nearly the rest of it on her fairytale wedding.

Alice had grown up so much since I met her. She was no longer a shy insecure child. She was truly a woman. She had grown into her body, and had a positive self-image that I envied. She was still a little hesitant about wearing anything that showed her scars, but we had a long conversation the first day we came back from a failed dress shopping excursion.

She was so distraught that day, because she said she couldn't wear the dress of her dreams. We talked about it, and she realized that if it was the dress she'd imagined wearing since she was a child, and she didn't want a few scars to keep her from wearing it. Now, I couldn't help but be proud of her as she stood proudly in the gorgeous dress, not worried about the scars on her back showing.

Alice was a vision today, and I doubted anybody would even notice the scars on her back and neck- she looked too beautiful.

The wedding was absolutely stunning. Edward walked Alice out onto a rolled white carpet, which was adorned with bright red flower petals, laid by the flower girl, who was one of Jasper's cousins. While Alice had a small family, Jasper's family was absolutely massive, and they took up most of the church.

Ever the proud sister, I couldn't help but cry as Alice and Jasper read their vows. The ceremony went off perfectly, no doubt because of Alice's obsessive planning and rehearsal.

The reception was held at the same swanky hotel we were staying at in the ballroom. As I stood in the receiving line next to Edward, who was taking the place of his father, I started to feel a little nauseous. I chalked it up to being nervous and having to shake the hands of dozens of people I didn't know. It obviously wasn't the best situation for me- I still struggled with social anxiety- but I couldn't deny Alice of this on her wedding day, especially when her parents weren't here to do it.

Edward kept shooting me concerned glances and I assured him I was fine. We managed to make it into the reception hall and I started to feel a little better once I sat down, until dinner came.

As soon as my plate was laid in front of me, I regretted ordering the fish, as the nausea crept up once more. Not wanting to be rude, I took a small bite, and instantly wished I hadn't.

"I need to use the ladies room," I said, rising quickly from my chair.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, standing up as I did. "You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'll be back in a minute."

Rosalie managed to catch me on the way to the bathroom, already drunk from cocktail hour. "Bel-la!" she sang, grabbing my hand. "Didn't Alice look so beautiful?"

Despite the queasy feeling in my stomach, I couldn't help but smile at her exuberance. Eighteen months ago she had given birth to a beautiful baby girl named Emma, after her father. Emmett had been so convinced it was a boy that he already had the name Emmett Junior picked out, and so Emma was a compromise.

When Rosalie found out she was pregnant, she and Emmett flew straight to Las Vegas to get married, much to Charlie's dismay. Rosalie's parents were furious with her for not allowing them to throw her a big wedding, but much like Edward and me, they didn't need big.

Rosalie quickly became super mom after Emma was born. She still worked full time as an athletic trainer at U-Dub, but spent every free moment with Emma. It was nice to see her let loose for the first time in a year and a half.

Noticing my uncomfortable expression, Rosalie threw an arm around me. "What's wrong Bella?" she slurred.

"Nothing, I just feel kind of sick."

"Like throw up sick?" she asked, cocking her head a little.

"Um, maybe. I threw up earlier this morning, but I think it was just sympathy nerves for Alice."

"Or you could be preg-nant!" she sang happily. Someone else caught her attention then, and she danced away, leaving me frozen in place.

_Pregnant?_

That couldn't be. Edward and I were very careful. I started birth control the week before we were married and never missed a single dose. I even set my watch alarm to it, so I would take it at exactly the same time every day.

Edward and I had been married for four years, and we both had good jobs. Edward had recently signed on teaching Music at Forks middle school, and he was much happier than when he worked at the bar. Bringing a baby into our home wouldn't really be any kind financial hardship for us, but I had bigger concerns.

Edward and I both decided soon after we were married that children would not be in the picture for us. I was worried about passing my genes faulty genes on to an innocent child. He was worried about my mental health if I were to conceive, given the hormonal changes that come with any pregnancy.

After I finally made it to the thankfully empty bathroom, I emptied the contents of my stomach and started pacing restlessly. I tried to remember the last date of my period, but my mind was spinning so much that I couldn't remember the exact date. I was pretty certain it was late though. I would need to check my calendar. I thought it was foolish to be so anxious, knowing how careful I had been about taking the pills, but I couldn't ease the anxiety.

After a few minutes of pacing, I came to a realization. I still had the other pregnancy test in my purse. I knew I could just take it, see that it was negative and go about enjoying my evening, foolish thoughts of an impossible pregnancy behind me.

I shut myself into the stall and went about taking the test. I read the box I still had and saw it took three minutes.

Three. Long. Minutes.

I watched my watch anxiously as the seconds ticked by. When it was time, I took a calming breath. I picked up the stick, assuring myself it would be blue and I could go on with my life.

As I stared down at the bright pink window, I felt the world start to spin around me. I fell to the floor of the bathroom stall in a heap, and the world around me faded to darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

Okay, so that's it! I'm so very sad right now that this one is over.

I just want to thank all my readers and reviewers from the very bottom of my heart for all the support and praise you've given me. It means so much to me!

The futuretake was meant as more of a teaser for the sequel. The first Chapter should be out by next week, and I plan to update weekly (at least) from there. I'm still working on a title, but I plan to post the first chapter very soon.

Thank you again for all the support. I love you guys!


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